Resentment

Intro

I don’t have an opening scripture or a fancy title this morning. I just want to talk about...

Resentment

What is resentment?

The Merriam Webster dictionary says:

“A feeling of indignant displeasure or persistent ill will at something regarded as a wrong, insult, or injury.” -https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/resentment

Unknown quote say:

“Resentment is a reaction to a perceived negative personal event that happens to you and it results in a feeling of displeasure or ill will.” -unknown

You will see your reaction as a justifiable response to that event. Often it is.

The website compellingtruth.org says:

“Resentment springs from a belief that someone, often God, is being unfair or not giving what is due.” - https://www.compellingtruth.org/Bible-bitterness-resentment.html

Biblical examples of resentment

Cain and Able

Genesis 4:1–5 KJV 1900

1 And Adam knew Eve his wife; and she conceived, and bare Cain, and said, I have gotten a man from the Lord. 2 And she again bare his brother Abel. And Abel was a keeper of sheep, but Cain was a tiller of the ground. 3 And in process of time it came to pass, that Cain brought of the fruit of the ground an offering unto the Lord. 4 And Abel, he also brought of the firstlings of his flock and of the fat thereof. And the Lord had respect unto Abel and to his offering: 5 But unto Cain and to his offering he had not respect. And Cain was very wroth, and his countenance fell.

How many of you have faced this type of injustice?

Cain appears to think that it was unjust of God to prefer one offering over the other. was it?

wait

We don’t know the history of God’s instruction to the first family concerning offerings. We don’t even know their age.

There could have been some instruction prior to this concerning what was an acceptable offering to God. However, this also could have been the very first time an offering was given by these brothers. Maybe this was a teaching moment for them. God was showing them that He desired a blood sacrifice. Maybe there was occasion for an offering of fruit, but this wasn’t that occasion.

Maybe they saw their father bring offerings to the Lord and they wanted to do the same. Cain could have done this in ignorance. Most preaching I have heard and commentaries that I read have agreed that there was some sort of willful act of disobedience on Cains part.

Here’s the thing about resentment though. The act is perceived by the victim as an injustice, regardless if the act is unjust or not.

In Cains eyes he was treated unfairly.

They both brought an offering. It cost both of them quite a bit. This was a sacrifice for Cain as well as Able, but God didn’t accept or approve of Cain’s offering.

Cain resented that.

Sarai and Hagar

Genesis 16:1–6 KJV 1900

1 Now Sarai Abram’s wife bare him no children: and she had an handmaid, an Egyptian, whose name was Hagar. 2 And Sarai said unto Abram, Behold now, the Lord hath restrained me from bearing: I pray thee, go in unto my maid; it may be that I may obtain children by her. And Abram hearkened to the voice of Sarai. 3 And Sarai Abram’s wife took Hagar her maid the Egyptian, after Abram had dwelt ten years in the land of Canaan, and gave her to her husband Abram to be his wife. 4 And he went in unto Hagar, and she conceived: and when she saw that she had conceived, her mistress was despised in her eyes. 5 And Sarai said unto Abram, My wrong be upon thee: I have given my maid into thy bosom; and when she saw that she had conceived, I was despised in her eyes: the Lord judge between me and thee. 6 But Abram said unto Sarai, Behold, thy maid is in thy hand; do to her as it pleaseth thee. And when Sarai dealt hardly with her, she fled from her face.

Who was in the wrong here?

We know Abram was promised a heir, but if I didn’t miss anything I don’t see where Sarai was told of this promise. One would assume that she knew, but it is hard to tell. Maybe she was doing what she thought was the right thing to do.

Hagar was being obedient to her mistress, but she found herself angry. It’s hard to know why she was angry. We could speculate and say that Hagar was angry that Sarai was going to claim Hagar’s son as her own.

I think the main point that I want to make here is that we don’t really know why there was anger and resentment, but there was.

Isn’t that often how this happens. There is resentment in a relationship and we don’t know really who is at fault. We just find ourselves angry and then resentment is present in the relationship.

Saul and David

I can’t read the whole story. Most of you know it anyway, but here’s a quick summary.

David faithfully served King Saul, first by playing his harp to calm the evil in Saul and later by courageously defeating Goliath. David faithfully served the people as well. Johnathan recognized the goodness of David, but as David’s popularity grew, Saul became jealous and resentful, especially when the people praised David more than him. On multiple occasions Saul’s attempts to kill him, however David consistently honored Saul—refusing to retaliate and even sparing his life multiple times. Saul’s resentment blinded him to David’s loyalty and goodness.

I don’t think there is any question here. The Bible is very clear to the testimony of the good heart of David. The honor that he gave to King Saul and the integrity that David served in.

Saul wronged David. Saul mistreated David. Saul was an evil man.

Now it isn’t clear in 1 Samuel that David ever faced resentment toward Saul and that is a great example for us to model ourselves after. We do read in Psalms where David over and over fought with anger, confusion and resentment over mistreatment and evil in his life.

It’s a fact that this type of situation happens all of the time. Innocent people are hurt by evil people.

We’ve talked about 3 different situations that resulted or could have resulted in resentment.

Who among us this morning has been wronged?

Maybe you have been hurt or mistreated. You did your best to serve and honor, you were innocent, but that didn’t matter. The person who hurt you was in the wrong.

But you’re not David. You’re hurt. You are facing resentment and even bitterness.

It’s years later and it’s still an issue.

Are there circumstances when you felt wronged, but later on figured out that all wasn’t as it seemed.

that person didn’t intentionally hurt you.

God really had something better in mind when he passed you by.

Despite the absolving of the responsible party, despite God being justified in his actions and despite the passing of time it doesn’t change the hurt? You’re still resentful.

My story about my former church.

The Nature of Resentment

1. Resentment Happens

You will experience resentment. It is a natural human response to pain, injustice, or unmet expectations. Even faithful believers experience it—David, Job, and even Jonah wrestled with feelings of bitterness toward others and toward God.

2. Resentment Doesn’t Discriminate

It affects everyone—young or old, rich or poor, spiritually mature or new in faith. No one is immune. Even people who seem joyful or strong can carry hidden resentment.

3. Resentment Is Elusive

There are many ways that resentment can appear. It can disguise itself as indifference, sarcasm, fatigue, or even spiritual dryness. You might not even realize you’re carrying it until it starts affecting your peace, relationships, or faith.

4. Resentment Doesn’t Just Go Away or Get Better with Time

Time alone doesn’t heal resentment. In fact, it can deepen if left unaddressed. Healing requires intentional forgiveness, surrender, and sometimes reconciliation.

What are some signs of resentment?

Unwillingness to forgive. You might say you've forgiven someone, but deep down you wish for justice.

Harboring judgment. You find yourself mentally criticizing or condemning someone, even if you don’t voice it.

Loss of compassion. You struggle to feel empathy or kindness toward someone who hurt you, even when they’re suffering.

Avoiding prayer or worship. You feel distant from God, especially when praying about certain people or situations. Resentment can create spiritual resistance.

Withholding love or service. You may stop serving someone or helping them as a quiet form of punishment.

Talking about someone or to someone with a bitter tone. Your words carry a subtle edge when you mention them or talk to them.

Sarcastic comments in a joking manner. Your sarcasm may be a secret way of speaking what you feel without really saying it.

Feeling spiritually stuck. You sense that your spiritual growth is hindered, and you may feel disconnected from peace or joy.

Desiring vindication more than healing. You want others to acknowledge your pain or wrongdoing more than you want to be healed or restored.

Those are signs you may see when battling resentment in you relationships, but what about resentment toward God.

Withdrawing from Prayer or Worship. You might find yourself avoiding prayer, Scripture, or church—not out of busyness, but because you feel distant, disappointed, or even betrayed by God. You might go through the motions of faith, but feel numb, cynical, or even angry.

Feeling Envious of Others’ Blessings. You may struggle with why others seem to be blessed while your prayers go unanswered, leading to quiet bitterness.  Maybe you feel like God is withholding blessings because you haven’t done enough or you’ve done something wrong.

Questioning God’s Fairness or Goodness. You might find yourself thinking, “If God really loved me, why would He allow this?” This can be a sign of unresolved pain turning into resentment. You may skip over verses about God’s goodness, healing, or provision because they feel hollow or painful.

Reluctance to Trust God Again. You may hesitate to surrender future plans or desires to God because you feel He let you down before.

The very first thing you must do is recognize that you are experiencing resentment.

my experience with Bro Micah.

I wasn’t angry with Dad, but...

Again after the death of the person I see that I was resentful.

Once you recognize it then you can begin the process of working through it and being healed of it.

Conclusion

I want to go back to the 4 point I made about the Nature of resentment and help us try to process through them

1. Resentment Happens

Ephesians 4:26-27 acknowledges that anger happens—but there is a warning to not let it continue.

Ephesians 4:26–27 KJV 1900

26 Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath: 27 Neither give place to the devil.

Resentment isn’t always loud or obvious, but it’s root is anger. It can begin as a quiet disappointment or a sense of being wronged. The key is recognizing it early before it takes root in the heart. Do whatever you can to be free from it.

2. Resentment Doesn’t Discriminate

Jeremiah 17:9 reminds us that resentment can hide in places we don’t expect, even in hearts that seem healthy.

Jeremiah 17:9 KJV 1900

9 The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?

Resentment doesn’t care about your background, your theology, or your intentions. It can creep in through relationships, disappointments, or even unanswered prayers.

3. Resentment Is Elusive

Psalm 139:23 invites God to reveal hidden resentment and bring it into the light.

Psalm 139:23 KJV 1900

23 Search me, O God, and know my heart: Try me, and know my thoughts:

Because resentment is subtle, we need spiritual discernment and honest self-reflection to uncover it. It often hides behind “I’m fine” or “I’ve moved on,” when healing hasn’t truly happened.

4. Resentment Doesn’t Just Go Away or Get Better with Time

Hebrews 12:15 Bitterness, like a root, grows stronger over time if not pulled out.

Hebrews 12:15 KJV 1900

15 Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled;

Ignoring resentment doesn’t make it disappear. It must be brought before God, processed, and released. Otherwise, it can poison your joy, relationships, and spiritual growth.

What are some things that we can do to combat resentment taking root in our lives?

Be obedient to God’s word.

James 4:7 KJV 1900

7 Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.

Regardless of what you are feeling, prioritize obedience.

2 Corinthians 10:5 KJV 1900

5 Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;

Colossians 3:13 KJV 1900

13 Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye.

Matthew 5:44 KJV 1900

44 But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;

Mark 11:25 KJV 1900

25 And when ye stand praying, forgive, if ye have ought against any: that your Father also which is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.

Philippians 2:3 KJV 1900

3 Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves.

Ephesians 4:29 KJV 1900

29 Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.

Ephesians 4:31–32 KJV 1900

31 Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: 32 And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.

Romans 12:19 KJV 1900

19 Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.

Again James 4:7

James 4:7 KJV 1900

7 Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.

Depend on the Spirit to bring healing and change.

We can try to do all kinds of things to help ourselves to heal.

We can go to counsel with our pastor.

We can find a licensed counselor

We can read books and find help to process difficulties in our lives

But I love what Bro Brandon had to say yesterday.

We need the Spirit of God to do a work in us.

There is not one thing that can do what God’s Spirit can.

[The Spirit of] God can heal resentment and bitterness if we let Him. He can heal our hearts and turn us to forgiveness of others and trust in Him. - https://www.compellingtruth.org/Bible-bitterness-resentment.html#:~:text=TL;DR:,and%20submitting%20it%20to%20God.

How can we find help from God’s Spirit?

#1 we must ask

#2 we must enter in to His presence.

In our prayer closet.

In the Church

I was asking Charity this morning about who was talking yesterday about Elisha and the widow. I think we established it was Bro Pinson, but there was a lot said yesterday about pouring into one another, the body of Christ and fellowship. What good instruction for us to heed.

When you are hurting, when you are struggling, when you seem to be incapable of helping yourself even get into the presence of God, there is a whole group of people right here that are willing to help. In fact there are bodies of Christ all over the world that provide a place for hurting people to go and experience the healing power of the presence of God. You should be there every chance you get.