Our Level of Love, Our Measure of Maturity

Matthew 22:34–40 MEV

When the Pharisees heard that He silenced the Sadducees, they came together. One of them, who was a lawyer, tested Him by asking Him, “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the law?” Jesus said to him, “ ‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ On these two commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets.”

When asked what the greatest commandment is, Jesus responds with two commandments: Love God with everything you have, and love your neighbor selflessly.

Today, this has been captured in a popular Christian phrase, “Love God, love people.” We see it on T-shirts. We can hang it on our walls. You can rock out to contemporary Christian “Love God, Love People,” or sway sentimentally to Southern Gospel, “Loving God, Loving Each Other.”

When it comes to our ongoing topic of Emotionally healthy spirituality, we have talked about the importance of letting God be Lord of every part of us. If we are going to be SPIRITUALLY mature, we have to be EMOTIONALLY mature. This is no more true than when it comes to love.

As Christians, our goal is to follow Jesus and be molded into his likeness. What is Jesus like? He loves.

Luke 19:41 MEV

When He came near, He beheld the city and wept over it,

Jesus grieved over how lost the people of Jerusalem were. Twelve times in the Old Testament, God is described as having compassion. Jesus is described as compassionate six times in the New Testament.

John 3:16 MEV

“For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish, but have eternal life.

God loves.

Therefore, it is safe to say that a proper measure of our spiritual maturity is how well we love others.

1 John 4:7–8 MEV

Beloved, let us love one another, for love is of God, and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, for God is love.

1 John 4:20–21 MEV

If anyone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar. For whoever does not love his brother whom he has seen, how can he love God whom he has not seen? We have this commandment from Him: Whoever loves God must also love his brother.

Do you see what is happening here? In our opening passage in Matthew, Jesus put the two commandments together because they are inseparable. We are to love God with everything we have, and we express that love by loving others.

The Fruit of the Spirit—what fruit is listed first?

Galatians 5:22–23 MEV

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, and self-control; against such there is no law.

The fruit of the Spirit is LOVE.

Seeing People vs Pawns

In 1914, at the beginning of WW1, a well-known German-Jewish Theologian named Martin Buber received a visit from a young man. Buber was polite, keeping the visit friendly and casual. Soon after, Martin learned from the young man’s friend that this person had died by suicide shortly after his visit. Buber realized that this youth had come to him for answers, but he was so busy showing off how smart he was to hear what the boy was asking. To Buber, that boy had merely been an opportunity to talk deep theology. He hadn’t really cared about the boy at all, until the boy was gone.

1 Corinthians 13:1–3 MEV

If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not love, I have become as sounding brass or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not love, I am nothing. If I give all my goods to feed the poor, and if I give my body to be burned, and have not love, it profits me nothing.

I have said this many times before—you can do all the right things for all the wrong reasons. I have known people who would speak in tongues so loudly during the service, but would be so quick to criticize others and try to pass it off as discernment when they were really just being mean.

We reduce people to pawns when we value them only for how they can impact us. We might think we are complimenting someone by telling them how good they make you feel, and they will probably receive it as a compliment, but the fact is that when how I see you is based on how you affect me, then really I am making our relationship about me. Look at how many relationships end because, “That old zing isn’t there anymore.” Or “We just grew apart.” That is selfish talk.

When I am distracted or preoccupied in my interaction with others, I am not showing love. The love for individuals made in God’s image cannot be separated from what it means to love God.

When our discipleship and evangelism become about filling our pews instead of helping others grow and mature in Christ, we are seeing pawns instead of people. When we value people for what they can contribute to the mission instead of for who they are as individuals, we are seeing pawns instead of people.

Last week, we talked about how what we do for God must come from our efforts to be with God and just get into his presence. That’s because the relationship is the source of strength. We grow in God when we quit looking for what he can do for us and just want him.

In the same way, we show God’s love to others when we actually love and value them. We demonstrate Christ in our lives when we take time to listen to what someone has to say. The mature believer encounters someone and sees a person to be valued and loved, not a nuisance to be avoided, a burden to be borne, or a resource for my project.

If we are going to continue growing as mature Christians, we have to learn to love others well.

We can have a passion for scripture, an active prayer life, and still remain defensive, judgmental, critical, unapproachable, and unsafe as people.

Loving Well

When we learn to love well, we create an environment where people can feel safe. We don’t have to hide our feelings, but we help each other learn how to process our emotions. We stop being afraid of possible rejection and instead focus on including others into our world.

Loving well means I am less concerned about how you feel about me and more concerned with what’s going on with you. I’m not busy trying to make you like me, but I am busy getting to know you and what is important to you.

Loving well means that the quality of relationships in our church reflect the fact that we belong to the family of Jesus. It means that we are willing to do the hard work of helping people move from brokenness to wholeness. I say “hard work” because real discipleship is not just teaching someone how to study the Bible or say a prayer or even tell someone else about Jesus. Real discipleship teaches someone how to let Jesus transform EVERY part of their life, including how they deal with disappointment, grief, anger, relationships, and so on.

I want us to be a church that loves well. I want us to know the difference between religious behavior and spiritual maturity. I want each and every one of us to be someone who knows how to be present with other people, who sees and values each individual who crosses our path. I want us to be people who are more concerned with listening to what someone has to say than with giving them answers.

How well do you love?

When someone talks to you, how much are you engaged in that conversation? Are you making an effort to understand what they are trying to share? Are you paying attention to notice what they are saying without words?

When you help others, is it because you see the need and care about their condition, or is it because “helping feels GOOD!”? You wanna hear Jesus say, “Well done, good and faithful servant”, so you do a good deed but don’t really care about the person it helped.

Do you care more about keeping things running smoothly and comfortably than about confronting someone who is out of line?

God, forgive me for every time I had an encounter with someone else, and I made that encounter all about ME. Forgive me for every time I failed to see the person, to really listen to them. Forgive me for every time I cared more about them accepting me than I did about saying what they need to hear. Forgive me for when I downplayed someone else’s situation or feelings because it made me feel awkward. Forgive me for when I was more concerned with convincing someone to think like me than I was about learning about where they are on their journey and learning how to walk alongside them and help them discover the truth of Jesus for themselves.

Father, help me to love the way you love—passionately, selflessly, wanting what is best for others. Help me to remember that loving others is an expression of my love for you. Help me to do the work in my own heart and mind so that I can be mature and ready to serve you and others properly.