Forgiving One: Levels of Forgiveness
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Preached a series on the One Another Commands:
What are the duties and responsibilities of church membership?
My mission is to discover exactly what kinds of things we promise to do for each other when we become members of a local church. And I believe these responsibilities are found within the “One Another” passages of the NT.
So ultimately I want to sharpen and clarify exactly what we are promising one another when we covenant together for church membership.
Significant Statements:
We will walk together in love as brothers and sisters in Christ, a family of sinners saved by grace (I John 4:7-12; Rom. 12:10; I Pet. 4:8; Gal 5:13-15).
We will pursue the ministry of discipling one another, helping each other, and especially the children under our care, by means of instruction, teaching, admonishment, encouragement, and edification (Matt. 28:18-20; Eph. 6:4; Rom. 15:14; Col. 3:16; I Thess.4:18; I Thess. 5:11).
We will commit to the ministry of attendance, regularly gathering with the whole church for worship and fellowship, using our gifts to stir up and serve one another (Heb. 10:24-25; I Pet. 4:8-11).
We will be proactive in maintaining and restoring unity with one another, in order to continue helping each other grow unto Christlike maturity (Eph. 4:2-3, 12-16).
We will forgive one another in the same way that God has forgiven us. (Eph. 4:32; Col. 3:13)
God expects believers to forgive others in the way that He forgave them.
How does God forgive us?
Unpacking Forgiveness, —Chris Brauns
God’s Forgiveness: “A commitment by the one true God to pardon graciously those who repent and believe so that they are reconciled to him, although this commitment does not eliminate all consequences.” —Chris Brauns
God’s forgiveness is gracious. He offers it freely because of his mercy and love. But it is not free. Jesus paid the price of our forgiveness for us.
God’s forgiveness is a commitment. When God forgives he does not forget, he instead promises to no longer count our sin against us.
God’s forgiveness is conditional. Only those who repent and believe are forgiven. You must open God’s present of forgiveness.
God’s forgiveness leads to reconciliation. When God forgives us he also restores our relationship with Himself.
Not all consequences are immediately eliminated. God disciplines his children like a loving father for our good and His glory.
This is how God forgives us. Therefore, how should we forgive one another?
Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.
bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.
How can we pattern our forgiveness after God’s forgiveness? How can we forgive just as the Lord has forgiven us?
If we are to forgive just as God forgave us we must meet several different requirements.
Requirement #1:
I. We must forgive one another graciously
I. We must forgive one another graciously
What do we mean that we must forgive graciously?
How is forgiveness gracious?
Why does forgiveness require grace?
What is the definition of grace? Undeserved kindness or favor.
Why does our forgiveness require undeserved kindness on our part?
A. Forgiveness requires grace because it is the forgiving person who pays the price of forgiveness
A. Forgiveness requires grace because it is the forgiving person who pays the price of forgiveness
Think about it! In biblical forgiveness who is the one that pays the price of forgiveness?
Matt 18-
Peter’s question:
Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?”
Jesus’ response:
Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times.
Then Jesus tells Peter a parable. There was a king and a servant. The servant owed the king how much? 10,000 talents. That is an extreme debt. That is an outlandish debt. That number is shocking. It is so large that there is no earthly hope for this servant to repay the debt.
So the servant falls on his knees and begs for patience.
And what does the king do?
And out of pity for him, the master of that servant released him and forgave him the debt.
In the parable who is the one that paid the price of forgiveness? The person who does the forgiving. In the parable its the king. The king is the one who is down 10,000 talents.
This is the way we are to forgive! Why? Well its the way God has forgiven us. Isn’t that the point of the rest of the parable?
After the servant is forgiven 10,000 talents he finds his fellow servant who owes him 100 denarii.
The denarius was a silver coin worth about a day’s wage for a laborer; this would be about three month’s pay. A talent was a huge sum of money, equal to 6,000 denarii.
That means it would take 5 years to pay back one talent. So how many years would it take to pay back 10,000 talents? 50,000 years!
So the wicked servant had just been forgiven a 50,000 year debt, but he was unwilling to forgive a three month debt!
And what did the wicked servant do? He refused and threw the guy in debtors prison.
How does the king respond?
And should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?’
You should have paid the cost of forgiveness. Why? Because I paid the cost of yours.
And in anger the king threw the wicked servant in jail until he paid all his debt.
So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart.”
Think about this parable the next time you are tempted to say, “I don’t think I can forgive that person.”
Forgiveness requires grace because it is the forgiving person who pays the price of forgiveness
B. Forgiveness requires grace because our offer of forgiveness must be unconditional
B. Forgiveness requires grace because our offer of forgiveness must be unconditional
Notice the word OFFER. This is an important word. What do we mean when we say our offer of forgiveness must be unconditional?
As believers, we must have a disposition of grace toward those who offend us.
I want to suggest that Christians should think about forgiveness on two levels.
Big debate in the Biblical counseling world: if you want to start an absolute dumpster fire, go to a biblical counseling seminar and ask about two levels of forgiveness!
Dilemma comes from this question: Should we forgive unrepentant offenders? Does God command me to forgive that person who sinned against me, even if he/she is not repentant?
Robert D. Jones, Pursuing Peace: A Christian Guide to Handling Our Conflicts
(Wheaton, IL: Crossway, 2012).
Some Evangelical writers/teachers will content that we should forgive offenders unconditionally, even if they do not repent. Others assert that offenders must repent before we forgive them.
How would you answer this question? My answer- yes and no!
Here is where thinking about forgiveness on two levels is very helpful.
Two Levels of Forgiveness
Level 1: Attitudinal, Heart, Dispositional Forgiveness
Level 2: Transacted, Granted, Relational Forgiveness
The first level is the bottom level. It is foundational. You can’t get to level 2 transactional forgiveness, without first having level 1, dispositional forgiveness.
Level 1 is foundational and prerequisite to level 2. Level 2 flows and follows level 1. You always start with level 1.
Dispositional Forgiveness (Level 1)
has a vertical focus- it is between you and the Lord.
is meant to release bitterness from your heart: it is internal
is unconditional: independent of the offender’s repentance.
Transactional Forgiveness (Level 2)
has a horizontal focus- it is between you and the offender.
is meant to reconcile your relationship with the offender: it is relational
is conditional: dependent on the offender’s repentance.
Think of it this way. Christians are called to offer a present to those who have hurt them. That package should be wrapped and tied with ribbon, with a tag addressed, “To you, regardless of what you’ve done.” Forgiveness is what is found inside if the offender chooses to open the package.
—Chris Brauns
Examples:
25 And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.”
Is Jesus’s command to forgive dispositional or transactional?
The scene pictures private prayer—the believer alone before God, conversing with his heavenly Father. The other person is not present; no repentance or relational contact is presumed. We are simply alone before God dealing with our heart attitudes toward the sinner and internally releasing him—unconditionally—from his debt to us.
3 Pay attention to yourselves! If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him, 4 and if he sins against you seven times in the day, and turns to you seven times, saying, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive him.”
Is Jesus’s command to forgive dispositional or transactional?
Does the conditional element surprise you? In our age of religious tolerance, we might have expected Jesus to say, “If your brother sins, forgive him.” But Jesus surprises us. He does not want us to settle for a form of forgiveness that does not address the actual offense. Instead, he gives priority to a restored relationship—a reconciliation marked by the offender’s repentance and the offended party’s transacted forgiveness.
And Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” And they cast lots to divide his garments.
Dispositional or transactional?
Was Jesus’s prayer answered? For some!
36 Let all the house of Israel therefore know for certain that God has made him both Lord and Christ, this Jesus whom you crucified.”
37 Now when they heard this they were cut to the heart, and said to Peter and the rest of the apostles, “Brothers, what shall we do?”
38 And Peter said to them, “Repent and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins, and you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit.
39 For the promise is for you and for your children and for all who are far off, everyone whom the Lord our God calls to himself.”
40 And with many other words he bore witness and continued to exhort them, saying, “Save yourselves from this crooked generation.”
41 So those who received his word were baptized, and there were added that day about three thousand souls.
Jesus prayed on the cross, “Father, forgive them.” Jesus had a disposition of grace. His heart attitude was one of forgiveness toward those who were in the act of crucifying him. But, they were not forgiven then and there.
Fifty days later, Peter offers God’s conditional forgiveness to the same Jews who crucified Jesus. They were cut to the heart. They received Peter’s word- that is they repented of their sins and believed in Jesus as their Lord and Christ. Then they were forgiven.
Jesus’s prayer in Luke 23:34 demonstrates Level 1 dispositional forgiveness toward his adversaries. Meanwhile, Peter’s Acts 2 rebuke of those who killed Jesus, followed by their repentance and God’s forgiveness, demonstrates Level 2 transactional forgiveness.
And if we are to pattern our forgiveness after God’s forgiveness then our offer of forgiveness must be unconditional. No matter the offence, and even before there is any repentance and confession of the offence, we must offer grace. We must be pre-disposed toward grace.
How can we pattern our forgiveness after God’s forgiveness?
Requirement #1: We must forgive one another graciously.
Requirement #2:
II. Forgiving one another involves a commitment
II. Forgiving one another involves a commitment
This gets at the heart of what forgiveness is.
Some people say forgiveness is forgetting. To forgive is to forget. What’s the problem with that? How many of us can forget when we have been truly wronged by another individual.
Memories of that offense, seemingly with a will of their own, float to the surface of our minds over and over again. So if you can’t forget the offense does that mean that you have never truly forgiven the offence?
Again, our forgiveness is to be patterned after God’s forgiveness.
Does God forget our sins? No, not is the sense that He no longer remembers them. That would be impossible! He is God. God knows all things perfectly, at once, and without the slightest bit of fading.
God doesn’t forget in that he no longer remembers. God forgets by no longer counting our sins against us.
Romans 4:8 (ESV)
blessed is the man against whom the Lord will not count his sin.”
This, then is how we too must forgive. Our forgiveness is a commitment. We promise to no longer count the offence against the offender. We promise to pardon them of the offense.
What does that mean?
Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.
Here is the commitment we make when we forgive.
The next time that bitter taste enters my soul when I think about how you offended me, I promise not to dwell on it.
The next time my heart is filled with an intense feeling of anger and wrath over the offence, I promise to release you from my rage.
The next time the offense comes to the surface of my mind I promise I will not slander you before others. I will not talk about it to other people.
Ken Sande summarizes the commitment of forgiveness this way:
I will not dwell on this incident.
I will not bring up this incident again and use it against you.
I will not talk to others about this incident.
I will not let this incident stand between us or hinder our personal relationship.
Unpacking Forgiveness: Biblical Answers for Complex Questions and Deep Wounds How Should Christians Forgive Interpersonally?
By making and keeping these promises, you can tear down the walls that stand between you and your offender. You promise not to dwell on or brood over the problem or to punish by holding the person at a distance. You clear the way for your relationship to develop unhindered by memories of past wrongs. This is exactly what God does for us, and it is what he calls us to do for others.
Illustration: making kids go through the motions of forgiveness. Say your sorry. Say I forgive you. And then two seconds later what are they doing? Dwelling on the offence. Bring up the offence. Talking about the offence to mom and dad. And certainly letting the offence stand between them.
Are we any better as adults? “Wow you gained a lot of weight” story?
How important is it to make this commitment to each other as church members?
Ephesians 4:16 (ESV)
from whom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love.
What happens to the interconnectedness of the body when we don’t commit to forgive each other? We are supposed to be so closely joined and held together that we are like a building.
Ephesians 2:21 (ESV)
in whom the whole structure, being joined together, grows into a holy temple in the Lord.
So close that you can’t fit a sheet of paper between the different layers of stone! What happens to our unity our connectedness when we don’t forgive?
When we allow ourselves to dwell on each other’s offences?
When we allow ourselves to bring up incidents and reopen old wounds, even if it is just in our own minds?
When we talk about and gossip about previous offences to others in the church?
When we let old offences stand between us and hinder our personal relationships?
How effective do you think our church will grow if that continues to happen?
That is why one of the things we promise each other when we join as members is to forgive one another as the Lord has forgiven us.
Church member, is there someone in this body that you need to commit to forgive? Is there someone in your family? Spouse? Kids? Friends? Coworkers? Who do you need to commit to forgive?
How can we pattern our forgiveness after God’s forgiveness?
Requirement #1: We must forgive one another graciously.
Requirement #2: Forgiving one another involves a commitment.
Requirement #3:
III. Forgiving one another requires repentance
III. Forgiving one another requires repentance
Remember, the offer of forgiveness is unconditional. The full effect of forgiveness is only available to the repentant.
Dispositional forgiveness is unconditional and is independent of the offender’s repentance.
Transactional forgiveness (the full effect of forgiveness) requires repentance.
Pay attention to yourselves! If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him, and if he sins against you seven times in the day, and turns to you seven times, saying, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive him.”
Biblical repentance means to change behavior as a result of a complete change of thinking and attitude
Repentance begins as a change in our thinking and in our attitude. And this change is so thorough that it results in a change of behavior.
Some people limit repentance to an emotional response. You need to feel really bad and cry a lot and then you have repented. And while repentance may very well be an emotional experience, at the center of repentance is a turning in actions and attitude.
Isaiah 55:7 (ESV)
let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts; let him return to the Lord, that he may have compassion on him, and to our God, for he will abundantly pardon.
The turning is the heart of repentance. Turning involves a change of thinking and attitude. But notice it also results in a changed behavior. Let the wicked forsake / abandon his wicked way and his wicked thoughts.
And when a person turns to God in repentance what is always waiting for them?
Compassion and abundant pardon.
Unpacking Forgiveness: Biblical Answers for Complex Questions and Deep Wounds How Should Christians Forgive Interpersonally?
Think of it this way. Christians are called to offer a present to those who have hurt them. That package should be wrapped and tied with ribbon, with a tag addressed, “To you, regardless of what you’ve done.” Forgiveness is what is found inside if the offender chooses to open the package.
—Chris Brauns
God’s offer of forgiveness is available to all. His present of forgiveness is wrapped up and tied with a ribbon with a tag that says, “whosoever will may come.” So it must be with us as well. “Regardless of what you’ve done I’m ready to forgive.”
Refutation: We don’t have permission to hold on to our bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, slander, and malice even if the person who offended us will not repent.
That is not gracious. Secondly, that is not helpful.
See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no “root of bitterness” springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled;
Harboring bitterness in our hearts, allowing it to grow in our hearts like a root, will ultimately destroy and defile ourselves. Bitterness will do far more damage to you than the one you are bitter against.
So even if someone does not repent for their offence we have no Biblical right to harbor against that person feelings of bitterness, anger, wrath and so on. However, the full effect of forgiveness requires repentance.
How can we pattern our forgiveness after God’s forgiveness?
Requirement #1: We must forgive one another graciously.
Requirement #2: Forgiving one another involves a commitment.
Requirement #3: Forgiving one another requires repentance.
Requirement #4:
IV. Forgiving one another is inextricably linked to reconciliation
IV. Forgiving one another is inextricably linked to reconciliation
Why is Biblical forgiveness inseparable from reconciliation? Because that is the way God forgives us.
When God forgives us he doesn’t merely pardon sinners from their guilt. Praise God, He begins a new relationship with us. The Bible never speaks of God’s forgiveness apart from reconciliation.
For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, now that we are reconciled, shall we be saved by his life.
And you, who once were alienated and hostile in mind, doing evil deeds, he has now reconciled in his body of flesh by his death, in order to present you holy and blameless and above reproach before him,
Forgiveness with God means a new relationship!
No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you.
Unpacking Forgiveness: Biblical Answers for Complex Questions and Deep Wounds How Should Christians Forgive Interpersonally?
The assumption today seems to be that you can forgive someone but not be reconciled to them. This would be like leaving the gift on their doorstep, ringing the bell, and driving away, never to return. But remember our foundational principle: we are to forgive others as God forgave us. And God never forgives anyone without being reconciled to them.
—Chris Brauns
So in our forgiveness we must pursue reconciliation.
What are the two classic texts on forgiveness in the gospels.
What should you do if your brother sins against you?
“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother.
What happens if he listens to you? You gain your brother. Does that sound like not just forgiveness, but reconciliation?
What should you do if you realize that you have sinned against your brother?
So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you,
Matthew 5:24 (ESV)
leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.
Do you realize this verse does not say, “first go and ask for forgiveness”? It says, “first be reconciled to your brother.”
Why? Because forgiveness and reconciliation are inextricably linked.
How can we pattern our forgiveness after God’s forgiveness?
Requirement #1: We must forgive one another graciously.
Requirement #2: Forgiving one another involves a commitment.
Requirement #3: Forgiving one another requires repentance.
Requirement #4:Forgiving one another is inextricably linked to reconciliation.
Requirement #5:
V. Forgiving one another does not mean the elimination of all consequences
V. Forgiving one another does not mean the elimination of all consequences
When we forgive one another, we commit or promise that the offence will no longer stand between us and the repentant party. However, this does not mean that there are no consequences.
Now, wait a minute- that doesn’t sound very much like forgiveness. I forgive you, but you still have to pay up.
What if I as a senior pastor disqualified myself from ministry. What if I embezzled money from the church? Or comitted an act of immorality.
If after the sin, I came to my church in repentance would they forgive me? Would they allow me to continue on as their senior pastor? Hopefully, the answer would be a resounding “NO.”
You would hopefully forgive me if I repented, but I would still need to forfeit my job as pastor. Forgiveness does not mean the elimination of all consequences.
Unpacking Forgiveness: Biblical Answers for Complex Questions and Deep Wounds How Should Christians Forgive Interpersonally?
Consequences are important for the sake of justice. A willingness to accept consequences for sinful behavior is actually good evidence that the offender truly is repentant.
—Chris Brauns
Do you remember the story of Zacchaeus? What was his sin? He was a chief tax collector and he used his position to defraud people. Yet, when Jesus came to town Zacchaeus repented of his sin. And to show the sincerity of his repentance what did he do?
And Zacchaeus stood and said to the Lord, “Behold, Lord, the half of my goods I give to the poor. And if I have defrauded anyone of anything, I restore it fourfold.”
What was Zacchaeus willing to do? Bear the consequences of his sinful behavior. This was good evidence that he was truly repentant. And Jesus confirms this.
And Jesus said to him, “Today salvation has come to this house, since he also is a son of Abraham.
Zacchaeus did not receive salvation because he gave money to the poor and restored what he had stolen from people fourfold. He received salvation because he repented and believed in Jesus. His willingness to accept the consequences of his sinful behavior was simply evidence of his genuine repentance.
Unpacking Forgiveness: Biblical Answers for Complex Questions and Deep Wounds How Should Christians Forgive Interpersonally?
Forgiveness: A commitment by the offended to pardon graciously the repentant from moral liability and to be reconciled to that person, although not all consequences are necessarily eliminated.
Some of you may struggle with the notion of reconciliation and consequences.
I have noticed over the years that when an offence occurs, and particularly if it is a deep wound, people tend to lean more toward the consequence side of things that the reconciliation side of things.
If we are not careful we can do harm to God intended blessings and the beauty of forgiveness and reconciliation.
We can keep people at arms length and say, “Well, its just a consequence of their sin.”
What about extreme cases? What about a woman who has been raped? Does she need to be reconciled to the rapist if he is repentant?
Unpacking Forgiveness: Biblical Answers for Complex Questions and Deep Wounds A Word on Reconciliation and Consequences
Let me answer that question in three parts. First, as I have stressed, forgiveness does not mean the elimination of all consequences. Certainly in a case like a violent sex crime, part of the consequences would be that the rapist would have limited access to the victim.
Unpacking Forgiveness: Biblical Answers for Complex Questions and Deep Wounds A Word on Reconciliation and Consequences
Second, a Christian victim must be willing to forgive a repentant rapist graciously. I flinch even in writing that. I have no idea what it would be like to suffer in that way. Yet Christians are called to forgive others the way God forgives them. In a case like this, the victim might communicate to a repentant rapist through a letter or through a supervised meeting. If you are a Christian, always remember this: whatever someone has done to offend you pales in comparison to what you have done to offend a holy God.
Unpacking Forgiveness: Biblical Answers for Complex Questions and Deep Wounds A Word on Reconciliation and Consequences
Third, if the rapist were to become a Christian, or if both parties are Christians, there is the hope of heaven. And in heaven all relationships with God’s people will be completely and totally restored.
Sometimes, we use the extreme examples to justify denying someone who has offended us reconciliation. We need to be careful about that. God teaches an incredible standard concerning forgiveness for believers. He expects us to forgive one another even as he forgave us. Christian forgiveness is not simply about the removal of guilt. It is about the restoration of relationships.
Unpacking Forgiveness: Biblical Answers for Complex Questions and Deep Wounds Conclusion > Chapter Four: Defining Forgiveness for Christians
Here it is: Christians are to forgive others as God forgave them. Graciously, willingly, and freely, they should offer a costly present to any who offend them. Those who do repent and unwrap the offered package will find forgiveness and reconciliation inside.
My friend, is there someone you need to forgive?
Is there someone you need make a commitment or promise of forgiveness to?
I will not dwell on this incident.
I will not bring up this incident again and use it against you.
I will not talk to others about this incident.
I will not let this incident stand between us or hinder our personal relationship.
Perhaps you might need to write a personal note to that person this week and express these commitments in your own words.
Is there someone who you are willing to forgive, but unwilling to reconcile with?
Perhaps this week you need to pray and ask God to begin to show you what the first steps toward reconciliation look like. Write down those steps. Then do them. Especially, if that someone is a member with you in this church family.
Covenant Statement: (What we promised each other in membership)
We will forgive one another in the same way that God has forgiven us (Eph. 4:32; Col. 3:13).
