Marriage & Divorce

Introduction:

Connection:

We live in a divorce laden culture; where you can get divorced just because you fell out of love; or because your spouse and yourself don’t feel like staying committed to each other anymore. Marriage means nothing in a culture that approves of no-fault-divorce. Marriage is meaningless unless we understand its covenantal nature as a solemn bond and a sworn promise, for your entire life, which brings blessing or cursing based upon fidelity or infidelity. What we’re going to learn today—is that of all people to ever walk this planet: Jesus Christ had the Highest and Holiest and Happiest view of Marriage to ever be Proclaimed.

Theme:

Marriage & Divorce

Need:

We need to be joyful and holy and happy covenant keepers by faith—with our spouses if we’re married—but ultimately with our faithful God.

Purpose:

To clarify the true intention of God’s Law regarding marriage & divorce; to establish the biblical grounds for divorce & remarriage; to warn against sexual immorality and covenant breaking; and to comfort the saints in Christ’s covenant-keeping & faithfulness to His church.

Recap:

Last Sunday we saw Jesus preaching against lust and adultery—and here he continues his preaching on God’s Law regarding Marriage & Divorce. He is restoring the Law to its purity, while preaching against moral impurity. Jesus is elevating God’s standard to its proper place, as it had been clouded and darkened by the teaching of the Scribes and the Pharisees. Here we come to see what our Lord has to say about the Marriage Covenant:

Read Text:

Matt. 5:31-32 ESV

PRAY - PRAY - PRAY - PRAY - PRAY - PRAY - PRAY - PRAY

(1) The Pharisees Abused the Law of God for No-Fault Divorce - v. 31

Matthew 5:31 ESV

“It was also said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’

(1) The Pharisees Abused the Law of God for No-Fault Divorce - v. 31

As we have done each week in the BUT I SAY UNTO YOU portion of the Sermon on the Mount—we need to again remind ourselves that Jesus is not pitting himself against the Law of God which is holy, righteous, and just—but rather, he is pitting himself against the Scribal and Pharisaical abuse and misunderstanding of the Law of God. If anything is fundamental to understanding the Sermon the Mount it’s this: Jesus is contrasting the Law of God with Jewish Teaching—not the Law of God with his New Teaching (repeat x 2).

Jesus is not abolishing or abrogating the commandments of God; he is fulfilling and confirming them for our obedience by faith. As Jesus sets up these contrasts, we must remember this, or else we are pitting Jesus the Son against God the Father and creating conflict within the Trinity. Jesus came to do the will of the Father, not to overturn it or uproot it. And so he says, quoting the Jewish authorities…

31 “It was also said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’

In this reference Jesus is alluding to Deut. 24:1-4 in the context of the Pharisee’s abuse of the passage. Here’s what the text actually says:

Deuteronomy 24:1–4 ESV

“When a man takes a wife and marries her, if then she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some indecency in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, and she departs out of his house, and if she goes and becomes another man’s wife, and the latter man hates her and writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, or if the latter man dies, who took her to be his wife, then her former husband, who sent her away, may not take her again to be his wife, after she has been defiled, for that is an abomination before the Lord. And you shall not bring sin upon the land that the Lord your God is giving you for an inheritance.

In sum: If there’s some indecency found in one’s wife, there is grounds for divorce; and there’s a regulation against sinful remarriage which constitutes adultery. The key word in this text is indecency. The Pharisees explained the text in such a way that misunderstood its original context, its literal content, and its proper calling. They took a text that talked sorrowfully about divorce, as if it gave them a free-pass for no-fault divorce! Utter foolishness.

And, by the time of Jesus, their was a formal Jewish debate between the liberals and conservatives of the day regarding divorce. There were two schools of thought: (1) the Shammai school and (2) the Hillel school. The Shammai school was conservative and argued that only adultery constitutes grounds for divorce (that indecency = adultery in Deut. 24)—whereas the Hillel school was liberal and argued that basically anything was grounds for divorce (that indecency = forgetting to do the laundry); which is the no-fault-divorce view that is practically the same as the law in Canada today. If you don’t want your wife anymore—you can just get rid of her with no consequences or curses.

Another scholar adds some depth to the context of this divorce-debate:

France: On this basis rabbinic teaching ranged from the “hard-line” position of Shammai that only “adultery” was a valid ground for divorce to the “liberal” position of Hillel which allowed a man to divorce his wife for such a trivial offense such as spoiling a meal. In practice it seems clear that it was the Hillelite position which prevailed among most Jews. [Meaning that most of the Pharisees took the Liberal stance on divorce].

And so with this context of the Pharisees abusing God’s Law—Jesus comes to confirm and clarify its true intent, meaning, and application. Jesus is giving divine and authoritative interpretation to Deut. 24:1-4.

Bahnsen: The Pharisees had severely distorted the law’s teaching on divorce. First, the emphasis in their exposition and the concern of their debates were misplaced. So Jesus drove them back to study every jot and tittle of God’s law. Secondly the text of Matthew 5:31 shows that the Pharisees were prone to misquote Scripture, so Jesus drove them back to a correct reading of every jot and tittle of God’s law. Thirdly, the Pharisees misinterpreted the teaching of Deut. 24 in favor of their loose view of divorce. [And so Jesus explained the true meaning of every jot and tittle of God’s law].

And before we go any farther, there’s one more place in the Gospel of Matthew where the Pharisees bring this liberal and conservative debate to Jesus in order to test him—and Jesus weighs in on their failure to understand the true meaning of the marriage covenant and it’s gravity for life. That place is Matthew 19. Here is the question the Pharisees asked Jesus:

Matthew 19:3 ESV

And Pharisees came up to him and tested him by asking, “Is it lawful to divorce one’s wife for any cause?”

Notice, that they are trying to draw jesus into the debate. Is it lawful to divorce one’s wife for any cause. For the liberal view … for no-fault-divorce. This confirms my interpretation of Matthew 5. Jesus is responding to the liberal abuse of marriage & divorce that was held by the Pharisees of his day. And this is the backdrop for our passage this morning, as Jesus is rebuking the abuse of Deut. 24. And in so doing He restores God’s Law to its true meaning, purity, application for us today. The precepts of the Lord are right, rejoicing the heart—the commandments of the Lord are pure, enlightening the eyes.

(1) The Pharisees Abused the Law of God for No-Fault Divorce - v. 31

And so Jesus comes to proclaim the will of God in these matters, as He authoritatively speaks as the only Lawgiver and Judge—as the Lord. So secondly then for this morning:

(2) Jesus Confirmed the Law of God for the Marriage Covenant - v. 32

Matthew 5:32 ESV

But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.

(2) Jesus Confirmed the Law of God for the Marriage Covenant - v. 32

And again, so we understand the fullness of what Jesus is refuting and responding to …II’m going to quote the full passage from Matthew 19 as well:

Matthew 19:3–9 ESV

And Pharisees came up to him and tested him by asking, “Is it lawful to divorce one’s wife for any cause?” He answered, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” They said to him, “Why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce and to send her away?” He said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.”

RSB: We notice that when the Pharisees asked Jesus about a liberal divorce law, He immediately took them back to Scripture and God’s original institution of marriage. He stressed that marriage is intended to be for life. He underscored the union of husband and wife into one flesh that cannot be dissolved by human decrees. Only God is authorized to determine the grounds of dissolving marriage.

Notice what the Pharisees ask Jesus. Jesus who’s right in this side of the debate? And Jesus says: have you not read? Both sides of the debate were failing to emphasize the original intention of marriage as a lifelong and exclusive covenant of loyal love. The emphasis in their debate was not on what marriage ought to be, but on the grounds for divorce. So Jesus restores a high and holy and happy view of marriage—but then he chimes into the debate and basically agrees with the conservatives, that sexual immorality and adultery is a breaking of the marriage covenant and is grounds for divorce. The right reading of Deut. 24:1-4 is that the indecency that is spoken of is sexual immorality and adultery—not messing up a Jewish pot of stew. Sorry man, but you’re gonna have to stick it out with your wife’s bad cooking!

In both Matt. 5 and Matt. 19—this is the only ground that Jesus gives that justifies divorce—but he never praises divorce as a good thing. It might be necessary due to hardness of heart and sin—but it’s never something to be delighted in. It’s the breaking and dissolving of the marriage covenant due to infidelity. Whatever your view is on divorce, we should all be equally brokenhearted over the damage of divorce as covenant-breaking in the eyes of God—which brings temporal curses and very difficult consequences for the family. So, back to our text for this morning. Here the King of Glory speaks the Law of His Righteous Kingdom-Rule:

32 But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.

Okay, now we need to deal with the details of what Jesus is saying here—and it’s ramifications for modern practice.

Jesus says that unjust divorce causes adultery—and that unjust remarriage causes adultery. How can that be, Jesus? If someone is divorced how can they be committing adultery if there no longer married? Well, simply—because in God’s eyes if you divorce without proper grounds, you’re still married! No human government can legislate against God’s Law with binding authority. If God says your still married, then you’re still married! And if you’ve been sinfully divorced, and you go and get married again—you have just committed adultery in the eyes of God; and if you’ve never been married, but you marry a sinfully divorced women, then you’re committing adultery as well! These are strong words.

RSB: Jesus gave His own pronouncement on the matter—forbidding divorce except on the grounds of sexual immorality. His enigmatic words about remarriage and adultery must be understood in relation to invalid and illegitimate divorces. If people grant divorces where God does not, then the couple is still married in the sight of God. Therefore, remarriage of illegitimately divorced people constitutes entering into an adulterous relationship.

Jesus has the highest and holiest and happiest view of marriage ever to be proclaimed. What God has joined together, let no man separate. Marriage is meant to be a sworn promise and solemn bond of lifelong commitment with exclusive and loyal love and faithfulness. Breaking marital vows ruins God’s holy and happy design for marriage—but keeping marital vows brings true blessedness in the home.

So then, I’m sure there’s a few questions floating around in your head right now. Let me do my best to answer some of those.

Q - How is Divorce possible if what God has joined together no man is to separate? A - Jesus doesn’t say no man can separate what God has joined together, but rather, no man should separate what God has joined together. Marriages can be broken. Divorces can happen. But it’s against God’s creational design for us in so doing—yet sometimes it is justified due to hardness of heart and sinful actions.

Q - What are the grounds for divorce? A - Jesus only gives us one: sexual immorality on the level of adultery, which breaks the covenant of loyal love between one man and one woman. But Paul gives us another ground in 1 Cor. 7: Abandonment. Taken together, adultery and abandonment are the only two grounds given for divorce from Genesis to Revelation.

Q - The word Jesus uses here for sexual immorality is porneia—and doesn’t it refer only to sin committed before marriage (fornication), and not adultery in marriage? A - It’s true that porneia does ordinarily mean fornication, but it can also mean adultery and a wide range of sexual sins—thus the context determines its meaning. Jesus is clarifying the true meaning of Deut. 24 which is addressing marital sin, and in Matthew he is responding to questions about marital sin, divorce, and remarriage while referring to the creation ordinance of one flesh—not the engagement period beforehand. Thus, I believe it’s too restrictive to argue that porneia only applies to sexual sin before marriage—I believe it also applies to sexual sin after and in marriage. Thus the exception clause of sexual immorality does constitute grounds for divorce, not just throwing off a betrothal or engagement.

Q - Why is Matthew the only Gospel that includes the exception clause for sexual immorality? A - God doesn’t have to repeat himself to bind us with his Law. One place spoken on the matter is sufficient. And we also have Paul speaking inspired exhortations in 1 Cor. 7. To argue that Jesus means something different here because less detail is given in the other Gospels is to make the mistake that just because something isn’t mentioned that it wasn’t implied or included in teaching elsewhere. That’s why we have 4 Gospels for a fuller picture of the person, work, and teachings of Christ.

Q - If there are grounds for divorce do you have to get divorced? By no means! In fact most often it is best to fight for your marriage, to show grace upon grace! To pursue repentance, and reconciliation, and confession, and a renewal of the marriage covenant! Is that not what the book of Hosea is all about? Though God could have divorced his people—he pursued them out of their adultery, and woo’d them back into faithful love as his covenant people. Just because there are grounds for something doesn’t mean it’s always best to take that route! And Christian’s of all people should be people of forgiveness, grace, mercy, and love. However, it would be wrong of us to say that every divorce is wrong, because God the Father, Jesus, and Paul all give exceptions for the deep & sinful wounds of adultery and abandonment.

Q - Does God ever permit remarriage? Or is it always sinful and adulterous? A - Yes God does sometimes permit remarriage and it can be a huge blessing. Jesus doesn’t forbid all remarriage in our text, but only remarriage for invalid and illegitimate divorces. John Murray and Jim Newheiser have shown that the exception clause of sexual immorality, in the Greek, applies to both divorce and remarriage. Divorce and remarriage are adulterous, except in the cause of sexual immorality. Paul also mentions remarriage for the innocent party in 1 Cor. 7. But the hard statement that Jesus makes here—and in Matthew 19—is that the guilty party is not allowed to remarry. He must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to his previous husband/wife. If you break the marriage covenant, you come under the curse of not being allowed to remarry. This is one reason why marital faithfulness is so important.

Q - Why does Jesus hold such a high and holy view of the Marriage Covenant? A - Because Marriage was instituted by God to be a living picture of the relationship between Christ and the Church. And when we tarnish that image, we are causing that which is beautiful to look ugly in the eyes of unbelievers. Christian marriage should be holy, happy, hearty, romantic, joyful, faithful, loyal, solemn, serious, delightful, glorious, steadfast, and beautiful. Because of all these things reflect the love that Jesus has for his people, and the love that we return to Christ by the power of the Spirit. Jesus never divorces his true church—which is why we should strive to never have divorce in our marriages (Eph. 5).

And so in light of all of these considerations. One scholar summarizes our text by saying:

HDK: Here, by means of a few simple words, Jesus discourages divorce, refutes the rabbinical [abuse] of the law, reaffirms the law’s true meaning (cf. Matt. 5:17, 18), censures the guilty party, defends the innocent, and throughout it all upholds the sacredness and inviolability of the marriage bond as ordained by God!

And I’ll summarize this sermon by saying that marriage is a sworn promise and solemn bond of exclusive and loyal love between one man and one woman. Marriage is a one flesh relationships that God has joined together to be a picture of Christ and the Church. Divorce is only permissible by adultery and abandonment—and remarriage is only permissible for the innocent party (Gen. 2:24; Deut. 24:1-4; Matt. 5:31-32; 1 Cor. 7:10-16; 27-28). Rightful divorce properly dissolves the marriage covenant in the eyes of God and His Law. Wrongful divorce doesn’t dissolve the marriage covenant, and therefore leads to spousal adultery if there is remarriage. Marital Fidelity brings blessings—Marital Infidelity brings cursing. But in all of this, there is mercy for those who repent and believe in the Gospel, because God is always faithful to His covenant of grace with Christ and the Church.

Maybe you’ve commited sexual sin, maybe you’ve commited fornication, sexual immorality, homosexuality, or adultery. Maybe you’ve sinfully remarried when you ought not have. Know this, beloved, that Jesus Christ came to save sinners, he came to show grace to the guilty, to show mercy to the helpless, to show love to the broken and ashamed, to show faithfulness to the unfaithful. Though we can’t always fix the temporal consequences of our sinful actions and covenant-breaking—we can always find forgiveness and new life in God’s covenant-keeping. And this is his covenant with his church, his covenant of grace for those who repent and believe:

Hosea 2:19–23 ESV

And I will betroth you to me forever. I will betroth you to me in righteousness and in justice, in steadfast love and in mercy. I will betroth you to me in faithfulness. And you shall know the Lord. “And in that day I will answer, declares the Lord, I will answer the heavens, and they shall answer the earth, and the earth shall answer the grain, the wine, and the oil, and they shall answer Jezreel, and I will sow her for myself in the land. And I will have mercy on No Mercy, and I will say to Not My People, ‘You are my people’; and he shall say, ‘You are my God.’ ”

God redeems sinful people, God redeems sinful marriages, God redeems sinful divorces, God redeems sinful remarriages! And if you come to God, if you come to the terms of His marriage covenant with his people—you will find these promises waiting for you, sealed by the blood of the new covenant in Jesus Christ—who died to save covenant-breakers, and make them covenant-keeper by faith alone:

Ezekiel 16:59–63 ESV

“For thus says the Lord God: I will deal with you as you have done, you who have despised the oath in breaking the covenant, yet I will remember my covenant with you in the days of your youth, and I will establish for you an everlasting covenant. Then you will remember your ways and be ashamed when you take your sisters, both your elder and your younger, and I give them to you as daughters, but not on account of the covenant with you. I will establish my covenant with you, and you shall know that I am the Lord, that you may remember and be confounded, and never open your mouth again because of your shame, when I atone for you for all that you have done, declares the Lord God.”

So brothers and sisters, guests and visitors: repent and believe, and you shall be saved, united to Jesus, born of the Spirit, given new life, and the power to be a faithful covenant-keeper as you love Christ your bridegroom. Know this day that sexual immorality can be washed white as snow by the blood of Jesus. But also know that if you come to Jesus, he will say to you: your sins are forgiven, now go and sin no more. We must take up our cross, and pursue faithfulness to the Groom who has saved us, who has covenanted with us, and who calls us to love him because he has first loved us.

And that might mean never getting married again because of your sin. That might mean having to repent of your remarriage. That might mean having to pursue reconciliation in ways that you never have before. But it also means that you can look forward to the marriage supper of the Lamb—when the divine marriage between Christ and the Church is consummated in eternal faithfulness and loyal love, forever and ever!

Ephesians 5:31–32 ESV

“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.

And come back this evening for a devotional on the marriage between Christ and the Church—and how we can walk in covenant-faithfulness, in union and communion with Jesus Christ as we enjoy his love, and love him in return, for all of our days. Praise God for the covenant of grace upon grace for those who trust in the Bridegroom who will never let us down.

(2) Jesus Confirmed the Law of God for the Marriage Covenant - v. 32

So here now our conclusion for this morning’s sermon:

(C) Covenant Marriage is a Sworn Promise of Loyal Love—So Keep the Covenant for Blessing, don’t Break it for Cursing.

Malachi 2:14–16 ESV

But you say, “Why does he not?” Because the Lord was witness between you and the wife of your youth, to whom you have been faithless, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant. Did he not make them one, with a portion of the Spirit in their union? And what was the one God seeking? Godly offspring. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and let none of you be faithless to the wife of your youth. “For the man who does not love his wife but divorces her, says the Lord, the God of Israel, covers his garment with violence, says the Lord of hosts. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and do not be faithless.”

VanDix: “Jesus spoke strong words on more than one occasion to the effect that nothing les than adultery should be used as a pretext for divorce in a marriage. Divorce and remarriage must have a cause as strong as adultery in its defence. Adultery is often a mortal wound for a marriage. Illicit sexual activity does not necessitate divorce; it does not even make divorce recommended; but it certainly justifies it. Adultery and abandonment are some of the sorest trials ever to be endured by human beings. In such cases Christians need to find the wisdom, the comfort, and the example of forgiving mercy that resides in the One who is always faithful [to his covenant for those who repent of their sins and place their faith in Christ]:

Hosea 14:4 ESV

I will heal their apostasy; I will love them freely, for my anger has turned from them.

(C) Covenant Marriage is a Sworn Promise of Loyal Love—So Keep the Covenant for Blessing, don’t Break it for Cursing.

Amen? Let’s pray.

Discussion Questions:

(1) Where is Jesus quoting from in the Old Testament? And what was the liberal and conservative view on the text in the time of Christ?

(2) What is the marriage covenant? And what is God’s intention and ideal for a godly, holy, and happy marriage?

(3) What does Jesus mean when he says that all divorce & remarriage commits adultery, except for in cases of sexual immorality?

(4) What are some of the temporal consequences and curses of breaking the marital covenant? And how should this warn us against infidelity?

(5) How does Christ love His Church? And how does Jesus keep his Covenant of Grace with the Church? (Think of Hosea).