Mercy and Forgiveness

Introduction:

Good morning! Today, we continue our summer series on developing the attitudes of Christ so that our lives more clearly reflect His character. Sometimes, this transformation feels natural. Some of us are naturally patient, and showing patience to others comes easily. Some of us are filled with zeal for God—we long for our friends to know Jesus and eagerly share our faith. Others of us, through spiritual growth, have learned to experience contentment and joy regardless of our circumstances.

There are many emotions we experience as human beings that are rich and rewarding. But there are others—pain, grief, betrayal, and loss—that shake us to our core. These emotional experiences can leave a permanent mark on how we see the world and how we relate to others.

Think of the unimaginable pain of losing a child to a drunk driver. Or the heartbreak of losing innocence at the hands of someone who was supposed to protect us. Or the deep hurt when close friends turn away or betray our trust. These emotions are not sinful; they are signals—alerts that something is not right.

But the danger comes when we stay stuck in them.

Not forgiving is like drinking rat poison and then waiting for the rat to die.—Anne Lamott, Traveling Mercies

Paul offers a warning in Ephesians 4:26-27

Ephesians 4:26–27 NIV

“In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.

Anger, hurt, and sorrow are real and valid emotions, but they must not control us. If allowed control, Anne Lamott's words will ring true, we will end up poisoning ourselves, while waiting for justice.

Instead, these emotions should serve as indicators—guiding us toward healing, wholeness, and a deeper reliance on Christ. Today, we’ll look at how we can allow mercy and forgiveness to help us not get stuck in these negative feelings and respond to these difficult emotions with the attitude of Christ, allowing Him to shape us even through the hardest seasons of life.

Jesus talks about mercy directly about 8 different times in the gospels. Forgiveness about 25 times through direct teaching or parables. Another 5 times forgiveness is implied in His actions. Let’s look at a few passages for both mercy and forgiveness:

For Mercy:

Matthew 5:7 NIV

Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy.

Matthew 12:7 NIV

If you had known what these words mean, ‘I desire mercy, not sacrifice,’  you would not have condemned the innocent.

Matthew 23:23 NIV

“Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You give a tenth of your spices—mint, dill and cumin. But you have neglected the more important matters of the law—justice, mercy and faithfulness. You should have practiced the latter, without neglecting the former.

Luke 10:36–37 NIV

“Which of these three do you think was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of robbers?” The expert in the law replied, “The one who had mercy on him.” Jesus told him, “Go and do likewise.”

So, as we can see from these passages, Mercy in the gospel is usually shown as, Compassionte love shown to those in need, especially those who have done wrong or are suffering.

Some passages from the gospels talking about forgiveness are:

Matthew 6:12 NIV

And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.

Matthew 18:21–22 NIV

Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times. 

Matthew 5:23–24 NIV

“Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.

Matthew 6:14–15 NIV

For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

So, a way to summarize the relationship between mercy and forgiveness would be to say:

Mercy is the heart posture—showing character of compassion and kindness. Forgiveness is the act—letting go of offense or debt.

Jesus tells a parable that illustrates one who is not merciful or forgiving to show us that God desires us to model these behaviors, in the parable of the unmerciful servant.

Matthew 18:21–35 NIV

Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times. “Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand bags of gold was brought to him. Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt. “At this the servant fell on his knees before him. ‘Be patient with me,’ he begged, ‘and I will pay back everything.’ The servant’s master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go. “But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred silver coins. He grabbed him and began to choke him. ‘Pay back what you owe me!’ he demanded. “His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay it back.’ “But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. When the other servants saw what had happened, they were outraged and went and told their master everything that had happened. “Then the master called the servant in. ‘You wicked servant,’ he said, ‘I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?’ In anger his master handed him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed. “This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart.”

I would like to point out 5 teachings from this passage and then talk about how we can learn to forgive:

Forgiveness Should Be Unlimited (vv. 21–22)

Peter comes to Jesus with a question, how many times should I forgive a brother who sins against him—suggesting "up to seven times."

Peter think this is more than generous. Now what we do not know is if someone posed this question to Peter or if he was having a problem with someone in his circle. Jesus replies, “Not seven times, but seventy-seven times” (or “seventy times seven” in some translations). Jesus is indicating with this series of numbers, 7 meaning perfection and 70 meaning completeness that we should ALWAYS practice forgiveness not matter how many times a brother or sister offends us.

Forgiveness is not about keeping score. Forgiveness is about having a habit of unlimited letting go of offense or debt. So, Jesus tells this parable.

God’s Mercy Is Beyond Measure (vv. 23–27)

Jesus tells a story about a king settling accounts. One servant owes an impossible debt (10,000 talents = millions of dollars today). His listeners would have seen this as impossible amount to even think of paying back, for the average wage for a Jew in Jesus time was about a Denarius a day. Where it is hard today to come up with an equivalent amount , we do know that it was enough to provide one family enough for a meal. The point, when Jesus gave the amount of 10,000 talents, was to let his audience know this was impossible to pay.

Then unexpectedly, the king has compassion, shows mercy and forgives the entire debt when the servant pleads.

Understand, this servant represents us before God. God’s forgiveness of our sin is not something we can ever earn—it's offered through grace by Him to us and it is complete. We owe nothing more.

Sometimes, Even When Forgiven, We Live With an Unforgiving Heart (vv. 28–30)

That same servant goes and finds a fellow servant who owes him a tiny amount (100 denarii) and refuses to forgive him, having him thrown in prison. This amount was doable to be paid back, but the forgiven servant does not recognize that because he was shown mercy, he ought to extend mercy.

The contrast shows the hypocrisy of receiving mercy but not extending it. We feel like we deserve the mercy, but the other person does not.

You may say, John you do not know what they did to me. John they hurt me badly. It was unforgiveable. This may all be true and I cannot fully know your pain. It is your pain. But I do know what Jesus did for me. I know he suffered immensely for my sins. I know I am underserving of His love, His Mercy, His Forgiveness, but He extends it to me unconditionally.

We often judge others by their faults while excusing our own. But, there are none of us deserving

Romans 5:6–8 NIV

You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Forgiveness was offered to us, while we were still sinners. It is offered to us as we continue to be sinners. I know for some of us it seems painful and beyond our abilities to forgive, I will address this in the end, so hold on, we will get there in a few minutes, but I want to acknowledge that some of you have a pain and hurt that you feel today that cannot be removed easily, but with God’s help you can overcome it.

Justice Will Come for the Unmerciful (vv. 31–34)

When the king finds out, he is angry and hands the servant over to be tortured until he pays the debt. The text has already made it clear this is an impossible debt to ever pay back. This parable shows us that God takes our refusal to forgive very seriously, that withholding forgiveness invites judgment.

Before we get it twisted this parable is meant to be a parable about offering mercy and forgiveness, but it carries with it a warning. If you cannot forgive, you are putting yourself in danger of not being forgiven. Remember the words of Matthew 6:14-15

Matthew 6:14–15 NIV

For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

Mercy received should transform us into merciful people.

The Heart Is the Issue (v. 35)

Jesus concludes

Matthew 18:35 NIV

“This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart.”

Forgiveness must come from the heart, not just as lip service. It my take time. It is certainly a process, but true forgiveness transforms our heart, even if it means nothing to the person we are forgiving. The eternal hope is that it will produce transformation in them as well, but if it does not the process will transform us.

HOW DO WE LEARN TO BE FORGIVNG PEOPLE?

How do we learn to forgive others, even in the most dire hurt and pain. I want to let you know it will not happen overnight, but is a process that you can do, to deal with your pain and suffering. If it is to heavy of a hurt, talk with a therapist. I am seeing one right now. It is not something to be ashamed about, because it can help lighten your load.

Involve God in the Process

Understand this is not something God is leaving you all alone to do. God desires to help you let go, show mercy and offer forgiveness. He does not expect you to do this on you own and he expect this to be a process.

So, the first thing God wants you to do is Invite Him into the struggle:

Pray honestly: “God, I don’t want to forgive. Help my heart.”

Remember: Jesus forgave from the cross – even as people mocked him. He was beaten, insulted, mocked and killed. He understands injustice and pain.

But remember some of his last words were:

Luke 23:34 NIV

Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” And they divided up his clothes by casting lots.

Show Yourself Grace!

See you don’t have to rush to forgiveness. In fact, serious hurt usually is not resolved in a moment. We must deal with the hurt. We must grieve the loss and put in the work.

You don’t have to rush forgiveness. God is patient. Don’t beat yourself up if you have setbacks. Be gentle with yourself."

Those of us suffering with depression, we often struggle with guilt, self-judgment, or the feeling that we should just get over it. So, I want all of us to know:

· Forgiveness is a process, not a one-time event.

· It’s okay if forgiveness takes time, especially when there’s deep pain.

· God doesn’t ask us to pretend something didn’t hurt.

· God does expect that we are open to the power of forgiveness.

Where do we go next?

Acknowledge the Pain

For all of us, God is not asking you to deny or minimize your pain. He sees and honors your suffering. However, He does not want us to get stuck in our hurt and allow it to turn into resentment and vengeance, and this is what can happen. We can get stuck in our hurt and pain and it can keep us from growing in God. We stop allowing ourselves to be transformed and we just allow ourselves to relive the trauma.

Mental illness can make pain feel overwhelming. Suppressing that pain for the sake of “being Christian” is harmful. So, what can we do? How can we help each other through it?

Work to name the hurt: “What happened?” How did it make you feel?

Validate the wrong: “That was not okay.” What did you lose?

Affirm that forgiveness is not excusing the behavior.

Acknowledge when something is to deep for your support structure to handle and seek out a therapist to help.

Redefine What Forgiveness Is

Understand, Forgiveness is not saying it was okay. It’s choosing not to be chained to the pain forever.

· Forgiveness is not forgetting.

· Forgiveness does not always mean reconciliation.

· Forgiveness is releasing the demand for revenge, not for justice or safety.

I want us to know, this is not denying your pain and suffering. Just the opposite, it is acknowledging that it happened to you, but taking the power of control away that it has, so that you may allow God to transform your life. It does not mean if you are living in abuse, that you should continue to live in the abuse.

If you are being abused, please talk with myself of Kris today before you leave. God does not suggest that you should live in abuse. He wants you to be safe.

We must understand that forgiveness is not about saying that what has happened or is happening to me is okay. It is about removing its power over you, so that you can be transformed by God.

Finally,

Break Forgiveness Into Steps

For all of us, forgiveness starts with tiny steps. . Here are a few examples of ways you can begin the process of healing:

Saying, “I want to forgive someday.”

Praying, “God, help me be willing to forgive.”

Writing a letter that expresses your hurt and pain. You will probably never send it, but it will help you in naming your pain and letting it go.

Letting go of a small part of the resentment.

Saying the person’s name without rage or fear.

Celebrate each step.

What do I want you to know?

God wants each of us to practice mercy and forgiveness.

Mercy helps us create an environment where we can practice love and kindness, not allowing ourselves to get hardened.

Forgiveness allows us to let go of the things that have wronged us and allows us to be open to God’s transforming power.

What do I want you to do today?

Practice tiny steps towards forgiveness.

Maybe this morning you have hurt and pain that is destroying your life. Maybe, it is keeping you from growing and being transformed? I want you to know you can make steps towards the freedom that comes from letting go of your past. Therapy is a great option for that if your pain is too much to bear on your own. If you just need a way to begin, you will find on the back table a sheet with journal prompts to help you walk through this process of forgiveness. I would like to read this prayer over all of us today as we close:

“God, this hurts more than I know how to handle. You know what happened. You know the pain I carry. You know how hard it is for me to let go. I’m tired. I’m angry. I’m wounded. And sometimes, if I’m honest… I don’t want to forgive. Or I don’t know how.

But I trust You. I trust that You understand. I trust that You see what they did. And I trust that You see me, still here, still hurting.

I ask You to help me. Not to forget. Not to pretend. But to begin… even if it’s just a little. Help me take the smallest step toward forgiveness. Help me hand You the pain, the anger, the fear.

If I can’t forgive them yet, help me be willing to forgive. If I can’t even be willing, help me be willing to be willing.

I forgive, not because they deserve it— But because You first forgave me. And I want to be free.

Give me peace, Lord. Stay close to me in this process. I trust You’ll hold what I can’t carry. Amen.”

Thank you and if you are hurting today and would like an aid to help you start working on your pain, there will be some handouts at the welcome center as you exit on the left.