Relationship Talk
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This conversation deals with Marriage but can apply to any relationship.
It can apply to friends, family, or any relationship.
The enemy of a great marriage is the good marriage. We get complacent even in a good a marriage yet it can always be better.
Even in good marriages, it's easy to settle into routines and take each other for granted—
not out of neglect, but because comfort can quietly morph into complacency. The relationship feels “fine,” so we stop actively investing in it.
But like anything valuable, a marriage benefits from regular care and intentional effort.
Here are some ideas that can help a good marriage into a great one.
Really all we need is the Bible:
1 Corinthians 13:4
4 Love endures long and is patient and kind;
Patience is more than waiting for a long time its enduring without complaint.
Its restraint and understanding when faced with adversity.
Patience with love is about bearing with one another’s weaknesses, shortcomings, and differences.
Its giving each other space to grow and to change.
Kindness just doesn’t mean being nice to one another or being polite it means showing genuine concern for one another.
Its about doing good for the other person even when its inconvenient.
Its about being tender compassionate and forgiving.
Patience and kindness:
Love with Patience creates a safe place for one another to be human and to make mistakes and to grow. Its forms the building blocks for each relationship.
When we love with Kindness we foster an environment where each others well being is nurtured and prioritized.
Patience and Kindness forms the foundation of Love which we can begin to build our house.
There are many different ways we can walk in maturity and love towards our spouse and future spouses.
Your spouse has emotional needs and if you don’t meet those needs her love tank becomes empty and your relationship becomes sick.
12 Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life.
Is your relationship sick today? It could be that your not hitting the target. You might even be trying but it doesn’t seem to hit the mark.
Lets look at the book
5 Emotional Love Languages.
I use this in premarital counseling.
There is different love languages just like there are different languages in the world. My primary and only language is English. Is you try to speak to me in Spanish I’m not going to receive what your trying to communicate to me.
Same thing with our emotional love languages. You might try to speak a love language to your spouse and they are not feeling what your trying to communicate.
According to Gary Chapman there are 5 basic emotional love languages.
Words of affirmation
Quality Time
Physical Touch
Acts Of Service
Receiving Gifts
Write down yours in the order of importance.
1)Words of Affirmation
a) words of appreciation.
Mark Twain “ I can live for two months on a good compliment.
The tongue has the power of life and death. Proverbs 18:21
If words of affirmation are number 1 on your list then words of criticism will cause you to wilt. Constant nagging to this person will cause there emotional love tank to empty.
b) Not only good compliments but encouraging words are good for affirmation.
Romans 12:8
6 We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us. If your gift is prophesying, then prophesy in accordance with your faith;
7 if it is serving, then serve; if it is teaching, then teach;
8 if it is to encourage, then give encouragement; if it is giving, then give generously; if it is to lead, do it diligently; if it is to show mercy, do it cheerfully.
My wife has the gift of encouragement. You receive this gift every Sunday. I get to benefit from it every day. She encourages me all the time and I can feel life come into me. Some would call it positive energy.
When we encourage we are trying to communicate the we know, care, and saying I am with you. We show we believe in them and there abilities. We are giving praise.
c) Kind words
We must communicate love verbally by using kind words. Has to do with the way we speak. Or the tone of voice.
Proverbs 15:1
1 A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.
d) Humble words
Love makes requests, not demands. When I demand things from my spouse I become a parent and she the child.
We cannot get emotional love by way of demand. My spouse may in fact comply with my demands maybe out of fear or guilt or some other emotion but not out of love.
2) Quality Time
It isn’t enough to just be in the same room. A key ingredient in giving your spouse quality time is giving them focused attention, especially in this era of many distractions.
Watching TV together is not quality time because you are not focused on the other person. Just because your in the same house together doesn’t mean you are together.
Its giving your undivided attention to one another. This could mean conversations and quality activities.
Ask your spouse for a list of five activities that they enjoy doing with you and then plan one each week or month.
3) Physical Touch
Holding hands, kissing, embracing, and marital intimacy are all ways of communicating emotional love to one’s spouse.
This is my wifes number one love language. My daughters number 2.
If touch is a high on the list giving your spouse a kiss and hug before you leave and after you get home will speak volumes.
Holding hands when walking together to the store or other places.
Sitting next to each other while watching TV. (popcorn)
Of course not all touch is created equal. We have to find what they perceive as loving touches and what might be uncomfortable or irritating. Let them communicate to you what is acceptable and what’s not.
Not all touch that brings you pleasure will bring the same feeling to them.
4) Acts of Service
Acts of service are mine and JoAnn’s number 2.
Acts of service are doing things for your spouse that they would want you to do. You seek to please them by serving them.
If our faith is strong then so should our love be!
Jesus said He didn’t come into the world to be served but to serve. This is Jesus calling and so it is ours.
5) Gift Giving
Jesus practiced all 5 languages.
He affirmed the outcast (“Your faith has made you well”)
He gave time to children, widows, sinners, and doubters.
He served His disciples by washing their feet.
He gave the gift of Himself on the cross.
He touched the untouchable and made them whole.
As you go into your week:
Ask God to help you love beyond convenience.
Slow down and listen to the needs of your spouse.
And most of all, let your love point people to the One who loves perfectly.
“By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.” — John 13:35
Love well. Love fully. Love like Jesus.
Amen.
Book Recommendations:
Bible 1 Corinthians 13:4-8
5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman
100 Ways to Love Your Wife/Husband by Matt and Lisa Jacobson
100 Words of Affirmation by Matt and Lisa Jacobson
