Reconciliation on Hard Mode
Notes
Transcript
Jesus teaches that the one sinned against also has a responsibility to seek reconciliation and he gives us a process. Privately, then with trusted friends, then to the community, and then a recharacterization of the relationship - an outsider you will continue to show love to. There are no guarantees of success and very few guardrails given for abuse of the process, but this is an application of the heart of the shepherd to go after the lost. Jesus is in that reconciliation process. Pursue peace.
Time for the Public Shaming
Time for the Public Shaming
Logan hurt me. He just crushed me in a Video Game earlier this week, and it hurt. Hurt my pride. Hurt my heart.
I confronted him about it, he didn’t listen. He wasn’t sorry.
I got a couple witnesses, Arabelle, Dylan, Abigail. Logan still didn’t listen. He wasn’t sorry.
So now it is time for the public shaming and shunning here, before the assembly, before the church.
SHAME! How could you treat your sweet gentle father like that?!
This is the process Jesus gives us today, it’s a process of reconciliation in the face of sin. And I have so many questions. If you’ve been in the church for long you’ve probably seen some version of this played out.
And, frankly, I have seen it go wrong more often than right. I have seen it seem to cause more heartache and division at times…
So are we doing it wrong? Is this worth doing?
I am committed to this: if Jesus says it, and He is the Master of Life teaching a Masterclass on life… it is right and good and somehow helpful. So we sit together at the feet of Jesus learning how to do this reconciliation thing… and we will wrestle together with the questions we have.
Recap on Reconciliation
Recap on Reconciliation
Jesus has taught on reconciliation before in the Sermon on the Mount.
23 So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you,
24 leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.
This is the importance of reconciliation. Drop everything and go and be reconciled.
I learned a thing recently, a bit of backdrop I didn’t know when I preached this from Matthew. The “Talmudic Process of Restoration”, what the Rabbis would have been teaching in Jesus’ day that painted the picture in their minds of what this reconciliation process would have looked like:
Talmudic Process of Reconciliation
Talmudic Process of Reconciliation
Go to your neighbor and say “I have transgressed upon you” and then say how.
If they are accept your apology, the neighbor says “We are reconciled” and then blesses you. (That’s beautiful)
If you’re not reconciled, form a line of 10+ people, and go one by one saying “I have sinned in this way, yet it has not been reconciled to me.” (A bit of public shaming, for both you and the one who hasn’t recompensed.)
Maybe picking people who are there, but they are witnesses to the repentance.
If you have tried this 3 times, Talmud says (Job 33:29) that you’re free from guilt.
If they are dead, go to their grave with 10+ witnesses and do the same process at their grave.
That’s if you sinned against them.
What if they have sinned against you? They transgressed.
I want to skip this passage. I want to say “Be Unoffendable” as “love does not take offense.” I want to say “forgive” for forgiveness is not optional for the Christian. That’s coming up right after, it’s Peter’s first question after this bit.
But Jesus brings this confrontational process into play.
And it’s got some icky bits.
Recap on the Kingdom GOAT
Recap on the Kingdom GOAT
The disciples were arguing about who is the greatest. Jesus sets a young child in their midst: humble yourself like this child. That is greatness in the Kingdom. It isn’t about performance or accomplishments, you are intrinsically loved and valuable, the Shepherd is on a Mission to seek and save his lost sheep.
Reconciliation on Hard Mode
Reconciliation on Hard Mode
15 “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother.
Now, this is the flip side of Jesus’ teaching in the Sermon on the Mount. You CANNOT just sit back in judgmental condemnation of your brother, waiting for them to “leave their gift at the altar” and come to you.
Mission critical systems have redundancies. Forgiveness and Reconciliation in the Body of Christ is a mission critical system. The aggrieved and the aggressor are BOTH commanded to go and pursue Shalom, pursue peace, work for reconciliation.
But there is a difference here:
Sins Against You
Sins Against You
15 “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother.
Jesus’ first command in seeking reconciliation is that someone “has something against you.” That seems to be just about anything. If you haven’t pursued reconciliation, go and try. That doesn’t promise it will work, but it is a command to try. “As far as it is up to you, live at peace with everyone.”
This is different. This is NOT “if you have something against someone.” It isn’t if you don’t like their attitude, or their personality, or their choice of clothing.
The assaulted you. They slandered you. They lied to you. They stole from you. They broke a promise to you. They slandered you.
This is the first time Matthew uses the verb “sins” (though he has used the noun many times). He will use it again only of Judas (Mt 27:4).
The word is first used in the LXX of Cain, Genesis 4:7 “7 If you do well, will you not be accepted? And if you do not do well, sin is crouching at the door. Its desire is contrary to you, but you must rule over it.””
And this brother has “not listened to you.” So it is unrepentant sin we are talking about.
Huge guardrail here.
This is not a process to get people to conform to your vision for them. This is not a process to get people in line with your preferences or ideas about how things should be.
This even’t even “they hurt my feelings” unless their was some malicious intent there. Now, it can be a great and valuable process to go to someone who hurt your feelings and talk things out, perhaps even with some wise counsel in tow. But this isn’t the occasion Jesus is describing, and at no point should we be having a church assembly about how Wayne hurt my feelings.
If you’re gossipping with others about how they hurt your feelings, guess who is guilty of “sinning against” here? You.
So, they have sinned against you. What are you to do about it?
Go and tell him
Go and tell him
15 “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother.
Most often, and I expect this is a human default, personal encounter is the LAST step in reconciliation. First you have to “vent”. Maybe ask for “prayer”. Maybe convince the witnesses ahead of time, then the church… and then someone might ask “have you talked to them, yet?”
Go and “tell”, “reprove”
The Gospel of Matthew 2. Challenging Sin with a Concern for Restoration (18:15–20)
The meaning of the verb ranges over ‘expose’, ‘convict’, convince’, ‘reprove’, and ‘discipline’.
Now, this can’t be about anger. Jesus has been very clear and very consistent, we are to let go of our anger.
This can’t be about judgment and condemnation. Jesus was very clear about that. If you are sinless, cast the first stone. Log in your own eye, all of that.
This can’t be about withholding forgiveness. He’s about to launch into how often and thoroughly you forgive.
And this isn’t brand new to Jesus, it is picked up by the Rabbinical conversation as they wrestle with Lev 19:17
17 “You shall not hate your brother in your heart, but you shall reason frankly with your neighbor, lest you incur sin because of him.
NASB has “reprove” there, KJV has “rebuke”. Same idea.
Still as a humble child, go and “reason frankly” or “convince” or “rebuke.”
There’s a piece of this I love. If I have hurt you, offended you, a stumbling block to you, perhaps… and I don’t know it, it is a HUGE act of love to come and let me know.
“Hey, it really wounds me, hurts me, when you wear a tie.”
“Oh, wow, thanks for telling me, I won’t wear ties anymore if I can help it.” Or “here is why wearing ties is important to me, but I certainly don’t want to hurt you… how can we work together to find a way forward?”
And, harder, confronting someone about their addiction. About their abuse. About their gossip or slander. If you are coming in love as a humble child, there is a hope and prayer that they will listen.
If they are submitting to the Cross of Christ, to the conviction of the Holy Spirit, there is a hope and prayer that they will listen.
Listen
Listen
15 “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother.
And that is the expectation. What are you hoping they will do? What does the text say:
“If he listens to you.”
Now, we can perhaps imagine that there is a “I’m sorry” in there. Hopefully repentance. Perhaps a hug. But all the text says is “Listen.”
It’s beyond just “hearing”, but we often construct this elaborate vision of how they are going to fall to their knees begging our forgiveness and vowing to heaven NEVER SHALL THEY EVER do so again.
Check that. Do they listen.
And if this is an endless cycle of repetition, like patterns of abuse or theft or any other sin… you have certain evidence they did not listen.
Beautiful, ideal, you’ve gained your brother. There was this opportunity for ongoing hurt and resentment, and you took the initiative to bring healing and reconciliation. Beautiful.
Note, the contrast would be to immediately decry the person in public. Immediately take a lawsuit to the gates, to the courts. That’s the standard way. This is intended to be restorative, not punitive. That’s the heart of this.
Pursue Shalom.
But...
It doesn’t always work that way, does it?
And Jesus doesn’t pretend that it does.
16 But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses.
This a reference back to Deut 19:15 to protect from false accusations, very similar to our “innocent until proven guilty” concept.
They aren’t necessarily witnesses to the original charge, or at least not JUST witnesses to the original charge, but also to the attempt at reconciliation.
And how you choose those witnesses is another guardrail. You can choose sycophants, people who you already know will back you whatever you say and think and condemn the other.
OR, you can choose some people of wisdom and character. And this may be a point where they take you aside and say “Actually, friend, I think this is about you being hurt more than any sin they did.” Or perhaps “let’s work on that hurt and anger in you before you’re ready for this confrontation.” I think there’s some help here available to us.
But let’s say it is some wise counsel, trained and ready for this. This kind of “witnessing” was part of the culture, it was expected that you would at times do this for your friends, for your community.
Is it a guarantee that it will work? Not at all.
17 If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.
Oh wow!
How could “telling it to the church (assembly)” possibly be helpful? That seems more like gossip.
“Hey everyone, just so you know, Kelly slapped me yesterday and REFUSES to say she’s sorry.”
This seems so weird to us. But recall that the alternative is taking them to court, which is just as public, just not as personal. Paul scolds the Corinthians for being so quick to take things to court instead of wrestling with it in the community.
And the church has failed this step so very often by keeping things to private. Sin and lies thrive in the darkness. This can be the light of exposure.
If you have a situation of abuse, child abuse in the church for example. And the abuser seems to “listen” but wants to keep everything quiet and the church leadership quietly lets them leave and they pick up a ministry position in the next town over and the abuse cycle continues.
We read about these scandals… never would have happened if this process had happened.
And if they won’t listen to the church, and in our time it would be way easier for them to just step out the door and go to the church down the street… if they won’t listen, what do we do?
As a Gentile and tax collector
As a Gentile and tax collector
17 If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.
Note, we lose this in English, but when it says “you treat them as…” it switches back to the singular. This is not the whole church excommunicating them, this is about how you are to think towards them from now on. As a Gentile and tax collector.
Can that mean that we are to hate and despise them? Stay away from them? Avoid them?
NO! Says the man who loves the Gentile, who called a tax collector as his disciple.
I don’t think that’s what it’s saying.
But there are some new boundaries there. This is as a Gentile, one that you love, witness to, serve, all those things… but it is contrasted against being a brother. There is a HUGE difference in trust and vulnerability there.
Essentially you have to minister to them as if they are unbelievers… because that’s what they have shown themselves to be.
Heartbreaking, yes, but sin is heart breaking. Life breaking. Family breaking.
But we are given supernatural power and authority to do this. How much?
18 Truly, I say to you, whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven.
What is it that we are binding and loosing?
He didn’t suddenly turn to talk about demons.
He is talking about brothers and sisters in Christ who won’t repent of sin. He is talking about sin and forgiveness.
And he is talking about the INCREDIBLE power of our words. Of our claims.
This isn’t to be done lightly and frivolously, and God help us if it’s done out of any other motivation than love and humility, pursuing Shalom.
Our words have heavenly consequences, true consequences, spiritual Truth.
And it is in THIS context Jesus says:
19 Again I say to you, if two of you agree on earth about anything they ask, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven.
It’s about forgiving sins, it’s about reconciliation and restoration.
Maybe the two of agreeing together to be brothers again. Sisters again.
Maybe it’s the two and three witnesses. Maybe it’s the church together hearing and acknowledging the sin.
Of one unrepentant sinner among the Corinthians, Paul counsels the church to give them over to their sins, give them over to Satan, in fact, but ALL in the hope that they will find their rock bottom and repent. Turn back to Jesus.
We are dealing with hearts here. Lives. Souls.
These things have power, heavenly power and authority. You and I have that power… and we should proceed with all the caution and carefulness appropriate to that power.
20 For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them.”
Jesus is part of this reconciliation.
I know we love this verse, and we use it whenever we gather in worship. But let’s be clear that Jesus is primarily, first and foremost here, talking about the process of reconciliation. Of forgiveness and restoration.
Jesus is part of it. He’s in it.
How crazy is this that he is saying it before he has died, resurrected and ascended. He is saying when he is location bound, time bound, right then and there.
To a group of disciples who have been arguing about this thing, they think, behind Jesus’ back… and now asking him about it. And he says, drop the disputes and divisiveness, y’all are SO far off, SO far out of line… I am here for the forgiveness and reconciliation part.
That’s the “in my name” part. Under my mantle, under my authority, speaking for me and with me… with the Shepherd’s heart to go find the lost.
Pursue peace
Pursue peace
With the Shepherd’s heart
So I bet some names came to mind. Some stories. Maybe folks who hurt you and you are trying to decide if it rises to the level of “sinned against you.”
Peter’s got someone in mind. Someone who has done it one too many times. That’s a foretaste of next week. Start with forgiveness. Start with forgiveness, again and again, wholly and completely, over and over.
Then, if there is need, if there is cause, as the Holy Spirit leads, make the call. Schedule the coffee. Reach out, with the only the hope and prayer that they might listen. Write down the one sentence you need to say. “Reason frankly.” There’s no guarantee of success, and no promise it will fix everything. But, with the heart of a Shepherd, pursue Shalom, peace, reconciliation.
We should prepare our hearts and minds to serve as Witnesses of Reconciliation for one another. Prepared in prayer, Prepared in the power of the Spirit.
It isn’t at all an accident that this follows on the lost sheep. This is a HUGE category of “lostness.”
People talk about “church hurt.” Church hurt has a face, or faces. It isn’t inevitable, it is sin in us and sin among us… and a failure to address it.
Again, Jesus addresses this from both sides. If someone has something against you, and this is a Holy Spirit thing, bringing it to mind, maybe even at the altar… go and attempt to make it right. Maybe the “three times” model of the Rabbis is right, there’s wisdom involved there. Over and over forever isn’t always healthy or helpful… but the heart is always the heart of the Shepherd. And Jesus is there, in it, wherever we are gathered in his name.
Someone sinned against you, more specific on purpose I think. We need Holy Spirit guidance at every step. We need wise and ready witnesses to call in. We need a church community that knows how to walk through redemption together. We need to be that church.
This isn’t a fix-it-all script, it is a call to seek reconciliation, personally first, then with counsel, then in the faith community, and then finally moving forward with new boundaries… but no less love and mission towards that lost sheep.
With the heart of a Shepherd, pursue Shalom, pursue peace, pursue reconciliation.
May we love each other that fantastically, that famously.
We are gathered together for it, in his name, and Jesus is here for it.
