Be A Father To Your Children (Meet The Parents, Part 2)

Scripture

1 Samuel 2:22–25 ESV

22 Now Eli was very old, and he kept hearing all that his sons were doing to all Israel, and how they lay with the women who were serving at the entrance to the tent of meeting. 23 And he said to them, “Why do you do such things? For I hear of your evil dealings from all these people. 24 No, my sons; it is no good report that I hear the people of the Lord spreading abroad. 25 If someone sins against a man, God will mediate for him, but if someone sins against the Lord, who can intercede for him?” But they would not listen to the voice of their father, for it was the will of the Lord to put them to death.

Introduction- Meet The Parents

Jay-Z (2002) Blueprint 2 album

Blueprint 2 album

There was something in this man's face he knew he seen before It's like, looking in the mirror seeing his self more mature And he took it as a sign from the almighty Lord You know what they say about he who hesitates in war (What's that?) He who hesitates is lost He can't explain what he saw before his picture went blank The old man didn't think he just followed his instinct Six shots into his kin, out of the gun Niggas be a father, you're killing your son Six shots into his kin, out of the gun Niggas be a father, you killing your sons

Be a Man! How Masculinity Affects Fatherhood

Luke Litz of Belmont University

September 16, 2021

I remember multiple experiences where I was told that I needed to wrestle, play football, or perform a silly dare just to “prove” that I was a man. If I did not feel like doing any of those things, I was a “wuss.” The idea that my friends were advancing was not so much concern over whether or not I was having a good time, but whether or not I fit into traditional ideas of “manhood.” Men were supposed to be tough, occasionally reckless, and brave. Most of all, though, men were not supposed to be emotional. What separated us from “the girls” was that we were not sensitive. We were not to have insecurities. Deeply rooted fears were things that were not talked about. We did not practice showing empathy to one another.

Many of you can resonate with this traditional ideal of masculinity, as it has dominated our society over the last several decades. Just as many of my childhood friends had this mindset, my father’s childhood friends did as well. As ideas about what it means to be a man are passed down from one generation to another, it becomes important to consider the implications that those ideas have on not only our friendships but on our father-child relationships as well.

Michael Fellers and Paul Schrodt are communications researchers from West Virginia University and Texas Christian University, respectively. They conducted a study published in the Journal of Family Communication. They wanted to know how the way that a young adult perceived their father’s masculinity affected their level of closeness and satisfaction with their relationship with their father. Specifically, the researchers wanted to see what the difference was between the perception of traditional masculinity and what the researchers called “new masculinity.” They said that traditional masculinity is characterized by the expectation that men be tough, dominant, and powerful. In contrast, new masculinity is characterized by the ability of men to be sensitive, emotionally open, and the willingness to accept equal gender roles.

To find out how masculinity affected the relationship between a father and their adult child, researchers surveyed 227 college students and asked them to complete an online questionnaire. The questionnaire asked students to gauge how traditionally masculine they perceived their fathers to be, how newly masculine they perceived their fathers to be, how much confirmation and affirmation they received from their father, their father’s level of affectionate communication, their relational satisfaction with their father, and their relational closeness on a 7-point scale. They wanted to know whether or not new masculinity led to better relationships between fathers and their adult children.

The researchers found that there was a clear inverse relationship between perceptions of traditional masculinity and feelings of closeness and relational satisfaction with the father. In other words, the more traditionally masculine the child thought their dad was, the less close they felt to him. Also, they found that children who perceived their fathers as displaying high levels of new masculinity tended to also evaluate their relational closeness with their fathers as high. The researchers reasoned that this relationship could be due to traditionally masculine fathers using fewer methods of affirmation and confirmation with their children than fathers who display new masculinity. Fathers who displayed characteristics of new masculinity were not afraid to be nurturing or emotionally supportive for their kids, and that led to closer relationships. As it turns out, children need to be affirmed by their dads.

The findings of this study illustrate the importance of changing our societal expectations revolving around masculinity. Research shows that traditional masculinity is harmful, and it keeps fathers from being close to their children. For men, a willingness to be emotionally open is healthy. As a society, we have begun to change these norms, but more work is needed. Hopefully one day we can be in a place where instead of our kids evaluating their male friends by determining whether or not they are a “wuss,” our children will judge their friendships in a way that encourages kindness, emotional support, and inclusivity.

Fathers and Sons: Masculinity, Men, and Relationships

Father's Day highlights the tricky nature of relationships between men.

John G. Cottone Ph.D.

Psychology Today

Updated January 11, 2025

Father's Day beckons us to show our dads love and appreciation. However, I’ve often found that daughters seem to have an easier time expressing affection toward their fathers than do sons. Though men are more prone, in general, to discomfort expressing emotion, that discomfort doesn'tinterfere with our ability to express love and affection toward our mothers: on Mother's Day or any other day.

Why the emotional block for sons with their fathers on Father's Day?

Cognitive psychologist and cultural anthropologist Steven Pinker (2012) explained that for thousands of years boys have been socialized to comply with the unwritten rules of the "pecking order" of male social groups. To survive in this pecking order, boys are trained — particularly by their fathers — to avoid traits, like tenderness and emotional sensitivity, that might make them vulnerable. Not only do these traits leave men exposed in the pecking order, they also present obstacles to many of the burdensome tasks — like hunting for food and fighting in armed battle — that men have traditionally performed for millennia.

The socialization of boys in the pecking order has led to them cultivating traits of masculinity that, according to political scientist and gender researcher Heather L. Ondercin, include aggressiveness, assertiveness, dominance, and forcefulness (Edsall, 2022). The adoption of these traits has helped men to fulfill the duties that traditional societies have bestowed upon them, but in today's world, these traits make it difficult for men to express love and affection to other men in the pecking order, including their fathers.

In many ways, the struggles of fathers and sons to express tender emotions to each other are as old as time, or at least as old as Oedipus, and the acceptance of father-son conflict has been so pervasive throughout history that Freud constructed an entire theory to explain these psychodynamics. But forget about Oedipus, in modern times the poster child for father-son conflict (in this or any other galaxy) is Luke Skywalker. In fact, the evolution of Luke's relationship with his father Anakin (aka Darth Vader) offers many lessons in the progression of relationships between fathers and sons.

In The Empire Strikes Back, Luke tries to pull off an Oedipal coup, but he is no match for the older, stronger Vader. Despite Vader trying to pull his son into league with him to "rule the galaxy as father and son," Luke has only contempt for his father, refusing to join him. But in Return of the Jedi, Luke has matured, becoming as powerful as his old man. Though he has the chance to kill his father at this point, he shows restraint, leading Vader to then sacrifice himself to save Luke from the Emperor. In the scenes that follow, with Vader about to die, Luke is finally able to express tender emotion to his father.

For so many men, it's not until their fathers become weakened with age or illness — the proverbial lion in winter — that they feel safe enough to express tender, heartfelt emotions to them. But if you’re a son reading this now, and the only thing standing in your way of expressing love and appreciation toward your father is the unwritten code of traditional masculinity, it is my hope that you don't wait until your father is old or ill to do so. Father's Day offers an opportunity to deepen your relationship while it's still early enough to enrich both of your lives. May the force (of love) be with you.

Transition To Body- The LORD Guards The Feet Of His Faithful Ones- Last month On Mother’s Day

Motherhood Vs. The Machine

Godly Mothers Find Their Refuge In The LORD

Godly Mothers Honor Their Commitments To The LORD

Godly Mothers Place Their Children Before The LORD

1 Samuel 2:6–10 ESV

6 The Lord kills and brings to life; he brings down to Sheol and raises up. 7 The Lord makes poor and makes rich; he brings low and he exalts. 8 He raises up the poor from the dust; he lifts the needy from the ash heap to make them sit with princes and inherit a seat of honor. For the pillars of the earth are the Lord’s, and on them he has set the world. 9 “He will guard the feet of his faithful ones, but the wicked shall be cut off in darkness, for not by might shall a man prevail. 10 The adversaries of the Lord shall be broken to pieces; against them he will thunder in heaven. The Lord will judge the ends of the earth; he will give strength to his king and exalt the horn of his anointed.”

Body

Raise Our Children In The LORD’S Presence (1 Sam. 2:11-21)

Religion without faith is dangerous nonsense (2:12–17)

Note: Presence, Sight, Before, Presence all mean the same

1 Samuel 2:12–17 ESV

12 Now the sons of Eli were worthless men. They did not know the Lord. 13 The custom of the priests with the people was that when any man offered sacrifice, the priest’s servant would come, while the meat was boiling, with a three-pronged fork in his hand, 14 and he would thrust it into the pan or kettle or cauldron or pot. All that the fork brought up the priest would take for himself. This is what they did at Shiloh to all the Israelites who came there. 15 Moreover, before the fat was burned, the priest’s servant would come and say to the man who was sacrificing, “Give meat for the priest to roast, for he will not accept boiled meat from you but only raw.” 16 And if the man said to him, “Let them burn the fat first, and then take as much as you wish,” he would say, “No, you must give it now, and if not, I will take it by force.” 17 Thus the sin of the young men was very great in the sight of the Lord, for the men treated the offering of the Lord with contempt.

1 Samuel 2:11 ESV

11 Then Elkanah went home to Ramah. And the boy was ministering to the Lord in the presence of Eli the priest.

1 Samuel 2:18–21 ESV

18 Samuel was ministering before the Lord, a boy clothed with a linen ephod. 19 And his mother used to make for him a little robe and take it to him each year when she went up with her husband to offer the yearly sacrifice. 20 Then Eli would bless Elkanah and his wife, and say, “May the Lord give you children by this woman for the petition she asked of the Lord.” So then they would return to their home. 21 Indeed the Lord visited Hannah, and she conceived and bore three sons and two daughters. And the boy Samuel grew in the presence of the Lord.

The LORD Is Always Watching

Psalm 139:2 ESV

2 You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar.

Proverbs 5:21 ESV

21 For a man’s ways are before the eyes of the Lord, and he ponders all his paths.

Ecclesiastes 12:13–14 ESV

13 The end of the matter; all has been heard. Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the whole duty of man. 14 For God will bring every deed into judgment, with every secret thing, whether good or evil.

{

Raise Our Children In The LORD’S Presence (1 Sam. 2:11-21)

}

Discipline Our Children While There’s Time (1 Sam. 22-26)

The importance of family discipline (2:25–26)

1 Samuel 2:22–26 ESV

22 Now Eli was very old, and he kept hearing all that his sons were doing to all Israel, and how they lay with the women who were serving at the entrance to the tent of meeting. 23 And he said to them, “Why do you do such things? For I hear of your evil dealings from all these people. 24 No, my sons; it is no good report that I hear the people of the Lord spreading abroad. 25 If someone sins against a man, God will mediate for him, but if someone sins against the Lord, who can intercede for him?” But they would not listen to the voice of their father, for it was the will of the Lord to put them to death. 26 Now the boy Samuel continued to grow both in stature and in favor with the Lord and also with man.

Dictionary of Biblical Languages with Semantic Domains: Hebrew (Old Testament) 4592 מוּסָר

discipline, i.e., a correction that is a minor punishment for teaching which may include a rebuke (

Proverbs 3:11–12 ESV

11 My son, do not despise the Lord’s discipline or be weary of his reproof, 12 for the Lord reproves him whom he loves, as a father the son in whom he delights.

Proverbs 13:24 ESV

24 Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.

Proverbs 22:15 ESV

15 Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him.

Hebrews 12:5–11 ESV

5 And have you forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as sons? “My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, nor be weary when reproved by him. 6 For the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives.” 7 It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline? 8 If you are left without discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons. 9 Besides this, we have had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject to the Father of spirits and live? 10 For they disciplined us for a short time as it seemed best to them, but he disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness. 11 For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.

{

Raise Our Children In The LORD’S Presence (1 Sam. 2:11-21)

Discipline Our Children While There’s Time (1 Sam. 22-26)

}

Glorify God In Parenting Our Children (1 Sam. 2:27-34)

Because The buck stops here with God (2:27–36)

1 Samuel 2:27–34 ESV

27 And there came a man of God to Eli and said to him, “Thus says the Lord, ‘Did I indeed reveal myself to the house of your father when they were in Egypt subject to the house of Pharaoh? 28 Did I choose him out of all the tribes of Israel to be my priest, to go up to my altar, to burn incense, to wear an ephod before me? I gave to the house of your father all my offerings by fire from the people of Israel. 29 Why then do you scorn my sacrifices and my offerings that I commanded for my dwelling, and honor your sons above me by fattening yourselves on the choicest parts of every offering of my people Israel?’ 30 Therefore the Lord, the God of Israel, declares: ‘I promised that your house and the house of your father should go in and out before me forever,’ but now the Lord declares: ‘Far be it from me, for those who honor me I will honor, and those who despise me shall be lightly esteemed. 31 Behold, the days are coming when I will cut off your strength and the strength of your father’s house, so that there will not be an old man in your house. 32 Then in distress you will look with envious eye on all the prosperity that shall be bestowed on Israel, and there shall not be an old man in your house forever. 33 The only one of you whom I shall not cut off from my altar shall be spared to weep his eyes out to grieve his heart, and all the descendants of your house shall die by the sword of men. 34 And this that shall come upon your two sons, Hophni and Phinehas, shall be the sign to you: both of them shall die on the same day.

{

Raise Our Children In The LORD’S Presence (1 Sam. 2:11-21)

Discipline Our Children While There’s Time (1 Sam. 22-26)

Glorify God In Parenting Our Children (1 Sam. 2:27-34)

}

Transition To Close- The LORD Will Raise Up A Faithful Priest…

1 Samuel 2:35–3:1 ESV

35 And I will raise up for myself a faithful priest, who shall do according to what is in my heart and in my mind. And I will build him a sure house, and he shall go in and out before my anointed forever. 36 And everyone who is left in your house shall come to implore him for a piece of silver or a loaf of bread and shall say, “Please put me in one of the priests’ places, that I may eat a morsel of bread.” ’ ” 1 Now the boy Samuel was ministering to the Lord in the presence of Eli. And the word of the Lord was rare in those days; there was no frequent vision.

1 Samuel 3:6–7 ESV

6 And the Lord called again, “Samuel!” and Samuel arose and went to Eli and said, “Here I am, for you called me.” But he said, “I did not call, my son; lie down again.” 7 Now Samuel did not yet know the Lord, and the word of the Lord had not yet been revealed to him.

1 Samuel 3:9 ESV

9 Therefore Eli said to Samuel, “Go, lie down, and if he calls you, you shall say, ‘Speak, Lord, for your servant hears.’ ” So Samuel went and lay down in his place.

Close- Consider Jesus (The Apostle & High Priest) Of Our Confession

Jesus Christ Is Faithful Over God’s House As a Son

Hebrews 3:1–6 ESV

1 Therefore, holy brothers, you who share in a heavenly calling, consider Jesus, the apostle and high priest of our confession, 2 who was faithful to him who appointed him, just as Moses also was faithful in all God’s house. 3 For Jesus has been counted worthy of more glory than Moses—as much more glory as the builder of a house has more honor than the house itself. 4 (For every house is built by someone, but the builder of all things is God.) 5 Now Moses was faithful in all God’s house as a servant, to testify to the things that were to be spoken later, 6 but Christ is faithful over God’s house as a son. And we are his house, if indeed we hold fast our confidence and our boasting in our hope.

Our High Priest Who Is Able To Sympathize With Our Weaknesses

Hebrews 4:14–16 ESV

14 Since then we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus, the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. 15 For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. 16 Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.