Tyndale Case Studies

Case Study #1

Since the couple attend my church (assuming members), my first step would be to talk to both of them separately if possible. The wife is accusing the husband of a grievous sin and part of this situation does land in the ecclesiastical sphere. I would want to hear both sides of the issue and try to see if it is possible to discern to the best of my ability the truth of the matter. I would assume that since the wife has moved out that a conversation with both of them would be difficult to pursue, but my hope would be that they could come together with me to discuss what occurred. I would want to understand what sexual assault means in this context. With our current societal view of sexual assault and victimhood I would want to get a definite and concrete statement of what occurred. Since they are both part of my church, if they are members I am assuming they are Christians, but I would want to emphasize the gospel with them. I would want to make sure they understand what biblical forgiveness is and how to forgive as God has forgiven them (Ephesians 4:2).

Our society does not have a biblical view of sexuality and how a sexual relationship should be structured in the marriage covenant. Paul tells us that our bodies are not our own (1 Corinthians 7:4) and sex is used to renew the covenant vows, provide mutual pleasure, point to the joy found in Christ, and express marital love (I must credit Pastor Mike Ruff for this view of sex). This of course does not mean that a spouse has the right to forcefully gain sex, but it must also be stated that withholding sex without a proper cause is sinful. I would want to discuss this understanding of sex with the couple and see where their understanding of sex is.

This charge does carry with it a magistrate sphere as well, and I am in support of the magistrate carrying out its duties to enforce justice. If the husband did commit sexual assault then the goal is reconciliation (not the same as restoration) between the husband and wife. This would be followed by submission to the magistrates duty to enforce justice. The church has not been given the sword, instead the church must rely on God’s deacon (διάκονός - Romans 13:4) to carry out justice.

There is concern that the wife is seeking counsel from a secular psychologist as well as having gone to the government before coming to her session. This is a concerning development because the secular psychologist has a worldview that will promote a lack of wisdom (a fool listens to only one side - Proverbs 18:17), lack of the gospel of reconciliation, and a lack of hope in Christ. It seems hard to believe that this would be the first occurrence of the wife leaning on secular sources for counsel. Instead I would want to talk to both and understand if the wife has been seeing a secular psychologist prior to this event or if I am wrong and this did only occur prior to her accusation.

Based upon her own previous sexual experiences it also leads to a realization that perhaps there are still underlying issues affecting her. This could be a case where the wife's reaction to sin done against her is in fact sinful. The issue is that the secular psychologist and government are unable to view this case through a biblical worldview and will only react to a stance of believing all victims. The wife must be willing to mortify all sin, including sin based upon grievous and wicked wrongs done against her.

The church must be involved in this issue because either way a grievous sin has been committed. Either the husband did sexually assault his wife, or his wife has unbiblically left her husband and slandered him. Either way, the church must be prepared to walk through this situation with counseling and potentially discipline with the hope that the party in sin would repent and return to the Lord.

If the wife has made a false accusation, then the church must call her to repent of lying and leaving her family and call upon her to retract her accusation to the authorities. She would need to repent of this wickedness and begin the process of reconciliation with her husband. This would not be an easy task, as if this is a false accusation then there are deep issues at play that must be addressed and she must be willing to repent and turn to Christ. I would also want to see if she has fully repented of previous sexually activity and fully worked through (as much as possible) her previous sexual assault.

If the husband has sexually assaulted his wife, then he must be called to repentance and walk through reconciliation with his wife. I would hold that if it was genuine sexual assault, that the wife is not under a biblical mandate to accept him back as her husband, but that she is required to be reconciled to him as a fellow Christian. During this process the husband must also be willing to submit to the authorities through turning himself in and pleading guilty to the crime he has committed. The church must not hide this crime (if committed) but instead be willing to submit to the institution that God has placed and trust it to faithfully follow a biblical standard of justice. This would all occur while being supported by me and our church to love him and walk with him as he faces the consequences of sin.

The largest issue at play here though is what happens if the wife has made a false accusation (to the best of sessions discernment) and refuses to recant her statement and be reconciled to her husband. If this is the case then first the church must handle what the church can handle, which is the process of church discipline. In love, the session must be willing to call her to repent and ultimately be willing to turn her over to Satan so that she might repent (1 Corinthians 5:5). This means walking through biblical church discipline and if necessary, excommunication.

Alongside the process of church discipline, the church must then be prepared to advocate for the husband and do all in its power to wage war against a hellish culture that demands that all victims be believed and that any accusation equals immediate guilt. I would want to counsel the husband to trust in the sovereignty of God and to know that this trial has been preordained by God for him, to sanctify him and mold him more in the image of Jesus. I would counsel him to put away any bitterness or anger but instead continue to pursue reconciliation with his wife.

If on the flip side, the husband has sexually assaulted his wife and is unrepentant, I would want to support the wife while calling the husband to repentance. I would encourage the wife to cease her meetings with the secular psychologist and have her begin meeting with me (if comfortable) or with an ABCA certified female counselor. I understand that this is a traumatic experience and must be handled with grace and love while also not allowing the wife to engage in any anger, bitterness, despair, or hopelessness. She must be willing to forgive her husband, though I would argue that this case would be a biblical ground for divorce if the accusation is true. The church would also want to ensure that the wife is physically safe and not at any risk of further assaults.

To summarize, I would want to find out as much information as possible by talking to both sides. It appears that one of the two is committing a grievous sin and must be called to repentance and forgiveness. To complicate things, the magistrates are now involved and must be respected and allowed to do their due diligence to process this accusation. I am unable to say who is wrong or right but this is a heartbreaking scenario. I would need to spend many hours in prayer and seeking counsel from my mentors, session, and presbytery to walk through this situation.

Case Study #2

The first step in this scenario is to talk to the ICE agents and try to gain as much information as they are able to give during this scenario. I would want to understand what is going on, where the man is being taken, if I am able to visit him, what the charges are, and what next steps are. I would primarily want to gather as much information as possible while the man is being arrested. I would also ask if I can pray with him before being taken away.

The next step is to go and comfort the mother and children. I would want to be present with her for as long as needed as she bears the shock of what has happened. In this moment she needs a present person who will walk alongside her in her grief. I would spend time listening to her and her story and asking appropriate questions to gain as much information as possible. I would want to be supportive and loving as she deals with the events that have taken place. If needed we would invite the wife and children to stay at our home or see if there are any close friends who they could stay with during this time. If this is not helpful to the family, then I would help them get to their own home however is the most helpful way. Whether it is my wife staying the night with them or just bringing them a meal. This would take some contextual clues to discover how to best help them in the exact moment.

I would then be contacting the deacons to begin forming a plan on how to best assist the family. There is potential that the family will need benevolence with the man not working and providing for the family. We would also want to assist in any way with upkeep of the house (mowing grass, repairs, rides to school, and any other tasks the man typically performed in his life). I would also attempt to set up a meal train for the family, to see if families in the church could bring food and fellowship in the midst of this horrifying circumstance.

I would also plan on doing visitations with the family as often as seems wise in the scenario. I would want to be there for them to help guide them through this task. I would want to counsel the wife and children and walk them through this time. I could see their being potential for anger or bitterness and would want to make sure that the family is continuing in family worship, scripture reading, and especially prayer. I would want to point them to the truths of the gospel and the sovereignty of God in this time.

I would want to make all attempts to visit the husband and father as well. I currently am unaware of immigrations visitation policy but I would do my best to be able to see him and counsel him in this time.

Since the arrest happened at the church and directly after service, I would assume that a large majority of the congregation is aware of what happened. I would first address the congregation at the moment of the arrest, asking them to be respectful of the officers, to be patient, and to pray. I believe a follow up email with as much pertinent information as needed would be helpful. The last thing I want to do is let rumors fly throughout the church. Instead I would proactively but sensitively approach this issue. I would potentially address this issue prior to our covenant renewal service or perhaps at a small group or Wednesday night service. I would want my congregation to be aware of what is happening, how to assist and pray, and how to be supportive of the family at this time.

This entire situation is extremely messy and must be handled with care. If the story about the man fearing for his life and running from the cartel is true then the steps that must be taken are different then if the story is false. Assuming the story is true, the biblical basis is that foreigners are to be welcomed into lands (Leviticus 19:34). This seems especially true when the foreigner is fleeing oppression, disaster, or wicked rulers (see Rahab and Ruth). It is also true that if a foreigner flees to another land he must assimilate to the country he flees too (Lev. 24:22, 25:6, Numbers 19:4). Assimilating means that he must adapt to the local customs, culture, and laws. Even when fleeing from a terrible tragedy, the biblical pattern is still that this person is welcome to join another nation but must adopt the customs and traditions and the law. For example a foreigner is allowed to partake in the Passover, after him and all his household have been circumcised (Exodus 12:48). Ruth is another example, to marry Boaz, the kinsman redeemer laws had to be followed so that Boaz gained the legal right to marry a foreigner (Ruth 4).

Since the man came here illegally, he did not assimilate properly to the laws of the United State of America. The proper response would have been to go through the proper legal pathways to become a proper resident of the land. This is sinful, and it is now a sin that is leaving his family without a functioning covenant head and has him locked up.

The first counsel that must be given is that the man must repent. As much as his intentions may have been proper, he has had 25 years to address this issue. Instead, he has kept it hidden and now his family is paying for his sin. He must repent, ask God for forgiveness and also ask his family for forgiveness. The man must also submit the governing authorities and follow the process that is in place illegally entering the country. I would encourage him to tell his story and then beg for the ability to be allowed to follow due process to become a legal citizen if at all possible. If it is not possible, then he must submit to deportation and going back to Mexico. I believe it would be wise for his family to go with him, so that they would be together (I am in general against separation of families). The church would assist as much as possible and wise in terms of monetary, moving, or keeping their current home/storing their things as they attempt to come back. If they do move back to Mexico, I would want to maintain a relationship and counsel as much as possible (zoom or other online resources) while also helping them find a good church in the area who can assist.

Despite agreeing with the duty of the magistrates to enforce the law, I would pray and petition that the man would be allowed to stay in the country and begin the process of becoming a legal resident. I would be willing to support him and vouch for him based upon his membership in the church, the well-ordered household he has, and the fact that he has a wife and children living with an absent dad. I would want to talk to lawyers and immigration about options for him staying in the states and legally becoming a resident. I would want to support the magistrates' laws about immigration and walk alongside the man and his family as they attempt to navigate this path. I would lean heavily on my session and presbytery for wisdom in this matter and perhaps reach out to pastors in areas with high illegal immigrant statuses to see if they have dealt with this kind of scenario before.

Case Study #3

The first thing I would want to understand is the background information regarding the man’s divorce to his first wife. Though I trust the presbytery, the accusations made by the children make me want to understand what caused his first marriage to fail. I would want to talk to the man as well as the church in our presbytery to gain a better understanding of what occurred in the past.

I would also want to understand the home dynamics that were going on in his current home. His children are all legally adults and I would want to understand why the two oldest children were living at home still (there is no inherent issue with a child living at home, but sometimes it shows a deeper issue, e.g. the difference between a kid playing video games in the basement all day vs. a son who is starting a business, and the father is supporting him in this endeavor).

I also would like the know the parenting schedule arranged between the man and his ex-wife. I would also try and determine the ex-wife’s spiritual and marital status. Is there repentance (assuming the man did divorce her for a biblical reason), is she a member of a faithful church, have the man and the woman reconciled even though it is clear there is no restoration, has the woman remarried, and other questions regarding the woman’s home and life that the children has moved into.

Finally, I would want to understand what the various claims are - narcissistic, controlling, and manipulative are not necessarily biblical terms so I would want to understand what they are accusing their father of. I would also want to know what the father means by “lay down the law and not let them run his house and speak disrespectfully to him or their stepmom.” Again, these are not necessarily biblical terms, so I want a clear definition to understand the conflict.

I am encouraged that the children and father have both agreed to meet with me, but this is going to be a slow process. There is a lot of background information to dive into. I would want to speak to the children about how they viewed the divorce, why they chose to live with their mom (as opposed to their own place, or another relative) as well as the spiritual status of all three children.

Noting that there is sin on both sides, my first counsel to the father is that he must repent of his own sin. He must understand that he has sinned first and foremost against God and must repent and ask God for forgiveness. He must then go to his current wife and confess to her as well. His house has been out of order, and he has not led well, and he must confess to all who are in the household. Finally, he must go to his children and repent of his sin to them. What is important to note is that he currently is not their covenantal head. They do not live with him and that changes the type of repentance that must take place. The father must repent of being a poor father who has not been an example of our heavenly Father. The children must be willing to forgive, but they are not currently living with him so his rules would not apply to them in their current living situation. He is still their father, and they must honor and respect him for this office but they are not required to move back in with him or submit to all of his demands.

The father must be prepared to move into a new stage of fatherhood. His children are no longer priests who follow commands to a “T,” but are instead kings or queens who must use the wisdom imparted from the father to make wise decisions. The father now must act a prophet, giving his children wisdom in how to live but not commanding them to obey his rules. This would be my counsel even if the children still lived with him and his new (obviously there are rules that must be followed in any household, but the children should be given freedom in non-essential matters, e.g. they must be respectful to their stepmother, not turn the ac all the way down, or leave dirty clothes on the bathroom floor but they are not required to eat all their vegetables or have a set bed time). The initial step would not be to talk to the children about their sins until the man has confessed and been given forgiveness by his children. Then he would need to address the sins of his children, calling them to repentance and granting them forgiveness if they confess and seek forgiveness.

In terms of the man’s office, he must first and foremost be given a sabbatical. This sabbatical would be given so that the deacon would have time to get his house in order. He would be given time, encouragement, and counsel to spend this time reconciling with his children in hopes that a fruitful relationship could be reestablished with confession and forgiveness on both sides. As the sabbatical is going, I would be in deep talks with the session and diaconate to understand if this man meets biblical qualifications of being a deacon.

It is hard to tell from this story alone if the man is qualified, and I would also want to understand his previous divorce better (my hope is that this work would have mainly been done when he joined my church/was put forward as a potential deacon). I would personally hold that a biblical divorce does not disqualify a man from an office in the church, but it is a significant “yellow flag” that must be investigated and worked through before a call to an office. I would hold that most men who are divorced would be best suited to not serve as an officer, but this is not a hard and fast rule.

If the man is able to reestablish order and unity in his household, then I would have no issue bringing him back from the sabbatical to serve as a deacon, but if is right and proper relationships are not reestablished, I would argue that the man does not meet qualifications as presented in 1 Timothy 3 and Titus 1. The session, diaconate, and I would want to pay careful attention to how this man handles this situation and looking back on his service to see if there are any indicators that present that the man is not qualified. The hope and prayer is that this is a brief lapse into sin that is handle properly and the man can be readmitted to the diaconate. If not, we would encourage repentance and faithful membership and service in the church as a member, but not as a deacon.

Case Study #4

This case study is particularly (my guess is intentionally) vague so to gauge sins is difficult. It appears though that there can be several sins noticed based upon the scenario. The first thing to note is that stepping down from the diaconate is not sinful, based upon the statement that the man is moving soon, a sabbatical or resignation does not seem like a foolish proposition. The problem appears to be with the man's response to the session during the meetings. It is said that he is irritated, snippy, and storms out of a meeting. This seems to imply that the man is struggling with the sin of anger (Proverbs 14:17).

It also appears that the man has unaired grievances with one or more members of the session. If this is correct and the man has not gone to them for biblical reconciliation, then this is an issue of sin for not following a biblical pattern of reconciliation between brothers (Matthew 18:15, Matthew 5:23). Instead, it appears that the man has instead spoken with other members about his grievances without actually going to the brothers in question, this is also sinful (Proverbs 11:13, 1 Timothy 5:13).

Another issue that is not necessarily sinful but could potentially fall into sin, is the leaving of the church. First, I would want to understand the churches membership vows to see what the man had covenanted to when it came to leaving a church. A typical vow would seem to encourage that he leaves to attend to another bible believing church. I would want to attempt to confirm that he is attending church somewhere. While his leaving seems to be rash and fueled by anger and potentially gossiping - the actual leaving is not necessarily sinful.

The second thing to understand is who actually owned the YouTube channel. If it was owned by the church, then his deletion of it would consist of destruction of the church’s property and would be sinful (Exodus 20:15, Exodus 22:1-15). If it was not owned by the church but instead by the man, then deletion of it is his right but seems to operate out a sense of vengeance (1 Peter 2:23) which would also be sinful. I would hope that if it was his channel then he would give us opportunity to transfer data to another avenue rather than deleting it with no prior warning.

The case study is too vague to give any definite answer on any other sins involved within the church. I personally would encourage the session/diaconate to think through any previous interactions to see if they can think of any potential sin or offense done against the man. The issue though is that the man is unwilling to speak with us, we cannot allow ourselves to become emotionally manipulated by someone who is unwilling to follow a biblical pattern for addressing sin. If there is obvious offense (agreed upon by the session/diaconate) then repentance and restitution should be sought but it cannot be determined based off the case study.

It could be easy for the church officers to want to bend over backwards to appease this man, but I believe this is the wrong approach. The man seems to hold that he has been sinned against but without him being willing to address these issues then blanket apologies or apologies for things that are not actually sinful are not helpful, biblical, or right in this circumstance.

The steps to be followed should be first and foremost reaching out to man as the pastor to see if he is willing to meet with me. This would be the first step in church discipline, I would be reaching out to the man and see if he is attending another church and if he is willing to let me listen to his grievances and begin discipleship/counseling. I would also need to meet with the people who the man had aired his grievances with within the congregation. I would want to talk to them, hear what they have to say, and counsel them with whatever pertinent information (to be honest, I have faced a similar situation in our own church and walked through some of this path before). Based upon the man's reception to me and what he has said to others would determine the path of dealing with him and the congregation. I would want to give him warnings that to be divisive is sinful and to eventually put oneself outside of the church (Titus 3:10).

I would also pray that his family is still being lead and attending a good, faithful church. I would make sure to call the man to remember his membership vows, to remember his duty to spiritually lead and shepherd his family, and to seek reconciliation between brothers. His duty now is as a member of the church and as a father and husband, to raise his children in the fear and admonition of the Lord and wash his wife in the word of God.

Since the man was a deacon, this would most likely be a more painful split. The church would accept his resignation (it happened before his meeting with the session) and he would no longer be considered an officer of the church. I would also make the church aware that the man is no longer a deacon of the church and has resigned. I would attempt to wisely state it without giving too much information to the congregation who is unaware of the circumstances.

This is a sad situation that must be handled with care and love but also a firmness since the biblical pattern of reconciliation is not being followed by the man. His status as a deacon makes this more difficult and the session must be prepared to meet with families and individuals who are hurt by his departure or by the grievances he has aired to them. My prayer is that this man would be willing to meet with me and the members of the session he has grievance with so that fellowship can be restored and he and his family maintain membership with our church. That being said, it appears that the man does not meet biblical qualifications of a deacon (1 Timothy 3 - worthy of respect, holding to the faith) and I would not want to see him restored to his office as a deacon. I believe there is potential for him to one day hold the office again, but it would take time and testing (1 Timothy 3) for the trust to be gained for him to be a deacon again.

Case Study #5

The first thing to note is that the couple is brand new to the church. They have barely attended and are already seeking out counseling. This is not necessarily a bad thing, but it is interesting. I would want to learn more about the church they attended before mine. I would want to know how long they attended, if they were members, did they serve in any capacity, did the church they were at provide counseling during any part of their marriage (especially during the separation), what is means to be “too Complementarian” and what the husband means by an unbiblical view of headship.

I would also want to ask questions about their marriage and life, how long have they have been married, how old their children are, if the children are in school, do they witness arguments, do they show any behavioral problems, the background of the wife’s previous marriage, the reason for separation, the reason for them living together again, how long they have been back together, and what it means that the wife “resists” him and “won’t let him lead.”

It does seem apparent that the household is very unstable, with a separation, fights that lead to shouting and name calling, and a tense household. It also appears that the man is operating off some idea of how a marriage should look and how the husband and wife should relate to each other and how a husband should lead. I am unsure if this is a correct view or incorrect view, so more questions need to be asked.

I am encouraged that the man seems to believe that a pastor is able to help in this situation. The man is self-aware enough to realize that his marriage is struggling and that he needs help. It is good that he is seeking out assistance from a pastor instead of going to secular psychologists for help.

The major issues that need to be addressed in regard to the tensions would be the wife’s previous marriage, the separation, the fathers view on headship, and the reason departure from their church. All of these must be fleshed out to understand what the background and history of the family is. Was the wife divorced or widowed? If divorced, was it a biblical divorce? Is the father of the child still in the picture? All these will affect how the wife views marriage and understands the dynamic of the family.

I have addressed questions I would want to ask previously, but all of these issues are things that could contribute to the tenseness and fights the couple are having. Understanding these better would lead to understanding sensitive issues, but I think I could safely assume that divorce, patriarchy, submission, and commitment to a local church body could all be sensitive topics to be handled carefully but truthfully.

Based on the information given, I would want to focus on two areas. First, I would want to lean on the husband to understand and honor his wife (1 Peter 3:7). I would want him to honor his wife and love her in an understanding way. I would want him to remember this verse when tempers flare or when they are in the middle of a fight. That he could remember his duty to his wife and calm the situation down.

For the wife I would want to press her to understand of 1 Peter 3:1 That wives are to respect to their husband. She is to respect him and not shout or call him names. The apostle Paul tells us in Ephesians 5 this is because the wife is representative or type of the church. She needs to act how the church acts (or is supposed to act) towards Christ. With respect and love. When she is tempted to shout or call him names or potentially leave the house, she must remember her duty is to respect this man.

I would be willing to counsel them with some caveats to be given. I would want to see the couple become members at my church. If this includes transferring membership or speaking to the pastor of the old church to make sure they have not left on bad terms. They would also have to agree to meet with me for marital counseling and each one would need to meet with an older man/woman in our church for discipleship on a weekly basis. I would also condition the counseling on them attending worship, if they stop attending I would not want to continue counseling them. I want them to become settled in a good church and not go church hopping trying to find a magic solution.

To counsel the couple, I would first want to do an initial meeting that was mainly information gathering. I would want to learn about their histories, their faith, how they met, their marriage and how they raise their children. Following an initial meeting I would most likely look to do a book study with them, I believe based on the case study I would look at going through “When Sinners Say I Do.” I like this book for this couple because it seems like an emphasis on biblical repentance and forgiveness would be helpful. I would make sure to give them weekly homework (do one loving thing for your spouse, write down something you are grateful for concerning your spouse each day, make sure you are having a physical relationship - sex and other forms of affection, etc...) and scripture memorization.

This couple needs help, and it is a help that can only come through the transforming power of the gospel and the means of Grace that God uses to sanctify his people. I would want to understand (to the best of my ability) if this couple has faith in Christ, have been baptized, and regularly partake of the Lord’s Supper. If they are not Christians then the hope must come from them pledging their allegiance to Christ the King. If they are Christians then hope is found that Christ will continue the good work he has started in them and will not leave to them to fight sin alone. Instead God has sent the helper, the Holy Spirit, to assist in this battle as they walk with their brothers and sisters in the church to mortify sin and become more Christ-like.