Wisdom in Relationships

Opening Prayer

Heavenly Father, We come before You today with grateful hearts, knowing that You are the source of all wisdom. Your Word is a lamp to our feet and a light to our path. As we gather to hear from Your Proverbs about wisdom in our relationships, open our ears to listen and our hearts to receive. Teach us how to love with loyalty, to speak truth with kindness, and to engage in conflict with grace. Help us to build relationships that honor You and reflect Your faithful love. Guard us from the wounds that destroy and the kisses that deceive. May Your Spirit guide us into deeper fellowship with one another and with You. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Text: Proverbs 17:17; 27:5–6 Theme: Wisdom is displayed through loyalty, honesty, and healthy conflict in relationships.

Introduction

We’ve been walking through our series Wisdom for Life, looking at how God’s Word in Proverbs speaks into the everyday choices we make. We’ve learned that wisdom is not just about knowing facts—it’s about skillful living, living in such a way that honors God and blesses others. Proverbs is like a father passing down time-tested truths to his children, truths that keep us from destruction and lead us into life.

So far, we’ve seen wisdom in our speech, in our work, in handling wealth, in resisting temptation, and in making decisions. But today, we’re stepping into one of the most personal areas of life—our relationships. Because if there’s anywhere we need God’s wisdom, it’s in how we treat people and how we allow people to treat us.

Our text today, Proverbs 17:17 and 27:5–6, shows us three marks of wisdom in relationships—loyalty, honesty, and healthy conflict. These verses remind us that true friendship is more than a warm feeling; it’s a covenant of the heart, marked by faithfulness when the road gets rough, truth when the truth is hard to hear, and love even in moments of confrontation.

Today, we’ll see that wisdom in relationships means:

Loyalty that lasts.

Honesty that heals.

Conflict that strengthens.

1. Loyalty That Lasts

Proverbs 17:17 NKJV

17 A friend loves at all times, And a brother is born for adversity.

Historical Context: In Solomon’s day, friendship and family bonds were not just casual connections—they were life-lines.

Traveling was dangerous, resources were scarce, and a person’s survival often depended on loyal relationships.

A “friend” in Hebrew (רֵעַ, re’a) carried the idea of a close companion, someone who stood beside you, not just in the sunshine, but in the storm.

Exegesis: Notice the phrase “at all times.” This is unconditional friendship. It’s not “when it’s convenient” or “when I agree with you.”

A brother “born for adversity” means that God providentially places certain people in our lives specifically to walk with us through trials.

Illustration: A preacher once told a story about a boy walking home with his friend after the friend’s mother had died. Someone asked the boy later, “What did you say to him?” He said, “Nothing. I just sat with him and helped him cry.” That’s loyalty—you don’t have to have all the answers; you just have to be there.

Application:

Loyalty in relationships means staying even when it’s messy.

It means answering the phone when it’s 2 a.m. and your friend is in tears.

It means refusing to abandon someone when the gossip mill starts turning against them.

Cross-Reference:

Ruth and Naomi (Ruth 1:16–17) — Ruth refused to leave Naomi, even though it meant hardship for herself.

Jesus with His disciples (John 13:1) — “Having loved His own who were in the world, He loved them to the end.”

Pastoral Challenge: Do the people in your life know you will still be there when they hit rock bottom? Or are you only there when they can give something back?

Loyalty that Last

2. Honesty That Heals

Proverbs 27:5 NKJV

5 Open rebuke is better Than love carefully concealed.

Historical Context: In the ancient Near East, rebuke was considered an act of loyalty. It was understood that telling someone the truth, even if it stung, was a sign that you cared enough to protect them from harm. To “hide” love meant you saw danger in someone’s life but said nothing.

Exegesis: The Hebrew word for “rebuke” (תּוֹכֵחָה, tokhecha) means a frank, corrective word. Solomon says that open rebuke is better than silent affection because silence can let sin or foolishness grow unchecked.

Illustration “If your house was on fire and I drove by, waved, and said nothing, you wouldn’t call me a friend—you’d call me a coward. And yet we’ll watch someone’s soul head toward the flames and say nothing because we don’t want to upset them. Friend, that’s not kindness—that’s cruelty disguised as politeness.”

Application:

True friends don’t just comfort; they correct.

Honesty is not cruelty—it’s courage clothed in compassion.

It’s easy to say, “I don’t want to hurt their feelings,” but often what we mean is, “I don’t want them to be upset with me.” That’s self-protection, not love.

Cross-Reference:

Nathan confronting David (2 Samuel 12:7) — “You are the man!” That rebuke saved David from further disaster.

Galatians 6:1 — “If anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness.”

Pastoral Challenge: If you knew your friend was about to drive off a cliff, would you keep quiet to avoid offending them? Then why stay silent when you see them headed toward spiritual destruction?

Loyalty that Last

Honesty that Heals

3. Conflict That Strengthens

Proverbs 27:6 NKJV

6 Faithful are the wounds of a friend, But the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.

Historical Context: In Hebrew poetry, “wounds” here are not meant to harm but to heal. They are like the incisions of a skilled surgeon—painful in the moment, life-saving in the end.

By contrast, “kisses” were a cultural sign of friendship, but from an enemy, they were fake and manipulative (think Judas in Matthew 26:49).

Exegesis: “Faithful” (אֱמוּנִים, emunim) carries the idea of trustworthiness. The idea is that the wounds from a friend are given for your good, while the flattery of an enemy is deceptive and dangerous.

Illustration: A man went to see his doctor for a routine check-up. He felt fine, maybe a little tired now and then, but nothing serious—or so he thought. The doctor ran the tests, looked over the results, and then faced a decision. The charts showed cancer.

Now imagine if that doctor thought to himself, “I don’t want to upset him. If I tell him, it might ruin his day, his week… maybe even his life. I’ll just smile, pat him on the shoulder, and say, ‘You’re doing great. Keep it up.’”

Now that wouldn’t be kindness—that would be criminal. The loving thing, the faithful thing, would be to look that man in the eyes and say, “You have cancer, but there’s hope. It’s going to hurt. There will be surgery. But if we act now, we can save your life.”

A faithful friend is like that good doctor—they may have to cut you in order to heal you. But an enemy? An enemy will smile, flatter, and kiss you… all while letting the disease of sin eat you alive.

Application:

Healthy conflict is not tearing down—it’s building up through truth.

A relationship without the ability to disagree biblically is shallow.

Enemies will flatter you to keep you blind; friends will speak truth to help you see.

Cross-Reference:

Paul confronting Peter (Galatians 2:11–14) — Paul’s confrontation wasn’t to embarrass Peter, but to protect the truth of the Gospel.

Ephesians 4:15 — “…speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into Him who is the head, into Christ.”

Pastoral Challenge: Do you have friends who love you enough to wound you for your good? And are you that kind of friend to others?

Conclusion

Wisdom in relationships is not about avoiding discomfort—it’s about pursuing truth and love together.

Loyalty says, I’m here for the long haul.

Honesty says, I love you enough to tell you the truth.

Healthy conflict says, I care more about your holiness than my comfort.

Gospel Connection: The ultimate display of wisdom in relationship is seen in Christ Himself.

He is loyal—never leaving nor forsaking us (Hebrews 13:5).

He is honest—telling us the truth about our sin and our need for Him (John 8:32).

And He engaged in conflict for our sake—confronting the Pharisees, enduring the cross, and rising again to reconcile us to God (Colossians 1:20).

Final Call: Examine your relationships. Are they marked by biblical loyalty, honesty, and healthy conflict? Or are they fragile, shallow, and afraid of truth? Let’s be the kind of friends—and the kind of church—that display God’s wisdom in every relationship.

Closing Prayer

Lord Jesus, Thank You for showing us the perfect example of wisdom in relationships—loyal to the end, honest in love, willing to confront sin for our good. As we prepare to go from this place, empower us by Your Spirit to be faithful friends, to speak truth in love, and to pursue healthy, God-honoring relationships. Help us to bear with one another in patience and to build one another up in faith. Guard our hearts from the deceitful kisses of the enemy and strengthen us to love as You love. We pray this in Your mighty and merciful name. Amen.