The Friend Who Confronts

T‌he Friend Who Confronts

“What A Friend.” I hope those three words are more than a simple phrase to you by now.

These words may have started off as simple lyrics to a song that you grew up singing, especially if you’ve been around church for a while like me.

‌

For the past 8 weeks, we have been exploring what those words mean when it comes to our relationship with Jesus and his relationship with those he interacted with during his earthly ministry. More than simply being lyrics that remind us that we have a friend in Jesus, this series has tried to explain the type of friend that Jesus is.

‌

We’ve seen that Jesus is more than just being your buddy, he is more than just being the guy you call on when life gets messy. Jesus was more than just a spiritual leader or moral teacher. Instead, over the past few weeks, we’ve unpacked that:

‌

Jesus is the friend who:

· Serves – He showed us that real greatness isn’t about flexing power but laying it down to lift others up.

· Prays – When we’re too tired or worn out to find the words, Jesus is at the right hand of God, interceding for us.

· Cries – In our pain and heartbreak, He doesn’t look away. He enters in, weeping with us.

· Heals – He brings wholeness in places we’ve hidden our wounds for too long.

· Calms – In the chaos, He’s the friend who stands in the storm and says, “Peace, be still.”

· Eats – He shares meals, laughs, and identifies with you.

· Restores – When we feel like we’ve blown it, when we have cowardly and continuously disowned him through our words and our actions. We’ve seen that He is the friend who doesn’t walk away but invites us to start again.

He is a wonderful friend who is there for you, but He won’t leave you where He found you. Jesus is more than just a friend who has your back, he is also a friend who will confront you so that you grow and develop into the person He created you to be.

‌

Attention:

‌Let’s be honest. No one really likes confrontation. We don’t like performance reviews or being told how we could have been a better spouse, parent, friend, or worker. Being confronted literally triggers a fight or flight response in our brains even!

But Jesus? He didn’t play by those rules. Rather, as a friend, Jesus spent his entire earthly ministry pushing His friends to grow, to become the people that God created them to be, and to:

‌

Read Matthew 5:48

Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.

‌

I don’t know about you, but I need that type of friend in my life. A friend who loves me enough to confront me about the things in my life when I am not measuring up to God’s standards. I need a friend who loves me enough to go toe-to-toe with me about the messy areas in my life where I am not being perfect like my heavenly Father is perfect. I need a friend who will willing wound me so that I will be stronger and more Christlike because of it, just as the writer Proverbs reminds us:

‌

READ Proverbs 27:5-6

Better is open rebuke than hidden love. Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.

‌

Real friends don’t let friends stay in their comfort zones.

A true friend calls out what is holding you back, by confronting the areas in your life where you need to improve, and then helps you grow and pushes you to follow Jesus more closely. That is exactly what Jesus did with Peter in John 21, and that’s what He wants to do with you.

‌

Sermon Statement: Jesus is the friend who willing confronts you for your growth.

‌

Transition:

‌He does this because of three central motivators that fuel Jesus’ confrontation of others.

‌

The first motivator that we have to understand of Jesus when we see him confronting anyone in Scripture is that He is primarily motivated by love for that person.

Point 1: Jesus Confronts because of Love Before today’s passage in John 21:20–23, we see Jesus confront Peter—likely in front of the other disciples—after preparing and sharing breakfast with them.

Now, imagine being in Peter’s sandals: You’ve followed Jesus for three years. You’ve seen miracles, heard bold truth, and watched Him challenge the religious elite. Then, you watched it all unravel as He was falsely accused and crucified. And in Jesus’ darkest hour, you didn’t just walk away—you denied even knowing Him.

Now, Jesus has risen, and you’re sitting across a fire from the One you denied—awkward, unsure, waiting for the conversation you know is coming. And then, Jesus turns to you.

In John 21:15–18, Jesus doesn’t shame Peter. He doesn’t scold or dismiss him. He restores him. In front of the others, Jesus gives Peter a second chance to say what he once denied.

By asking, “Do you love me?” three times, Jesus was doing two things:

He was testing Peter’s commitment to the mission.

He was rebuilding their friendship.

Each “Do you love me?” matched one of Peter’s three denials. Jesus was saying, “Every failure is covered by my grace. Nothing is left out. Your whole story belongs to me now.” Peter needed that moment. Hard as it was, he needed to be fully seen, fully loved, and publicly restored. His leadership in the Early Church depended on it.

What’s powerful is how Peter responds. Gone is the guy full of swagger and self-confidence. Humbled and honest, Peter simply says, “Lord, you know my heart.” No bold claims, just raw love. And that was enough for Jesus.

Jesus isn’t chasing your hype or performance. He’s not waiting for you to prove yourself. He just wants your heart. He wants you to love Him—not perfectly, but personally. Because when Jesus has your heart, He can reshape your whole life.

APPLICATION:

Do you have that type of love for Jesus today?

Do you see Jesus’ confrontation as an expression of His love toward you, or do you see it as a threat to your comfort?

Jesus confronts you because he loves for you.

Transition:

‌Jesus is the friend who confronts He loves you. The second motivator that Jesus has when he confronts us is that He is full of grace and truth.

Point 2: Jesus Confronts Full of Grace and Truth

‌

Speaking of Jesus’ true identity, John begins his gospel by proclaiming that Jesus is the incarnate Word of God who ... “became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the one and only Son, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.” - John 1:14

Instead of judging Peter, Jesus graciously restored Peter by publicly confronting him and reinstating him.

After this tense but revealing conversation, Jesus graciously reveals to Peter what his future will look like:

1. Peter will lead and shepherd other followers of Jesus.

a. After each question and answer, Jesus commands and commissions Peter to specific types of ministries. In John 21:15-17; Jesus tells Peter to “feed my lambs,” “take care of my sheep,” and to “feed my sheep.”

b. Peter accepts this call to ministry and lives the rest of his life equipping, shepherding, and leading others in their faith and following of Jesus.

c. READ 1 Peter 5:1-4

To the elders among you, I appeal as a fellow elder and a witness of Christ’s sufferings who also will share in the glory to be revealed: Be shepherds of God’s flock that is under your care, watching over them—not because you must, but because you are willing, as God wants you to be; not pursuing dishonest gain, but eager to serve; not lording it over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock. And when the Chief Shepherd appears, you will receive the crown of glory that will never fade away.

Jesus graciously goes on to reveal to Peter what the end of his life will look like as well when he says in John 21:18 ...

READ John 21:18-19

Very truly I tell you, when you were younger you dressed yourself and went where you wanted; but when you are old you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go.” Jesus said this to indicate the kind of death by which Peter would glorify God. Then he said to him, “Follow me!”

2. Peter will grow to be an old man.

a. Instead of simply dressing himself, Peter would eventually need to be dressed by others.

b. Instead of simply going wherever he wanted too, Peter would need to stretch out his hands and be guided by others.

3. Peter will bring God glory.

a. Jesus tells Peter that he “will stretch out your hands...”

b. This is a euphemism for crucifixion. Which is how Peter was ultimately killed or martyred for his faith in Jesus.

c. Even though it would be tortious, Peter’s death would bring God glory. From that day onward, Peter knew what death lay before him. Peter never forgot this prophecy from Jesus and even referred to his imminent death when he says in:

READ 2 Peter 1:13-14

I think it is right to refresh your memory as long as I live in the tent of this body, because I know that I will soon put it aside, as our Lord Jesus Christ has made clear to me.

This was very gracious of Jesus to restore, reinstate, recommission, and reveal the future for Peter.

Yet, even restored, Peter was still human and had character flaws that needed to be addressed, and Jesus was not about to shy away from confronting those flaws within Peter because he wanted Peter’s heart and for him to grow and develop. This is why Jesus doesn’t just reveal Peter’s future to him, but commands him to “follow me!”

After hearing those words, once again from his Savior and friend, what does Peter do?

READ John 21:20-22 Peter turned and saw that the disciple whom Jesus loved was following them. (This was the one who had leaned back against Jesus at the supper and had said, “Lord, who is going to betray you?”) When Peter saw him, he asked, “Lord, what about him?” Jesus answered, “If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? You must follow me.”

Jesus calls out Peter’s comparison of himself with John and his character flaw of looking back.

‌

Peter hears Jesus command him to follow him, then he turns away from Jesus and falls into the same trap that most of us struggle with; the comparison trap.

Comparing ourselves to others may seem natural. But in reality, it is extremely detrimental to our lives. It can ruin relationships, it can isolate us, it can create health problems, and it can rob us from the abundant life that Jesus died so we can live.

When you start comparing yourself to others, do you realize that your brain is in a biochemical battle? The moment you start comparing yourself, your brain releases cortisol, or the stress hormone, activating the amygdala (our brain's fear center) and suppresses the prefrontal cortex, which helps regulate empathy and decision-making. With cortisol taking over, your brain shifts into fight-or-flight mode, making empathy and listening harder. Eventually, our dorsolateral prefrontal cortex loses clarity under the stress in brain, and we start doubting ourselves and acting from a place of insecurity. This is the same process that takes place in our brains when we are in conflict or confronted.

That’s a lot to deal with, isn’t it? I think we should be more sympathetic toward Peter during this scene in his life. He is being confronted by Jesus, in public, about whether he loves him and is committed to him, and then the confrontation morphs into something else because Peter starts comparing himself and his future to that of John’s, the disciple whom Jesus loved and he shouldn’t be doing that.

After all, “The ministries of Peter and John would be different. Peter would be the shepherd, John the seer; Peter the preacher, John the penman; Peter the foundational witness, John the faithful writer; Peter would die in the agony and passion of martyrdom, John would live on to great age and pass away in quiet serenity.” (Milne, B. (1993). The message of John: here is your king!: with study guide (p. 319). InterVarsity Press)

Yet, his tendency to compare himself with others is actually a spiritual warning sign.

Instead of focusing on the mission that Jesus was commanding him to do: follow Him. Peter is literally taking his eyes off of Jesus, which is a pattern in his life.

Remember the story when Jesus sends his disciples out on the Sea of Galilee so that he could find some solitude for himself and then literally walks on the water toward them?

What happened that night on the water with Peter?

READ Matthew 14:28-30

“Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.”

“Come,” he said. Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!”

Instead of allowing Peter to get caught in a comparison trap or to continue to take his eyes off him, Jesus confronts Peter with grace and now truth and basically tells Peter that he needs to mind his own business and keep his eyes on Him.

APPLICATION:

What about you? Are you stuck in the comparison trap? Have you taken your eyes off the mission Jesus gave you?

Don’t spiral into insecurity. Don’t drift from your lane. Do this instead:

1. Pause the Comparison with Prayer

The moment you catch yourself comparing, stop and pray: “Jesus, remind me who I am and whose I am. You made me, You love me, and You’ve called me to follow You. I choose faithfulness today.”

2. Refocus on Your Unique Calling

Your race isn’t Peter’s. You won’t die upside-down on a cross. Your race isn’t John’s. You won’t write the book of Revelation. But Jesus still says to you: “Follow me.”

You’re called to:

Be humble, gentle, and patient (Eph. 4:2)

Forgive and bear with others in love (Col. 3:13)

Live out the fruit of the Spirit (Gal. 5:22–23)

Be holy because He is holy (1 Pet. 1:15)

3. Fuel Your Spiritual Focus with Gratitude

Start thanking Jesus daily. For His love. His mercy. His calling on your life.

a. 1 Thessalonians 5:18 – Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.

b. Psalm 118:24 – This is the day that the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.

c. Hebrews 12:28 – Therefore, let us be grateful for receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, and thus let us offer to God acceptable worship, with reverence and awe,

d. Psalm 107:1 – Oh give thanks to the Lord, for he is good, for his steadfast love endures forever!

Gratitude is not just a good attitude; it is a weapon against comparison. It fuels your focus, deepens your love for Jesus, and strengthens your resolve to stay in your lane and run your race well.

Transition:

‌Jesus is the friend who confronts because He is motivated by love, because He is full of grace and truth, and because he is motivated to help us grow.

‌

Point 3: Jesus Confronts for Our Growth

‌

Three years before Jesus confronts Peter after their beach breakfast. Jesus began his friendship with Peter, along this same lake, with the same message:

READ Matthew 4:19-20

Jesus said to them [Simon (his other name was Peter) and Andrew, his brother], “Follow Me. I will make you fish for men!” At once they left their nets and followed Hm.

All the learning and the miles, all the miracles and the stories, all the impulsiveness and failures did not change the basic challenge that Jesus gave to Peter and to us all “Follow me.”

Following Jesus is not a single step toward Him. Rather, it is a lifelong obedient walk of faith that takes you from where you are and slowly and steadily changes you from the inside out.

“Follow Me” here in John 21 is a present tense imperative which means “Keep on following.”

For us today, “Follow Me” means consistent, obedient discipleship of Jesus where you are growing in your knowledge and imitation of Him.

KNOW JESUS

Following Jesus and growing as His disciple looks like purposefully structuring your days and schedules to allow enough margin in your life so that we can have time to get to Know Jesus. Not just know facts about him but truly, deeply, and intimately know Him. Developing a relationship with Jesus so that you start to understand His heart, where you start to intuitively sense what motivates Him and why, and where you start to think what would Jesus do if he were me right now?

LIVE LIKE JESUS

Following Jesus and growing as His disciple looks like taking what you know to be true of Jesus, whether that is a little bit or a whole lot, and you begin to Live like Jesus in intentional, diligent ways. It looks like practicing the type of lifestyle that Jesus lived where you actually start loving your neighbor as yourself, where you actually start sacrificing and going to that neighborhood that intimidates or scares you so that Jesus can work in your and through you to serve your neighbors, where you actually start connecting with God, your Heavenly Father on a regular meaningful basis, and where you start to actually live your life in community with others instead of just closing your garage door when you get home and retreating into your home without ever getting know your next door neighbors name or what’s going on in their lives so that you can be a light in whatever darkness they are coming up against.

LOVE LIKE JESUS

Following Jesus and growing as His disciple looks like Loving like Jesus. What does that look like?

It likes Building Relationships with people who are different from you by being a friend how eats with others like Jesus did. It looks like building relationships with the younger generation, even in this church, by sharing your experiences, skills, and knowledge with a generation that is thirsty for mentors to pour into them in meaningful and helpful ways.

It looks like Sharing Burdens in that parents life who looks like they have it all together, but on the inside they are falling apart because they are struggling to juggle all the things. It looks like sharing the burden of buying school supplies for children and families who can’t afford to give their students the basic tools they need to learn well. That’s why we will have collection barrels out in the atrium next week. So, go buy school supplies and fill those barrels as we kick off our Back2School Supply Drive. (Promo Slide Here)

It looks like going a step further and not just buying school supplies, but actually equipping the next generation by ensuring they can read at or above grade level through our Whiz Kids program at Stewart Elementary or by tutoring with Operation Give Back during their Dinner and the Bible; or being a Learning Buddy with our partners in Avondale at Compassionate Justice.

Are you actually sharing people's burdens?

Are you intentionally limiting your golf schedule so that you can eliminate hunger in our city? Are you using the time God has given you to build God’s kingdom by helping to establish families and give them a firm foundation to build from because you are showing up in their lives? Are you using your skills, knowledge, and past experiences to help equip the next generation who want to stand on your shoulders and thrive into the futures that God has prepared for them?

Following Jesus looks like building relationships, sharing burdens, but also Sharing Jesus in how you speak and act toward others. It looks like stepping out of your comfort zone to make an impact in the lives of those around you, whether that’s building bedrooms for families who don't have them right now, donating food resources for families fighting food insecurity because all of our food pantry partners are seeing demand continue to rise, giving of your time so you can help a student improve their comprehension skills and reading levels, or by simply wrapping around a family and helping fold their laundry. It’s in these daily moments of selfless love and service that you start to look more and more like Jesus and journey down the road He is inviting you to Follow Him down.

CONCLUSION:

Pastor Adrian Rogers once said, “If Satan can't make you bad, he'll make you busy.” I confess to you all today, that I have been too busy to be useful for Jesus. I have allowed my schedule to fill up so much so (with good things) but the wrong things and I want to repent of that and make room for Jesus to do whatever He wants to do.

So, for the rest of our time today, we are intentionally giving you space to make room for Jesus. This is not a time to leave campus, instead this is a time to lean in so you can hear what God wants to say to you. This is a time for you to quiet the noise of your schedule, so that you can hear that still, small voice of your Friend Jesus whispering to you to Follow Me. I’ll be praying right down here to regain the ears I need in order to hear from Him more clearly and you are welcome to join me.

Michael is going to come and sing a song that is familiar to us. The lyrics of this song are so powerful: Shake up the ground of all my tradition Break down the walls of all my religion Your way is better

Is that true for you today? Are His ways better? Will you Follow Him? Acoustic / Alter Call “Make Room (start w/ Bridge)”

BENEDICTION AFTER SONG Sermon = 27 minutes total