Spiritual Formation 201 - Part 6 -Learning to Live Without Lust

Last week’s soul training - Practice Hospitality

Keeping the Sabbath.

So, how did we do with sabbath keeping? Anybody want to share.

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Well as you can see by the title of this morning’s session, this one will be a little intense. Jesus is intense. And often His teachings really make us feel uncomfortable. Today’s subject and the focus passage are of that nature.

We live in a culture that is saturated with sexual imagery and messages. From advertising to entertainment, we are constantly bombarded with the idea that our worth, satisfaction, and identity are tied to sexual expression and gratification. Yet in the midst of this, the Church has often responded with silence or shame.

Many Christians have grown up hearing one of two damaging false narratives:

False Christian Narrative: All sexual desire is evil.

False Worldly Narrative: All sexual desire is good.

But Jesus offers a better way. He doesn’t shame us for desire, nor does He encourage indulgence. Instead, He addresses the heart behind desire, and calls us into freedom, not just repression. This Bible study explores how to live without lust—not by denying our humanity, but by submitting our desires to God in His kingdom.

1. The False Narratives About Sexual Desire

False Christian Narrative #1: All Sexual Desire is Evil

This view teaches that desire itself is sinful, leading many to feel shame for being human.

It reduces sexuality to something to fear or suppress.

This leads to legalism, hidden struggles, and secrecy within the church.

False Worldly Narrative #2: All Sexual Desire is Good

This cultural narrative tells us to “follow your heart” and equates sexual expression with personal freedom.

It refuses to see the destructive potential of misdirected desire.

This leads to addiction, objectification, broken relationships, and disillusionment.

✅ True Narrative (Kingdom Perspective): Sexual desire is a good gift from God, but it must be rightly ordered under His reign.

God created us as sexual beings (Genesis 1:27–28).

But like all good gifts, it can be distorted by sin.

In the Kingdom, desire is redeemed, not denied or indulged

Jesus Teaching on Lust

Mat 5:27-30 ESV - 27 "You have heard that it was said, 'You shall not commit adultery.' 28 But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart. 29 If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be thrown into hell. 30 And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body go into hell.

Okay, that is an intense 4 sentences right there. Self mutilation and the whole deal right there. Set aside you notes for a bit and just listen to me.

Four sentences that are going to be our focus today but we have to look at the big picture because the meaning of four sentences changes dramatically depending on all of the other sentences that are around them right? We call that context. And contest is vitally important when we read the bible.

So the big picture in Matthew is Jesus has been announcing the arrival of the kingdom and the rule and reign of God. And that's the whole story of how God is reclaiming his world from what we have done to the place, and to each other here. And so in Jesus there's a new a new rule, a new reign, and a new humanity that Jesus is starting around around himself. So he's calling these followers to himself. He's shaping this new environment that he calls the kingdom with all these upside-down values. And so he calls these people to himself and he is right now in these sentences here we're kind of in a six part little series here within the first great block is his teaching on the kingdom. We call it the Sermon on the Mount traditionally. But back in Chapter 4 Matthew called it “Jesus teaching the good news of the kingdom.”

And then chapters five six and seven come so this is Jesus announcing the kingdom and what life in the kingdom looks like when his disciples actually follow him and rediscover their humanity.

So this is for us. This is for anyone who would accept Jesus as Lord and who endeavors to be His apprentice and who wants to grow in CHRISTIAN spiritual formation. This is NOT for someone who is not a disciple of Jesus Christ. I make that point because I think this is one of many missteps the church has made in our culture s to make this issue, then Christian view of sex or marriage a front burner issue and making this issue the first conversation we have with someone who is not a disciple of Jesus. Seems to me that is the cart before the horse kinda thing you know? Because if someone's not a disciple of Jesus, why on earth should they be compelled to follow his teachings when it comes to any arena of life, much less marriage or sexuality. So if you're in here this morning and your not a Christian, I just invite you to overhear what Jesus is saying to his disciples, but I would encourage you I think the most important issue for you to be thinking about is not sex or marriage. It's Jesus and who he is and what he did and what he said and what you're going to do about that. And once you're there, then all of life comes under the microscope of Jesus's teaching so to speak. Does that make any sense? Okay so that's my little caveat. Jesus makes us all uncomfortable though so let’s just dive into this passage a bit and see if we can explore the implications of his teaching here.

In verse 27 he says, “You have heard that it was said you shall not commit adultery” Jesus is of course quoting you shall not commit adultery, one of the ten commandments and he is speaking to a Jewish audience here who have grown up in the synagogue so he is assuming they have all heard this commandment.

And this commandment like all the others in the Torah is a reliable indicator of God's will. That's what the laws in the Torah where, they were pointers to God's will through the people of Israel in that covenant. And Jesus doesn’t say this commandment is bad or stupid or outmoded, he just says there it is but then he goes on and he sets his teaching right next to it. “But I tell you anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”

He's just setting his teaching right there and Jesus is saying but being a part of the kingdom isn't just about modifying your behavior. It’s about allowing Jesus himself to begin to work on these core root issues in our lives. The root issues that result in us behaving and doing stuff that fractures our relationship with God and with other people and degrades our humanity and the humanity of other people. Jesus wants to move into those deep-rooted issues of the hearts. And look at verse look at verse 28. He sets his teaching right there and says but anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has committed adultery with her.

With that statement, Jesus is fulfilling the purpose of the command . This is an issue of the heart. Now, what do we do when Jesus turns up the heat like this? First of all, let's look at is what he's saying here about adultery because already this phrase here Jesus has underneath it a whole view of the marriage and sexuality and so on. He doesn't make it explicit here, he does later in chapter 19 when people come to him asking him about his views on marriage and divorce and sexuality and so we won’t try to unpack all of that here but one thing that is important to say here is that for Jesus, when it comes to this stuff, His whole view of the world is shaped by his scriptures and specifically page 1 and 2 of the scriptures. People come to Jesus asking about marriage and sexuality and the meaning of life and so on and he always goes to page 1 and 2 of the Bible.

So he talks about how you have male and female who reflect the image of God. These beings who are one humanity but yet distinct and different, and they reflect the image of the creator and something powerful and profound happens, when those two beings make a covenant commitment to one another and out of that covenant there's a union of heart and mind and body and out of that covenant, new life is created and nurtured in the families, communities and neighborhoods. And so, that's the vision we get about human life. Pages 1 and 2 of the Bible and Jesus sites from that and he affirms that later in Matthew chapter 19.

And so here, Jesus sees the marriage covenant is so sacred and so beautiful and significant, that anything that would threaten it he sees as a distortion of what it means to be a human made in God's image. Anything that would fracture that and so he cites this command, Don't commit adultery in this case, by ending up in bed with someone who's not your covenant partner right, that you haven't made a covenant with. That's a distortion of what it means to be human.

But for Jesus, that doesn't get near enough to the heart of the issue right? Because how does someone before God and a whole bunch of people you make these life commitment vows and promises to be faithful to this covenant partner in this wedding ceremony or something and then one day, a week, 1 year, 10 years later, they're in bed with somebody who's not their covenant partner. How does that happen right? I mean maybe one time out of a thousand it happens because somebody just wakes up and thinks, you know what I'm gonna do today. That is not really how it happens. The way you end up in this adultery scenario is a slow simmering of heart issues. Jesus says there are root issues going on with that person. An ongoing story in their mind in their heart that comes to fruition, and they end up sleeping with someone who's not their covenant partner.

And what Jesus wants to track is to get upstream, upstream, upstream of this behavior and get to the core issues. so verse 28 is very significant here because Jesus is pointing out where adultery starts. It starts in the heart long before the act is committed.

In v 28, Jesus is doing three things here that I think are really powerful.

So he says it's not just about not ending up in bed with somebody, He pinpoints the issue much earlier upstream and he says it's here, He says, I’m telling you, that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully. Now what does he mean here? It's fairly clear, but I think we can clarify it even more. When Jesus says “look”, our English word looks is kind of funny because I can look at you and the English word “look” makes no reference to the duration of the look. It can mean I simply glance at someone.

But the word Jesus uses here is not just talking about the instant, he's talking about an ongoing sustained look. The word “look” here carries the idea of directing the mind to a thing, to consider, contemplate, to weigh carefully, examine and in English we have a perfect word for an ongoing sustained awkward look and that's the word stare.

So, if you write in your Bibles, I would just encourage you to write that in there. So if I were going to paraphrase what Jesus is saying here, my Hutch paraphrase would be, anyone who stares at a woman in order to fuel sexual desire for her.

So what Jesus is not talking about is looking at and noticing someone who's attractive right? That just happens. There's beautiful people in the world and they catch our attention.

What he's getting at is the choice that is before you after you notice the attractive person. You choose to refocus or whatever, or to look them in the face if you're having a conversation with them, or do you do you use them for something that is deep and internal, inside of you to foster and fuel sexual desire which is what the word lust means.

That word is one of those funny Greek words, ep-ee-thoo-meh-o. It means to turn upon a thing

Our English translation is lust. That is a word religious people to use to talk about sexual desire. I don't actually think many people use that word except religious people to talk about sexual desire but that's what Jesus is talking about here.

Okay, back to your notes...

Greek Word Study: “Epithumia” (ἐπιθυμέω)

Translated "lustfully," it means desire or intense craving.

Not just noticing beauty, but fixating on it to possess or consume.

Jesus isn’t saying attraction is sinful—but using someone for our own pleasure in the heart is.

❗Heart Condition

Jesus shifts the focus from external behavior (adultery) to internal condition (lust).

A person controlled by lust has the same inner state as one who commits adultery.

Jesus reveals that sin starts in the heart, long before the act.

So please understand, Jesus is not being abstract here.

If you're a woman, if you've been a victim of this stare, you know exactly what Jesus is talking about. If you're a dude, and you have been a victim or a perpetrator of this stare, then you know exactly what Jesus is talking about.

This looking that Jesus is talking about is just a symptom of some deeper issue and the look, the sustained stare in order to fuel and generate the little movie in your head, that is just a symptom and that the deepest issue is this issue of committing adultery with others in our hearts.

So what Jesus is getting at here is so intense. He's getting at the fact that there is something going on inside of us that no one sees. If you do the awkward stare then that is pretty noticeable. It's fairly it's easy to detect once the secret's out if you end up in bed with somebody.

But what he's getting at is there's a movie that plays in our minds that we choose to generate and no one knows if you're doing that. You can't police that. You can't detect it.

It is an utterly private matter and Jesus says the issues are not just the noticing, but with the choice and what you do with that choice.

Martin Luther summarizes exactly what Jesus is getting at here. He says, “We should not make the bowstring of Jesus's teaching to taught here as if anyone who's merely tempted to look at another with lust is eternally damned. And He illustrates this by saying, “I cannot keep a bird from flying over my head, but I can certainly keep it from making a nest in my hair or from biting off my nose.”

3. A Silent Church in a Loud Culture

The Church has often been either:

Silent, avoiding tough conversations on lust and sexuality.

Or shaming, leading to guilt but not transformation.

Meanwhile, culture loudly proclaims that “sex sells” and that gratification is king.

Result: Christians struggle in silence, ashamed to admit their battle, with few places to turn for grace and healing.

🗣️ It’s time for the Church to speak a better word. And that is what I am attempting here this morning.

Next...

4. Lust Looks Different, But It's Everyone's Battle

Men and Women: Different Expressions, Same Struggle

Men may struggle more with visual expressions of Lust, like —pornography, objectification.

Women may struggle more with ROMANTIC fantasies or seeking emotional  ATTENTION

Women may struggle emotionally—romantic fantasy, (romance Novels) Stop reading those ladies! comparison, attention-seeking.

But both stem from the same HEART condition which is rooted in epithumia—a craving for fulfillment apart from God.

“Each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed.” — James 1:14

5. The Kingdom Response: Living Closely with God

How Do We Learn to Live Without Lust?

We don’t kill lust by trying harder. We overcome lust by walking closely with God in His Kingdom—where His presence transforms our desires.

🔄 Transformation Process

1. Confession and Honesty

Acknowledge the struggle. Bring it into the light.

James 5:16 – “Confess your sins to one another and pray for each other so that you may be healed.”

2. Intimacy with God

The antidote to lust is closeness with Christ.

Psalm 16:11 – “In Your presence there is fullness of joy.”

3. Training in Kingdom Living

Romans 13:14 – “Put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh.”

We must train our minds (Romans 12:2), learn new patterns, and practice discipline.

4. Replacing the Lie with Truth

Lust tells us: “You need this to be happy.”

Truth tells us: “In Christ, I already have everything I need.” (2 Peter 1:3)

5. Living in Community

Freedom is found when we walk with others who encourage and challenge us.

Galatians 6:2 – “Carry each other’s burdens.”

6. Practical Questions for Reflection or Small Group

What messages about sexual desire did you grow up with? How have they shaped your view today?

How would you describe the difference between attraction and lust?

Why is it helpful to understand the Greek word “epithumia” when studying Jesus’ teaching?

In what ways do men and women experience lust differently?

What are some lies lust tells you? What truths can replace them?

What habits, practices, or spiritual disciplines help keep your heart close to God?

What does it look like for the church to speak a better word on sexuality today?

7. Closing Thought

Jesus doesn’t just call us to avoid adultery. He calls us to a life of purity, wholeness, and deep love. That’s not accomplished by fear or force—but by walking with Jesus in His Kingdom, where we are transformed from the inside out.

Lust thrives in a vacuum of intimacy with God. But when your soul is full of His presence, there is no room for counterfeit love. You were made for more. You were made for freedom.

This week’s Soul Training

So, we have talked about how sexually saturated our culture is. This week i am going to ask you to do something that will be VERY hard. But you don’t need to worry because as far as I know, no one has ever died doing this!

I am going to ask you to do a 48 hour media fast. Now take heart because that includes the hours you are sleeping. Some of you may need to sleep the entire 48 hours.

That includes:

The internet

television

Newspapers and Magazines

radio (even when riding in your car!)

video games

ipods, MP3 players and stereos.

Closing Prayer:

Lord Jesus,

We come to You as people who long for love, but too often chase it in the wrong places. We confess that lust has ruled parts of our hearts, but we believe that You are the Healer and Transformer of hearts. Thank You for not shaming us, but calling us to something higher. Fill us with Your Spirit. Help us to walk closely with You, to train our minds, and to see others as people made in Your image, not as objects to consume. May Your Kingdom come more fully in our desires, our thoughts, and our relationships. We love You and trust You.

In Jesus' name, Amen.