I'm Sorry

When I was younger, I used to say “I’m sorry” a lot. I would apologize for everything and to anyone. I was made fun of for how apologetic I was. I was like the Oprah of sorrys. You get a sorry, and you get a sorry, and you get the picture.

But sorry can be so very hard to say. My brief years in parenting have revealed that we would rather have our teeth pulled than say we are sorry at times. Even at a young age, we want to be seen in the best possible light. We are high on justification and low on apology. Filled with reasons and empty of accountability.

Feeling genuine remorse is too uncomfortable. Who loves to hear they’re right? Who hates to admit they are wrong? So we sidestep our errors, looking for any and all shortcuts so we can move on to feeling pretty decent about ourselves again.

I remember watching the movie Runaway Bride several years ago and seeing the scene in which Julia Roberts’s character Maggie was in confession with her priest.

Maggie says :Bless me Father for I have sinned. My last confession was... well. Anyway, I have sorta a technical question. I've been having bad thoughts, really bad thoughts.

Priest Brian questions: Of an impure nature?

Maggie says: No, No, I want to destroy this man's life, career everything. I want revenge. Now on a sins scale how bad is that? Can I Hail Mary my way out of that?”

We might get a chuckle out of this because maybe we can relate, but confession is about more than a mere pardon for revenge.

Prayers of confession involve what we call an examination of conscience. This is the search me and know me part of Psalm 139. Richard Foster says that these prayers have two components. The first part is when we consider how God has been present to us throughout the day, remembering God’s love for us. The second part is when we uncover areas that need cleansing or healing within us. I’ll say those again. We remember who God is and all God has done for us. We then invite God’s presence into uncovering anything that needs cleansing or healing.

The key phrase in the whole process is “invite God.”

We aren’t meant to do this kind of examination without the Holy Spirit. If so, we risk swinging from one extreme to the other. On the one end, we can become too harsh on ourselves. We beat ourselves up over every little thing and feel we are unworthy of God’s love and forgiveness. On the other end of the spectrum, we become far too skilled at rationalizing and excusing our motives. I’m not really that bad, not at least compared to some others out there. In between the two, Richard Foster says we need the presence of Christ; we need “the scrutiny of love.”

Kyle Strobel says “prayer is a journey into our pain and sin, because faith is a journey with God in truth. It is in our pain, and in the pangs of conscience regarding our sin, that we are crying out to know , Am I really forgiven here? Is healing available for me in these places? Can God truly receive me here?”

This is the prayer where we wonder, “where can I run from your love God? Have I gone too far this time? Are you still there? Is there still room for me beside you?”

This examination can happen in a lot of ways. Foster talks about how some keep a spiritual journal. I myself tend to do this towards the end of each of my days as I am lying down. What went well? What could I have done better? Where do I need forgiveness? What or whom do I need to forgive? Foster describes how one summer his daily review came as he was shooting hoops outside. He would begin a spiritual inventory of the day. He says during this time “many things would surface to memory. Sin was there to be sure: an angry word, a missed courtesy, a failed opportunity to encourage someone. But there was also the good: a small obedience, a quiet prayer that seemed to do so much, a word fitly spoken.” In the scrutiny of God’s love, both are present.

While one aspect of confession is individual, confession is also something that we do together as a corporate body. We do this weekly. In some congregations, you won’t find much liturgy beyond praise. Nadia Bolz Weber said this was the case when she was starting as a Lutheran pastor years ago. She guesses it became unpopular because you didn’t want to make anyone feel too bad about themselves during worship.

Maybe when we share in corporate confession you sometimes think to yourself, “well, I haven’t really done that… but ok.” So if it isn’t your specific sin, why bother confessing it? The Hebrew people didn’t understand sin in such an individual way as we do. Sin always rippled outward and effected the whole. Throughout the Old Testament, we witness others confessing sins they haven’t committed on behalf of the whole. Lisa Sharon Harper said “Individuals’ core identities were interwoven with the generations that came before, their extended families, their community, and the land where they and their ancestors lived. We see Nehemiah stand in the gap confessing the sins his people as his own, though he never lived in Jerusalem and had nothing to do with the tangible cause of the burning of Jerusalem’s walls. In Lamentations 3, we see Jeremiah offer a lament and confess the sins of his community though he repeatedly did what was right before God. Corporate confession was a critical practice; exercised most often when the culture and governance of a society denigrated the image of God in their midst by disregarding the orphan, the widow, the immigrant, or the poor. “ What might your I’m sorry prayers be, your “forgive us Lord, for we know not what we do” prayers?

I’m sorry for the mess we have made of things.

I’m sorry when someone is treated as less than human.

I’m sorry when we act like your creation doesn’t matter.

I’m sorry when we make decisions to serve ourselves, neglecting those who need it most.

It is important that we do this work together, that we enter into confession together. Tish Harrison Warren says, “When we confess and receive absolution together, we are reminded that none of our pathologies, neuroses, or sins, no matter how small or secret, affect only us. We are a church, a community, a family. We are not simply individuals with our pet sins and private brokenness. We are people who desperately need each other if we are to seek Christ and walk in repentance. If we are saved, we are saved together--as the body of Christ, as a church. Because of this, I need to hear my forgiveness proclaimed not only by God but by a representative of the body of Christ in which I receive grace, to remind me that though my sin is worse than I care to admit, I'm still welcome here. I'm still called into this community and loved.”

You see, we don’t just say the prayer of confession and leave, because that isn’t the end of our story. As people of faith, we are meant to always be seeking reconciliation. Matthew 5:23-24 the Message translation says “23-24 “This is how I want you to conduct yourself in these matters. If you enter your place of worship and, about to make an offering, you suddenly remember a grudge a friend has against you, abandon your offering, leave immediately, go to this friend and make things right. Then and only then, come back and work things out with God.” Whatever I remember about any harm, I remember the reconciliation more.

We confess our sins before God.

We receive words of pardon and forgiveness from God.

Reconciled with God, we go forward to extend reconciliation to one another. This was so important in the ancient church that Origen said “without the kiss of peace- and the reconciliation signaled by it- there is no true worship or Communion. How can a prayer be complete without the kiss of peace.”

So let’s ask God to search us and know us. Lets do the hard things together and say the hard words. I’m sorry. We are sorry.

Because on the other side of sorry is you are forgiven. On the other side of repentance is redemption. On the other side of your sin is the kiss of peace.