The State of Marriage

Marriage is having a rough go of it in America in 2025. We have people acting like marriage is something to be survived. Others treating marriage like an outdated institution. And still others acting like it is a way to exert and display dominance over someone else.

None of this looks anything like what is described in Scripture.

Marriage is the first institution that God creates. He does so with His man and woman. All of these things He calls good.

And when sin enters the world, it should be no surprise that Satan attacks that institution and seeks to create a brokenness between husbands and wives.

Which is why when we look at verse like the ones we will look at today in Ephesians 5:21-33, a lot of us have been conditioned to think of these as somehow controversial, when they make a lot of sense when taken in context, rather than prooftexted into oblivion.

So let’s start with verse 21- the MOST overlooked verse in the Bible.

“Submitting to one another…”

Ephesians: An Introduction and Commentary d. Wisdom to Replace Folly (5:15–21)

He knew from experience that the secret of maintaining joyful fellowship in the community was the order and discipline that come from the willing submission of one person to another (cf.

All the weirdos who bark about ruling over their households miss this one, because it undermines their whole schtick.

And if you think “submission” is somehow weak or beneath you, I would remind you that Jesus submitted to the will of His Father. He’s not exactly the picture of weakness.

Ephesians: An Introduction and Commentary d. Wisdom to Replace Folly (5:15–21)

There must be a willingness in the Christian fellowship to serve any, to learn from any, to be corrected by any, regardless of age, sex, class, or any other division

So how does this verse inform marriage, well it intros the entire discussion of marriage Paul is about to have with the church in Ephesus.

In verse 22, we have this verse that often gets abused. This verse is not telling wives that they should be abused or lesser than. It is challenging them to be willing to be led.

In fact, the phrase “submit to your own husbands” is not even in the Greek. It is inferred from verse 21. And since the indication from that verse is a position of mutual submission, we need to consider verse 22-24 in light of that inference.

It is a statement about who God ultimately holds responsible for the success or failure of the household. In a lot of ways that should be freeing. You are not solely responsible for how things go in your house!

Ephesians: An Introduction and Commentary a. Husbands and Wives (5:22–33)

Equality as persons and submission to one another are basic Christian principles in the husband-wife relationship. As J. H. Yoder well puts it, there is no ‘difference in worth’ but in the family, for its order and its unity, there must be leadership, and the responsibility of leadership is that of the husband and father. When the apostle adds the little phrase as to the Lord, he does not imply that the relationship of wife to husband is directly comparable to her relationship to her heavenly Lord, but rather that when a duty is performed ‘in the Lord’ (as the parallel passage in

Submission does not mean you should not have a say or a voice or an opinion. And it does not mean your husband is never wrong or incapable of making a mistake. It is a picture of the order of creation, and the place where Eve was taken out of Adam- his rib- not his heel or his head.

The picture here is one of:

Protection

Partnership

Ephesians: An Introduction and Commentary a. Husbands and Wives (5:22–33)

Subject to her husband in everything does not mean, however, that she is in the hands of one who has authority to command what he pleases. He is one whose duty to her is expressed in nothing short of the highest demand of self-giving love. Her subjection in the light of this, and in the light of the high ideal of unity that is to be expressed in verses 28–31, is such that ‘she can never find grievous or humiliating’ (Allan). The husband’s commitment to his wife and to home responsibilities is certainly no less demanding than that asked of the wife—but the two are different, and complementary

Which is why Paul follows this up with the instructions to husbands.

Husbands are to love their wives in 2 very distinct ways

As Christ loved the church- sacrificially, selflessly, without regard for self preservation

And, as their own bodies- building it up, caring for it, seeking to make it the best it can be

Ephesians: An Introduction and Commentary a. Husbands and Wives (5:22–33)

Paul chooses the typically Christian word agapaō, love that is totally unselfish, that seeks not its own satisfaction, nor even affection answering affection, but that strives for the highest good of the one loved. This love has as its standard and model the love of Christ for his church. ‘It means not only a practical concern for the welfare of the other, but a continual readiness to subordinate one’s own pleasure and advantage for the benefit of the other. It implies patience and kindliness, humility and courtesy, trust and support (

Verse 31 is then of vital importance- especially in our very over connected day and age.

Husbands and wives need to build their own lives. This does not mean they do not care about their parents or siblings, but it does mean the priority of their relational lives is one another- not their parents or children or other parts of their lives.

Ephesians: An Introduction and Commentary a. Husbands and Wives (5:22–33)

Prior to marriage a man or a woman has his or her closest bond with parents, and to them has the greatest obligation. The new bond and obligation that marriage involves transcends the old. Filial duty does not cease, but the most intimate relationship now, and the highest loyalty, is that between husband and wife, and parents only imperil that relationship by trying in any way to come between. There must be a leaving of parents on the part of husband and wife, and a corresponding renouncing of rights on the part of parents. Then there is a cleaving of the two together in the ‘one flesh’ (AV) relationship, blessed by God and a comfort and blessing to both.

Church, marriages thrive, when they are the second most important relationship in your life- with Jesus as the most important.

When other relationships encroach on the marriage that is where trouble comes from.

That means we prioritize time, intimacy, investment in our marriages first.

And finally, verse 33.

Love and respect.

These are built over time and maintained in a marriage by being honest and forthright with one another. We cannot fix things that break these callings without knowing how they have been broken.

When they are absent from a marriage, it is far easier to destroy. But both have to be maintained by BOTH parties. When they are cultivated our marriages are more stable and healthier.

The last thing I think is so important to catch, is that all thru this passage the idea of marriage looks back to the reality of Jesus- who He is and what He did for us.

That’s the picture of what we have to take into a marriage that lasts- living for one another. Sacrificing for one another. And loving one another at our most unlovable.

That’s the picture of salvation and it is what marriage is intended to reflect.