The Freedom of Forgiveness: Letting Go of What’s Holding You Back

Good morning church. It is good to be back from another great mission trip to Moldova. Getting to see familiar faces at the camp and meeting new kids, it was a great trip. I am excited to be with you all this morning bringing the Word of God to you. There’s a famous story about two monks traveling on foot. They come to a river where a woman stands, unable to cross. One monk immediately offers to carry her across, lifting her over the water. Hours later, the other monk is still fuming. Finally, he bursts out, “I can’t believe you carried that woman! It’s against our rules.” The first monk calmly replies, “I set her down hours ago. Why are you still carrying her?”

Isn’t that exactly how unforgiveness works? We carry burdens we were never meant to carry. We replay the offense. Over and over. We rehearse the hurt. We chain ourselves to our past failures and the failures of others. But Jesus offers us something far better: freedom through forgiveness.

We are continuing our summer series titled “You Asked For It.” If you are unfamiliar with this series, we have notecards towards the end of the school semester and ask for topics/passages that you want to hear about. While we can’t get to all of them, we take a look at them and pick which ones we are going to go through. Ones that sound similar or have more than one will get picked more likely than one that is not as detailed or has as many people asking for it. And that’s brings us to today’s sermon on forgiveness.

Ephesians 4:31-32 says

Ephesians 4:31–32 ESV

Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

These sins listed here in verse 31 portray a previous way of life, a life that does not follow Jesus. This way of life must be put off and the new life must be put on, much like we see in verse 32. Though Christ has bridged the gap between us and God so that we are forgiven once and for all, we only experience God’s forgiveness in personal, practical ways as we learn to forgive others from day to day.

I am going to break this down into three different topics for today to go a little deeper into the topic of forgiveness. Today we are going to look at Forgiving others, forgiving ourselves and the process of forgiving. So let’s start with for the forgiving of others:

Forgiving Others: Letting Go Of The Chains of Bitterness Unforgiveness Hurts You More Than Them

Let’s be honest. Forgiveness isn’t easy. When someone hurts you, when they betray you, when they disappoint you — the natural reaction is to hold on to it. To remember it, to stew in it.

But Scripture commands us to forgive — not because the person deserves it — but because we have been forgiven and the freedom that forgiveness brings to us.

It’s been said, “Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” See, unforgiveness traps us. It keeps us stuck in the past. It allows the offense to keep wounding us — over and over again. We think holding onto anger punishes the other person, but often they’ve moved on, and we’re the ones still trapped.

Bitterness isn’t passive. It grows. It’s like a weed. That’s all about I am able to grow well at our house. It doesn’t take much work. For bitterness, you let it grow, and it takes over your whole life—your peace, your joy, even your relationships with people who had nothing to do with the hurt. It can even affect our faith.

Imagine walking through life with a backpack full of bricks. Every offense, every hurt—brick after brick gets added. At some point, you’re exhausted—but you’ve gotten so used to carrying the weight that you begin to think it’s normal. It’s not. God never intended you to live that way.

When it comes to forgiving others…

Forgiving Others: Letting Go Of The Chains of Bitterness B. We Forgive Because We've Been Forgiven

Read what Colossians 3:13 has to say on the matter:

Colossians 3:13 ESV

bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.

The key phrase here is “forgive each other as the Lord has forgiven you.” Jesus told a story about this in Matthew 18 ,right? Let’s read Matthew 18:21-35

Matthew 18:21–35 ESV

Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times. “Therefore the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who wished to settle accounts with his servants. When he began to settle, one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents. And since he could not pay, his master ordered him to be sold, with his wife and children and all that he had, and payment to be made. So the servant fell on his knees, imploring him, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you everything.’ And out of pity for him, the master of that servant released him and forgave him the debt. But when that same servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii, and seizing him, he began to choke him, saying, ‘Pay what you owe.’ So his fellow servant fell down and pleaded with him, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you.’ He refused and went and put him in prison until he should pay the debt. When his fellow servants saw what had taken place, they were greatly distressed, and they went and reported to their master all that had taken place. Then his master summoned him and said to him, ‘You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. And should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?’ And in anger his master delivered him to the jailers, until he should pay all his debt. So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart.”

So it starts off with Peter asking how often to forgive someone. Jesus answers with 70 times 7. For you non math majors out there, that is 490 times. But does that really mean at 491 times times you stop forgiving them? No, of course not! It’s hyperbole. You keep forgiving. And we forgive because we have been forgiven.

None of us has experienced as great a wrong against ourselves as that which we have all done to God (Matthew 18:33). God had to give up his only Son to forgive us; we have nothing to give up but our selfish natures and our unwillingness to forgive those who have wronged us.

We’ve been forgiven a debt so massive — how can we hold a grudge over small offenses? Now, I get it — some offenses are big. Some wounds go deep. But compared to what Jesus forgave on the cross, even our deepest hurts can be released through His power. I have been hurt by people. I have been extremely hurt by church people even. And the same may go for some of you. That pain can cut deeper than other wounds because the church is supposed to be a place of grace and healing, not hurt. But sadly, the church is made up of imperfect people — people who sometimes act out of pride, fear, or immaturity rather than the heart of Christ.

As we come to understand his mercy, however, we will want to be like him. Having received forgiveness, we will pass it on to others. Those who are unwilling to forgive have not patterned their lives after Christ, who was willing to forgive even those who crucified him.

And this brings us to our last part about forgiving others:

Forgiving Others: Letting Go Of The Chains of Bitterness C. Forgiveness Doesn't Mean Forgetting or Enabling

I want to be very clear on this:

Forgiveness is not:

Approving harmful behavior-Forgiveness doesn’t mean what they did was okay — it means you refuse to let their wrong define your future. When we forgive, we are not saying, “What you did doesn’t matter” or “It wasn’t a big deal.” No, sin and hurt matter to God. In fact, Jesus’ death on the cross shows us just how serious sin is — it cost Him everything. Forgiveness simply means you’re not going to keep drinking the poison of bitterness, letting their actions control you or your future.

Pretending it didn’t hurt-God never asks you to minimize the pain — real forgiveness acknowledges the hurt but refuses to stay stuck in it. When Joseph forgave his brothers (Genesis 50:20), he didn’t pretend their betrayal didn’t happen. He wept over it. He named it for what it was. Forgiveness is honest about the pain. It’s looking at what happened, calling it what it is, and then choosing not to live the rest of your life chained to that pain.

Letting someone continue to abuse you-Forgiveness can happen from a distance — setting boundaries is not bitterness, it’s wisdom. Forgiving someone doesn’t mean you have to stay in a toxic relationship or put yourself in harm’s way. You can forgive and still say, “I won’t allow this behavior to continue in my life.” Jesus Himself set boundaries with people (John 2:24-25). Forgiveness is about your heart being free, not about giving someone repeated access to hurt you.

But here is what forgiveness is:

Releasing the need for revenge-It’s saying, “I’m done carrying the weight of trying to make them pay — I’m trusting God with it now.” Romans 12:19 tells us,

Romans 12:19 ESV

Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.”

True forgiveness is taking the justice out of your own hands and putting it back into God’s hands.

Letting God handle justice-God sees, God knows, and God promises that no wrong goes unnoticed — you can leave it in His hands. When we try to hold on to unforgiveness, we’re saying, “I have to make this right.” But God is the perfect judge. Psalm 37:6 says,

Psalm 37:6 ESV

He will bring forth your righteousness as the light, and your justice as the noonday.

Forgiveness is an act of trust — believing that God’s justice is better than your revenge.

Choosing peace over bitterness-You may never get the apology or the closure — but you can choose peace, and that’s where real freedom starts. Sometimes we wait for someone else to change or for life to feel “fair” before we forgive. But forgiveness is less about what they deserve and more about the peace you need. Philippians 4:7 promises that God’s peace “guards our hearts and minds” — but we can’t hold onto peace while holding onto bitterness.

Forgiving Yourself: Letting Go of Shame and Regret A. Shame is the Enemy’s Favorite Tool

For many of us, the hardest person to forgive… is staring back at us in the mirror.

We replay the failures:

-That bad decision

-That relationship we ruined

-That addiction

-That season of drifting from God

And the enemy whispers: “You’re damaged goods.” “You’ll never be enough.” “God may forgive you, but you can never forgive yourself.”

But here's the truth: Shame is the enemy’s weapon — but grace is God’s answer.

Think of Peter. He denied Jesus three times. Imagine the regret. The shame. The whispered lies from the enemy: “You’re a failure." “Jesus can never use you now." But after the resurrection, let’s see what Jesus said in John 21:15-19

John 21:15–19 ESV

When they had finished breakfast, Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Simon, son of John, do you love me more than these?” He said to him, “Yes, Lord; you know that I love you.” He said to him, “Feed my lambs.” He said to him a second time, “Simon, son of John, do you love me?” He said to him, “Yes, Lord; you know that I love you.” He said to him, “Tend my sheep.” He said to him the third time, “Simon, son of John, do you love me?” Peter was grieved because he said to him the third time, “Do you love me?” and he said to him, “Lord, you know everything; you know that I love you.” Jesus said to him, “Feed my sheep. Truly, truly, I say to you, when you were young, you used to dress yourself and walk wherever you wanted, but when you are old, you will stretch out your hands, and another will dress you and carry you where you do not want to go.” (This he said to show by what kind of death he was to glorify God.) And after saying this he said to him, “Follow me.”

Jesus restores Peter, reminding him, “You are not your worst moment.” And man do we need to hear that ourselves. Because here is the truth:

Forgiving Yourself: Letting Go of Shame and Regret B. God's Forgiveness Covers You Completely

1 John 1:9 says

1 John 1:9 ESV

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

and Psalm 103:12

Psalm 103:12 ESV

as far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us.

Did you catch that? The east will never meet the west. That’s how far God has removed your sin, your failure and your shame. I mean, lets look at Peter again. Poor guy. The disciple who swore he’d never abandon Jesus — and then denied Him three times the same night Jesus was arrested. Can you imagine the shame Peter carried? But after the resurrection, Jesus doesn’t scold Peter. He restores him.

Three times, Jesus asks, “Do you love Me?” And three times, Peter gets to reaffirm his love. Here’s what Jesus says: “Feed My sheep." In other words, “Peter, you’re not disqualified. You’re still Mine. You still have a purpose.” If God has forgiven you, who are you to hold it against yourself? The enemy wants you stuck. God wants you free. And that’s a good thing because…

Forgiving Yourself: Letting Go of Shame and Regret C. You Can't Move Forward if You're Chained to Your Past

Philippians 3:13-14 says

Philippians 3:13–14 ESV

Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.

Stop replaying your past failures and start believing God's grace is bigger than your regret. You can’t drive your life looking in the rearview mirror. God’s not done with you. But you’ve got to let go of the past to take hold of the future.

Forgiveness sounds good in theory. But how do you live it out practically?.

The Power and Process of Forgiveness A. Forgiveness is a Choice, Not a Feeling

If you wait until you feel like forgiving, you’ll never do it. Forgiveness starts with obedience, and often, feelings follow later. It starts with a decision. It may take time for your emotions to catch up—but obedience comes first.

The Power and Process of Forgiveness B. Forgiveness is a Process, Not Always a One-Time Event

Some wounds are deep. Forgiveness may be something you choose every time the memory resurfaces. It's not weakness—it’s spiritual muscle-building. I had a coworker at a former church whose daughter went to homecoming with a young man in high school for her first ever date. On the way home from the game they were hit and killed by a drunk driver. I can’t begin to imagine what it would be like to go through something so painful, so traumatic. These grieving parents and sister of the girl who died showed incredible grace to this young man, offering him a hand of forgiveness, visiting him in jail and sharing the gospel with the young man who killed their daughter and sister. It didn’t happen over night. Forgiveness did not erase the memory-but it broke the chain.

The Power and Process of Forgiveness C. Forgiveness Frees You for What God Has Next

God has a future for you—but you can’t walk into it carrying the chains of bitterness and regret.

So let me ask you this question: Who are you still carrying? Who have you not forgiven that needs to be forgiven? What mistake are you still dragging around? God is not the one doing the shaming, constantly reminding you of what you have done. That is the enemy.

Jesus offers you freedom today — freedom from bitterness, freedom from shame, freedom from your past.

John 8:36 says

John 8:36 ESV

So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.

Forgiveness frees you from the weight of bitterness — whether you're holding it against others or against yourself. And let me say this as plainly as I can — bitterness is heavy. It weighs down your heart. It robs you of peace. It keeps you chained to the past. But Jesus offers something so much better. He invites you to walk in the same grace He has poured out on you — grace that lifts the burden, grace that sets you free.

So, as we close, let’s take a moment to apply this personally. I want you to be honest — not with me, but with God — about the areas where forgiveness needs to take root.

Forgive Others

Identify the Person or Wound: It might be someone who hurt you years ago. It might be someone close to you right now. Maybe they’ve never apologized. Maybe they never will. But hear me — forgiveness isn’t about changing them — it’s about setting you free. Sometimes the hurt is so deep we avoid thinking about it. Today, ask God to bring to mind the person or event that still has a grip on your heart.

Release Them in Prayer: You may never get the apology you want, but you can still choose to set yourself free. Pray something like: “Lord, I’m choosing to release [name]. I’m handing this offense to You. I trust You with justice, and I refuse to carry this bitterness anymore.”

Set Boundaries If Needed: Forgiveness doesn’t mean staying in a harmful relationship. You can forgive from a distance and still walk in freedom.

Remember, It’s a Process: You might feel the anger come back. When it does, keep releasing it. Forgiveness is sometimes a daily act until your heart fully heals.

Choosing to forgive doesn’t mean you approve of what they did. It doesn’t mean you forget the hurt. But it does mean you’re ready to stop carrying it. You’re ready to hand it over to God and say, “I trust You to handle the justice.”

Forgive Yourself What failure have you been rehearsing over and over in your mind?

Name It: What’s the thing you keep beating yourself up over? Is it a bad decision, a moment of weakness, or words you wish you could take back?

The words you wish you could take back… The decision you regret… The moment of weakness or sin that you think defines you…

It’s time to bring that to Jesus. His grace is greater than your greatest regret. The cross wasn’t just big enough to cover the sins of others — it’s big enough to cover yours too. You can’t go back and change the past, but by His grace, you can stop letting it control your future.

Accept God’s Grace: 1 John 1:9 promises that if you confess your sin, “He is faithful and just to forgive.” If God, the perfect Judge, has forgiven you, why do you keep punishing yourself?

Replace the Lies with Truth: The enemy will whisper, “You’re a failure.” You have to replace that with God’s truth: “I am forgiven. I am loved. I am not my past.”

Move Forward with Purpose: Philippians 3:13-14 says we must forget what is behind and press on toward what is ahead. God still has a plan for you — but you can’t step into it while chained to regret.

So here’s what I want to invite you to do right now — no pressure, just a moment between you and God.

Would you quietly, in your own heart, name the person you need to forgive? It might be a family member, a friend, an ex, a parent…Or maybe… that person is you.

You don’t have to say anything out loud. Just in your heart, say their name to God. Release them. Release yourself. And ask Jesus for the strength to walk in the freedom He offers.

[Pause for a moment of quiet reflection.]

Let’s pray: “Father, thank You for the grace You’ve shown us. We don’t deserve it, but You freely gave it. Help us now to extend that grace — to others and to ourselves. We lay down the weight of bitterness, the burden of regret, and the chains of the past. Teach us to walk in Your freedom. In Jesus’ name, amen.”