Better Together

Lead Vocalist (Joel)

Welcome & Announcements (Sterling)

Good morning family!

If you received a connect card, please fill it out and put in offering plate

Announcements:

1) Discover Class

2) __________________________________________

3) __________________________________________

4) __________________________________________

Now please take a moment of silence to prepare your heart for worship.

Call to Worship (Psalm 133)

Prayer of Praise (Brannan Holdren)

Better Is One Day

The Church's One Foundation

Prayer of Confession (Jerry Brewton), Neglecting fellowship

Assurance of Pardon (1 John 1:7)

Good News Club Video

We Believe (Apostle's Creed)

Scripture Reading (Eccl. 4:7-16)

You can find it on page 658 in the black Bibles

Pastoral Prayer (Sterling)

Prayer for PBC—Help us to pursue deep gospel friendships

Prayer for kingdom partner—Good News Club

Prayer for US—Against abuse

Prayer for the world—Bangladesh

Pray for the sermon

SERMON

What is essential in this life?

There’s a lot of things you might be tempted to put on that list, luxuries like coffee, indoor plumbing, your smartphone, and more.

But what do we actually need?

You need air to breathe, water to drink, food to eat, shelter to protect you from the elements, and sleep for your physical and mental wellbeing.

But the Bible tells us of another need humans have, a need which sadly far too many people treat as if it’s a luxury item we can do without.

The Bible teaches us that we need companionship.

We need friends.

Think back to Genesis 1.

After each of the days of creation, God looks at what He created and He says that it was good.

But before the sixth day was over, God saw something that was not good.

Genesis 2:18a—Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone. . . ”

It would be entirely appropriate to insert your name in that sentence in place of the man. “It is not good that Aaron should be alone.” “It is not good that Bridget should be alone.” Or Charles, Denise, Esther, or Frank.”

Drew Hunter puts it like this, “The first problem in human history, the first problem on the pages of Scripture, the first problem in any human life, was not sin—it was solitude.” [1]

Or, as Tim Keller explains, “God made us in such a way that we cannot enjoy paradise without friends. God made us in such a way that we cannot enjoy our joy without human friends. Adam had a perfect quiet time every day, 24 hours. He never had a dry one, and yet he needed [friends].” [2]

Friendship is not a luxury item—it’s essential for life under the sun.

That’s the Big Idea I hope to explain with God’s help this morning.

To do that, please turn in your Bibles to Ecclesiastes 4:7.

Over the past few weeks in Ecclesiastes we have learned about the tyranny of time, and the reality of wickedness and oppression under the sun.

But now the Preacher wants to turn our attention to one of the greatest gifts in this life.

He wants us to think about the gift of friendship.

From our text, I want to show you Three Reasons Why Friendship is Essential:

We need Friendship to Enjoy Life,

We Need Friendship to Endure Life, and

We Need Friendship for Eternal Life.

Whether you feel like you’re surrounded by good friends, or you don’t have any friends, you need to hear what God’s Word has to say about why friends are essential.

Let’s begin by considering why...

1) We Need Friendship to ENJOY Life

Ecclesiastes 4:7–8—Again, I saw vanity under the sun: one person who has no other, either son or brother, yet there is no end to all his toil, and his eyes are never satisfied with riches, so that he never asks, “For whom am I toiling and depriving myself of pleasure?” This also is vanity and an unhappy business.

Once again, Solomon is observing the world around him and he sees something that is hevel, or vanity.

He sees a man working hard, storing up wealth for himself. And yet that man has nobody to share it with. No wife, no son, no brother, no friends.

And in the end, this man cannot enjoy life because he has nobody to enjoy it with.

Solomon isn’t the only person to recognize the importance of friendship...

If you were with us a few months ago when we studied the Nicene Creed, you might remember the Cappadocian Fathers, Gregory of Nazianzus and Basil the Great. These men weren’t only well-known theologians in their day, they were also best friends. Gregory once wrote to Basil, “The greatest benefit which life has brought me is your friendship.” He also wrote, “If anyone were to ask me, ‘What is the best thing in life?’ I would answer, ‘Friends.’” [3]

The early church father Augustine preached in a sermon, “Two things are essential in this world—life, and friendship. Both must be prized highly, and not undervalued.” [4]

The 20th century American writer Joseph Epstein (NOT Jeffrey!) said, “without friendship, make no mistake about it, we are all lost.” [5]

What a tragedy, then, to be like the man the Preacher describes in these verses.

To gain the whole world, yet have no one to share it with is to lose your own soul.

In his novel, East of Eden, John Steinbeck writes “When a man comes to die, no matter what his talents and influence and genius, if he dies unloved his life must be a failure to him and his dying a cold horror.” [6]

And yet, despite the reality that we need friendship to enjoy life, people in the 21st century are more friendless than ever.

We live in the most connected age in human history, and yet we’re more isolated than ever. In 1990, just 3% of Americans said they had no close friends. Today, that number is 12%. [7]

Among men, it’s even worse—1 in 5 say they don’t have a single close friend. [8]

And young adults—supposedly the most socially connected generation—are among the loneliest. [9]

The former US Surgeon General Vivek Murthy said that when he saw patients, the most common illness was not cancer or heart disease but loneliness. [10]

In his phenomenal book, Made for Friendship, Drew Hunter mentions several reasons why friendship is particularly difficult for people in the 21st century. [11]

First, we are plagued by busyness. We fill our lives with so much toil (in the words of Ecclesiastes) that we have little time for friends.

Second, we have been deceived by technology. Phone calls, emails, texts, and social media are helpful tools for relationships. But none of them can replace the beauty of face-to-face interactions.

Technology is like the shallow end of the relationship pool. And some of us have become so comfortable in the shallow end we never travel into the deep end, and our relationships suffer as a result.

Let me ask you, dear listener, how are your friendships?

Are you like the man in verses 7-8, working, working, working but unable to truly enjoy your work because you’re working alone?

Is your life so filled with busyness that you don’t make time for people?

Have you been deceived by technology, replacing relational depth with shallow interactions communicated over a screen?

Who in your life really knows you?

Who knows about your desires and your disappointments, your temptations and your trials, your joys and your sorrows?

Friendship is not a luxury item—it’s essential for life under the sun.

We need friendship to enjoy life.

But also...

2) We Need Friendship to ENDURE Life

J. C. Ryle said this: “This world is full of sorrow because it is full of sin. It is a dark place. It is a lonely place. It is a disappointing place. The brightest sunbeam in it is a friend. Friendship halves our troubles and doubles our joys.” [12]

No matter how many wonderful friends you have, you cannot and will not find a life without trouble.

But good friends can cut those troubles in half. They will not make life trouble-free, but they can make life in a fallen world easier to endure.

Verses 9-12 are often read at weddings, but there’s nothing in the text to indicate Solomon is talking about the marriage relationship.

Instead, it’s better to see this section as a list of four reasons life is easier to endure with friends…

First, life is easier to endure with friends because you’ll have a…

A) Better REWARD

Ecclesiastes 4:9—Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil.

It’s common sense that you’re able to accomplish more when two people work together than when one person works alone.

And yet, all of us have experienced those times when another person slows us down.

How’s the old saying go? If you want something done right, do it yourself.

But sometimes the reward isn’t what you can get done, but who you’re with along the way.

If you think back on your life, you will likely find your fondest memories are not the days where you were the most productive.

They were the days when you enjoyed the gift of some sweet relationship.

Good friends are there own reward!

It’s no wonder C.S. Lewis said, “Friendship is the greatest of worldly goods. Certainly to me it is the chief happiness of life.” [13]

List is easier to endure with friends because you’ll have a better reward. But also because you’ll have a…

B) Better RECOVERY

Ecclesiastes 4:10—For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up!

You are going to fall. It’s not a question of if, but when… and how hard… and if you’ll have someone to help you get back up again.

Life will knock the wind out of you—through suffering, sin, disappointment, failure, or loss. And in those moments, friends are the ones who lift you up. They don’t just offer clichés—they offer compassion. They sit in the ashes with you. They remind you of truth when you’ve forgotten it. They carry your burdens when you’re too weak to bear them alone.

But Solomon adds a warning: “Woe to him who is alone…” In other words, isolation isn’t just unwise—it’s dangerous. You weren’t designed to recover alone.

God has built help into the very fabric of friendship. So if you wait to seek out friends until after you fall, it may be too late. Wise people build community before the crash.

List is easier to endure with friends because you’ll have a better recovery when you fall. But also because you’ll have…

C) Better REST

Ecclesiastes 4:11—Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone?

If you’re married and you’re really into snuggling but your spouse isn’t, consider doing a special couple’s Bible study on this verse.

Snuggling is biblical!

As much as I wish I could use this verse to teach on the joys of romantic physical touch, that’s not what’s going on in this passage. This is likely a reference to travelers, sleeping in the open. Nights in Palestine were cold, and travelers would sometimes even sleep next to their animals for warmth to survive the night. [14]

So how should we apply this verse to friendship? Some of you are already thinking, I’m not doing THAT with my friends.

But the point isn’t merely about physical touch—it’s about shared presence that brings comfort in a cold world.

In the journey of life, there are seasons when the nights are long and bitter—grief, anxiety, loneliness, fear. And during those times, a faithful friend doesn’t need to solve your problems; they just need to be there. Their presence is like warmth in the chill.

Good friends give you space to rest, not just physically, but emotionally and spiritually. With them, you can exhale. You don’t have to perform. You don’t have to explain everything. You can just be—and that’s a rare kind of rest.

List is easier to endure with friends because you’ll have better rest. But finally because you’ll have…

D) Better RESILIENCE

Ecclesiastes 4:12—And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken.

The threefold cord here is NOT a reference to the Trinity or a husband and wife plus God.

It’s simply saying that, when it comes to friends, if two is better than one than three is better than two. It is a way of saying the more friends, the better. [15]

This is especially true when life is hard.

Notice the verse talks about someone trying to prevail against you. This is a symbolic reference to the challenges of life. When life hurts, the more true friends you have in your life the better.

Up to this point, some of you have been thinking about friendship and you’re thinking about your husband or your wife. Your spouse is your best friend, and that’s a good and glorious thing. But if your spouse is your only friend you’re in trouble.

Here’s one reason why: often when suffering comes it attacks both husband and wife. If your spouse is your only true friend to walk alongside you as you suffer, and you’re both suffering, then you’re both in trouble.

Be vulnerable about how I’m doing (Eric, Mike, pastor friends)

Resiliency in suffering requires more than a single best friend. It requires a handful of deep relationships.

Jesus illustrates this on the night He was betrayed.

As He prepared to go to the cross, He became so sad His sorrow nearly killed Him.

So what did He do? He opened up with His three closest friends. He was honest about how He was feeling. He told them how sad and distressed He was. And then He asked them to watch and pray with Him.

Peter, James, and John failed miserably that night. They fell asleep when Jesus asked them to pray.

But Jesus’ example demonstrates how friendship is supposed to work.

The heaviness of life is easier to carry when you’re not carrying it alone.

Friendship is not a luxury item—it’s essential for life under the sun.

We need friendship to enjoy life and to endure life.

But finally…

3) We Need Friendship for ETERNAL Life

Ecclesiastes 4:13–16—Better was a poor and wise youth than an old and foolish king who no longer knew how to take advice. For he went from prison to the throne, though in his own kingdom he had been born poor. I saw all the living who move about under the sun, along with that youth who was to stand in the king’s place. There was no end of all the people, all of whom he led. Yet those who come later will not rejoice in him. Surely this also is vanity and a striving after wind.

Our text ends with a parable about two kings.

The first king was old and foolish. He ended up isolating himself because didn’t think he could learn anything from anybody else.

The second king was a rags to riches story. He went from poverty and prison, all the way to the throne. Unlike the old and foolish king, the second king was young and wise. And he was celebrated by the entire kingdom.

But Solomon looked at both kings and concluded that it was all vanity and striving after wind. Why? Because in the end, both kings died and were forgotten.

Here’s where we find the limits of friendship.

Friends are necessary to enjoy life and endure life, but in the end whether you’re highly popular or you’ve pushed everybody away you’re still going to die.

So we need a vision for friendship that’s bigger than the men and women we love in this life.

Which means we need to zoom out and listen to the words from One who was greater than Solomon...

John 15:12–15—“This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends. You are My friends if you do what I command you. No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you.”

When I say “we need friendship for eternal life” I am NOT saying that you can somehow earn eternal life by being a good friend or having good friends. What I mean is that the only way for you to have eternal life is for you to become a friend of Jesus.

EXPLAIN THE GOSPEL

To reject this good news is to resign yourself to the place of ultimate isolation. Where you will be alone forever with your sin and shame and the judgment of God.

As Charles Spurgeon preached, “He who would be happy here must have friends; and he who would be happy hereafter, must, above all things, find a friend in the world to come, in the person of God.” [16]

Have you repented of your sins and put your faith in Jesus? If so, you can do that today!

If you have put your faith in Jesus, you have the capacity to enjoy the gift of friendship better than anybody.

You have a personal relationship with Jesus, who is the perfect friend.

And because you understand the reality of death and the life to come, you are able to enjoy friendships in this life without making an idol out of them.

And yet, if we’re honest, many Christians struggle with relationships just as much as unbelievers do.

So I want to conclude this morning with some practical advice on friendship.

But before I do, please know that this is coming from someone who struggles mightily making friends and staying friends. I am no friendship expert, but I am growing. And here are a few things I’ve learned, especially over the last decade of my life.

First, focus on being a good friend rather than having a good friend.

There’s an old saying, “I went out to look for a friend and they were nowhere. I went out to be a friend and they were everywhere.” [17]

Instead of looking to find a good friend, focus on being one.

Learn the art of asking good questions.

A good friend doesn’t talk about himself or herself all the time. A good friend listens and gets to know you. Work on being that sort of person for others.

Remember the things you learn.

If someone tells you about a doctor’s appointment they’re nervous about next week, be sure to ask them how it went (even if you have to write it down or put a reminder in your phone to remember).

If you want to grow in this area, there are two books I recommend: Made for Friendship by Drew Hunter and The Company We Keep by Jonathan Holmes. Both will be available for purchase in the lobby after the service.

Second, friendships are like gardens—they require time and care.

Far too many of my friendships in life have faded into nothing because I didn’t take the time to cultivate them.

This is one reason why it becomes incredibly difficult—though not impossible—to maintain a close relationship when you’re not able to spend time together.

This may not be helpful for some of you, but for me personally I’ve learned that I need to schedule time to be with my friends. Otherwise it doesn’t happen! Whether that’s a weekly hangout where we check in and pray for each other, or a monthly or quarterly extended get-together over a meal, the friendships in my life require time. And, for me at least, that time needs to be scheduled.

Third, learn to be okay with a few close friends.

Of course, we need to love everyone. But you’re not going to be close with everyone.

Even Jesus had an inner circle of three friends among His twelve disciples.

Drew Hunter says that friendship should be more like a submarine, holding a few people but going deep. Instead, many of us try to make friendship like a cruise ship, filled with lots of nice people that we don’t know well at all. [18]

It’s okay to have a handful of men or women you connect with the best. It’s not wrong to spend more time cultivating those mutually beneficial relationships, as long as you’re still willing to pour your life out for those whom you love, even if they’re not close friends.

Finally, fight to go deep with your friends.

The type of friendship the preacher is highlighting isn’t superficial. These aren’t merely friendships based on mutual interests, they’re friendships with a deep, spiritual component.

Drew Hunter explains: “Most of what we call friendship is little more than acquaintanceship. But acquaintanceship is to friendship what snorkeling is to deep-sea diving. Snorkeling is fine, but skimming along the surface isn’t exploring the deep. We often float on the surface of our conversations, sharing little more than the most general details of our lives. We note our plans for the day, share a few interesting (or uninteresting) details about our week, offer a few sports or political opinions. But we don’t share the climate of our souls. We don’t share our struggles with sin. We don’t share our experiences of spiritual renewal or admit that we’re sitting in a season of darkness. No one knows when our soul feels spiritually chilly. Nor are most of us adept at drawing out others in these ways.” [19]

One simple way to do this is to learn to ask your closest friends, “How is your soul?” Don’t let it be abnormal to talk about spiritual things like Bible reading, prayer, temptations, and more.

This is one reason why the local church is so important. Here is a group of people where you can find deep friendships with people who are following Jesus just like you.

So let me ask you again: What is essential in this life?

Yes, you need air, food, water, and sleep. But under the sun—and in light of eternity—you also need friends.

You need friends to enjoy the goodness of life.

You need friends to endure the hardness of life.

And ultimately, you need the Friend who gives eternal life—Jesus Christ.

And if He has called you His friend, then He also calls you to be the kind of friend who reflects Him—honest, sacrificial, loyal, present, and full of grace and truth.

So maybe for you the most important application today is to trust in Jesus—to become His friend by grace through faith.

Maybe for others, the step is to stop waiting for friendships to fall into your lap and start building them—intentionally, prayerfully, patiently.

And maybe for some of you, the next step is simple:

Send the text.

Make the call.

Extend the invitation.

Join the small group or Sunday School class.

Go to the men’s or women’s group.

Say yes to lunch after church.

Say yes to staying five more minutes.

Take the risk of being known.

Because friendship isn’t a luxury—it’s a lifeline.

Let’s be a church that fights isolation, reflects the heart of Jesus, and walks together through the joys and sorrows of life—arm in arm, until we see our dearest Friend face to face.

Prayer of Thanksgiving

Announce: parents pick up kids for baptism

What A Friend We Have in Jesus

Baptism

Doxology

Benediction (Hebrews 10:24-25)