Don’t Burn Your House Down!

Story of JONAH

Jonah 4:1–3 “But it displeased Jonah exceedingly, and he was very angry. And he prayed unto the Lord, and said, I pray thee, O Lord, was not this my saying, when I was yet in my country? Therefore I fled before unto Tarshish: for I knew that thou art a gracious God, and merciful, slow to anger, and of great kindness, and repentest thee of the evil. Therefore now, O Lord, take, I beseech thee, my life from me; for it is better for me to die than to live.”

Jeremiah 20:8–9 “For since I spake, I cried out, I cried violence and spoil; Because the word of the Lord was made a reproach unto me, And a derision, daily. Then I said, I will not make mention of him, Nor speak any more in his name. But his word was in mine heart as a burning fire shut up in my bones, And I was weary with forbearing, and I could not stay.”

Fire could have been a fuel to ignite a great movement of God for years to come. Instead, after he flickered with flame and preached his eight-word sermon, he burned in animosity towards those that God would save. Instead of becoming a flaming evangelist, he prayed that God would burn down the homes of Nineveh.

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Do people actually change over time, or do they just mellow with age? Is there an inner working of the Holy Spirit available to us, through which we draw closer to Christ-like patience and love?

Jeremiah 13:23 “Can the Ethiopian change his skin, or the leopard his spots? then may ye also do good, that are accustomed to do evil.”

Video and Illustration

Too many men who are called to be the firefighters of their home have turned into arsonists which burn them down with anger and hate. It ought not to be so!

the pater- fathers- includes a word of responsibility to mothers

the prohibition- do not anger to anger- same Greek word- parapgizo- to make angry- avoid attitudes, words, and actions which drive a child to angry exasperation or resentment. Do not condemn them, abuse your authority, place excessively high demands on them, or discipline them in such a way that produces humiliation or is insensitive.

the plan of God- to bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

nurture- παιδεία- training and instruction

admonition- νουθεσία- to instruct and warn

What Romans & Pagans Believed about Fatherhood

The Message of Ephesians 2. The Duty of Parents (Verse 4)

The picture he paints of fathers as self-controlled, gentle, patient educators of their children is in stark contrast to the norm of his own day. ‘At the head of the Roman family … was the pater familias, who exercised a sovereign authority over all members of the family … The autocratic character of the patria potestas manifested itself not only in the father’s right to punish, but also in his iuo vitae necisque2 (killing the newborn; exposure of children) … The pater familias has a full right of disposal over his children, as over slaves and things …’3 William Barclay adds: ‘A Roman father had absolute power over his family. He could sell them as slaves, he could make them work in his fields even in chains, he could take the law into his own hands, for the law was in his own hands, and punish as he liked, he could even inflict the death penalty on his child.’

The paterfamilias had the power to tell any of his children to do something, and they were required to obey him. He had the power of life and death over all except his wife. He had the right to kill his child of any age (ius vitae necisque), the right to decide whether a newborn would be allowed to live or would be exposed to the elements to die, and the right to sell his children into slavery. It was not uncommon for an unwanted or defective baby to be exposed. Although it was legal, killing one’s children after infancy was generally frowned upon without extreme provocation.

The Christian subversion of Roman power

Ephesians 6:4 did not completely dismantle the existing Roman household structure but instead softened and transformed it. For Christians, family relationships were subordinate to their relationship with Christ. This perspective offered a radical change: 

Power redefined as servanthood: For Christian fathers, power was no longer about autocratic control but about self-sacrificial love, mirroring Christ's love for the church.

The child as a valuable individual: By condemning provoking children to anger, Christianity elevated the individual worth of children in a society where they had few rights and were considered subordinate property.

Genesis 1:26–27 “And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth. So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.”

Divine, not human, authority: Christian family authority was reoriented to serve Jesus rather than the pater familias or Emperor. A Christian father was accountable to God for his actions, introducing a higher standard of conduct. 

Ephesians 4:6 “One God and Father of all, who is above all, and through all, and in you all.”

Ephesians 1:3 “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who hath blessed us with all spiritual blessings in heavenly places in Christ:”

Ephesians 5:20 “Giving thanks always for all things unto God and the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ;”

What Arsonists Destroy in the Home

Self-esteem “The native craving for security is part of what it means to be born in Adam.”

assurance

view of self- must be biblical

risk-taking capacity

inner-voice

self-blame

lack of acceptance/belonging

people pleasing

ability to create and maintain healthy boundaries in other human relationships

trust

produces fear

inability to please anyone

positive view of God

emotionally-healthy responses to frustration Altering of the Brain—— ILL. To ensure our safety, our brains and bodies store information about our experiences, including information about previous negative, harmful, and difficult situations if no adequate support was in place so that we can stay safe and survive in the future. An almond-shaped organ in our brain called Amygdala starts to fire signals to alert the rest of the body when any signs of danger (triggers only need to have a 20% overlap with a previous harmful situation). This is to prepare to take action to escape, fight back, or perhaps freeze or even end up in a state of collapse to ensure your survival. So if you are experiencing any of the symptoms above or other experiences, it is your brain and body trying to keep you safe. However, if you now live in an environment where you are technically safe, the old programming is no longer helpful to keep you safe but it can hinder your ability to live your life whole-heartedly. What used to help you to survive in your childhood may today hinder your life.

shutting down

road rage/outbursts

violence as a reasonable reaction

NEA study

peace/anxiety

FOUR BARRIERS THAT INHIBIT HEALING:

pride- an unwillingness to confront and change

sin- a “blocked will” which neither seeks to or accepts forgiveness

the wound itself- continual hurt inside

lies- misconceptions of

self

earthly father

Heavenly Father

Healthy Flames in the Home

2 Timothy 1:6–7 “Wherefore I put thee in remembrance that thou the gift of God, which is in thee by the putting on of my hands. For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.”

ἀναζωπυρέω- stir up- “rekindle; revive”

nurture

offer words of encouragement

Say, “I love you!”

Graeme Foster

leave them notes

Moriah’s lunch box

acts of service

be present

be consistent

be a friend to their friends

I can either be in opposition to their friend groups or I can be involved in their friend groups to guide and encourage

show them the way spiritually

read

talk about what you read

pray

pray with them

say “amen” in church; be excited about the things of God

admonition of God

words of wisdom and correction

Hebrews 12:9 “Furthermore we have had fathers of our flesh which corrected us, and we gave them reverence: shall we not much rather be in subjection unto the Father of spirits, and live?”

disciple your children

love their mother and speak kindly to her