Spiritual Formation 201 - Part 12 - Learning to Live Without Judging Others.

Last week’s soul training - Deaccumulation

Prayer

Philippians 4:6–7 “6 do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

Once we have done all we can do in a given situation, we simply turn the matter over to God.

Example: CS Lewis once said that a person who has weeds in his or her garden, should not pray about the weeds but should pull them up! But when we face situations that we cannot change by direct effort, such as a loved one who is ill or a financial problem that extends beyond our resources, then we turn the matter over to God.

Practical suggestions:

Each morning, set aside 10-15 minutes

Think about all the things you might be anxious about

write them down

Ask God what you can do to remedy each of these situations

Make a note to yourself todo the things you can do.

Turn everything else over to God.

Write your request to God and be very specific.

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The Difference Between Judging and Assessing

I suspect everyone in the room this morning has been judged or unfairly criticized at least once in life. Most of us know how awful that feels and how seldom it ever produces anything other than hurt and anger.

Before we dig into the issue of judging others, I want to distinguish between judging and assessing someone’s performance or behavior.

Assessing others behavior is a necessary part of life. Good parents pay attention to their children’s behavior and are responsible for correcting it when needed. School teachers and college professors have to grade student papers and exams, take attendance, and evaluate student performance resulting in a final grade. Assessing, evaluating and even grading someone’s performance is not the same as judging.

Judging is making a NEGATIVE evaluation of others without standing in SOLIDARITY with them.

When we are judging others we are criticizing them but not as a caring friend who wants to help. After we critically assess their behavior or character, we walk away. I personally don’t mind critique, but I definitely don’t like judgement. The difference is in the heart of the assessor.

Much of what we call “assessing” or “critiquing” or “just telling the truth” is really judging. Correcting someone can be healthy and can even serve to enhance someone’s life. Judging someone NEVER is.

So in order to understand how we can stop judging others by living in the kingdom of God, we need to first understand just what it is that makes judging others so appealing.

False Narrative

There are two primary reasons we judge others:

To fix people

To make us feel better about ourselves

Usually both of these things happen at the same time. We might say we have good intentions, but when we judge others we just prove that we care more about ourselves than the person we are judging. If we REALLY cared, we would adopt a different approach. So, let’s take a look at why we are so quick to judge others.

When we see someone who is at fault, maybe caught in sin or behaving badly, we often turn to the method the world often uses to “fix” people by a verbal assault we will call...

Condemnation Engineering (To fix people)

We think verbally assaulting someone will set them straight. And it appears to work. We think, “If I give so and so a good talking to, they will shape up”

And this is a very powerful weapon in our arsenal because the people we judge or condemn, (especially if we have any credible influence with them) will often shrivel, get angry or cry under our judgement. And once in a while the person will make some changes, which reinforces the narrative that this method works. And seeing it work increases our confidence in the power of condemnation as a means of correction. This has become the primary method people use all over the world.

Parents, educators, coaches and bosses take this route to fix the people under their authority. And a lot of people think iot is the only way to help somebody change.

On the other hand, some people are more timid, or as Christians they don’t want to appear critical, so they say nothing. So we have...

Two ways to deal with the negative behavior of others:

Attack

Do Nothing

The truth is

Judging works in some cases, but it fails more often than not, for four reasons:

It doesn’t flow from a HEART of LOVE.

“If you judge people, you have no time to love them” - Mother Theresa -

This is why many people don’t tolerate judgement. They instinctively know that they are not being loved. If we “dive bomb” people with our accusatory words and then pull up and fly on, leaving them all alone, they know they have not been loved.

Next. Judging someone, even if you are right, takes a shortcut that ...

It bypasses a necessary step.

When someone is in error, the first step toward change is for them to recognize that there is a problem. When we judge, we are forcing the one we are judging to recognize their error. Again, sometimes this works (like maybe in extreme cases of intervention). But in most human interactions, this is not received well. People being judged feel attacked. And the natural reaction is to become defensive and strike back or even deny the accusation.

Third. Judgement is...

It is deconstruction without reconstruction

When we judge, we do a pretty good job of tearing down the house, but we fail to rebuild it. Condemnation engineering fails because it doesn’t factor in a key ingredient for change: Knowing HOW to change.

Our judgement is often WRONG.

The old saying here carries a great truth: “Do not judge another until you have walked a mile in their shoes”

One thing that is almost always true is that our knowledge of another persons plight is often limited. We don’t know how they feel. We don’t know all the details of what has happened to them in the past or what struggles they face.

“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a great battle” - Philo of Alexandria -

I believe this is true and when I remember this I am less likely to judge and more likely to feel compassion.

So condemnation engineering fails because it 1) doesn’t come across as loving, 2) it doesn’t allow the person to own the need for change, 3) it doesn’t offer help toward change, and 4) it may be, and often is entirely inaccurate.

So, I said the second reason we judge is because it makes us feel better about ourselves.

If you aren’t feeling so good about yourself, one way to feel better is to knock someone else down.

When we judge others we feel superior to them. This explains why gossip feels so good. Gossip allows us to escape into a world where we are superior to those we are gossiping about.

When we are able to focus on the weakness or failures of someone else, we are spared from admitting our own...for a minute anyway. Because that’s about how long the relief lasts and so we have to do it more and more often to keep feeling good about ourselves.

Gossip tastes really good and we lick our chops during these sessions but in the end we discover we are feasting on ourselves. We, not those we are attacking are diminished by our judgement.

Judgmental people either feel the WORST about themselves, or mostly DENY their own WEAKNESSES.

Jesus Narrative

Jesus offers a completely different narrative about how to help others. Through a stern warning and a pretty funny joke, He thoroughly rejects judging others.

Matthew 7:1–5 - 1 “Judge not, that you be not judged. 2 For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. 3 Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? 4 Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? 5 You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.”

Jesus begins with “Judge not, that you be not judged” which some would say means that if we judge others, God’s grace will be taken away from us. That is NOT what Jesus is saying here. He uses the image of a measuring cup “the measure you use it will be measured to you.” to illustrate His point, which is:

Don’t judge others unless you are willing to live under that arrangement yourself!

When we judge someone, the person will likely judge us in return: “who are you to judge me? You’re no saint!” And of course they would be right! No matter how correct our judgement of them may be, we are not innocent. Jesus first point is clear. “If you judge someone, be prepared to be judged in return. Then come some Jesus humor...

3 Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? 4 Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? 5 You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.”

Now, a lot of people interpret the log here to mean their own sinfulness, as if Jesus was saying, “who are you to judge, you are more sinful than your neighbor” But think about that. That isn’t logical. Would Jesus really be teaching that if we somehow get rid of the sin in our oen lives, we would then be in a position to judge another? If the log is simply our own sinfulness, then the solution would be to get rid of our own sin so we could judge others effectively. This would go against a whole bunch of Jesus other teaching and the gospel message itself. So what IS the log?

The log is not our sinfulness but the very ACT of judging. Simply judging others makes it impossible to help them. Even if the intention is good, the method is wrong. Judging is not the way to help someone with a problem. it blinds us from seeing a better way.

I know a lot of people think I have that wrong because that is not the way many interpret that scripture, but I am pretty confident I am right about Jesus point here.

Of Pigs & Pearls - Why condemnation Doesn’t Work

I also happen to think that Matthew 7:6 is also talking about judgement and not what a lot of others say about it.

“6 “Do not give dogs what is holy, and do not throw your pearls before pigs, lest they trample them underfoot and turn to attack you.”

A lot of people disconnect that verse from the previous section which is clearly talking about judgement (Matthew 7:1-5)

Almost everyone I have ever heard quote this verse uses it to describe a situation where one person is not worthy of another’s ideas or opinions. It is often used to say don’t waste your time with someone who is not agreeing with you. While there is some merit to that idea sometimes, this verse is not talking about that.

So what most say is the verses 1-5 are saying don’t judge others, and then verse 7 is saying but don’t waste your time on some people who are not worthy. I disagree with that interpretation. I am simple minded and so I have a simpler interpretation that keeps v6 included with the previous verses.

When Jesus says we shouldn’t give pearls to pigs, he isn’t saying they are unworthy but that they can’t digest pearls. Pigs won’t eat pearls.

If a farmer fed his pigs pearls for a few consecutive days, the pigs would go hungry and attack the farmer. Pig’s can’t eat pearls but they can eat farmers!

Just like Pigs cannot digest pearls, people can’t digest being judged or condemned.

Condemnation is NOT digestable....by anyone!

Don’t Judge - Ask and Pray

So far in this passage Jesu has given us lots of reasons not to judge others.

It provokes anger and retaliatory judgement.

Like a log in our eye, condemnation prevents us from being able to help others.

Condemnation does not nourish because it is indigestible.

So if we can disperse with judging others, we will be in a better position to actually help them.

So what is the right way to help someone? Jesus gives us the answer in the next few verses.

Matthew 7:7–11 “7 “Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. 8 For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened. 9 Or which one of you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone? 10 Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a serpent? 11 If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!”

Again, most people read this section as if it were unrelated to the previous section, as if Jesus suddenly switched topis from judgement to prayer. While He is talking about prayer, I don’t think Jesus has switched subjects. Having told us how NOT to help someone, He is now telling us exactly how to help others, which is to begin with prayer.

So here is the sequence.

Take the log out of your own eye. That is we refuse to use condemnation engineering. We are not God; our judgement is often inaccurate, which fails to help people. After removing the log from your own eye, the next step is to ...

2. Ask in Prayer

When we pray for someone our hearts shift to the person’s well-being. And when we pray for someone it gives the Spirit a chance to make a gentle correction in the way we are looking at the person and their situation. Our heart then moves from their behavior to the potential wound that is causing the behavior. THEN we can ask for healing, not just a change in their behavior.

3. Seek and knock

These are words of persistence that apply in two ways:

We are to be persistent in our prayers.

We need to communicate to the person that we are standing WITH them not against them.

Judging is standing at a distance ands lobbing grenades. In the Kingdom, we live in union with each other. My brother’s struggle is my struggle as well. So we show our love by continuing to pray for the person and letting them know that they are not alone. Send an encouraging card, text or email or better yet, give them a call.

Most of the struggles we and our friends face do not go away overnight with a single prayer. We have to keep seeking and keep knocking until something changes.

God wants to give us good gifts and apparently, according to Jesus here, dogged determination and diligence on prayer is the way God works in our lives and in the lives of our friends. that we care about.

Jesus Final Word on Judgement

Mat 7:12 ESV - 12 "So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets.

If you always keep this in mind, you will not judge.

John Wesley said, “Do not unto another what you would not he should do unto you, and you will never more judge your neighbor”

This Week’s Soul Training

A Day Without Gossip

All through this series which we are going to wrap up next week, we have been working from these basic principles:

Do what you can, not what you can’t

Begin where you are, not where you want to be.

Take small attainable steps toward change, not impossible steps that lead to failure.

With that in mind, this week let’s work on an area that we often tolerate as a kind of “acceptable sin”: Gossip.

Gossip defined: 1) speaking negatively 2) about someone who is not present.

1. This week, try to go one to three days without gossiping.

(one day is hard for most!)

2. Refuse to entertain the gossip of some one else. (leave or change the subject)

Closing Prayer