Pure Sexuality

Good morning - It is good to be with all of you again and always so good to sing together and now to sit under God’s word together

If you are a guest, my name is Stefan, I am the pastor of preaching here at Harvest

And we are in the middle of a 6-week series on the church, specifically what it means to be a pure church

And as I have been saying, a pure church is not a perfect church

But a church in which things are the way they are supposed to be

And to that end, we have been operating with a definition of purity

That Purity is our alignment with the word and will of God

We are a pure church when we submit to his word and when we embrace his will

To put it another way, a pure church listens to what God says and wants what God wants.

And last week we talked about the importance of pure conduct, that our lives reflect the word and will of God

And the central concept in that message from 1 Peter was holiness

Pure conduct reflects the holiness of God

And we talked about how holiness means to be distinct, set apart, not like everything else.

Because God is distinct from all creation, we as his people, who were made to reflect him, must be distinct from the world

We must be obviously different because we reflect a holy God.

And there is no area of our lives that displays if we are pursuing purity more than in our sexuality… [PAUSE]

In a world that sexualizes nearly everything… We must be distinct by pursuing purity in how we relate to one another as men and women.

So take out your Bibles and open to 1 Thessalonians 4:1-8.

Now, as you turn there…

I am aware that some of you bring your young children in here with you and you might not be ready to have this conversation with them

If you would prefer they not hear this subject yet and you decide want to step out with them…

I want you to know you are free to do that as you steward their little hearts

But, at the same time, if your kids are old enough, I would encourage you to keep them in so that you can all grow in God’s word together.

Now, why are we talking about this as a part of a pure church series?

It is because the church, the assembly of God’s people, comprises men and women and we need to make sure that the way that we relate to one another as men and women is distinct from the world

We must not adopt the world definitions and standards around sex and how men and women relate

We must be distinct

But I fear that for many of us, we have slowly, subtly (even not-so-subtly) embraced the world’s view of sex and sexuality and have taken our cues from the world on how to view those of the opposite gender

And if we do not turn… if we do not pursue purity in this matter, it will ruin us as a church family.

And the apostle Paul is going to tell us exactly why sexual purity matters for us as a church and he is going to show us how to prioritize sexual purity as a church

And so we need to give these words out full attention.

1 Thessalonians 4:1–8 “Finally, then, brothers, we ask and urge you in the Lord Jesus, that as you received from us how you ought to walk and to please God, just as you are doing, that you do so more and more. For you know what instructions we gave you through the Lord Jesus. For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God; that no one transgress and wrong his brother in this matter, because the Lord is an avenger in all these things, as we told you beforehand and solemnly warned you. For God has not called us for impurity, but in holiness. Therefore whoever disregards this, disregards not man but God, who gives his Holy Spirit to you.”

These are God’s words for us as his people - May he help us now to have ears to hear, and hearts to obey them.

Big Idea: A pure church will cherish sexual purity. [7:00]

We will CHERISH it

A pure church will have a vision of sex that aligns with the word and will of God

And we will cherish that vision

We will pursue it together

And we will actively fight against those things that would get in the way

And God gives us that vision in Gen. 2 when he creates mankind.

In Gen. 2, God creates the man and he says that it is not good that the man should be alone - And he puts the man to sleep, takes from the man’s side and uses what he took from the side of the man to create the women

He takes from the one man, and makes two.

But then he brings the woman to the man and says this

Genesis 2:24 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”

There was one man, God took from that one man and made two, then he brings the two together so that they may become one.

And how will they become one again?

Through the intimate union of marriage through sex.

In Gen. 2 we see the first marriage and the consecration of sex as a God-given means of the two becoming one.

With this view of marriage, i found this quote from Ray Ortlund very appropriate:

“God created marriage when he made the first woman out of the flesh of the first man, so that the bond of marriage reunites man and woman as 'one flesh'. All other relational claims are subordinate to those of marriage. 'One flesh' entails a life-long, exclusive clinging of one man to one woman in one life fully shared. Marriage puts a barrier around a husband and his wife and destroys all barriers between them; they belong fully to one another, and to one another only.”

God’s design since the beginning has been that sex is a part of belonging fully to one another.

So if that is God’s design for sexuality, the union between a man and a woman

in which nothing is between them and in which they are protected from anything outside of them…

one in which they belong to one another fully and exclusively

Then what are we to make of what Paul calls, “sexual immorality”?

How do we define that?

Well the word that Paul uses in this passage in v. 3 is the greek word “πορνεία” from which we get our english word “pornography”

The word is a broad, umbrella term for any sexual activity outside of the marriage of a man and a woman

So πορνεία includes:

Adultery when married

Fornication when not married (that is, two unmarried people doing sexual things that should be between a husband and a wife)

But it also includes any sexual action or conduct that is not with your spouse (whether you are single or married)

So the viewing of images, the reading of novels, all with the intention of arousing sexual desire, even those things are included in πορνεία

Paul’s word usage here makes it clear:

God’s design is simple - nothing comes between a husband and wife and nothing from outside is brought in, present or future… if you’re single, this applies to you too

We must be a people who cherish our present marriages or our future marriages, by cherishing God’s design.

Because a pure church will cherish sexual purity

[Bridge Question] What does it look like to cherish sexual purity?

And Paul is going to show us 3 priorities that we must have if we are to be a people who cherish sexual purity.

So we will do it like this: A pure church cherishes… and then we will see the three priorities…

A pure church cherishes…

Pleasing God increasingly (1-2) [12:00]

Our world, and specifically our society, tells you that the point of your life is please yourself

To do what you enjoy, what you desire, and to find whatever thing will give you pleasure.

But when you talk with people who are living that way, you hear that all they found was emptiness.

It didn’t fulfill like the world promised

Why?

Because that isn’t how we are meant to live.

You and I were made on purpose, for a purpose, to enjoy God and find pleasure in him and in his design for our lives.

The Westminster confession begins with the question:

What is the chief end of man?

Answer: To glorify God and enjoy him forever.

That means that the most enjoyable life we could live is one in which we see cherish God’s design and we increasingly seek to live to please him

And in pleasing him, we find true pleasure and enjoyment

That is how you and I were meant to live.

Look at how Paul puts it

1 Thessalonians 4:1 “We ask and urge you in the Lord Jesus, that as you received from us how you ought to walk and to please God…”

That “ought” is literally “it is necessary”

So Paul is saying, “It is necessary as followers of Christ to live in such a way that you are pleasing God”

And not just once or every now and then, but…

Look

“that you do so more and more.”

This is the calling on your life as a Christ follower - That every day, regardless of what yesterday was filled with, that today you choose again to prioritize the pleasing of God with your life

Were there failures yesterday? Yes

Was there sexual immorality yesterday? Possibly

But does that negate the call to pursue God’s pleasure once again today? No, it does not.

And I need you to see this: In this little phrase “that you do so more and more”, we see the patience of God

It makes me think of when my kids were very little, and they took their first steps.

Perhaps you have kids or you have seen people whose kids are taking their first steps

What happens? They are trying to keep their balance while they’re standing and they take a step, maybe they take a couple of steps and then what happens?

They fall down.

But what do we say?

“You’re walking!”

Technically, they’re falling…

But as mothers and fathers who are pleased in our children who are attempting to walk

We celebrate their steps, we pick them up, and we say, “Do it again!”

“Further this time!”

And with each attempt to walk, they walk further and further and further

And so it is for us who are children of God by faith in Jesus

As we walk, we have fallen many times, but God says, “Get up - Do it again… More this time. Walk further…”

The sins of you and I thought would condemn us have been washed away by blood of Jesus and we stand justified before God

His death for our sin

His righteousness, credited to us

His perfect life for my past, present, and future sins

And so Paul’s encouragement to do so more and more is a reminder that

… though we have fallen so many times as we seek to walk in the way that we ought to…

… the heart of God as our father is that we would not give up and give in,

… but that we would receive his cleansing grace and walk again.

And it pleases God when we increasingly desire to walk how we ought.

If you are ashamed of failure in sexual sin, your heavenly father is standing over you saying, “Get up - Let’s try again… and let’s walk more this time.”

God has not given up on you because of your past

He calls you again to pursue his pleasure in the present.

And when we as a church cherish pleasing God increasingly, we will flee from those things that would not please him

Which leads to our next priority…

A pure church cherishes…

Rejecting immorality decisively (3-6) [18:00]

Paul shifts now to explaining what it looks like to please God

He just said, “We urge you to please God”

Now he is saying, “And here is what it looks like”

1 Thessalonians 4:3 “For this is the will of God, your sanctification.”

That is literally, “your holiness”

God’s desire for your life, as expressed in Scripture, is that you would be holy.

God’s will for your life is that you would be set apart from the world as you reflect him to the world.

And when you and I pursue holiness daily, aligning our lives with the word and will of God, that is truly pleasing to God.

But pursuing holiness means that we must reject those things that get in the way of holiness

We must reject those things that make us look just like the rest of the world.

And he says in v. 3 that we will do that by rejecting sexual immorality

Notice - The word he uses is abstain, not manage.

The word he uses means “to avoid contact”

Some of you have sexual immorality in your life and you think you can manage it

Keeping it at bay, but dipping my toe in from time to time.

Watching sexual content on social media without it leading to looking at pornography online

Thinking you can keep that relationship without it leading to sexual activity

Or that you can be alone with one another and not be tempted by each other

Paul is saying that the way to pursue holiness is to not even have contact with immorality, so that you are not in danger of being tempted.

Because here is how temptation works…

You are tempted by three things: Your flesh, the world, and the devil.

But the world and the devil don’t tempt you with things you don’t want

I don’t know about you, but I have never been tempted to eat celery… Never.

It has never been a problem for me. [Are we noticing a pattern of how many of my illustrations include vegetables…???]

You know why I am not tempted to eat celery? Because I don’t want it.

It tasts like water

I have never thought “You know what… I really want some water, but I want to have to chew it first and then after I am done chewing my water, I want it stuck in my teeth.”

Nope.

But I am tempted by sweets…

Why? Because I want them.

You see, the root of temptation is desire

That’s what James says in James 1 - You are tempted when you are lured and enticed by your own desires.

So what does that mean for us?

The world and the devil will dangle in front of us those things that our flesh

And when it goes against God’s design I must reject it, not just try to manage it.

Otherwise, that desire will lure and entice me and I will stumble and fall.

We cherish God’s good design, but we reject those things that are outside of his good design.

And Paul tells us what this looks like

First, look at v. 4

1 Thessalonians 4:4–6 “that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God.”

Cherishing sexual purity starts with what you and I do with our own bodies

When we give in to every urge and lust, we live like the world that does not know God

But when we do know God, personally, when we belong to him, it should impact what we do with our bodies.

And it won’t look like the world that does not know God, it will be holy, distinct, specifically… “honorable”

An honorable man or woman views all people as having immense value.

An honorable man does not undress a woman in his mind, because she has value.

An honorable woman does not use her body to gain approval, because she has value.

An honorable man or woman does not reduce people to sexual beings, because people have value as image bearers of God.

So if we are to cherish sexual purity, it will mean that what we do with our bodies and how we view other people’s bodies affirms their value and does not diminish it.

But too often we think that sexual sin only affects us

My thoughts aren’t harming anybody

What I do in the privacy of my home isn’t hurting anyone

Its none of your business what I do with my body…

Look at v. 6

1 Thessalonians 4:6 “that no one transgress and wrong his brother in this matter…”

Sexual sin always has collateral damage…

When you have sexual thoughts toward another person, you harm them by degrading them in your own eyes

When you engage in sexual sin with another person, you are harming one another by degrading God’s design and seeking personal pleasure rather than God’s pleasure

If you are married, your sin you harms you spouse

If you are single, you sin harms your future spouse by how you are rewiring your view of sex… and it will follow you into marriage

Single friends… marriage is not a solution for sexual sin… It is the place that sexual sin comes full circle…

And because sexual sin affects others, it will ruin how we relate to one another

In our marriages

In our dating

In our life as a church

There is no sin that will bring relational ruin like sexual sin.

I have seen it countless times

Some of you are living in it right now…

And you know exactly what I am talking about.

Young people in the room… middle-school, high-school…

Pornography will ruin you

Sex before marriage will ruin you

You will not be the exception

So reject it now… It doesn’t matter what your friends are doing. It doesn’t matter what your friends are saying.

Don’t go along with it… reject it and pursue holiness.

Men in the room, pornography and sexual activity outside of your marriage will ruin you

Women, getting involved with another man, emotionally or physically, will ruin you.

Reading those novels will ruin your mind…

And because it will ruin us if we give in to it, we must reject it.

This is why John Owen so famously wrote, “Be killing sin or it will be killing you.”

Now, it is worth recognizing that not all of us are in the same place in our fight against sexual immorality and our pursuit of purity.

There are steps along the way that each person in here is at different points, and at each point you have the opportunity to reject the sin and turn toward holiness.

Road to ruin

Step 1: I go where I shouldn’t be

There are places we should be and things we should be doing as we cherish sexual purity

And there are places we must not go and things we must not do.

And you know it when it is happening

And when you find yourself going to websites, stores, meeting up for coffee with that person, going places you have no business going and doing things you should not be doing, sexual sin is on the doorstep…

When you should leave and instead you linger… you are in danger…

And if this is you… you find yourself going down a hole that you know is not good, you can turn and repent.

Delete the apps, delete the text thread, confess that you have been going places you shouldn’t go and get back on track to pursuing holiness.

But if you don’t… you will take the next step…

Step 2: I take what I shouldn’t have

That person isn’t yours - Whether in person, on a screen, or in a book - That person does not belong to you…

And when you gratify your desires anyways… you have taken what does not belong to you.

If that is you… If you have been using other people, in thought or deed, to satisfy your own desires

You have to confess it, you have to bring it to the light…

Only bringing it to the light will bring it to an end

Sin grows in darkness and secrecy, but dies when it is brought to the light

Confess it… turn from it.

But if you don’t you’ll take the next step…

Step 3: I hide what I should confess

You should confess and you don’t… you hide it instead.

You might hide it for a long time as you try to manage your sin…

But it will come out…

Either by your lips

Or by it being discovered…

If you are here… there is no avoiding the consequences

But there is grace for you to pursue restoration and reconciliation

And if you are about to be on the receiving end of this confession, there is grace for you to endure the pain…

But if you choose to keep hiding it… you’ll take the next step…

Step 4: We suffer what I caused

Because sexual sin affects others, the grief and suffering that comes as a result of our sin and our attempts to cover it up are shared

If you are single and you have been living in sexual immorality, there will be pain in your marriage for you and your future spouse

If you are married and you have been living in secret sin, there will be pain for you and your spouse

There was supposed to be a barrier around you two and nothing in between

But now there is a barrier between the two of you because you let the outside in.

The world promised fulfillment and pleasure if you would just gratify your sexual desires

But it brought only pain and ruin… for everyone.

And it is easy to despair and think, “I am living in ruin and it is too late for me.”

And if you are feeling the crushing weight of sin and shame right now, you need to hear the words of the Apostle Paul in 1 Corinthians 6:9–11

“Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.”

Sin brings ruin, BUT through the perfect life and death of Jesus, God brings new life

His mercy brings forgiveness

His grace brings cleansing

And we can stand up out of the ruin and walk again as we ought.

So let’s reject decisively the immorality that brings ruin

And let’s cherish sexual purity by running to the cross and asking God for the grace to help us to not manage our sin, but reject it.

And as we fight to cherish sexual purity in our midst, we can do so when we are properly motivated, which brings us to our final point…

A pure church cherishes…

Obeying God reverently (6b-8) [35:00]

When you and I have a right view of the greatness of God and we revere him in our midst and in our lives, we will pursue purity together.

Very quickly, I want you to see 4 motivations for pursuing and cherishing sexual purity by obeying God reverently

look first at v. 6

4 Motivations for Obedience

Take his warnings seriously (v. 6)

1 Thessalonians 4:6 “…because the Lord is an avenger in all these things, as we told you beforehand and solemnly warned you.”

Because sexual sin wrongs others, God will avenge them. He does not just sit and watch and he will not be mocked.

If you have been harmed by someone else’s sexual sin, physically or emotionally, know that God sees and he will act on your behalf.

If you are living in blatant, unrepentant sin and you are smirking at God while you do it, a day will come when he will replace that smirk with your weeping and the gnashing of your teeth.

So take his warning seriously… Repent, receive his forgiveness, and walk in the way that you ought.

Second motivation for obedience

Live out his calling faithfully (v. 7)

1 Thessalonians 4:7 “For God has not called us for impurity, but in holiness.”

Because God has called us to holiness, we take that seriously and we pursue it together, rather than trading holiness for impurity

Next

Submit to his authority humbly (v. 8)

1 Thessalonians 4:8 “Therefore whoever disregards this, disregards not man but God”

Ultimately, choosing to live like the world when it comes to sexual immorality is not a human issue - It is a cosmic issue

It is a rejection of God’s good design

When we recognize God’s authority in our lives and cherish his design, we will humbly submit to it.

And the last motivation

Depend on his Spirit daily (v. 8)

1 Thessalonians 4:8 “…who gives his Holy Spirit to you.”

Friends, we are not alone in this struggle.

God does not expect us to fight against impurity and cherish purity all by our own strength

He has graciously given his spirit to all who belong to him

And because we have his spirit and his word, we have all that we need for life and godliness.

We can depend on his spirit as we seek to live according to his word and will

But I want you to notice something…

When I invert these 4 motivation, it becomes motivation to disobedience.

When I don’t take God’s warning seriously, when I reject his call to holiness and instead blend in with the world, when I arrogantly see myself as free to live how I want, and when I do not depend on his Spirit but depend on myself, the outcome will always be impurity.

So look at these 4 motivations and ask yourself, “Am I living in them? Or am I living in the opposite?”

If we are to cherish sexual purity in our midst, it will happen by obeying God reverently, being rightly motivated by his warnings, his calling, his authority, and his Spirit.

[Call to Action]

If you are currently struggling with sexual sin or you are currently living in the fallout of someone else’s sin, we want you to know you are not alone

If you are struggling in sin, you need to reach out and get connected in a small group so that you can walk with others toward purity.

Men, we have freedom groups for men struggling in sexual sin

Women, we have discipleship with ladies who would love to walk with you.

Staying in secret will lead to ruin… bring it into the light by reaching out and getting connected.

If you are living in the effects of someone else’s sin, you need support, care, and someone to walk with you through the betrayal and the grief.

Get into a group, get together with leaders one-on-one - Don’t grieve in secret. Grow in community.

Wether you are struggling in sin or struggling because of someone else’s sin, Registration for groups and studies is open - Take that step toward purity and healing

[Conclusion]

But church family, cherishing sexual purity will not be one time thing…

We must daily choose to cherish sexual purity.

Pleasing God increasingly (1-2)

Rejecting immorality decisively (3-6)

Obeying God reverently (6-8)

It will be a lifelong pursuit as a church family.

But if we will cherish these things, finding our forgiveness and identity in Christ, we will be a church that cherishes sexual purity

Distinct from the world… Holy and aligned with the word and will of God.

Amen.

[Communion]

It is fitting that a topic such as this would lead us to the bread and the cup where we remember the finished work of Jesus

The Great Exchange - Se we stand before God justified, not becuase we are just, but because God declares us Just

And when we take the bread and the cup, we are remembering and reminding one another that our identity is in what God says about us, not what our past says about us.

Ordinary bread and juice - Spirit’s presence in us makes this a means of grace for us

Open communion - Only believers

We don’t mock the cross

Be made right with God

Be made right with others

If your secret sin is harmful to your spouse, do not take of this bread and cup until you have initiated the conversation

You probably cant talk right now, but you can certainly say, “We need to talk… I have something I need to tell you.”

You’ll come as the team sings over us - (Directions)

2 elements - Gluten free on the sides

Reflect on the all-sufficient merit of Jesus whose life, death, and resurrection did what we could never do so that we could have what we never deserved.