Men’s Retreat 1 25

When Ariana and I were newlyweds, we pretty quickly got a dog. We went to a dog shelter and bought a shepherd mix named Blitz. Blitz was a funny dog. Like fiercely loyal, so athletic, and had a gnarly bark. Like the bark that makes you jump in fear. And he was a german shepherd mix - he looked rather intimidating. But he had several problems.

First, we found out that he was actually part coyote, this lead him to health issues and behavioral issues.

Out of that his second issue was he was terribly fearful. Perhaps due to him being a rescue, or just his biology - he was truly a scaredy cat.

And third, He had aggression issues. Fearful, aggressive, coyote shepherd mix - that’s a dangerous combo!

and to help him with all these issues, we invested in serious training, and I would walk him for miles every day. Every morning, every night.

The walks were supposedly to help him learn that not everything is a threat, and not everything is scary.

So I would walk him around, “introducing him” safely to different events and people and things. And he largely did really well and became a really good dog for the most part - but fear was always a part of his life, so I always went out of my way to “socialize” him to different situations so he could overcome his fear. In hopes that this would eliminate the problems that come from a scared dog!

I think of one walk - it was later in the evening, and I needed to get him out before bed, so we went for a couple mile walk. And on the way home, we cut through a parking lot and as we did - it was dusk, and it was the perfect time when the parking lot lights started to turn on.

Lights, which are designed to keep you save and help you feel secure - right? Well that first light turned on, with a barely audible click - and Blitz lost his marbles. He like collapsed, then howled and barked at the light - and then the rest of them started turning on - goodness gracious you’d think it was the battle of armageddon. This huge dog, took off running toward home - so scared of the lights. Nearly knocked me over!

This dog had nothing to fear - but had no confidence that the light freaked him out.

Fear does weird things to our confidence. It usually makes us “Power up” and fake it like we are actually really secure, or buckle, and run away like blitz with his tail between his legs.

Either way - not true confidence.

No, true confidence takes honesty, humility, and security. It takes dependence on Jesus Christ. The only way, as a man, to live confidently, to live well, and to live free is in the Christ life.

I would argue that when we go searching for pictures of masculinity and what it looks like perfectly - we ought to look at Jesus, not the caricatures that get held up by culture.

That’s our main theme for this brief retreat - how we can have confidence, and security and life we crave as men living today. The answer to that is the gospel, and Jesus.

And it’s needed to slow down, and to hear from God about confidence and masculinity because our culture has a lot of opinions on what men should be like, right? AND we all have our own ideas of what masculinity are and should be, and they are shaped by all sorts of places - our experiences, our movies, our parents, the stories we tell.

Everyones got opinions. Some just mock men as stupid and slow. Some mock men as just sexual cretans. Some mock men for being sensitive, or not being sensitive enough. For being strong, or for being weak.

There are a lot of voices coming at us!

And then we have pressures both internal and external to provide, produce, and protect.

And it can feel excruciating to many of us, especially when we fail! When our work doesn’t go well - and we don’t bring home the money. When people ask us what we do, and we are ashamed about our production. When a crisis happens and we realize that we actually are quite powerless.

To defeat this, to fight these insecurities, to put up with the pressures - we typically go down two different roads - over-functioning, or under-functioning.

Or we puff ourselves up, or deflate and hide.

Puffing ourselves up - over functioning - stereo typically the alpha male. If I can just be manly enough. Lift enough. Domineer enough - then I can fool others (and myself) that everything is okay. But deep down the anger is just a mask for fear. It’s idolatry. Finding security and identity in ones own power rather than God.

Or deflating. We get quiet. We go to the sideline. We beat ourselves up. we snipe with comments and get really cynical. We hope that if we are hidden that no one will see how much shame we are living in.

Instead, Jesus calls us to life - to be perfectly human sized. Well known passage, but MAtthew 11, 28-30. Matthew 11:28-30

Matthew 11:28–30 CSB

“Come to me, all of you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, because I am lowly and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”