Close Friends : Being a friend means walking away friendly.

INTRODUCTION

· Alex Haiti Story

· What’s the point of this story? Well, in this series, we’re talking about what it means to be close friends.

· But one thing I think we have to consider in that conversation is this: What do we do when it’s time to unfriend a close friend?

· How do we handle it when friendships drift apart or move in different directions?

TENSION

· Sometimes change in a friendship isn’t over reasons that are a big deal. Maybe it’s something like . . .

o You changed schools, which made it more difficult to stay in touch.

o Schedules changed, and now you don’t see each other as much.

o You’ve both changed interests, which means you have less in common.

· Changes like this are difficult, but it doesn’t necessarily mean that they are wrong.

· INTERACTIVE: All Tied Up

Simple Shoe Lace - Sometimes the separation between friends is easy. It’s not a big deal. Everyone gets it and understands. The knot of that close friendship is untied as simple as just going different directions.

Sometimes it’s not so simple, is it?

Mission Trip Shoe Lace Game Story - He couldn’t get the shoe untied and I felt bad because that shoe STUNK!

Tangled Shoe Laces - There are a lot of different emotions involved. There are a lot of memories. There’s history there. Separating from that kind of close friendship is much more complicated.

· Sometimes, the reasons for ending a close friendship aren’t so cut and dry.

· Maybe you and a friend had a difference of opinions about something you both feel strongly about.

· Maybe you had a friend who hurt you with their words or actions—something you just couldn’t move on from.

· Maybe you had a friend who started walking a different path—one that you don’t think is good for them or you.

Some of you have experienced this before.

· Maybe you were the one who initiated the change, and it was difficult.

· Or maybe you were on the other end of the story.

· Wherever you find yourself right now, the reality is, many friendships only last for a season.

It just feels like rejection.

Wherever you are at, the truth is many friendships only last for a season and that’s okay. Some friendships last a lifetime, but the truth is, that’s more rare than you think.

I’ve seen y’all over the years, so I know friendships in this room have changed, and that’s okay!

The reason I want to talk about it is because so many youth stop coming to youth because they drifted a part from their friend that comes to youth, and now it feels awkward. But it doesn’t have to be that way!

· So, how do we navigate close friendships when they change? How do we walk away and handle it well, with honor and integrity like Jesus wants us to?

TRUTH

· After Jesus no longer walked the Earth, the book of Acts tells the story about what happened next.

· With Jesus gone, Jesus told his closest followers—His disciples— go and make more disciples throughout the entire world. “Go tell the world about me!” So, they began traveling to different places and sharing the life-changing message of Jesus.

· In the passage we’re looking at today, we have three guys: Paul, Barnabas, and John Mark.

Paul - Originally named Saul. Wrote one of the greatest influencers of all time. He ended up writing more than half of the New Testament, which were letters to strengthen the church of New believers.

Barnabas - Originally named Joseph. He was a good teacher that came along with Paul. He was a good man who loves to encourage those around him. That’s why he was given the name Barnabas, which means “encourager”.

John Mark - Barnabas cousin and he eventually ended up writing the gospel of Mark. He came along to assist Paul and Barnabas on their missionary journey.

For reasons unknown, John Mark abandoned Paul and Barnabas on their missionary journey. Many believe it was because he was young and inexperienced.

Missionary journeys were dangerous. People were hostile and wanted them arrested and even killed. They needed to travel with people they can completely trust.

Also, how could people trust them to give their whole life to Jesus when they saw men were running away from the “mission” and weren’t giving it their all?

· But it wasn’t always easy for them.

o “Some time later Paul said to Barnabas, ‘Let us go back and visit the believers in all the towns where we preached the word of the Lord and see how they are doing.’ Barnabas wanted to take John, also called Mark, with them, but Paul did not think it wise to take him, because he had deserted them in Pamphylia and had not continued with them in the work’” (Acts 15:36-38 NIV).

· Paul and Barnabas were friends who were doing some pretty important work together.

· But when they decided to go back and check on some of those churches, problems started…

· The fact that this story is included in our Bible is so important. It would have been much easier if the writers had decided to make everyone look like a hero, or if they just told you the stuff you were supposed to do or believe when it comes to your faith.

· This shows me that the Bible is REAL! It’s not a perfect little fairy tale. The Bible is a collection of stories about real people who had real disagreements and lived in real tensions and are doing their best to get it right when it comes to following Jesus.

·

o “They had such a sharp disagreement that they [Paul and Barnabas] parted company. Barnabas took Mark and sailed for Cyprus, but Paul chose Silas and left, commended by the believers to the grace of the Lord. He went through Syria and Cilicia, strengthening the churches” (Acts 15:39-41 NIV).

· Listen, Paul and Barnabas were two guys who understood the power of showing grace, overlooking offenses, and moving forward.

· What I’m not trying to say is that we need to cut anyone off we have a disagreement with. If we can make peace, we need to try. But if we can’t, we need to have boundaries.

· And that’s what Paul and Barnabas did.

· When we read this story their disagreement may sound petty, or small, but it was a big deal to them. It could have been life and death.

· When you think about it, any type of conflict is always a big deal when you’re one of the people involved.

· In fact, maybe you’ve experienced something similar.

· What I love most about this story is that it doesn’t end in conflict.

· The writer of Acts, Luke, goes on to say that the two men, Paul and Barnabas, kept going in the important work they were doing.

· Think about it…

· They could’ve let this conflict in their friendship stop them.

· They could’ve let it impact the work they knew they needed to do.

· They could’ve stopped talking about Jesus and started talking trash about each other.

· But they didn’t.

· Their friendship changed, but they didn’t let it end the mission that they shared.

God used it for good, and it ended up spreading the gospel twice as fast. We are here today because of how much they were able to spread the gospel. God used this moment to further His kingdom.

· And here’s what I think that you and I can learn from them…

Being a friend means walking away friendly.

· You can, like Paul and Barnabas, have a friendship-ending disagreement while still going on with your life in a way that doesn’t impact you or the other person for the worse. While still honoring them behind their back.

You can still treat them with respect when you’re in the same room, or in a different room.

You can speak well of them when their name comes up, or have self control (fruit of the spirit!) when their name comes up!

You can move forward with your life, and let them move forward in their life.

You can move on, remembering the best about them, and leaving behind the worst.

APPLICATION

· So, how do we walk away friendly, even in the moments we don’t feel like it or think it’s fair.

· Let’s start with one simple word: FORGIVE

· So, if we’re going to choose to forgive, we can start this way:

· Identify why you’re frustrated.

Name your pain. Don’t stuff your emotion, it will only leak out and you will never get through it. Whether you’re upset with them for making the choices they’re making, or you’re upset that they’re no longer talking to you and there’s no reasonable explanation, or things changed and it wasn’t because of something anyone did- take time to figure out why you’re upset. Don’t dwell on who’s right and who’s wrong. Just identify why you’re frustrated in the friendship.

· Cancel their offense.

This one is difficult, I know. It might look like letting go of what you think they owe you, canceling the debt, and softening your bitterness toward them and the circumstances. It’s okay to be hurt or feel hurt, but don’t let your hurt get the final word.

As God has forgiven you through Jesus, pass that on to them. Ask God to help you extend forgiveness to them. When we see more clearly how God has forgiven us, God helps us forgive others.  Forgiveness is a chance to see God at work.

Forgive, then forgive again, then forgive again, then forgive again. Or, if the friendship simply changed over time and no one was at fault, it may be realizing there is no offense to forgive so much as a change to come to terms with.

· I want to leave you with what Peter, another person who helped start the early church, said :

· Finally, all of you should be of one mind. Sympathize with each other. Love each other as brothers and sisters. Be tenderhearted, and keep a humble attitude. Don’t repay evil for evil. Don’t retaliate with insults when people insult you. Instead, pay them back with a blessing (1 Peter 3:8-9a NLT).

· The point? You don’t have to continue to be friends, but that doesn’t mean you have to become an enemy. You can pray for them, forgive them, be kind to them, speak well of them, and assume the best in them.

LANDING

· Being a friend means walking away friendly.

· It won’t be easy, but the person who will benefit the most is YOU.

CHALLENGE : Pray for that person who you can’t forgive, or who things are going wrong with.

Some of you have been holding on to grudges for way too long and this is the Lord’s invitation. He says “give it to me. Don’t carry that burden any longer.”