Forgiving the Unforgivable Pt. 1 - Principles of Forgiveness for the Christian Life
Notes
Transcript
Introduction
Introduction
Illustration: Dallas Police officer Amber Guyer was sentenced to 10 years in prison for murdering Botham Jean, an innocent man in 2018. She mistakenly walked in to this man’s apartment, and was startled to find him there, thinking it was her own.
When faced in court, Botham’s brother shocked everyone when it was his turn to the microphone. With tears in his eyes, these were his words, “I can speak for myself, I forgive you. And I know if you go to God and ask Him, He will forgive you… I love you just like anyone else and I’m not gonna say I hope you rot and die just like my brother did. I personally want the best for you.. I don’t even want you to go to jail.”
How could this be humanly possible?! How could a man forgive someone of so much? This video has reached hundreds of thousands of views online, the impact of this young man’s forgiveness is incredible.
Forgiveness has a tremendous power to affect the world. God knew it, Paul knew it, and Philemon needed to know it too. In our message today, we’re going to take a deep dive into the sticky situation Philemon and Onesimus found themselves in, and how forgiveness could take them out. We’re going to look at all of Philemon today, the first half this morning, and the second half this evening. Though our study, we’re going to discover 6 principles about forgiveness.
(Read Philemon & pray)
I. Forgiveness Transcends Friendship - Philemon 1-7
I. Forgiveness Transcends Friendship - Philemon 1-7
A. Greetings - vs. 1-3
A. Greetings - vs. 1-3
The book of Philemon is one of the prison epistles along side Ephesians, Philippians, and Colossians. Yet it stands in a category of it’s own; it’s not primarily written to a church, it’s not used to defend doctrine or even set order in a church. This was written to a good friend who found himself in a sticky situation. Philemon’s slave Onesimus, for whatever reason, ran away to find a new life in Rome. Somehow he found his way to Paul and eventually came to Christ. being a new believer, he’s got some unfinished business with the boss. Onesimus ran away to Rome before his term was done and stole who knows how much of Philemon’s stuff.
This man was a serious criminal! We could understand better if Onesimus ran away because he had been mistreated, but judging by Philemon’s Christian character, that’s out of question. When he left, Onesimus was nothing but a selfish, runaway thief, trying to find freedom by the expense of others. But now, things are different, Onesimus is a believer now, and obviously convicted about his decisions.
And all of that factors into the way Paul writes this letter to Philemon. Any thoughtless word could break any chance of making things right.
No mention of Apostleship
Notice something missing from vs. 1?
1 Paul, a servant of Jesus Christ, called to be an apostle, separated unto the gospel of God,
1 Paul, called to be an apostle of Jesus Christ through the will of God, and Sosthenes our brother,
1 Paul, an apostle of Jesus Christ by the will of God, and Timothy our brother, unto the church of God which is at Corinth, with all the saints which are in all Achaia:
1 Paul, an apostle, (not of men, neither by man, but by Jesus Christ, and God the Father, who raised him from the dead;)
1 Paul, an apostle of Jesus Christ by the will of God, to the saints which are at Ephesus, and to the faithful in Christ Jesus:
Why doesn’t he mention the fact he’s an apostle?
Letter carefully written to a good friend, using his authority would be disrespectful and plain weird.
Ill: Emails saying “To whom it may concern”
Why would you say that? I’ve known you since you were still wearing pull-ups!
Not only that, but with a matter this serious, Paul needed to use all the tact and carefulness with every choice of word. What would you rather hear if you were Philemon? “Paul the apostle to brother Philemon” or “Paul, the servant of Jesus to my brother and dear friend Philemon.”
Adressed to “Apphia” “Archippus” and the “church in thy house”
Apphia (likely Philemon’s wife), presumably his son, church in his house = Colossae (Philemon had to be wealthy to have the room to have church there). We might find this slightly odd, “Paul why would you want a personal letter be read to a whole church? Isn’t that kind of strange?” In most cases, yes that is strange. But there are lessons here that are far too precious to be kept private. This practical example of two people being reconciled through the power of forgiveness is too good to be left secret.
B. Praise - vs. 4-7
B. Praise - vs. 4-7
Now, we see the close bond these two men have and the ways Paul appreciates his friend Philemon.
4 I thank my God, making mention of thee always in my prayers,
5 hearing of thy love and faith, which thou hast toward the Lord Jesus, and toward all saints;
Something to keep in the back of your minds: Paul is writing such positive words about Philemon for a specific reason.
Illustration: Teens flattering mom/dad when they want money...
This is not what’s going on here. Paul is not flattering Philemon in attempt to get what he wants. He’s not throwing empty compliments in order to persuade Philemon to forgive Onesimus. There were legitemate character traits easily noticed in Philemon’s life that deserved to be commended. We should take notes here from Paul, he’s actually handling this very wisely.
How do you feel when someone flat out asks you for something they want?
Illustration: Rumor went around that a friend of mine dropped out of high school because he won the lottery. Friends he never knew he had came from all over. “Hey I’ve been struggling lately, could use a bit of help.”
That’s not going to fly! “Hey Philemon! You remember that Onesimus guy, well I’m sending him to you now, you better forgive him, or else.”
It’s wise to stay away from that tactic! Instead, Paul was building a foundation—being Philemon’s godly character—which he could bolster for his request.
Now, look at Paul’s positive remarks about his friend...
Always thankful for him (vs. 4)
Love for the saints (vs. 5)
Faith toward the Lord Jesus (vs. 5)
Causes joy and refreshment (vs. 7)
All this is in the present tense, meaning not only did Philemon do these things in the past, he’s still actively loving Jesus, loving the saints.
As you can tell from Paul’s glowing report, he and Philemon were good friends. Why then would he ever risk that friendship to reconcile an old relationship? Why jump in to the heat of your family feud, your friend’s fight, your co-workers disagreements, risking permanent distance, all so that things can be made right? Everyone who choses to get their hands dirty in this fight knows one thing; forgiveness is valuable, even more precious than friendships.
Now, here’s the point behind all this...
Q: Don’t you think a godly man like Philemon would forgive Onesimus?
Yes! And that’s Paul’s point for writing this way, it’s a wise working toward his goal of reconciliation.
Paul’s prayer for Philemon starts in vs. 6
6 that the communication of thy faith may become effectual by the acknowledging of every good thing which is in you in Christ Jesus.
7 For we have great joy and consolation in thy love, because the bowels of the saints are refreshed by thee, brother.
“Communication of thy faith” This is not speaking of evangelism; the word Paul uses is “koinonia” which speaks of participation, the act of sharing together. It’s what toddlers are experts at. This is the mutual sharing of life that us Christians have. We have Jesus in common, and that brings us together.
Paul is praying here, “I want you to display you have fellowship with all saints in a powerful way.” There’s still one person Philemon has not had fellowship with in Christ, and that’s Onesimus (vs. 10). Think of the power of that message; a slave owner forgives his slave who stole from him and ran away and received him as a brother! An act like this would speak louder than 10 000 words.
II. Forgiveness is Motivated by Love - Philemon 8-10
II. Forgiveness is Motivated by Love - Philemon 8-10
In these next verses we’re confronted with two options for forgiveness in vs. 8-10. Onesimus is our subject; and no matter what, the man is going to be forgiven, but there’s two possible routes to go at this. 1. Forgive out of duty, 2. Forgive Voluntarily
A. Option 1: Forceful Forgiveness - vs. 8
A. Option 1: Forceful Forgiveness - vs. 8
Paul had the Apostle authority card in his back pocket, he could’ve used his power to force Philemon to forgive Onesimus, but that was not his motive. They were too close friends for Paul to boss him around, there was a better way to resolve this issue.
But everyone knows there’s a big difference between mere obedience and joyful obedience.
Love was to be the motivator for this change if this has any chance to make a lasting impact.
B. Option 2: Free-Will Forgiveness - vs. 9-10, 14
B. Option 2: Free-Will Forgiveness - vs. 9-10, 14
Instead of forcing him, for love’s sake Paul begs Philemon. “Please listen to me!”
yet for love’s sake I rather beseech thee, being such an one as Paul the aged, and now also a prisoner of Jesus Christ.
“being such an one as Paul the aged”
This is not a pity party! It’s not the odlest trick in the book, “You wouldn’t say no to an old man, would you?”
Paul was old, probably tired, worn down from all he’s endured through the years. And here, he opens his heart, appealing to Philemon’s sympathy. “Would you do this in love for a friend?”
In vs. 10, we see who’s taken up all this concern and time,
10 I beseech thee for my son Onesimus, whom I have begotten in my bonds:
You can only imagine what thoughts rushed into Philemon’s mind when he read this name. The treachery, the abandonment, the theft all come to mind. And the anger follows, “How could he do this? What did I ever do to him? The audacity he has to leave and take my stuff too!”
Knowing all these things, what does Paul call him? “my son Onesimus”. The Onesimus Philemon knew was dead, and the Onesimus Paul was talking about is a new man. Somehow, in his journeys in Rome, Onesimus found Paul and was converted to the faith.
Forgiveness is by no means easy for anyone. It’s not easy to love someone who has taken from you, offended you, cheated you, or disrespected you. Sin is not easy to forgive, but that is our command nonetheless. And love has to be at the center of this if there’s any hope of lasting change. Yeah, we could forgive only because its our duty. But guess what’s still in our hearts? That same anger, that same hatred, and that same bitterness. True forgiveness done out of love actually gives us the release we’re looking for! Forgiving does not mean forgetting; the Bible does not teach us to act as if the offense never happened or to diminish how bad it was. The Bible does call us though to consider how much Christ forgave us, and forgive our brother for what they did. Paul deliberately chose to set aside his authority so that two men would know the joy of being brought together again. Sure, commanding Philemon and Onesimus to make up would’ve done the trick, but forgiveness motivated by love for the offender is far more powerful and lasting. That’s why in vs. 14 he says, Philemon 14
14 but without thy mind would I do nothing; that thy benefit should not be as it were of necessity, but willingly.
Paul saw the greater purpose of this, if this reconciliation were done only because of duty, the two would not have things resolved. Bitterness, anger, and spite would be in Philemon’s heart. Fear and shame would be in Onesimus’ heart. Only if reconciliation is done willingly will it bring lasting results. If both parties willingly hear each other out, and by their own intuition, chose to forgive one another, then the reconciliation will be real, and their example more powerful than 10 000 words.
When our words of forgiveness are backed up with a genuine display of love, we will make an impact.
I. Forgiveness Changes People - Philemon 11-14
I. Forgiveness Changes People - Philemon 11-14
A. Character Transformation - vs. 11-12
A. Character Transformation - vs. 11-12
11 which in time past was to thee unprofitable, but now profitable to thee and to me:
Formerly, Onesimus was a useless slave. Wordplay here; “Onesimus” actually means “useful”. Paul doesn’t discount the past, Onesimus was actually useless; he may not have been a good worker, deserted his master, and probably stole his stuff too.
Ill: Bad employee takes several hours to do simple tasks, complains about everything, and calls in sick twice a month. Why in the world would you want to receive that person back? Why extend mercy to them when their track record is so awful?
We’ve got no reason to take that person back! And in Philemon’s mind, that’s exactly where Onesimus was. But little did he know, Onesimus was a new creature in Christ, his old ways have passed away and all things are new.
Philemon should receive him for the same reason we are received by the Father. Admittedly, our track records are something to be ashamed of. We’ve all rebelled against our Heavenly Owner, ran away from Him, deserted Him.
6 All we like sheep have gone astray; We have turned every one to his own way; And the Lord hath laid on him the iniquity of us all.
Why should God forgive us? Why should he receive us? Because the Lord Jesus steps between us and the Father, like Paul here, and says, “I will pay their debt. Whatever they owe you, charge on my account.” Now that Onesimus received redemption from the Father, He is useful, not only in the flesh, but also in the ministry of the spirit.
12 whom I have sent again: thou therefore receive him, that is, mine own bowels:
13 whom I would have retained with me, that in thy stead he might have ministered unto me in the bonds of the gospel:
Nobody is useless in the body of Christ! “I don’t have much for talent.” God doesn’t need your talent. What can you do? (Cook, clean, repair cars, build decks, wash dishes, talk to people) If you have received the forgiveness from God the Father, don’t tell me you are useless. If God could make a man like Onesimus useful, then of course He can make you useful! The forgiveness God gave you gives you the power to be useful for His glory!
Life Application
Forgiveness and reconciliation is worth more than any treasure that can be bought. What are we willing to pay for it? Are we willing to pull up our sleeves and get our hands dirty in the work of reconciliation?
True and lasting forgiveness must be motivated by love. We won’t enjoy the blessing of being made right with someone if our hearts were not in it.
The forgiveness of God changes people. Have you not experienced that for yourself? Hasn’t Christ shown you mercy? Given you new life? And made you a new person? If we have received that forgiveness, what’s stopping us from giving it to others?
