Practicing Affirmation
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Hebrews 10:24
And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works,
Some may be concerned that affirming others may stir up more pride. This concern is legitimate and this is why we must follow Scripture's prescription in administrating affirmation. However, there is another danger that lurks if don't minister this commanded prescription; spiritual atrophy.
Proverbs 12:18
There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts,
but the tongue of the wise brings healing.
Proverbs 18:21
Death and life are in the power of the tongue,
and those who love it will eat its fruits.
The heart of the wise makes his speech judicious
and adds persuasiveness to his lips.
Gracious words are like a honeycomb,
sweetness to the soul and health to the body.
A word fitly spoken
is like apples of gold in a setting of silver.
To make an apt answer is a joy to a man,
and a word in season, how good it is!
The words of a whisperer are like delicious morsels;
they go down into the inner parts of the body.
WHY SHOULD WE PRACTICE AFFIRMATION?
WHY SHOULD WE PRACTICE AFFIRMATION?
BECAUSE IT GLORIFIES GOD
BECAUSE IT GLORIFIES GOD
And the LORD made Solomon very great in the sight of all Israel and bestowed on him such royal majesty as had not been on any king before him in Israel.
The writer of Hebrews 11 violates nothing of God’s honor by commending the faith others when he writes . . .
And what more shall I say? For time would fail me to tell of Gideon, Barak, Samson, Jephthah, of David and Samuel and the prophets— who through faith conquered kingdoms, enforced justice, obtained promises, stopped the mouths of lions, quenched the power of fire, escaped the edge of the sword, were made strong out of weakness, became mighty in war, put foreign armies to flight. Women received back their dead by resurrection. Some were tortured, refusing to accept release, so that they might rise again to a better life. Others suffered mocking and flogging, and even chains and imprisonment. They were stoned, they were sawn in two, they were killed with the sword. They went about in skins of sheep and goats, destitute, afflicted, mistreated— of whom the world was not worthy—wandering about in deserts and mountains, and in dens and caves of the earth.
And all these, though commended through their faith, did not receive what was promised,
All of these were “commended through their faith . . .” (v. 39). They are commended, yet their commendation steals nothing from the glory of God, because they are commended for faith that is from him and in him.
God does not forbid all praise of others. It only prohibits the praise of others in ways that diminish God’s glory.
God does not forbid all praise of others. It only prohibits the praise of others in ways that diminish God’s glory.
Good affirmations are God-centered, pointing to the image of God in a person. The only commendable attributes in people were given to them.
Good affirmations are God-centered, pointing to the image of God in a person. The only commendable attributes in people were given to them.
We’ve all heard of robbing Peter to pay Paul. We’ve also heard of robbing God by not paying tithes. I am suggesting that . . .
we rob God of praise by not pointing out his reflection in the people he has knit together in his image.
we rob God of praise by not pointing out his reflection in the people he has knit together in his image.
God is not given the praise he deserves when we ignore or deny the work he is doing in people.
Affirming others has clear biblical warrant.
What then, brothers? When you come together, each one has a hymn, a lesson, a revelation, a tongue, or an interpretation. Let all things be done for building up.
Let each of us please his neighbor for his good, to build him up.
WHO SHOULD WE AFFIRM?
WHO SHOULD WE AFFIRM?
OTHERS
OTHERS
I thank my God in all my remembrance of you, always in every prayer of mine for you all making my prayer with joy, because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now. And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ. It is right for me to feel this way about you all, because I hold you in my heart, for you are all partakers with me of grace, both in my imprisonment and in the defense and confirmation of the gospel. For God is my witness, how I yearn for you all with the affection of Christ Jesus. And it is my prayer that your love may abound more and more, with knowledge and all discernment, so that you may approve what is excellent, and so be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God.
We always thank God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, when we pray for you, since we heard of your faith in Christ Jesus and of the love that you have for all the saints, because of the hope laid up for you in heaven. Of this you have heard before in the word of the truth, the gospel, which has come to you, as indeed in the whole world it is bearing fruit and increasing—as it also does among you, since the day you heard it and understood the grace of God in truth, just as you learned it from Epaphras our beloved fellow servant. He is a faithful minister of Christ on your behalf and has made known to us your love in the Spirit.
And so, from the day we heard, we have not ceased to pray for you, asking that you may be filled with the knowledge of his will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding, so as to walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to him, bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God; being strengthened with all power, according to his glorious might, for all endurance and patience with joy, giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in light. He has delivered us from the domain of darkness and transferred us to the kingdom of his beloved Son, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.
WHAT SHOULD WE AFFIRM?
WHAT SHOULD WE AFFIRM?
GOD'S MANIFOLD WORKS
GOD'S MANIFOLD WORKS
GOD IS GLORIFIED IN US WHEN WE AFFIRM HIS MANIFOLD WORK IN OTHERS.
GOD IS GLORIFIED IN US WHEN WE AFFIRM HIS MANIFOLD WORK IN OTHERS.
HOW SHOULD WE AFFIRM?
HOW SHOULD WE AFFIRM?
You, O king, the king of kings, to whom the God of heaven has given the kingdom, the power, and the might, and the glory, and into whose hand he has given, wherever they dwell, the children of man, the beasts of the field, and the birds of the heavens, making you rule over them all—you are the head of gold.
Daniel is not dishonoring God when he praises Nebuchadnezzar. The king is glorious, because he has been made so by the God who is more glorious than he. Daniel honors both the king and God by honoring the king in the way he does
And he came to her and said, “Greetings, O favored one, the Lord is with you!”
Describing her as favored—she has earned nothing, can boast in nothing, and has passively received this bestowal, yet it is an honor to be savored, to be sure; and declaring that the Lord is with her, for her, proactive on her behalf. Again, Mary is distinguished from all other women as being “favored,” and yet ultimately God gets the honor, for he is the one doing the favoring, the gracing, the bestowing.
Even to a bunch of scalawags, Paul affirms the work of God he sees in them:
Paul, called by the will of God to be an apostle of Christ Jesus, and our brother Sosthenes,
To the church of God that is in Corinth, to those sanctified in Christ Jesus, called to be saints together with all those who in every place call upon the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, both their Lord and ours:
Grace to you and peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.
I give thanks to my God always for you because of the grace of God that was given you in Christ Jesus, that in every way you were enriched in him in all speech and all knowledge— even as the testimony about Christ was confirmed among you— so that you are not lacking in any gift, as you wait for the revealing of our Lord Jesus Christ, who will sustain you to the end, guiltless in the day of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is faithful, by whom you were called into the fellowship of his Son, Jesus Christ our Lord.
Words matter. As soon as God created mankind, he engaged him verbally. Merely speaking with (not at) people can affirm their existence. You talk to me; therefore, in a sense, I am. Simply greeting someone who walks through a room can be affirming to the individual and uplifting to everyone in the environment. God designed words to be so powerful that speech brought creation into being:
By the word of the LORD the heavens were made,
and by the breath of his mouth all their host.
By faith we understand that the universe was created by the word of God, so that what is seen was not made out of things that are visible.
And like water to a dry garden, speech has the strange and wonderful power to penetrate the soul and bring refreshment. A good word overcomes anxiety:
Anxiety in a man’s heart weighs him down,
but a good word makes him glad.
Therefore encourage one another with these words.
We dare not take the seriousness of our speech for granted, for Jesus says that even our justification or condemnation is at stake:
I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak, for by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned.”
Words have been endowed with the capacity to change lives, to bring arresting transformation. They have the curious and uncanny power to make living things die or bring dead things to life:
Death and life are in the power of the tongue,
and those who love it will eat its fruits.
Do you see? There is a fruit to be harvested as a consequence of how we speak. God has designed speech in accordance with the law of the harvest: reaping follows planting, the crop matches the seed sown, and the harvest is greater in quantity that the amount sown. Harvests and seeds: ends and means to ends. That’s the way God designed it. Speech yields reactions; therefore,
Whoever keeps his mouth and his tongue
keeps himself out of trouble.
Let me be the first to say that my own unruly tongue has triggered many an unfortunate reaction. I am writing this book to myself, because I fall so far short of being the kind of affirmer that would please God and refresh others around me.
Practicing the following list will not give you the life of Christ or transform your heart so that you want to be an affirming person. But if you have the life of Christ in you and you want to be a blessing to others, the following list might assist you to that end. A list will not save you, but if you are saved, you might find a list useful.
PRACTICAL WAYS TO PRACTICE AFFIRMATION
PRACTICAL WAYS TO PRACTICE AFFIRMATION
a committee or board meeting, before moving on to the next agenda item, stop to commend those who worked on the previous item.
a committee or board meeting, before moving on to the next agenda item, stop to commend those who worked on the previous item.
Write a personal letter or note card that an employee can take home or put in a personnel file. Keep a supply of such blank note cards in your desk for just such a purpose. E-mails will do, but they are less likely to be pinned up on workspace.
Write a personal letter or note card that an employee can take home or put in a personnel file. Keep a supply of such blank note cards in your desk for just such a purpose. E-mails will do, but they are less likely to be pinned up on workspace.
Commend the wisdom and helpfulness of a suggestion somebody has made, especially when the suggester has offered to be a part of a solution to a problem.
Commend the wisdom and helpfulness of a suggestion somebody has made, especially when the suggester has offered to be a part of a solution to a problem.
Explain that what inspired you to do some good thing was the other person’s example. “I brought coffee cake for the office because I see how much the staff enjoys it when you consistently do thoughtful things.”
Explain that what inspired you to do some good thing was the other person’s example. “I brought coffee cake for the office because I see how much the staff enjoys it when you consistently do thoughtful things.”
Don’t talk down to people; talk up to them. Consider them better than you. “Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves” (Phil. 2:3). “You probably already know this, but. . . .”
Don’t talk down to people; talk up to them. Consider them better than you. “Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves” (Phil. 2:3). “You probably already know this, but. . . .”
Think of something that is normally not praised, because it is simply expected—like refilling the soap dispensers in the church restrooms. Customarily, those who have responsibilities for such things as refilling soap dispensers only hear from people when the dispensers are empty. Be the one to notice that they are not empty, and commend the faithfulness of the worker who serves others behind the scenes.
Think of something that is normally not praised, because it is simply expected—like refilling the soap dispensers in the church restrooms. Customarily, those who have responsibilities for such things as refilling soap dispensers only hear from people when the dispensers are empty. Be the one to notice that they are not empty, and commend the faithfulness of the worker who serves others behind the scenes.
In the next birthday card or Christmas card you send, include a personal note commending some Christlike quality you observe in the recipient.
In the next birthday card or Christmas card you send, include a personal note commending some Christlike quality you observe in the recipient.
Commend someone for the (sensitivity, kindness, compassion, etc.) with which he treated a third party. You noticed, and so does God.
Commend someone for the (sensitivity, kindness, compassion, etc.) with which he treated a third party. You noticed, and so does God.
Say, “I thank God for you.”
Say, “I thank God for you.”
Following a worship service, write a note or leave a voice mail for someone who excelled in reverential musicality, hospitable ushering, enthusiastic reading, or faithful preaching.
Following a worship service, write a note or leave a voice mail for someone who excelled in reverential musicality, hospitable ushering, enthusiastic reading, or faithful preaching.
Meditate on how God affirms his Son in such places as Matthew 17:5 and Hebrews 1:5–9. Ask him to help you be that way toward your own sons, etc
Meditate on how God affirms his Son in such places as Matthew 17:5 and Hebrews 1:5–9. Ask him to help you be that way toward your own sons, etc
Paul said to the Corinthians, “Be imitators of me, as I am of Christ” (1 Cor. 11:1). Say to someone, “You are like Christ in (forbearance, boldness, etc.), and I want to imitate you as you imitate Christ.”
Paul said to the Corinthians, “Be imitators of me, as I am of Christ” (1 Cor. 11:1). Say to someone, “You are like Christ in (forbearance, boldness, etc.), and I want to imitate you as you imitate Christ.”
There’s no one more dependable than Jesus. When someone completes a task you asked her to do, commend her dependability. Reliable people are a valuable asset. Take a moment to say so.
There’s no one more dependable than Jesus. When someone completes a task you asked her to do, commend her dependability. Reliable people are a valuable asset. Take a moment to say so.
Do you know of a missionary or someone else doing something risky but right? Commend the courage.
Do you know of a missionary or someone else doing something risky but right? Commend the courage.
When you read a biography and come across an incident or episode modeling great character, read it to someone or send a photocopy of the paragraph or page, saying something like, “This reminds me of you.”
When you read a biography and come across an incident or episode modeling great character, read it to someone or send a photocopy of the paragraph or page, saying something like, “This reminds me of you.”
Write a Bible verse such as Hebrews 12:1 on a note card to someone, adding, “I think you do better at this than I do.”
Write a Bible verse such as Hebrews 12:1 on a note card to someone, adding, “I think you do better at this than I do.”
Stop and pray right now, asking God to help you to be affirming.
Stop and pray right now, asking God to help you to be affirming.