One Flesh, One Faith—A Blueprint for Purposeful Marriage

“Marriage is like a deck of cards: at first all you need is two hearts and a diamond and you both feel like a King and Queen; by the end you’re hoping for a club and a spade or at least a pair of Deuces because you think the other person is just a Joker”

Have you ever tried to run a three-legged race with someone you weren’t in sync with? At first, you’re stepping on each other’s toes, pulling in opposite directions, and stumbling all over the place. But once you match pace, lean in, and move together, you can actually run just as fast as either of you could alone.

Marriage is a lot like that. God designed it so that two become one—one flesh—but that unity isn’t just physical. It’s spiritual, emotional, and physical. And when even one of those is out of rhythm, the whole relationship feels off-balance.

Today we’re going to see in Scripture how God calls husbands and wives to walk in unity in all three of these areas—and how, when we do, marriage becomes one of the greatest joys and witnesses we have in this life.

SCRIPTURE

PRAYER

I. SPIRITUAL UNITY (Ephesians 5:22–27)

Ephesians 5:22–27 “22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. 25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.”

A. Christ must be at the Center of Marriage

Paul gives us a vision of marriage that’s not rooted in culture or personal preference—it’s rooted in Christ and His church.

C.S. Lewis: “The Christian idea of marriage is based on God’s words that the two shall be one flesh… the inventor of the machine knows how it should run.”

This is mutual devotion under the lordship of Christ. Before marriage is about us, it’s about Him.

Matthew 6:33 “33 But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.”

Ecclesiastes 4:12 “12 And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken.”

B. Leadership and Submission are Acts of Worship

Wives are called to submit to their husbands “as to the Lord” (v. 22).

Husbands are called to love their wives “as Christ loved the church” (v. 25).

“Wives, you know what submit means in Greek? It means… exactly what you were hoping it wouldn’t.”

“Husbands, remember: Paul said ‘love your wives as Christ loved the church,’ and He was nailed to a cross… so no complaining about taking out the trash!”

Colossians 3:18–19 “18 Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. 19 Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.”

1 Peter 3:1, 7 “1 Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, … 7 Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.”

The world hears “submission” and thinks “inferior.” But biblical submission is voluntary, loving trust—not servitude.

Matthew Henry: “The woman was made of a rib out of the side of Adam… not made out of his head to rule over him, nor out of his feet to be trampled upon, but out of his side to be equal with him.”

John Stott: “If headship means power in any sense, then it is power to care, not crush; power to serve, not dominate; power to facilitate self-fulfillment, not to frustrate or destroy it.”

Tim Keller: “Marriage is not ultimately about finding someone who will meet your needs—it’s about serving someone else’s needs as an act of worship to God.” (The Meaning of Marriage)

Adrian Rogers: “The measure of a man is not how many people serve him, but how many people he serves.”

Husbands, this is not a license to control—it’s a command to serve and protect like Christ did, even to the point of laying down His life.

Illustration: Picture a dance—someone has to lead and someone has to follow, but both are equally important for the dance to be beautiful. If both try to lead, you trip. If neither leads, you stand still. In God’s design, both roles are essential, and when done in love, the “dance” works.

Application:

Pray together regularly. Even a short prayer unites hearts before God.

Attend church together and make spiritual decisions as a team.

Keep Christ as the third cord (Eccl. 4:12) in your marriage.

II. EMOTIONAL UNITY (Ephesians 5:28–33)

Ephesians 5:28–33 “28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body. 31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. 33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.”

A. Cherish, Nourish, and Protect Each Other

Paul says, “He who loves his wife loves himself.” In a one-flesh union, to neglect your spouse is to harm yourself. To cherish them is to bless yourself.

Proverbs 18:22 “22 He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.”

Husbands are to nourish (provide for needs) and cherish (treat as precious) their wives.

Wives likewise are to encourage, affirm, and support their husbands.

Philippians 2:3–4 “3 Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. 4 Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.”

1 Thessalonians 5:11 “11 Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.”

B. Communication and Empathy are Tools of Unity

You can share a house but not share your heart. Emotional intimacy takes intentional listening, asking good questions, and showing empathy.

“Men, listen to your wife. God gave her intuition and insight… plus she was probably paying attention when you weren’t.”

“My wife says I never listen… at least I think that’s what she said.”

Avoid “fixing” right away—sometimes your spouse just needs you to listen.

Celebrate the small wins together.

James 1:19–20 “19 Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; 20 for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.”

Colossians 3:12–13 “12 Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, 13 bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.”

Gary Chapman: “People tend to criticize their spouse most loudly in the area where they themselves have the deepest emotional need.” (The 5 Love Languages)

Charles Spurgeon: “When joy and love prevail in the home, the humblest dwelling is a palace.”

Illustration: Think of a campfire. It burns bright when you keep adding small sticks. But neglect it, and it goes out—not because of a big storm, but because you stopped feeding it. Marriage is the same—you have to keep adding little acts of kindness and encouragement.

Application:

Schedule regular check-ins with each other about more than logistics.

Learn your spouse’s “love language” and use it generously.

Resolve conflicts quickly—don’t let small grievances fester.

III. PHYSICAL UNITY (1 Corinthians 7:1–5)

1 Corinthians 7:1–5 “1 Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” 2 But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. 3 The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5 Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”

A. Intimacy is God’s Gift for Mutual Blessing

Paul says husbands and wives should not deprive one another, except for brief, agreed-upon times of prayer.

“The Bible says ‘do not deprive one another’—that verse has probably been highlighted in every man’s Bible since Paul wrote it.”

“If you want your spouse to be more interested in romance, try washing the dishes first—it’s foreplay in some languages.”

Alistair Begg: “Sex is God’s idea, not man’s. He made it for our joy and His glory when kept within His design.”

Hebrews 13:4 “4 Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.”

Proverbs 5:15–19 “15 Drink water from your own cistern, flowing water from your own well. 16 Should your springs be scattered abroad, streams of water in the streets? 17 Let them be for yourself alone, and not for strangers with you. 18 Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth, 19 a lovely deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight; be intoxicated always in her love.”

B. The “One Flesh” Union is a Practical Command

Genesis 2:24 “24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”

God designed our bodies to belong to each other in marriage—not in a possessive way, but in a protective, self-giving way.

Sexual intimacy isn’t about selfish demand—it’s about mutual giving.

It’s about joy, safety, and connection.

It guards against temptation and builds trust.

1 Corinthians 7:6–9 “6 Now as a concession, not a command, I say this. 7 I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another. 8 To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single, as I am. 9 But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.”

Physical intimacy strengthens emotional and spiritual bonds.

R.C. Sproul: “The intimacy of marriage is a gift from God to be cherished, not a weapon to be withheld.”

“Sex in marriage is like super glue—powerful when used as intended, but disastrous if applied in the wrong place.”

Illustration: Think of intimacy like the glue in a wooden joint. The two boards are already cut to fit together, but it’s the glue that makes them inseparable under pressure. In marriage, physical unity is that glue—it holds you together when life’s weight bears down.

Application:

Prioritize physical closeness; don’t let exhaustion or busyness rob you.

Be intentional in showing affection daily, even outside the bedroom.

Talk openly with your spouse about your needs and desires without shame.

Seek to fulfill your spouses desires for God glorifying intimacy

IV. THE ENEMY OF UNITY

Even the strongest marriages face threats:

Selfishness (“My needs first”)

James 4:1–3 “1 What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? 2 You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask. 3 You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions.”

Neglect (“I don’t want to deal with that”)

Proverbs 24:30–32 “30 I passed by the field of a sluggard, by the vineyard of a man lacking sense, 31 and behold, it was all overgrown with thorns; the ground was covered with nettles, and its stone wall was broken down. 32 Then I saw and considered it; I looked and received instruction.”

D.A. Carson: “People do not drift toward holiness. We drift toward compromise, and call it tolerance; toward disobedience, and call it freedom.”

Bitterness (“I’ll remember what you did”)

Hebrews 12:15 “15 See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no “root of bitterness” springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled;”

“Bitterness is like drinking poison and waiting for your spouse to die.”

The antidote is:

Service 

Philippians 2:3–4 “3 Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. 4 Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.”

Galatians 5:13 “13 For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another.”

Pursuit 

Matthew 5:23–24 “23 So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, 24 leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.”

Luke 15:4 “4 “What man of you, having a hundred sheep, if he has lost one of them, does not leave the ninety-nine in the open country, and go after the one that is lost, until he finds it?”

Forgiveness 

Colossians 3:12–14 “12 Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, 13 bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. 14 And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.”

CONCLUSION

A healthy Christian marriage is more than just living together—it’s walking together in unity of spirit, heart, and body. When Christ is at the center, when you cherish and nourish each other emotionally, and when you protect your physical unity, marriage becomes one of the clearest pictures of the gospel to the world.

Challenge: This week, pick one area—spiritual, emotional, or physical—and take one concrete step to strengthen your unity there.

Dietrich Bonhoeffer: “It is not your love that sustains the marriage, but from now on, the marriage that sustains your love.”

Closing Verse: Matthew 19:6 “6 So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.””

Discussion Questions

Am I committed to living out a biblical marriage whatever it takes? (you should answer this for yourself personally and honestly)

How can we make Christ the center of our marriage this week?

In what ways can we serve one another as an act of worship?

What does “nourishing and cherishing” each other look like in our daily life?

Are there small acts of encouragement we’ve been neglecting?

Are we prioritizing intimacy, affection, and connection?

How can we communicate our needs in a loving, safe way?

What selfish habits or unresolved conflicts do we need to address?

How can forgiveness and service become a daily practice in our marriage?

Who is a “safe” person I can discuss my marriage with? Do I have a “safe” space for these discussions?

Unity Challenges

Spiritual: Pray together for 5 minutes about your marriage.

Emotional: Write a short note or text affirming something you love about your spouse.

Physical: Give a loving touch—back-rub, holding hands, hug, or kiss.

Spiritual: Read a Bible passage together and discuss how they apply to you personally (Eph 5:22-33; 1 Cor 7:1-5)

Emotional: Ask your spouse how their day really went, and listen without interrupting.

Physical: Plan a small, intimate date—coffee, walk, or shared hobby.

Reflection: Discuss what you learned this week and pray for continued growth.