Godly Sex
Marriage Matters • Sermon • Submitted • Presented
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Transcript
Pray for words to not be taken out of context, understanding, to speak God’s intention on this subject
intro: awkward talking about sex
video chat with my family
● Hebrews 13:4 – What God has given in your marriage bed do and enjoy
Marriage is to be held in honor among all, and the marriage bed is to be undefiled; for fornicators and adulterers God will judge.
● You gotta do it, but do it in the right “CONTAINER“
time and a place for everything
● The Lord loves you… gave you a PROPER CONTAINER for a POWERFUL GIFT
● ILL: Let me show you a picture of water…picture of a dam harnessing water
o The same water OUTSIDE of the container…
o When the water recedes, damage that last for years
● Have you ever lost something IRREPLACEABLE?
wedding ring
● ILL: In 2013, James Howell threw out an old hard drive…
8,000 Bitcoin (Key) - worth 500 million dollars at the time
When God’s given something of IRREPLACEABLE value and we treat it as COMMON, heartache will be the INEVITABLE result.
The world has had a very loud voice about what sex is, and it is time for the church to have a voice
● Why should the church be comfortable talking about sex?
Simple: we should not be ashamed to talk about what God was not ashamed to create.
We are called the Bride of Christ
ten virgins
● Church, we’ve REDUCED the message on sex to “DON’T”
o Don’t view porn… make out… sleep around…
● ALL TRUE, but Scripture doesn’t START with a NEGATIVE comment about sex… PRE-FALL!!!!
o BEFORE the fall. We’re SEXUAL before we SINFUL.
o It’s a GOOD GIFT to enjoy in the RIGHT CONTEXT.
● Sex is God-given so it should be God-governed. What you choose to do with your love life impacts ALL of your life.
For the next few minutes can we not allow… be the standard?
o Let’s make God the standard of how we view sex
● Prov. 30:18-20 – framework God wants us to elevate sex
There are three things which are too wonderful for me, Four which I do not understand:
The way of an eagle in the sky, The way of a serpent on a rock, The way of a ship in the middle of the sea, And the way of a man with a maid (virgin).
This is the way of an adulterous woman: She eats and wipes her mouth, And says, “I have done no wrong.”
we get excited when we see an eagle, (periscope)
powerful
majestic
ship on the sea
one of the top 5 painted things in the world
art has dictated the ship on the sea almost more than any other thing
light on the water, the water splashing/crashing
snake on a rock
you don’t lose sight of it
Man and a virgin
a wedding night
this is the value of what God brings to sex
this is where sex belongs
majestic, beautiful, fascinating, awe
● CAPTURES… MAJESTIC… CAPTIVATES…
● Proverbs writer, “that’s where sex BELONGS.”
Sex is meant to be ELEVATED… Not treated COMMON
Amen?
It’s meant to be in an elevated place
like an eagle flying
like a ship on the water
like a snake on a rock
it’s meant to get our attention
SHIFT
● v. 20 – Adultress satisfying a REGULAR/COMMON appetite.
o Sex REDUCED to common.
it’s a warning to not treat sex as common
● ILL: Vanity Fair “The Dawn of the Dating Apocalypse.”
The downfall of the dating process, and the way we pursue each other
● “Nobody wants to date. They just want to hit it and quit it.”
o “It’s rare for a woman of our generation to meet a man who treats her like a priority instead of an option.”
This is what prov 30:20 is talking about,
treating sex like a common moment, like a common connection
then they just wipe the crumbs from their face and move on to the next meal
ariticle says
a women met a man on tinder
she hooked up with him
and while she was putting her clothes back on
she say him on his phone
and literally saw him on Tinder looking for his next hookup
the specialness of sex has been loss
the casualness of sex has distorted our view
● THIS IS NOT THE SEX OF GOD’S WORD:
We are FED BY…
Media
TV shows that we binge
o What we watch FRAMES sexuality
● LISTEN: basing sex off what you watch is like…
giving a teenager all 500 fast and furious movies
and telling them to learn how to drive
from watching these
● NEW ETHOS: Find who you are SEXUALLY COMPATIBLE to
o IOW: “will this person live up to my sexual expectations based upon what I have framed inside of my head?”
If we LISTEN to God we can MITIGATE the CULTURAL BAGGAGE that comes our way
1 – The ORIGIN of Sex
1 – The ORIGIN of Sex
Origin movies- superhero movies
Spoiler: Sex was God’s idea
● Genesis 2:18-22 – Everything has been declared good but… loneliness
Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.”
Out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the sky, and brought them to the man to see what he would call them; and whatever the man called a living creature, that was its name.
The man gave names to all the cattle, and to the birds of the sky, and to every beast of the field, but for Adam there was not found a helper suitable for him.
So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and he slept; then He took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh at that place.
The Lord God fashioned into a woman the rib which He had taken from the man, and brought her to the man.
The man said, “This is now bone of my bones, And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man.”
First time Adam sees a women, he breaks out in song
-proposal-
o V. 23 –He is saying, “eagle in the… Serpent… Ship…”
o He is CAPTIVATED by what God created
wow, good job God
For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.
sex came before the fall
it was good
Stop allowing other people DEFINE what they didn’t DESIGN.
Sex is God’s design and gift to marriage.
● What does this say about God? We have a tendency to think that God is austere, forbidding, prudish, and forbidding.
o As if God is a grumpy old man who’s mad at the world and doesn’t want anybody to have fun. But nothing could be further from the truth.
o God is a God of pleasure (NOTE: Pleasure is not God. That’s called hedonism)
● REPEAT: Sex is good. Because sex was God’s idea
o Until we take back that power from culture, CULTURE WILL CONTINUE TO DEFINE IT.
2 – The INTENTION of sex
2 – The INTENTION of sex
– It’s God’s idea so it must be good.
● God’s gift:
INTENTIONS OF SEX
1. ENHANCE MARRIAGE
2. PERPETUATE GENERATIONS
3. MAKES THE PARTNERSHIP CONCRETE
● Genesis 2:24 – What is so special about the sexual act?
Science:
o DOPAMINE & OXYTOCIN flood your bloodstream
Dopamine is the pleasure chemical
▪ So your brain gets a taste of dopamine then desire to look for more opportunities to get that dopamin
▪ So, if the source of your dopamine comes from the act between you and your spouse, that will become the source. But when that dopamine is coming from your laptop or from your phone, then your brain and your body are gonna wanna keep going back to that
It’s why pornography is so addictive
Oh, let me warn you, sisters in Jerusalem:
Don’t excite love, don’t stir it up,
until the time is ripe—and you’re ready.
Oxytocin- the cuddling chemical
▪ The three times that oxytocin floods into your bloodstream is during sex, giving birth, and breast-feeding.
▪ It’s a bonding agent
▪ It makes you latch on to whomever you share that with
▪ There’s a sense of wanting to say “I love you.”
● Tim Keller,
“Sex outside of marriage is not sin because it’s so bad but because it’s so good.” -Timothy Keller
● ILL: Banks…
Money is so good it’s worth guarding
security because it’s WORTH HAVING
God’s PLAN:
Man and woman in a COVENANT with each other over a LIFETIME.
● “Two become one”: financially, socially, spiritually, physically…
● God‘s plan was for us to live a life as ONE in every area.
o God‘s plan of one
▪ One God
▪ One man with one woman
▪ One marriage.
▪ One sex partner.
▪ One flesh
▪ One lifetime.
Duct Tape
● Sex is a GIFT, not an IDENTITY (ILL: NFL)
Average NFL career is 3.3 years
35 years old is elite and old
most of these young men of 25 or 26 years old
thier life/ identity is their gift
No wonder there’s so much confusion
We were never designed to get our identity out of our gift,
we are designed to get our gifts out of our identity,
You are meant to know who you are in Jesus
Your faith in Jesus is what gets you to start realizing your gifts
and what they’re meant to be
and how they’re meant to be used
gifts we pursue- jobs, people,
When you are chasing your giftings, you will always lose yourself.
at some point, the gifting will stop and you have to realize you have to be something beyond the gift
the intention of sex was to be a gift
that leads us to number 3
3 – The DISTORTION of sex
3 – The DISTORTION of sex
● Having a sex drive is not the problem, letting sex drive is.
Brother advising newly wed, that she isn’t cursed because she is obsessed with sex
● IOW: You don’t have to be controlled by those appetites; broken by your sexual past
● ILL: Sex has a CONTAINER and it’s called “marriage”
● Difference between the fire that HURTS and the fire that HELPS IS ITS CONTAINER
o It’ll BURN you UP… RAVAGE your family...
● The scripture tells us that our bodies were made for the Lord
● 1 Thessalonians 4:3
For this is the will of God, your sanctification; that is, that you abstain from sexual immorality;
culture of Thessalonica
marriage, a man was encouraged to have a concubine on the side
temples that had hundreds and sometimes even thousands of temple prostitutes
they had a phallic symbol as one of the main images of worship
Paul writes to this overly sexualized society,
and he says this is the will of God...
● Sexual immorality/porneia
o God’s design… Everything else is porneia
we imediately thing of the word Pornography or porn
it’s easy to see that and read
“It’s God’s will for you to be holy, so stay away from Porn”
BTW: Stay away from Porn (AMEN)
THat’s not what it truely means:
(ILL: junk drawer; a collection point)
the garlic press, scissors, zester, pizza cutter
porneia is that catch all phrase
everything outside of God’s intention for sex goes into the junk drawer
sex between a husband and wife
INTENTIONS OF SEX
1. ENHANCE MARRIAGE
2. PERPETUATE GENERATIONS
3. MAKES THE PARTNERSHIP CONCRETE
● I get all sorts of questions about EXCEPTIONSor SCENARIOS
● Difference between what is ACCEPTABLE to CULTURE…to GOD.
● Don’t have to AFFIRM an issue to show AUTHENTIC LOVE
DISAGREEMENT≠ HATE
● This church will always be open to anyone who walks through those doors
… stand upon his word
… proclaim grace in Jesus
… In saying that God loves you enough, that he sent his son for you
Your sin doesn’t compromise God’s love. Your sin breaks your relationship with Him.
I love my kids.
There are things that they do or I can do, that could break/strain the relationship
4 – The REPERCUSSIONS of sex
4 – The REPERCUSSIONS of sex
Sex is Good
Time and a place for everything
Enya
● Paul wrote to Corinth (sexual capital of the known world)
Theselonica was bad, then Corinth was Vegas meets Marti Gras
● 1 Corinthians 6:16 MSG
Or do you not know that the one who joins himself to a prostitute is one body with her? For He says, “The two shall become one flesh.”
listen to it in the message version
There’s more to sex than mere skin on skin. Sex is as much spiritual mystery as physical fact. As written in Scripture, “The two become one.”
o Sex goes deeper than just bodies/physical connection
If it is just a physical act then.
why is sexual assault thought of so much differently than physical assault
why is the recovery and reprocussions from sexual assault so much more long lived and complicated
There is something deeply spiritual that is going on
● Eph. 4:19 – giving to ALL SENSUALITY… lose all SENSITIVITY
and they, having become callous, have given themselves over to sensuality for the practice of every kind of impurity with greediness.
when you give into sensuality, you start loosing all sensitivity
we have something broke, and we need to fix it
ARTICLE: “Dating is broken: going retro, could fix it” new york times
secular author says “we need to go back to courtship”
2010 study for the American psychological association journal of family psychology researchers found that
couples who waited till marriage for sex reported not just less consideration of divorce
but a higher relationship satisfaction,
better communication,
and superior sexual experiences
when compared with couple who had sex within a month of their first date or before they started dating
couples who slept together between a month and two months of their first date
and didn’t wait saw half of the benefits that couples who waited received
they also said that people tend to make better dating decisions when they are not entangled togenter
the article says this,
simply put, we are hardwired to connect
it says
rapid sexual initiation often creates poor partnership selection
because those intense feelings of pleasure and attachment
can be confused for intimacy and lasting love
during sex, The oxytocin is pumping, and we make decisions based off of sex rather than off of courtshim
● STAT: Only 1 in 5 cohabitating couples end in marriage.
For the 1… end up at higher rates of divorce than (more than double)…
● Why does God have such high standards?
because he wants the sexual experience in your marriage to be
the eagle in the sky
the ship in the waters
the snake on the rock
o We might ENJOY/CHERISH it; see it as VALUABLE.
Serving Jesus is about LORDSHIP. And we must be WILLING to place everything, (including our sexuality) underneath the lordship of Jesus.
5 – The RESTORATION of sex
5 – The RESTORATION of sex
Some of you need something restored today
Hosea is a great example of this kind of restoration
was the prophet that God instructed to marry a prostitute
Gomer leaves her faithful husband to go back to prostituteion
Why does this happen?
Sometimes in life we prefer some known slavery over unknown freedoms
The first time God spoke to Hosea he said: “Find a whore and marry her. Make this whore the mother of your children.
And here’s why: This whole country has become a whorehouse, unfaithful to me, God.”
Hosea did it. He picked Gomer daughter of Diblaim. She got pregnant and gave him a son.
And the Lord said to me, “Go again, love a woman who is loved by another man and is an adulteress,
even as the Lord loves the children of Israel, though they turn to other gods and love cakes of raisins.”
So I bought her for fifteen shekels of silver and a homer and a lethech of barley.
And I said to her, “You must dwell as mine for many days. You shall not play the whore, or belong to another man; so will I also be to you.”
she goes and leaves, and goes back to her pimp
we see this scene where Gomer is being auctioned off
people are bidding on Gomer
imagine being her in that moment
all of a sudden a voice
a familiar voice
shouts a bid nobody can top
and it’s your husband (emotional)
Why does that hit so hard?
it’s because when I was dead in my brokenness
and when i was corrupt in my sin
and i had people bidding for my attention
bidding for my heart
bidding for my life
there was a voice above it all
that said”
I sent my son and I’ll pay the price for you
nobody can match my bid
that’s what Jesus did for me
washing my mind
washing my heart
and restoring my purity
because your heavenly father is the great restorer of things lost
read the gospels
the lost sheep, lost coins, lost daughters, lost sons
he is the great restorer of lost things
Maybe you feel like you’ve lost something in this topic, in this subject
my challenge to you is to simply give it back to the owner
Your heavenly Father is the Great Restorer of things that were LOST.
o Lost sheep, loss, coins, lost daughter’s, lost sons…
ILL: Diane Gordon... [LINK]… give it back to the owner.
Diane Gordon was 65 years old when her car broke down
she was dependent on her job, and so she walked nearly 3 miles to and from work five days a week
she did this for over a year
one cold evening in January, she tripped on something strange on the ground while stopping at a gas station for a snack
"I looked down on the ground and found a plastic bag with a large sum of money in it,"
she told the news station.
"When you turned it over, there was even more money."
$14,780 cash
But Gordon, a grandmother of two, never questioned what to do next.
"This doesn't belong to me, I need to call a police officer," she said
Fortunately, it didn't take long to find out who the money belonged to.
When officers arrived, they found cards addressed to a couple whose wedding ceremony had occurred earlier that day.
She didn't hesitate; she didn't question it,"
Officer who took her statement said, "This doesn't happen very often, that someone finds a large sum of money and turns it in."
The officer’s wife heard the story and set up a GoFundMe campaign to raise money for Gordon in the hopes of raising enough to help her buy a new vehicle.
it raised over $82,675
Gordon received her new wheels: a green Jeep Compass from a local car dealership, Szott Auto Group.
"I am floored," Gordon told ABC affiliate WXYZ. "I am having a hard time keeping it in. I am just so excited."
"I absolutely love it," she added to the Post. "It's got a steering wheel warmer and a backup camera; all things I've never had before."
Gordon said she plans to offer rides to her co-workers who need them.
"I'll give them a ride home and pay it forward," she said.
What do we do with our sexuality?
We gotta give it back to the owner.
Some of us find it and we hold on to it
I can easily just take and try to use for myself
but if I give it back to the owner
I give it not knowing what to expect
Look at Dianne
God did more than just give the 14k
he doubled it
he tripled it
he quadrupled it
what would happen with our sexuality in our marriages
or in our single life
if we just simply just gave it back to God
what could God do?
Sexuality doesn’t belong to humanity. It’s the Lord’s gift to us.
o Our bodies don’t EVEN BELONG to us (Corinthians) Our bodies are a living sacrifice
snake, ship, eagle
● Let’s not keep for ourselves what we think is ours.
o Let’s give it back to the owner.
● When God’s given something of IRREPLACEABLE value and we treat it as COMMON, heartache will be the INEVITABLE result.
● Let’s place sex back in the place of honor and awe... Prov. 30:18-20
Call for Salvation
Takeaways:
● 1. Talk about it with your spouse. Understand what sex means to each spouse.
● 2. If there is sexual hurt, be willing to get healing.
● 3. Don’t allow sexual comparison to steal the joy from your marriage.
● 4. Practice makes perfect.
even so come
