Fixing the Mirror Before Fixing the House

Series: It’s Not You, It’s Me Sermon 1: Fixing the Mirror Before Fixing the House Text: Psalm 139:23–24 (ESV) "Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting!"

Exegetical Idea: David closes Psalm 139 by inviting God’s searching, refining, and guiding work in his life. Homiletical Idea: True transformation in our families begins when we invite God to deal with us first.

🔹 Introduction

Psalm 139 is one of the most intimate prayers in Scripture. David has spent the psalm reflecting on God’s omniscience (He knows everything), God’s omnipresence (He is everywhere), and God’s omnipotence (He formed me in the womb). By the end, David doesn’t just admire God’s attributes — he surrenders himself to God’s scrutiny.

That’s where our series title comes in: “It’s Not You, It’s Me.” We’ve all heard that phrase used in breakups. Usually it’s a way to soften the blow: “Don’t take it personal, the problem isn’t you, it’s me.” But spiritually, that’s not an excuse — it’s the truth. In our homes, our friendships, even our marriages, many problems continue because we want God to fix them without letting Him fix us.

That’s why David prays, “Search me, O God.” He doesn’t start with the Philistines, his enemies, or even his family — he starts with himself. That’s our starting point too. Because before we can fix the house, we have to fix the mirror.

🔹 Point 1: Let God Search Me (v. 23a)

"Search me, O God, and know my heart!"

📖 Exposition

The Hebrew word for search (ḥāqar) means to dig deep, to probe thoroughly. David is asking God to go beyond surface behavior and examine his hidden motives.

The heart in Hebrew thought isn’t just emotions — it’s the control center of the person (Proverbs 4:23).

💡 Illustration A mirror shows you what’s on your face — dirt, stains, smudges. But God’s searchlight shows what’s in your soul.

🔥 Application

Family conflicts often continue because we only search them. But healing starts when we say, “Lord, shine Your light in me.”

Pray this daily: “Lord, if there’s anything in me that’s keeping peace from flowing in my home, show me.”

👉🏾 Transition: But God doesn’t just reveal what’s in us — He refines it.

🔹 Point 2: Let God Correct Me (v. 23b)

“…try me and know my thoughts.”

📖 Exposition

The word try (bāḥan) means to test like a metal in fire — it’s about purification.

The “thoughts” here are anxious or offensive motives. David is saying, “Lord, test me until my thinking lines up with You.”

James 4:1–2 echoes this: “What causes quarrels and fights among you? Is it not your passions at war within you?”

💡 Illustration A doctor doesn’t just diagnose — he prescribes. God points out the disease of sin but also applies the medicine of grace.

🔥 Application

Instead of saying, “Lord, change my spouse, my kids, my siblings,” ask, “Lord, what in me needs correcting? My pride? My anger? My impatience?”

Real growth comes when we stop excusing ourselves (“that’s just how I am”) and let God refine us.

👉🏾 Transition: But correction without direction leaves us stuck. That’s why David ends with…

🔹 Point 3: Let God Lead Me (v. 24)

“…and lead me in the way everlasting.”

📖 Exposition

David moves from searching and correcting to guiding.

“The way everlasting” refers to the path of covenant faithfulness that leads to eternal life.

Cross-reference: Romans 12:18 — “If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.” Peace begins when we walk in God’s way.

💡 Illustration A GPS only helps if you follow it. God’s Word gives clear direction, but peace in my home comes only if I obey it.

🔥 Application

That means in family tension, I ask: “Am I walking in love (1 Corinthians 13:4–7)? Am I walking in forgiveness (Colossians 3:13)? Am I walking in humility (Philippians 2:3–4)?”

When I walk differently, my house changes.

🔹 Conclusion

David shows us the path to fixing the house by fixing the mirror:

Let God search me.

Let God correct me.

Let God lead me.

👉🏾 The problem may not be them. It may be me. But if God can change me, He can change my family.

🔹 Closing Run (Hooping Style)

Lord, search me… Not my brother, not my sister — but me. Lord, correct me… Not my spouse, not my children — but me. Lord, lead me… Because if You change me, You can change my family. If You change me, You can change this church. If You change me, revival can start right here.

And when I couldn’t fix myself, Jesus came down through forty-two generations. He was searched in Gethsemane, He was tried on Calvary, And He was raised on the third day.

And now because He lives in me, I can be the change my family needs. Not them, but me. Not later, but now. Not in my strength, but in Christ alone!