Spiritual Formation 201 - Part 7 -Learning to Live Without Lying

Last week’s soul training - 48 Hour Media Fast

So, how did we do with the media fast. Anyone pull it off? Anybody want to share?

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Let me begin this morning with an illustration. A guy and his wife go to a dinner party with ten other couples, most of whom were very well educated people. He was introduced to a man as someone who teaches at a college. “Oh, an academic type. Great! I love to talk to fellow academics.” Well this man had never thought of himself as an academic, he just loved to study and teach. Anyway, the man he was introduced to began to tell him about a course he was teaching on literature. He said, “I think Hawthorne was the most brilliant writer of this generation by far, don’t you?”

“Well, he WAS quite good,” our friend replied, having never read a single word written by Hawthorne. “Quite good! The best! Anyway, I was making thins point that the genius of The Scarlett Letter was in its irony. I mean, the fact that the accusers are the true sinners, and the accused sinner is actually the most righteous character. Do you agree Jim?”

“Well, uh...yes, yes I agree,”

Again, this guy had never read Hawthorne and so far he has lied to this new acquaintance twice.

The conversation lasted another painful 10 minutes, and each time our friend was asked another question about Hawthorne’s writing by the new acquaintance, our friend carefully crafted another lie. And he became more an more nervous that at any moment he would be asked an open ended question that he would be unsable to answer. Then it would be clear he had never read the book, and everyone would know that he was a fraud and a liar.

So why did he do this? Why tell, all these lies? Lies that were really very unnecessary. He had so little to gain by lying and a whole bunch to loose if he got caught.

Most of us, especially if we are Jesus disciples, consider lying to be a sin. And like most people, we don’t like being lied to. It makes us feel disrespected at the very least.

So there must be some narrative that drives us to lie even when it goes against our grain and our beliefs. Turns out, people lie a lot. We lie a lot more than we realize because we have a strong and intricate system of rationalization that justifies our deceptions.

So this morning I want to explore why we lie, what Jesus had to say about it, and how we can begin to cure our need to lie.

Now in case you are sitting here thinking, “Well I’m not a liar.” Let me ask you, have you ever...

Said, “Yes, I have read that book or seen that movie” when you actually had not.

Or said to someone, “Yes, let’s definitely get together soon” when you really didn’t want to.

Or, “He’s in a meeting”

Or, “She’s not home right now”

Or, “No. That outfit doesn’t make you look fat.”

Check this out. According to a study conducted by Robert Feldman, in a 10 minute conversation, we tell an average of 3.3 lies - one lie every three minutes or so. The most shocking study I have ever seen, concluded that we are lied to every 5 minutes, or an average of 200 times a day!

Author Ralph Keyes, who has written an excellent book on lying, concludes that “some form of deception occurs in nearly two thirds of all conversations.” in another study, 59% of two thousand American parents admitted to lying to their children on a regular basis. things like, “Our cable service doesn’t get that TV show honey” or “If you touch that button it will shock you” or “the candy store is closed.” Haven’t nailed you yet? Okay. Let me just toss out a couple more. Santa Clause. Easter Bunny.

We tell our kids all kinds of lies but we sure don’t want them to lie to us! Keyes concludes, “If research on the subject is credible, nearly all of us tell lies, and far more often than we realize.

And by the way, if I still haven’t swept you up into my net full of liars, let me remind you that cheating is just another form of lying. Cheating is nothing more than deception with the intent to gain something.

Examples:

Believe it or not, it is reported that many wealthy parents take their kids “diagnosis shopping.” That is, they go to multiple doctors until they find one who will say their child has a slight learning disability because an “official diagnosis of disability will allow their kid’s more time on the SATs.” A better score may get them into a better college.

HR officers estimate that nearly 25% of the information they see on a resume is not just “padding” but “gross misinformation”

As many as two million Americans have illegal offshore bank accounts they use to evade taxes.

Thousands of Americans are knowingly pirating cable TV. Estimates are that Americans are stealing $6 billion a year worth of paid television.

Why Do We Lie?

So let’s see if we can figure out why we do it. If we can uncover the cause maybe we can find ways to change.

Like most everything we do, our actions are often based on some sort of false narrative we have playing in our heads.

If we are really a nation of liars, there must be a narrative underneath that encourages us, or at least permits us to lie. Given that we have a deep need to think well of ourselves, when we lie, we need an excuse.

I don’t want to have to deal with someone else’s hurt feelings.

It was just a little white lie. I meant no harm.

If I told the truth, I would get into trouble.

The ends justify the means.

All of these excuses to lie are pretty utilitarian. This narrative says, “I am important, and my well-being is my main mission. There will be times that i will need to lie in order to gain what I want , or prevent something I do not want. That is why lying is okay.”

It is a means-ends justification. The means (lying) may not in itself be morally right, but the ends (What we gain or avoid) justifies the means. So, the two main things that drive us to lie are:

Fear of what will happen if we tell the truth

Desire for personal gain if we lie.

Does that sound about right? Well, then we better take a closer look at those two things and then we will see what our Rabbi, Jesus has to say.

FEAR

Most of our lying is fear-based. We lie to avoid trouble.

EXAMPLE: Mom walks into the kitchen, sees junior sitting on the floor covered in flour, and asks, “Billy, did you spill the flour?” Billy thinks about the consequences of telling the truth, and without missing a beat, says, “no momma”

Why? Fear. Kids by the way are terrible liars. It takes years to perfect the practice because effective lying requires overriding our bodies. Even then, it is hard to fool a lie detection machine. Our bodies seem to be opposed to lying.

When we are asked questions like...

“Did you cheat on the exam?”

“Did you ever love someone before me?”

“Is that your best offer?”

we are mindful that our answer will cause us either pain or pleasure, and we vastly prefer pleasure.

DESIRE

We also lie when we think we might gain something we want.

We lie on our resumes to get the job we want.

We lie about our age, our marital status, our education and our occupation in order to get something we want.

We say we never intend to hurt anyone, we just want to liked, accepted or to get the job. We tell ourselves that our needs are more important than anything else. Those false imperative narratives we talked about a couple weeks ago when we talked about anger play into this as well. “It’s all about me” and “I am all alone in this world” will often be used to justify lying.

But one thing we can be sure about is that we are not operating in the Kingdom when we choose to lie. We are running on our own strength and the scary part is that it can and often does work. People lie on a resume and get the job. People lie about a sale price and make more money. They are not in sync or in partnership with the Kingdom, but they are still getting what they want. And thins is often all they need to justify their actions. So these are the two min reasons people lie.

We think we need to in order to get what we want.

We think we need to in order to avoid something we don’t want.

And if the universe revolves around us, then lying is justified. We now have a narrative that allows us to sleep just fine at night. unfortunately, we are destroying the integrity of our own souls. According to Jesus, even if we gain the whole world but lose our soul, we have truly lost what is most important. So let’s have a look at...

Jesus Narrative About Lying

Matthew 5:33–37 “33 “Again you have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not swear falsely, but shall perform to the Lord what you have sworn.’ 34 But I say to you, Do not take an oath at all, either by heaven, for it is the throne of God, 35 or by the earth, for it is his footstool, or by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the great King. 36 And do not take an oath by your head, for you cannot make one hair white or black. 37 Let what you say be simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything more than this comes from evil.”

So, What’s Going On Here?

In Jesus’ day, people often took oaths to make their words seem more trustworthy. But they also developed clever loopholes—swearing by lesser things (like heaven or earth) instead of God Himself—thinking they weren’t fully accountable if they didn’t fulfill their word. It was a way to sound honest without actually being honest.

The False Narrative Jesus Exposes

“As long as I don’t swear by God directly, I can bend the truth.”

This mindset led to manipulative and deceptive speech. It created a culture where truth was conditional and trust was eroded.

The True Narrative Jesus Offers

“Let your ‘yes’ be yes and your ‘no’ be no.”

Now to be clear because I know someone has this question. What about swearing to tell the truth in court? Is this what Jesus is talking about? I would say no. Jesus is not forbidding us to take an oath in a court of law, nor is he saying we must never promise we are telling the truth when asked. He is saying, become the kind of person who naturally tells the truth.

Jesus is calling for a new kind of integrity—where words are so dependable that they don’t need to be backed up by an oath. In the Kingdom of God, truth is not negotiable. Jesus wants His followers to speak honestly, plainly, and consistently.

What Does This Mean for Us?

1. Be Truthful in All Speech

Jesus doesn’t just want us to avoid lying—He wants us to be the kind of people who don’t need to lie. Truth should be part of our nature, not just something we try to maintain under pressure.

2. Avoid Manipulation

We shouldn’t twist words or use clever phrasing to hide our true intentions. That’s still lying. Kingdom people are called to transparent, trustworthy communication.

3. Speak with Simplicity and Sincerity

A simple “yes” or “no” is enough when we live in truth. There’s no need to convince others by exaggerating, swearing, or over-promising.

Why Does Jesus Say “Anything Beyond This Comes from the Evil One”?

Because dishonesty—whether in speech or intent—originates in rebellion against God’s nature. In John 8:44, Jesus says Satan is "the father of lies." When we lie, we align ourselves not with God, but with the enemy.

Bottom Line:

Jesus teaches that truthfulness should flow from who we are, not from external pressures. In the Kingdom, there’s no need to swear by anything—we simply tell the truth, because we are truthful people. So how can we learn to live without lying?

Well, first of all, become and live as an apprentice of Jesus. God is truth. He cannot lie. (Titus 1:2) And those who follow Him must walk in the truth. And the Spirit of God not only leads us into the truth, (John 16:13) but IS truth. (1 John 5:6)

So, just to be clear: Lying is “ a false statement made knowingly, with the intent to deceive.” Lying is not about the correctness of what you say but about the intent of your heart.

Kingdom people are those who are led or walk in the Spirit. That means they must walk in truth.

Ephesians 4:25 - 25 Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another.

This is the baseline or starting point for apprentices of Jesus.

So living in the kingdom is in fact the solution to lying. People who dwell in the Kingdom will find lying less and less a part of their lives. That’s because the kingdom addresses all of our reasons for lying. First, as we live our lives in the Kingdom, we can let go of our fears. We don’t need to fear what will happen as long as we live under His rule and reign. Telling the truth may cause discomfort or embarrassment, but we live with a God who protects us and provides for us. Simply put, if we choose to lie, we are not in harmony with the Kingdom, and losing that is much worse than the consequences of telling the truth.

Understanding our identity in Christ helps us with lying as well.

Colossians 3:9 - 9 Do not lie to one another, seeing that you have put off the old self with its practices

Don’t miss the second clause here. “ seeing that you have put off the old self “

Since Jesus dwells and delights in us, we strive to put an end to deception in our life.

When the Truth Hurts

Now. What about when telling the truth hurts somebody? This is tricky. Some would say honesty at all costs. I am not a fan of this one. So does that make me a liar? Well, let’s remember that it is our heart Jesus is most interested in. After all we are told that we are to be a blessing and an encouragement to others with our words. So there MIGHT be limits to honesty. Like the guy in A Few Good Men said, sometimes we can’t handle the truth, and some truths we do not need to handle. Now I am not advocating lying or deception. I believe loving others (which is the highest goal) may involve not telling someone everything we think or know in every circumstance.

This takes discernment and wisdom to decide when honesty is harmful and when it is helpful. For me, a serious “heart check” is necessary when I am in those situations. I want my words to always come from a Kingdom attitude, which is love. Paul coined a phrase in...

Ephesians 4:15 - 15 Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ,

That is a great phrase, “speaking the truth in love”. Love is willing the good of another person. There are times when “willing the good” will mean telling the unvarnished truth. And other times it may mean withholding the truth. This issue is not easy, but fortunately we have prayer and the Holy Spirit to guide us.

Folks, the Kingdom is no in trouble. And anyone who chooses to stand in it is never in trouble. So we can risk telling the truth. We can handle the consequences of the truth.

Our words need to be honest and true, but our words flow from our heart, so our heart has to be honest and true. Right now, maybe your heart isn’t, but as long as and the more you spend time in the Kingdom, it will be increasingly so. As your heart becomes genuine and true, so will your words.

So how do we stop lying. Live each moment in the Kingdom. It is what we have been saying all along. Every moment of every day you live in or outside the Kingdom by the truth you obey or disobey, and the choices you make.

This week’s Soul Training - Silence

Two Options,

Going a day without Words - This one will be VERY challenging! It will take a fair bit of planning and prep. In our world, how is thins even possible/ First, choose a day when this will be less of a problem for you. For most this will be a weekend. You can choose to go between sundown, say Friday evening to Saturday evening.

Some warnings:

Be sure to let others know what you are doing. Silence creates suspicion and concerns. Your sweet spouse may wonder why you are giving them the silent treatment!

If you are asked to speak and it is beneficial to do so, then speak. Charity overrides all discipline. if you see someone about to be hit by a car, by all means...yell!

You may need to use some hand gestures or write it on a piece of paper. This does not include texting!

Going a day without lying.

If the first exercise is impossible for you, then choose one ay a week and make it a “Lie-Free day”. Do your very best not o lie to anyone for an entire day. If you do lie, try your best to correct it on the spot. Say, “you know what I just said was not true. The truth is...” You may be surprised that people don’t get upset with you but that they find it refreshing. And correcting yourself will help prevent the next lie.

Closing Prayer:

Lord Jesus,

We come to You as people who long for love, but too often chase it in the wrong places. We confess that lust has ruled parts of our hearts, but we believe that You are the Healer and Transformer of hearts. Thank You for not shaming us, but calling us to something higher. Fill us with Your Spirit. Help us to walk closely with You, to train our minds, and to see others as people made in Your image, not as objects to consume. May Your Kingdom come more fully in our desires, our thoughts, and our relationships. We love You and trust You.

In Jesus' name, Amen.