Building Bridges

INTRO

Imagine a family dinner table, a place where stories are shared, laughter echoes, and sometimes, tensions rise. It's a scene familiar to many of us—a microcosm of our relationships, filled with both joy and challenges. As we gather around this table, we are reminded that family is not just about shared bloodlines but about the intricate web of relationships that shape our lives.

In our family series, we've been exploring the dynamics that make or break these bonds. Today, we delve into a message that speaks directly to the heart of our interactions, not just within our families but in every relationship we hold dear. The Apostle Paul, in his letter to the Ephesians, offers timeless wisdom on how to navigate the complexities of human connections.

Picture a young couple, newly married, eager to build a life together. They are full of dreams and hopes, yet they soon discover that love is not just a feeling but a daily choice. Or consider the parent, juggling work and home, striving to be present for their children amidst the chaos of life. These stories are ours—they are the stories of people striving to live out their faith in the messiness of real life.

Paul's words to the Ephesians remind us that we are not alone in our struggles. The early church faced similar challenges, and through his letters, Paul offers a blueprint for living Christ-like in our relationships. He contrasts the world's way of doing relationships—marked by selfishness and hardened hearts—with the transformative power of living selflessly, honestly, and with kindness.

As we journey through this message, let us open our hearts to the possibility of change. Let us be inspired by the example of Jesus, the most relationally selfless person to have ever lived. He calls us to put others above ourselves, to speak life, and to forgive as we have been forgiven.

In this series, we are not just learning about family; we are learning how to be family. We are discovering how to build relationships that reflect the love and grace of Christ. So, as we gather around our proverbial family table today, let us commit to living out these truths, allowing the Holy Spirit to guide us in every interaction. Together, we can create a legacy of love and faith that will impact generations to come.

PRAY

MAIN POINT

THANKFULLY, WE’RE NOT THE FIRST GROUP OF PEOPLE TO EVER STRUGGLE WITH RELATIONSHIPS

2/3’S OF THE NEW TESTAMENT ARE LETTERS WRITTEN FROM EARLY CHURCH LEADERS TO PEOPLE JUST LIKE US WHO WERE DEALING WITH RELATIONAL TRAUMA AND DRAMA.

IN THE BOOK OF EPHESIANS, PAUL IS WRITING TO A CHURCH LIKE OUR WHO WERE STRUGGLING IN THEIR RELATIONSHIPS WITH ONE ANOTHER AND THE WORLD AROUND THEM.

HE OFFERS TWO PERSPECTIVES:

HOW THE WORLD TYPICALLY DOES RELATIONSHIPS

HOW WE CAN GET BETTER AND LIVE CHRIST-LIKE IN OUR RELATIONSHIPS.

THE TEMPTATION IS TO REFLECT WHAT WE SEE NON-CHRISTIANS DO.

Ephesians 4:17–19 NLT

With the Lord’s authority I say this: Live no longer as the Gentiles do, for they are hopelessly confused. Their minds are full of darkness; they wander far from the life God gives because they have closed their minds and hardened their hearts against him. They have no sense of shame. They live for lustful pleasure and eagerly practice every kind of impurity.

NARROW MINDEDNESS

THEY ONLY SEE THINGS THEIR WAY

IGNORANT

NOT OPEN TO ANYBODY ELSE’S PERSPECTIVE

HARDENED HEARTS

IT’S MY WAY OR THE HIGHWAY…I’M NOT BUDGING ONE INCH!

LOST SENSITIVITY

SHORT / CURT / MEAN / RUDE / BELIGERENT / ARROGANT / RUTHLESS / HURTFUL

ONLY “TAKE” FROM RELATIONSHIPS

EVERY RELATIONSHIP IS ONLY & ALWAYS ONLY ABOUT THEM!

HAVE YOU HAD ANY OF THOSE INTERACTIONS IN THE LAST 12 MONTHS?

NOW, CAN WE GET REAL…BE HONEST AND LOOK AT THE LIST AGAIN..

HOW MANY OF US WOULD ADMIT THAT WE’VE LOOKED AND ACTED LIKE THAT IN THE LAST 12 MONTHS? RIGHT? WE ARE ALL IMPERFECT, BUT IT DOESN’T MEAN THAT WE CAN’T GROW AND GET BETTER…

PAUL FLIPS THE SCRIPT & SAYS, HERE’S HOW YOU SHOULD BE LIVING…

Ephesians 4:20–22 NLT

But that isn’t what you learned about Christ. Since you have heard about Jesus and have learned the truth that comes from him, throw off your old sinful nature and your former way of life, which is corrupted by lust and deception.

1. PUT ON THE NEW SELF BY BEING SELFLESS

Ephesians 4:23–24 NLT

Instead, let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes. Put on your new nature, created to be like God—truly righteous and holy.

A. THE KEY TO HEALTHY AND THRIVING RELATIONSHIPS IN ANY AREA OF OUR LIFE IS SELFLESSNESS

WE AS HUMANS ARE ALWAYS TO INNATELY SELFISH! WE ALWAYS THINK ABOUT OURSELVES FIRST! IT’S JUST HUMAN NATURE.

B. JESUS WAS THE MOST RELATIONALLY SELFLESS PERSON TO HAVE EVER LIVED.

HE WAS ALWAYS PUTTING OTHERS ABOVE HIMSELF…TO THE POINT OF DEATH ON THE CROSS SO WE COULD HAVE ETERNAL LIFE!!!

THAT’S OUR MODEL

C. OUR OLD SELF IS ALL ABOUT US!

OUR NEW SELF IS “HOW CAN I SERVE THEM?” “WHAT DO THEY NEED RIGHT NOW?” HOW CAN I BE A BETTER CO-WORKER / FRIEND / SPOUSE?”

2. BE HONEST WITH YOURSELF AND OTHERS

Ephesians 4:25 NLT

So stop telling lies. Let us tell our neighbors the truth, for we are all parts of the same body.

A. OUR RELATIONSHIPS WILL NEVER THRIVE IF WE AREN’T LIVING IN TRUTH.

IF IT’S BROKEN, WE HAVE TO ACKNOWLEDGE THAT. GET REAL.

3. DEAL WITH YOUR ANGER.

Ephesians 4:26–27 NLT

And “don’t sin by letting anger control you.” Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives a foothold to the devil.

A. ANGER IS THE GO-TO & EASIEST DEFENSE MECHANISM MOST PEOPLE HAVE IN THEIR RELATIONSHIPS.

ANGER SHIELDS US AND CAN BLAST OTHERS ALL AT THE SAME TIME.

B. ANGER IS A SURFACE LEVEL EMOTION THAT ALWAYS INDICATES SOMETHING DEEPER GOING ON IN US.

SOMETHING HAPPENED AT WORK, WE BRING IT HOME

SOMEONE SAYS SOMETHING…

A HEADLINE UPSETS US…NOW WE’RE MAKING EVERYONE AROUND US MISERABLE…

C. WE HAVE TO DEAL WITH IT BECAUSE IF WE DON’T, WE WILL SIN (YELL AT OUR SPOUSE, OUR KIDS, SHUT DOWN AND STOP LOVING OTHERS…AND THE DEVIL WILL HAVE A FOOTHOLD IN OUR LIFE AND OUR RELATIONSHIPS.

WE CAN’T FIGURE OUT WHY THINGS ARE “OFF” IT’S B/C THE DEVIL GOT A FOOTHOLD

D. WE CAN BE BE BETTER WITH THE HELP OF THE HOLY SPIRIT

IT’S TIME FOR SOME OF US TO STOP USING EXCUSES.

4. SPEAK LIFE AND BUILD OTHERS UP

Ephesians 4:29 NLT

Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.

A. OUR WORDS TELL A STORY OF WHAT’S REALLY GOING ON IN OUR HEART.

MOST OF US NEVER LISTEN TO WHAT WE ARE SAYING OR THINKING ABOUT OTHERS. “SHE’S SUCH A ______” I CAN’T BELIEVE THEY_____” IT’S GOSSIP, IT’S GOSSIP, IT’S NOT CHRIST-LIKE AND IT DOESN’T MAKE IT BETTER.

B. START LISTENING TO HOW YOU’RE DESCRIBING AND TALKING ABOUT OTHERS.

LISTEN TO YOUR GROANS, GRUNTS, AND EYE ROLLS!!!

C. MAKE A DECISION TO SPEAK LIFE & BUILD UP!

“SHE MAY NOT BE PERFECT, BUT I’M NOT EITHER…” THANK YOU FOR BEING YOU. I APPRECIATE HOW YOU ____” I’M PERSONALLY DISAPPOINTED IN HOW THAT WENT, BUT I’M GOING TO GIVE IT TO GOD AND NEXT TIME I SEE THEM, I’M GOING TO SAY SOMETHING NICE.” “REFUSE TO GOSSIP ABOUT THEM.”

5. BE AWARE OF THE HOLY SPIRIT IN YOUR INTERACTIONS

Ephesians 4:30 NLT

And do not bring sorrow to God’s Holy Spirit by the way you live. Remember, he has identified you as his own, guaranteeing that you will be saved on the day of redemption.

A. CHALLENGE YOURSELF TO GET PAST THE EMOTIONS AND START LISTENING TO THE HOLY SPIRIT IN THE MOMENT.

WHEN WE CAN GET TO THIS PLACE, WE CAN GO FORWARD, NO MATTER HOW FAR “BACK” OR “BEHIND” WE ARE.

WE HAVE THIS MASSIVE “HINT” INTO OUR HEART THAT WE IGNORE MOST OF THE TIME.

B. THE HOLY SPIRIT IS WISE AND WILL LEAD US INTO ALL TRUTH, MOMENT BY MOMENT IN OUR RELATIONSHIPS.

C. THE NEXT TIME YOU FEEL OUT OF CONTROL, PAUSE, PRAY AND LISTEN FOR THE HOLY SPIRIT.

HE’S GOING TO SOUND LIKE JESUS AND THE BIBLE IN SUPER PRACTICAL TERMS.

6. BE KIND AND FORGIVE FROM YOUR HEART.

Ephesians 4:31–32 NLT

Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.

A. THIS IS THE SECRET TO OUR RELATIONSHIPS!

KINDNESS

COMPASSION (COMMON PASSION)

FORGIVENESS

EMPATHY

RESULT: RESULT OF INFO

WHAT WOULD IT MEAN TO MY FAMILY FOR ME TO GIVE MY ABSOLUTE BEST?

WHAT WOULD IT MEAN FOR ME TO KNOW THAT I GAVE MY FAMILY THE BEST?

CHALLENGE: PERSONAL CHALLENGE

EMBRACE SELFLESSNESS - SIMPLE PRAYER.

PRACTICE HONESTY - CREATE RESPONSE CONSISTENCY.

MANAGE ANGER CONSTRUCTIVELY - PAUSE AND PRAY.

SPEAK LIFE - PRACTICE DAILY ENCOURAGEMENT.

BE ATTUNED TO THE HOLY SPIRIT - ASK THE HARD QUESTION.

FORGIVE QUICKLY - FORGIVE FASTER THAN YOU WANT.

CONCLUSION/CLOSE

As we apply these steps, let's remember that transformation is a journey, not a destination. We are all works in progress, but with the Holy Spirit's help, we can grow in love and grace. Let's commit to being agents of change in our families and communities, creating relationships that reflect the heart of Christ. Together, we can build a legacy of love that will endure for generations. Amen.