Forgiveness

Introduction

As a parent, there are times that a child comes to you crying with an injury and you look for the damage and there is none.

You realized they are more scared than hurt.

You offer some brief consolation and you tell them to move on with their lives.

Some dads may be guilty of skipping the consolation part

As a parent, there are other times where your child comes crying and you see a cut and you realize that there is real blood, but it isn’t major.

You hit the band-aid drawer.

You give them a huge.

And then you tell them to move on with their lives.

But sometimes, they come crying and you look and there is an injury that is bad enough that you need help.

You call 911.

You go to Patient First.

You go to the ER.

My son Everett has a scar above his left eye because he had an injury like this around three years old.

He hit his head on the corner of a coffee table and blood was EVERYWHERE.

My point with this illustration is simply to say—the deeper the cut, the more complex the treatment.

The worse the break is, the more complex rehab is going to be.

And what is true of the physical can be true of the emotional in our relationships.

Context

This brings us to our subject for tonight, which is forgiveness.

We have been learning about living the Gospel-Centered Life.

A life where we are growing in our understanding of God’s holiness and our own sin, and we are clinging to the Cross of Christ by faith.

This is not just something we talk about. It is something that we live.

And that includes the way we deal with people who have hurt us.

The Difficulty of Forgiveness

Now let me say this from the outset:

Forgiving people who harm us is one of the most difficult things to do in life.

We might find our selves asking, “Am I really supposed to forgive and forget?”

We wonder what is really looks like to “Love our enemies.”

Is that really true when someone slandered me?

Is that really true when someone abused me?

Is that really true when someone cheated me?

It is a hard business.

We will see tonight that it is a costly business.

And yet the Bible is quite clear.

We will read one verse for our text tonight and then spend some time exploring the context around it.

Text—these are the very words of God

Ephesians 4:32 ESV

Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

Outline

1. The Gospel of Life starts with God moving toward us.

2. The Gospel of Life should move us toward holiness.

3. The Gospel of Life should move us into a posture of forgiveness.

God Moving Toward Us

1. The Gospel of Life begins with God moving toward us.

This is where the Gospel begins.

We are the offenders because we have sinned against God’s law.

We are the offenders because we have failed God’s commands.

We are the offenders because we are like our father Adam who was an offender and his disobedience brought the offense of sin into the world.

And yet, God—who is not obligated to give us anything—chooses to move toward us in the grace of the Gospel.

Consider this from Romans 5:

Romans 5:8–10 ESV

but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Since, therefore, we have now been justified by his blood, much more shall we be saved by him from the wrath of God. For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, now that we are reconciled, shall we be saved by his life.

while we were still sinners

while we were enemies

Do you see God’s gracious initiative toward us?

While we were still opposed to God and offending Him, He moved toward us in His Son.

He sent Jesus to die like a sinner for us.

He sent Jesus to bear our sins.

He sent Him to absorb the wrath we have incurred with our transgressions.

And now that sins have been paid for, God offers forgiveness in His Son.

Since His Son laid down His life, ours may be saved.

There is a gift of forgiveness on the table for all who hear the Gospel.

But that is a gift that must be received.

God has moved toward us in the gift of His Son, but this is a gift that must be opened by repentance and faith.

Those who would truly be forgiven of sin and reconciled to God, must forsake sin and repent toward God.

And those who would be truly forgiven of sin and reconciled to God must have faith in the life, death and resurrection of Jesus Christ as their only hope of salvation.

By forgiving our sin, God extends the offer of reconciliation, but reconciliation is not complete until we repent and receive His forgiveness by faith.

Robert Thune

In Christ, God stands ready to forgive you and be reconciled to you as your Father and Friend.

But that reconciliation is only received as we receive forgiveness by faith as repentant people.

Turn away from sin. Turn to God.

This is how His forgiveness is received and our relationship with Him is restored.

This is a spectacular gift beyond all description.

And This gift is explained in Ephesians 2 as being God’s work of grace from beginning to end.

Ephesians 2:8–9 ESV

For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast.

So before Paul ever calls on the Ephesians to be tenderhearted and forgiving, he speaks to them about the nature of the Gospel.

God has taken the initiative toward the sinner by His grace.

The sinner receives the gift of salvation by faith.

And no believer can boast about this as an act of self-improvement because it is God’s work they are responding to from beginning to end.

We have to understand these things.

God the Offended Party moved toward Us—the Offending Party.

We will not get far with Ephesians 4 if we do not understand this in Ephesians 2.

Moving Toward Holiness

2. The Gospel of Life should move us toward holiness.

If we have truly received the Gospel, then we should not remain the same.

There should be growth and transformation.

There should be change.

This is what the grace of God does.

It demolishes the old and it constructs something new.

It alters us in permanent, soul-changing ways.

It doesn’t just modify us—it makes us new and gives us brand new way to live.

So in Ephesians 4, on the heels of Ephesians 2, and before we get v. 32 about forgiveness, Paul says this:

Ephesians 4:17–23 ESV

Now this I say and testify in the Lord, that you must no longer walk as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their minds. They are darkened in their understanding, alienated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them, due to their hardness of heart. They have become callous and have given themselves up to sensuality, greedy to practice every kind of impurity. But that is not the way you learned Christ!— assuming that you have heard about him and were taught in him, as the truth is in Jesus, to put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds,

There is a way you used to walk. It is the way unbelievers walk now because of their darkened hearts and minds.

It is the way people walk who are cut off from the life of God with hard hearts.

They have calloused hearts toward sin the way a guitar players fingers are calloused toward the strings.

This is why you see the sin in their lives that you see.

Often the sin of lost people can cause us to be disgusted, but there should also be a level of pity because we know why they are in such a mess.

They have not learned the way of Christ.

But Paul is saying that WE HAVE.

We have been forgiven of a great debt by God.

We have been given new hearts and a new life that flows from our forgiven hearts.

We have heard and believed the truth about Jesus and there is a life change that should come from that.

It really boils down to putting off the old self.

Taking off the practices of our old way of life the way you take off dirty clothes at the end of the day.

And we must put on the new self.

The old self was in the form and fashion of disobedient Adam.

Our new self is in the form and fashion of the righteous and holy Son of God.

And then starting in Ephesians 4:25, Paul is telling them exactly what this looks like.

He gets specific, in case they were wondering or we are wondering.

He says we should:

Put away falsehood and speak the truth with our neighbors.

Not sin in our anger and not let the sun go down on our sin, which would give opportunity to the devil.

We must not steal, but work honestly and then share what we earn with those in need.

We must put away corrupting talk from our mouths and only speak that which is good for building up.

We must not grieve the Holy Spirit with our sinning.

And then, in v. 31, he says We must put away things like bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander and all malice.

And that will directly connect to our subject verse for tonight in v. 32 about bitterness.

We will bring it all home with that in a moment.

But the bottom line is that the context around Ephesians 4:32 shows us that if we have been saved by grace, then grace will be at work in our lives.

Corruptions will be weakening and grace will be strengthening.

That is something I pray for you all every Sunday morning.

Before we come to worship together, I ask God:

“Let our corruptions weaken, let our grace strengthen.”

And I pray this because this is real, tangible evidence that the Gospel is at work among us.

A Posture of Forgiveness

This brings us to our final point:

3. The Gospel of Life should move us into a posture of forgiveness.

Radical Forgiveness and Its Grounds

We see this in our Ephesians 4:32 verse. Let’s read it again:

Ephesians 4:32 ESV

Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

And the great motivation for this is what God has done for us in Christ.

God—the Offended Party, has moved toward us, the Offenders.

Therefore, we—when offended and hurt and transgressed, should move toward those who have offended us with forgiveness.

To the world that sounds radical and yet that is exactly what God is calling us to—a radical forgiveness.

It is a call out of unforgiving attitudes.

A call out of bitter resentment.

And it is a call into the joy and freedom of tenderhearted forgiveness.

Now I think it is important to be clear about what we are saying here.

There can be a misunderstanding sometimes where people think that Christian forgiveness means that you must forgive someone when they have wronged you, no matter what their attitude and opinion is.

But I don’t believe this is actually biblical.

Here is the reality—sometimes people truly wrong you and they are unrepentant.

And here is the thing about that—We do not see God forgiving unrepentant people in the Bible.

As we have talked about tonight—God’s forgiveness is a gift received by people who turn from sin and turn to God in faith.

Where there is repentance, God forgives the sin that Christ died for.

Where there is no repentance, forgiveness is not received.

Forgiveness involves a heart that cancels a debt but does not lend new money until repentance occurs.

Dan Allender

The only place in the Bible where you might argue that Jesus is forgiving people who are unrepentant is in Luke 23 as He is dying.

Luke 23:34 ESV

And Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” And they cast lots to divide his garments.

But look closely at His words.

He prays for their forgiveness, but He is not forgiving them.

Matthew–Luke (Comment) The prayer for their forgiveness does not guarantee that those who put Jesus to death are guiltless, because forgiveness does not come without repentance...We should recognize that Jesus does not forgive them here but asks God to do so. He has a heart of forgiveness and mercy to those who put him to death.

Thomas Schreiner

In other words, Christ is tender-hearted toward them.

He is not eaten up by a raging desire for revenge.

Instead, He has a posture of forgiveness toward them.

He even prays for them to be forgiven.

But it hinges on their repentance.

And so for us, as people who have been made new by the Gospel of Life, we should reflect the heart of Christ who has forgiven us of our sin.

When we came to Christ, we found the same heart toward us that Jesus had for those who crucified Him.

He has a posture of forgiveness.

He had a tender-heart.

And this is the way we must be toward those who have offended us.

But that doesn’t mean you forgive without their repentance.

We forgive when our Offenders repent.

But we stand ready to forgive offenses even before that repentance comes.

We do not harbor bitterness.

Instead, we harbor tender-heartedness.

Unmerciful Servants

If we fail in this as those who believe the Gospel and we decide that we are going to be hard-hearted and unkind and withholding of forgiveness, even when people are repentant about their offense, we are failing to live out the Gospel that has saved us.

And it may even be a sign that our own lack of mercy is symptom of a deeper problem.

Let’s think about Jesus’ parable of the Unforgiving Servant.

Matthew 18:23–35 ESV

“Therefore the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who wished to settle accounts with his servants. When he began to settle, one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents. And since he could not pay, his master ordered him to be sold, with his wife and children and all that he had, and payment to be made. So the servant fell on his knees, imploring him, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you everything.’ And out of pity for him, the master of that servant released him and forgave him the debt. But when that same servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii, and seizing him, he began to choke him, saying, ‘Pay what you owe.’ So his fellow servant fell down and pleaded with him, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you.’ He refused and went and put him in prison until he should pay the debt. When his fellow servants saw what had taken place, they were greatly distressed, and they went and reported to their master all that had taken place. Then his master summoned him and said to him, ‘You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. And should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?’ And in anger his master delivered him to the jailers, until he should pay all his debt. So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart.”

We do not want to be that servant who is forgiven a great debt and then refuses to show mercy to those who have lesser debts with us.

This guy owed a debt to the king that would have taken 60 million days to earn back.

And yet he starts to choke a guy out over about 4 months wages.

It is ungrateful mercilessness.

But this is exactly who we are if we receive mercy from Christ as He forgives our sins, but we refuse to offer the mercy of forgiveness to others.

Keep in mind that Jesus tells this parable after Peter asks how often he should forgive his brother who sins against him.

And Jesus answers, “seventy-seven times.”

Jesus means to say, “An uncountable number.”

There’s no bottom to the forgiveness pool for us as followers of Christ.

If we operate otherwise, we become someone who is acting as if our sin is not as bad as others.

“God can forgive me. But what this other person has done is too much. They get no forgiveness from me.”

In refusing to forgive, we start to minimize our own sin and shrink the Cross.

This brings us back to what we have been understanding from the start of our study.

When we aware of our sinfulness and God’s holiness, the Cross looms large.

This is when we will be most forgiving.

If we shrink the Cross, we are setting ourselves up for ungodly attitudes and actions.

The Cost of Forgiveness

But before we close tonight, let’s go back to Jesus’ parable and make a point.

If this servant had been merciful, he would have had to lose out on 4 months wages.

I don’t think it is on accident that Jesus makes the debt he must forgive a substantial amount.

This communicates to us that forgiveness is costly.

We shouldn’t act like it isn’t.

To forgive is to cancel a debt that we actually have right to demand payment for.

It means absorbing pain and hurt.

It means absorbing grief.

And yet, this is what God done for us.

Jesus has paid the highest of costs.

If we are to be Christlike and forgive, we will pay lesser costs to reflect His ultimate payment.

The Culture of Forgiveness

But when each believer in the local church is willing to pay the cost, we end up with a culture of tender-hearted forgiveness.

We end up with a church where we long for repentance in each other’s lives.

And we end up with a culture where we don’t let love grow cold in the freezer of frustration and bitterness.

Instead, we leave our gift at the altar and we seek reconciliation with one another.

In short, we have a church where we act like Christ has changed us.

Because He has.

So let us be Christ-like.

How is your heart toward your brothers and sisters?

Tender or hard?

Church family—now and always—it is time to be ready to forgive.