Marriage, Divorce & Singleness: Sexual Ethics Part 6

Scripture Reading: Matthew 19:3-12; 1 Corinthians 7:1-40

We are at the end of our series on sexual ethics. We have not addressed everything but today I want to talk about marriage, divorce and singleness which affects, then, everyone here and is very personal.

We all receive advice on these things from well-meaning people but the advice can be contrary. Some advice will be good and others not so good. How can we work it out?

Well, God’s Word remains sovereign and what it says is actually what we want to find out, not culture or tradition but God’s perspective. And, frankly, there will be things here that we want to avoid but we must face head-on with God’s thoughts and ways, for they are better and higher than ours.

God's Design for Marriage and His Heart Toward Divorce

So, let’s see where today takes us. Jesus is asked by the Pharisees about divorce in Matthew 19. And this is what He said:

Matthew 19:4–6 ESV

4 He answered, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, 5 and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? 6 So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”

Jesus takes them back to Genesis, to God's original blueprint. What do we find out?

it is God's creation, not man's invention;

it is a permanent union that shouldn't be broken by human decision;

and it is exclusive and intimate between one man and one woman, creating the primary human relationship.

Marriage is often better explained by the negative.

Malachi 2:16 declares, "For I hate divorce, says the Lord." Why? Paul tells us in:

Ephesians 5:31–32 ESV

31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.

So, marriage ultimately points to the relationship between Christ and the church—a living picture of gospel truth. Just as Christ will never divorce His church, never abandon His covenant, never break His commitment to us, so marriage is meant to reflect this unbreakable bond of love.

Throughout His earthly ministry, Jesus spoke consistently for marriage. In Matthew 5:31-32, He raised the standard above mere legal requirements. In Matthew 19:3-12 and Mark 10:9-12, He defended marriage's permanence against those who would make divorce easy. In Luke 16:18, He warned against the adultery that results from casual divorce and remarriage. Jesus consistently upheld the sanctity and permanence of marriage because it reflects the eternal covenant between Himself and His people.

This is why it's crucial to marry the right person before God. Marriage isn't simply a human contract or social arrangement—it's a sacred covenant that should reflect Christ's love for the church. When you marry, you're entering into something that pictures the gospel itself.

Biblical Separation vs. Divorce

Before we discuss when divorce might be permissible, we must understand that Scripture allows for separation in certain circumstances. Separation means living apart while remaining married—you cannot and do not marry again. This may be necessary for safety in cases of abuse, or for healing in cases of serious sin. Separation maintains the marriage covenant while providing space for repentance, restoration, and healing.

The goal of separation is always reconciliation, not divorce. It's normally a temporary measure designed to preserve both the marriage covenant and the safety or spiritual health of the parties involved.

Four Biblical Grounds For Remarriage

Scripture recognizes four specific situations where remarriage is permissible:

1. Death of a Spouse

When your spouse dies, you are completely free to marry again. Jesus made this clear in Matthew 22:23-33 when addressing the Sadducees' question about resurrection. In heaven, there will be no marriage or giving in marriage—all believers will be in perfect fellowship with one another, ultimately married to Christ Himself.

Paul confirms this in Romans 7:1-3 and 1 Corinthians 7:39: "A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord." Death severs the marriage covenant completely, freeing the surviving husband or wife for remarriage.

2. Pre-Conversion Experience

If you were married and divorced before you became a Christian, you are free to marry. What happened in your old life, before your new birth in Christ, is not binding on your new life. This may be controversial to some but Isaiah 43:25 promises that God will "blot out your transgressions" and "not remember your sins." Psalm 103:12 declares that "as far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us."

When you become a new creation in Christ (2 Corinthians 5:17), your past—including previous marriages and divorces—is covered by the blood of Jesus. You enter your Christian life with a clean slate before God.

3. Believer Married to an Unbeliever

This situation is more complex because it involves both disobedience and grace:

The Disobedience: If you married an unbeliever while saved, you disobeyed God's clear command in 2 Corinthians 6:14-18: "Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers." Paul also indicates in 1 Corinthians 9:5 that apostles had "sister wives"—that is, believing wives—and 1 Corinthians 7:39 says the widow is free to marry "only in the Lord."

The Grace: However, Paul says, "To the rest I say (I, not the Lord)"—meaning Jesus didn't specifically address this during His earthly ministry, but now Paul speaks with apostolic authority through the Spirit:. Let’s read it, it is on the screen:

1 Corinthians 7:12–16 ESV

12 To the rest I say (I, not the Lord) that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her. 13 If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him. 14 For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. 15 But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace. 16 For how do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?

The key principle: don't you divorce the unbeliever if they're willing to stay, because your children will be blessed (though not automatically saved) and your witness may win your spouse. But if the unbelieving partner chooses to leave, you are free to marry again.

I can’t read the whole of 1 Corinthians 7 today as it is a long chapter but please read it at home - it addresses almost all of which I speak to today.

4. Two Believers: The Exception of Fornication

Is it ever permissible for two believers to divorce? Yes, in one case and one case only: fornication.

The Pharisees in Jesus' day were divided into two schools of thought. The school of Shammai taught that divorce was permissible only for sexual fornication. The school of Hillel taught you could divorce for almost any reason—even burning dinner. They thought divorce was simple, pointing to Deuteronomy 24:1-4, which mentions divorce for "some uncleanness."

But Jesus clarified and elevated the standard. In Matthew 5:31-32, He said "The law says... but I say," not to contradict Moses but to explain God's true intent. In Matthew 19:3-12, He makes clear that divorce—with the freedom to remarry—is only permissible for fornication.

Why is fornication different? Because 1 Corinthians 7:1-5 makes clear that marriage must include sexual intimacy—spouses "owe" one another sexual love. That is, that sex is to be enjoyed throughout your marriage even to old age. If there are physical or emotional issues preventing intimacy, seek resolution—don't just leave it unaddressed. God designed marital intimacy as both a gift and a protection. The last time I preached on this two babies were born according to the time of life!

But be warned:

1 Corinthians 6:15–16 ESV

15 Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Shall I then take the members of Christ and make them members of a prostitute? Never! 16 Or do you not know that he who is joined to a prostitute becomes one body with her? For, as it is written, “The two will become one flesh.”

Fornication breaks the fundamental "one flesh" unity that defines marriage itself.

Maybe we should ask the question:

What is fornication? It is anything that causes one flesh. The Greek word porneia encompasses:

Adultery - sexual relations with someone other than your spouse

Incest - sexual relations with family members

Prostitution - including the temple prostitutes common in Greek and Roman culture

Sodomy - unnatural sexual relations

Scripture's command regarding all sexual sin is clear: FLEE fornication (1 Corinthians 6:18).

But what if it's too late? If fornication has occurred, divorce is permissible but not mandatory. The marriage covenant has been broken, but it can potentially be restored through genuine repentance, forgiveness, and healing. Many marriages have been saved even after adultery through God's grace and faithful counselling. Obviously if the other has gone off (through unrepentance) with another there isn’t any real prospect of that relationship being restored.

It is always a tragedy when there is divorce.

When You've Already Remarried

But what if you've already divorced and remarried for reasons that weren't biblically justified? Paul addresses this in 1 Corinthians 7:12: those who are "married" (perfect tense—married in the past with permanent effect) should generally remain as they are.

His principle is this: stay as you are. Two wrongs don’t make a right. You can't undo what has been done, so don't create additional chaos by leaving your current marriage to try to "fix" your past mistakes.

What has happened in the past has happened. And, of course, if you are living with someone with whom you are not married then you should be married.

There are other complex issues that need to be looked at on a person-by-person basis.

Christ's Perfect Example of Singleness

Now, turning to singleness, we must recognize that Jesus Himself remained single throughout His earthly ministry. This wasn't an accident, oversight, or failure—it was integral to His perfect obedience to the Father's will. Jesus found His identity, purpose, and fulfilment in His relationship with the Father, not in marriage or family life.

If singleness were somehow deficient or incomplete, the sinless Son of God would not have lived as a single person. Jesus' singleness demonstrates that human fulfilment comes from relationship with God, not romantic relationships. His celibate life was perfectly holy, completely fulfilling, and utterly purposeful.

When the disciples heard Jesus' teaching about marriage's permanence and suggested "it is better not to marry," Jesus didn't dismiss their observation:

Matthew 19:11–12 ESV

11 But he said to them, “Not everyone can receive this saying, but only those to whom it is given. 12 For there are eunuchs who have been so from birth, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. Let the one who is able to receive this receive it.”

Jesus acknowledged that some have a special calling to celibate singleness "for the sake of the kingdom of heaven"—just as He did. This isn't second-class Christianity but a high and holy calling modelled perfectly by our Lord and Saviour.

The Gift and Calling of Singleness

Listen. Single people are not incomplete or failing at life. The Apostle Paul actually preferred singleness and considered it a special gift from God:

1 Corinthians 7:7 ESV

7 I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another.

Paul doesn't see singleness as a consolation prize or temporary state to escape quickly. He sees it as a genuine gift—a special calling allowing unique opportunities for service, following Christ's perfect example.

Neither marriage nor singleness is utopia. Both have advantages and disadvantages. Singleness can lead to extreme loneliness, just as marriage can bring deep frustration. The key is recognizing both as gifts from God.

Understanding Your Calling

If you are single, there ought to be expectation that you may get married in due course, though you must be open to being single for life. If God is giving you the gift of lifelong singleness, He will also give you the gift of celibacy - that is, reduced sexual desire—or call you to ministry so consuming that marriage would be inappropriate.

How can you know? Some are physically unable to marry, others are called to such demanding ministry that marriage is impossible.

The Advantages and Responsibilities of Singleness

Paul speaks clearly about singleness's advantages:

1 Corinthians 7:32–34 ESV

32 I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. 33 But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, 34 and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband.

Single people can pursue ministry opportunities and invest in God's kingdom with undivided devotion—just as Jesus did. They have spiritual focus that married people with family obligations cannot match. I went to Macedonia easily on God's call because I was single—something that would have been much more complicated had I been married. Ironically, it was in Macedonia that I met my wife Irena! I didn't marry until I was 29, and I know those who married in their 40s and 50s. You never know God's timing.

But this freedom comes with responsibility. You should be available to the Lord, not for selfish desires and self-indulgences. Serve the body of Christ while single. You can serve the Lord without distraction. Be available to the body of Christ. Be hospitable.

Sexual Purity and Marriage Timing

Paul addresses sexual desire directly: "But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion" (1 Corinthians 7:9). Sexual desire leads to sexual action—if this is a constant struggle, marriage may be God's provision for you.

Do not be pressured into marriage by others or by someone talking about children and future plans. Dating should be for finding out if you should marry that person—not for games that can lead to sin. Find and pray for the right person. Getting the wrong woman or man can be disastrous, as the Bible attests repeatedly.

Be extremely careful about prophecies regarding who you should marry. Do not accept any pressure at all. But if you find the right person, do not wait unnecessarily—you will really get to know each other once you are married.

Special Considerations

For widows, Scripture gives specific guidance. If you're under 60, go to work rather than becoming dependent on the church (1 Timothy 5:5-6, 11-13). As older men, be careful not to become like children. Older women should be teachers of younger women (Titus 2:2-5). The advice may be slightly different in the welfare state these days but the church was there to help emotionally, physically and spiritually. The whole person was looked after.

The church must stop treating single people as incomplete or only waiting to be married. They should be completely involved in the leadership and life of the church, recognized for their unique gifts and availability for kingdom service.

Your Identity in Christ

Whether married, single, divorced, or widowed, your identity isn't determined by relationship status but by being God's beloved child, complete in Christ. Your past failures don't disqualify you from His love—grace is sufficient to forgive and restore. Your current struggles don't surprise God, and He's working all things together for your good. Your future is secure in His hands and your value and purpose come from relationship with God, not relationship status.

Jesus created and designed marriage yet lived as a single person. God hates divorce yet offers hope to the divorced. He calls us to high standards while extending abundant mercy when we fail.

Above all, there is grace—abundant, sufficient grace demonstrated in Christ's love for His bride, the church. This grace doesn't lower God's standards but provides power to live according to His design, whether in the sacred bond of marriage that pictures Christ's love or the holy calling of singleness modelled perfectly by our Lord Jesus Christ.

Closing Prayer

Loving Father, we thank You for Your design for human relationships and for the perfect example of Your Son, who lived as a single person in complete obedience to Your will. For those who are married, help them reflect Christ's love for the church in their relationships and enjoy the gift of intimacy You've given them. For those who are single, help them follow Jesus' example of finding fulfilment in You alone and serve Your kingdom with undivided hearts. For those who have been through divorce, bring healing and wisdom for the path ahead. Help us as a church to be a place of both truth and grace, where people of all relationship statuses can find hope, healing, and community in Christ. May we learn to find our ultimate identity and satisfaction in You alone. In Jesus' name, Amen.

Song: Be thou my vision

1 Thessalonians 5:23–24 ESV

23 Now may the God of peace himself sanctify you completely, and may your whole spirit and soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. 24 He who calls you is faithful; he will surely do it.