Covenant and Covering – Session 9

Two-Faced Pride: Overcoming Covert and Overt Narcissism in Relationships

Primary Text:

2 Timothy 3:1–5 KJV 1900

1 This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come. 2 For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, 3 Without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good, 4 Traitors, heady, highminded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God; 5 Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away.

Introduction:

In covenant, love seeks to serve. But in narcissism, love is demanded, not given. Whether loud and controlling (overt) or silent and manipulative (covert), narcissism is rooted in self-idolatry—a poison to godly marriage, dangerous in dating, and deceptive in singleness.

This session will expose the two faces of narcissism, how they manifest in various relationship stages, and how to overcome them through humility, repentance, and spiritual discernment.

1. What Is Narcissism?

From Greek mythology: Narcissus was a man who fell in love with his own reflection.

In Scripture: Self-worship.

2 Timothy 3:2 – “For men shall be lovers of their own selves…”

Two expressions:

Overt Narcissism – Obvious pride, entitlement, control, domination.

Covert Narcissism – Hidden pride, false humility, emotional manipulation, victimhood.

Both are anti-covenant spirits. Both use others instead of covering others.

2. What It Looks Like in Marriage

Overt Narcissism in Marriage:

Loud, demanding, critical.

Uses fear or anger to control.

Blames their spouse but never takes responsibility.

Needs admiration and obedience, not partnership.

Proverbs 14:1 – “Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands.”

1 Peter 3:7 – “Giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel…”

Covert Narcissism in Marriage:

Silent treatment, emotional withdrawal.

Plays the victim: “I do everything; you don’t love me.”

Appears humble but manipulates behind the scenes.

Weaponizes spirituality or weakness to avoid accountability.

1 Kings 21:4 – “And Ahab came into his house heavy and displeased… and he laid him down upon his bed, and turned away his face, and would eat no bread.”

3. Narcissism in Dating and Singleness

Even outside of marriage, these traits can show up:

Overt Narcissist in Dating:

Dominates conversations.

Quick to charm, quick to anger.

Obsessed with image, shallow spiritually.

Demands commitment, gives little depth.

Covert Narcissist in Dating:

Plays “nice guy” or “church girl” card to gain trust.

Uses guilt, neediness, or emotional drama to manipulate.

Appears wounded or misunderstood but refuses growth.

Uses Scripture to justify selfish motives.

Matthew 7:15 – “Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves.”

Proverbs 4:23 – “Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.”

4. The Spirit Behind It

Narcissism is pride masked as love. It creates counterfeit covenant—demanding loyalty but giving none.

Isaiah 14:13–14 – “I will ascend… I will exalt… I will be like the most High.” – The original narcissist: Lucifer.

James 3:16 – “Where envying and strife is, there is confusion and every evil work.”

5. How to Overcome It in Relationships

a. Repent of Self-Worship

James 4:6 KJV 1900

6 But he giveth more grace. Wherefore he saith, God resisteth the proud, but giveth grace unto the humble.

b. Discern and Set Boundaries

Ephesians 5:11 KJV 1900

11 And have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather reprove them.

c. Walk in Mutual Submission

Ephesians 5:21 KJV 1900

21 Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.

d. Die to Self and Live to Serve

Philippians 2:3–4 KJV 1900

3 Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves. 4 Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others.

e. Heal What Attracts It

If you’re repeatedly drawn to narcissists, ask:

Am I drawn to what looks strong because I feel weak?

Am I afraid of being alone, so I settle for control?

Psalm 139:23–24 KJV 1900

23 Search me, O God, and know my heart: Try me, and know my thoughts: 24 And see if there be any wicked way in me, And lead me in the way everlasting.

6. For the Church and Community

Narcissism is not just personal—it affects ministries, marriages, and churches.

Covert narcissists in leadership often play “humble servants” but demand silent loyalty.

Overt narcissists openly dominate and spiritualize their control.

We need Spirit-filled discernment to protect relationships, raise strong families, and build churches on truth, not personality.

1 John 4:1 – “Beloved, believe not every spirit, but try the spirits…”

Closing Scripture and Charge

Romans 12:10 KJV 1900

10 Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another;

Covenant doesn’t demand—it covers. It doesn’t manipulate—it matures. It doesn’t exalt self—it lays self down.

Let us tear down every mask and rebuild our relationships on truth and humility in Christ.

Discussion Questions:

Have you seen traits of overt or covert narcissism in your own relationships or behavior?

What does it look like to honor someone in a Christlike way instead of manipulating them?

How can we walk in discernment without falling into judgment?

What areas of your heart need healing to stop attracting toxic relationships?

“Sometimes the most dangerous narcissist isn’t the one who boasts—but the one who plays the martyr.” ~ Pastor Robert Young