A Marriage Made in Heaven

Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match,

find me a find, catch me a catch

Night after night in the dark I’m alone,

so bring me a match of my own! (Fiddler on the Roof)

Finding a match involves so much tension and drama that it creates great stories. A good love story draws people in. Courtship and marriage are images God uses in the Bible to describe his relationship with his people; both OT and NT. We’ll talk about being single too, but as we discuss marriage in general and the account of Adam & Eve in particular, we ought to recognize that we’re wired for romance. Fairytales, Hallmark movies, and love songs resonate because we’re hardwired to hope that a couple can meet, court, and live happily ever after.

In Gen. 2, we find a marriage “made in heaven.” Adam was alone. Yes, his relationship with God is vibrant. Animals don’t fear of him. Yet Adam is alone. Even the Lordsaid it’s not good.

The Lord brought the animals to him and Adam named them. It’s a beautiful scene: As the Lord brought the animals to Adam there was quiet anticipation: what name will Adam give this animal?

Yet with all kinds of animals lining up to be named, “for Adam no suitable helper was found.” You might get the wrong impression when God mentions “suitable helper.”

We need to define our terms. When my kids were small and I took them shopping, cashiers commented, “oh, you have a cute little helper along.” That’s not what the Bible refers to here. God isn’t sending Adam a “little helper.”

The Hebrew word is “ezer.” It’s in OT names like Ebenezer and Eliezer. It translates as “help, helper, strength.” There’s nothing little or cute about it. An “ezer” is so powerful, it describes God more than anyone else in the Bible. Check out Ps 115:

All you Israelites, trust in the Lord—he is their help [ezer] and shield.

House of Aaron, trust in the Lord—he is their help [ezer] and shield.

You who fear him, trust in the Lord—he is their help [ezer] and shield. Psalm 115:9–11 (NIV)

In Gen. 2, “ezer” has the adjective “suitable.” It also carries the sense of “opposite” or “corresponding.” None of the animals fit with the man so God created a human to be complementary.

In Gen. 2, God creates a woman to be a “suitable helper” for the man. God puts the man to sleep, removes a rib, and uses the rib in the woman. It’s the first surgery with anesthetic. Men are born from women, but this woman came from a man.

Perhaps you recall from Genesis 1 that God broke into poetry or song when he made humankind.

So God created mankind in his own image,

in the image of God he created them;

male and female he created them. Genesis 1:27 (NIV)

When Adam first meets his wife, he waxes poetic too: Woman!

“This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh;

she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man.” Genesis 2:23b (NIV)

There’s a connection there. The connection gets closer when their relationship is consummated. In sexual intimacy, complementary bodies are united. They become one flesh. It doesn’t get closer than that!

Remind me: Does the relationship between Adam & Eve begin before the fall into sin or after they disobey God?

Before! God gives the gift of sexual intimacy before the fall into sin. Marital intimacy wasn’t tainted with sin at first. When Adam & Eve came together in the Garden of Eden there is no reason for guilt or shame – it was beautiful!

Adam & Eve provide a model for every marriage that follows:

That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh. Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame. Genesis 2:24–25 (NIV)

Intimacy between husband and wife is a gift from God.

There’s a book in the OT that celebrates the intimacy between husband & wife. The Song of Songs begins with more poetry:

Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth—

for your love is more delightful than wine.

Pleasing is the fragrance of your perfumes;

your name is like perfume poured out.

No wonder the young women love you!

Take me away with you—let us hurry!

Let the king bring me into his chambers. Song of Solomon 1:2–3 (NIV)

This love poetry is call and response between the lover and his beloved. It goes on for 8 chapters!

But the Song of Songs includes a warning, said 3 times:

Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you by the gazelles and by the does of the field:

Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires. Song of Solomon 2:7 (NIV)

There is something wrong when love is aroused in the wrong time and place. We see similar warnings elsewhere in the Wisdom Literature of the OT. In the chapter that says “There is a time for everything,” the teacher of Ecclesiastes includes:

A time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, Ecclesiastes 3:5b (NIV)

Proverbs is wisdom collected to train princes and nobles to lead Israel with integrity. The teacher gives this advice:

My son, pay attention to my wisdom,

turn your ear to my words of insight,

that you may maintain discretion

and your lips may preserve knowledge.

For the lips of the adulterous woman drip honey,

and her speech is smoother than oil;

but in the end she is bitter as gall,

sharp as a double-edged sword. Proverbs 5:1–4 (NIV)

Wisdom literature was written after the fall into sin. Teachers recognize that despite the beauty and joy that in marriage, relationships between husbands and wives, are tainted by sin.

Jesus acknowledges both the goodness and brokenness of marriage in his culture. In Mt 19, when Pharisees ask Jesus about divorce, he responds by rooting marriage in creation:

“Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? Matthew 19:4–5 (NIV)

Yet the reality of sin causes sorrow and brokenness:

Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.” Matthew 19:8-9 (NIV)

Jesus speaks strongly about divorce and remarriage. It’s uncomfortable. We wrestle with these verses because God’s standard of goodness is higher than ours. It’s not just our culture. The first disciples were astounded by Jesus’ words too:

The disciples said to him, “If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry.” Matthew 19:10 (NIV)

As Jesus’ disciples today, we rarely say, “it’s better not to marry.” But it’s something to ponder. Our culture, even church culture, pressures people to find a spouse and raise kids.

It was a toast at my wedding: Congratulations, H&R: May all your troubles be “little ones.”

Surprisingly, there’s no pressure in the NT to marry. Paul responds to questions on marriage from Corinth by saying,

Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion. I Corinthians 7:8–9 (NIV)

Why is it better not to marry?

Paul’s concern is that our service to the Lord doesn’t get diluted. It’s a long quote, but I think we need to hear it all:

I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs—how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife—and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord. I Corinthians 7:32–35 (NIV)

Our purpose in life, single, married, or divorced is to be devoted to God. We were created to serve the Lord and bear his image as stewards and caretakers of his creation.

Divided loyalties are not how things were meant to be. It comes from brokenness caused by sin. Together Adam & Eve went astray. We’ll discuss their disobedience next week when we read Gen. 3. But their rebellion broke relationships. You get a sense of that brokenness when God announces the consequences of sin. I’ll take them in reverse order.

When God pronounces doom on the man, the ground is cursed: “through painful toil you will eat food from it.”

For the woman it involves pain in childbirth and relationships

To the woman he said,

“I will make your pains in childbearing very severe;

with painful labor you will give birth to children.

Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.” Genesis 3:16 (NIV)

“Ruling over” is not how things ought to be between a husband and wife. It’s not a faithful way to treat the “suitable helper” God created. At least, not if “ruling over” means being bossy or a bully. God’s word does show what a healthy marriage relationship looks like – we’ll get there shortly.

For now, let’s recognize that the fall into sin broke the healthy, shame-free relationship our first parents enjoyed. Once they disobeyed, they couldn’t be naked together without shame.

But God did not leave humankind wallowing in sin and shame. God gives hope. The Lordpronounced doom on the serpent.

So the Lord God said to the serpent,

“Because you have done this,

“Cursed are you above all livestock and all wild animals! You will crawl on your belly and you will eat dust all the days of your life.

And I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your offspring and hers; he will crush your head, and you will strike his heel.” Genesis 3:14–15 (NIV)

In that curse, the Lord announces his rescue plan.

The offspring of the woman, later revealed as the boychild of Mary, was coming into the world. He would be injured. Jesus would take the punishment for all our sin and disobedience. At the cross, when Jesus is stripped naked and lifted up on a cross for everyone to mock, God took your shame and guilt and put it on Jesus. He bore the curse for our disobedience.

By his shameful death and glorious resurrection 3 days later, Jesus conquered sin, death and the evil one. Jesus crushed the serpent’s head.

By faith in Jesus, you share in his victory. Sin has lost its grip on you. You no longer bear the guilt and shame of sin.

In fact, by faith in Christ, God the HS makes you a new creation. Paul is blunt in the second letter to Chr. in Corinth:

If anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here! II Corinthians 5:17 (NIV)

That’s good news! The HS helps us break out of sinful patterns in all our relationships. As you read further in the NT, God’s Word reveals what a renewed person looks like.

In his letter to Christians in Ephesus, when Paul describes a Christian household, he tells couples to model marriage on the relationship between Christ and his bride, the church:

Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Ephesians 5:21–24 (NIV)

Not everyone is comfortable with the language of submitting.

I understand.

Women should not submit to physical or sexual abuse or bullying from anyone, especially not a husband who made vows to love and cherish her. For the record, husbands shouldn’t submit to bullying either.

Paul isn’t talking about wives submitting to a bully here. He’s talking about submitting to generous, self-sacrificial care. God’s word calls husbands to model their behaviour on Jesus’ self-sacrificing love, his love displayed most vividly on the cross.

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy ... In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church—for we are members of his body. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” Ephesians 5:25–31 (NIV)

Paul’s concluding instructions paints a picture of what it looks like for Christian couples to live as suitable helpers:

Each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. Ephesians 5:33 (NIV)

This is the ideal that we strive for in marriage. It’s my goal for every wedding where I officiate.

It’s not easy.

That’s why Jesus and Paul both teach that some people are called to live as singles.

As a church family, we need to support each other – living as singles or as married couples – so that together as a community of believers we can devote our lives to glorifying God, loving our neighbours, and caring for creation. It’s what we were created and redeemed to do.