Becoming the One Before Finding the One

Series: It’s Not You, It’s Me Sermon 3: Becoming the One Before Finding the One Text: Matthew 7:3–5 (ESV) "Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye."

Exegetical Idea: Jesus teaches that self-examination must precede correction of others. Homiletical Idea: Strong relationships begin when I let God deal with me before demanding change in others.

Introduction

Relationships are one of the greatest desires of the human heart. We long to be known, loved, and connected. But let’s be real — relationships also expose our flaws. They shine a light on our insecurities, our impatience, and our selfishness.

Most of the time, when things don’t work out, we point fingers: “If only they were more mature… if only they would listen… if only they would change.” But Jesus flips the script. In Matthew 7 He says, “Why do you see the speck in their eye, but ignore the log in your own?”

That’s why this message is called “Becoming the One Before Finding the One.” Instead of chasing the “perfect” person, Jesus calls us to look in the mirror first. Because a healthy relationship doesn’t start with me finding the right person — it starts with me being the right person.

👉🏾 Before I point out their speck, I need to let God deal with my log.

See My Own Flaws Clearly

"Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?"

📖 Exposition

Speck (karphos) = tiny particle, splinter.

Log (dokos) = large beam holding up a roof.

Jesus uses hyperbole — our tendency to magnify their flaws while minimizing our own.

Proverbs 21:2 — “Every way of a man is right in his own eyes, but the Lord weighs the heart.”

💡 Illustration It’s like having smudged glasses — everyone else looks blurry, but the problem is on my lenses.

🔥 Application

Stop saying, “They’re not spiritual enough” — ask, “Am I growing spiritually?”

Stop saying, “They’ve got baggage” — ask, “What baggage do I bring?”

👉🏾 Transition: Once I see my flaws, I need to surrender them to God.

Surrender My Desires to God

"First take the log out of your own eye…”

📖 Exposition

The command is urgent: “First” — before correction, before criticism, before counsel.

Jesus calls for repentance, not projection.

Psalm 139:23–24 — David prayed, “Search me, O God… and lead me in the way everlasting.”

💡 Illustration If the foundation of a house is cracked, it doesn’t matter how pretty the walls are — the house won’t last. A relationship built on a shaky soul will collapse.

🔥 Application

Ask God: “Lord, purify my motives. Am I looking for this relationship to fulfill me, or am I already fulfilled in You?”

Until I surrender my desires, I’ll place burdens on people that only God can carry.

👉🏾 Transition: And once God has worked in me, then I can love others rightly.

Show Grace in Dating and Relating

“…and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.”

📖 Exposition

Jesus doesn’t forbid correction, but He requires clarity. Only when I’m being transformed can I help transform others.

Colossians 3:12–13 — “Put on compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another… forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.”

💡 Illustration When your own cup is full, you can pour without resentment. But when you’re empty, you keep grasping.

🔥 Application

Instead of entering relationships to “fix” people, enter them to serve people.

Show grace. Extend patience. Give what Christ gave you.

Conclusion

Jesus reminds us that strong relationships don’t begin with them. They begin with me.

Three steps:

See my flaws clearly.

Surrender my desires to God.

Show grace in dating and relating.

👉🏾 Healthy relationships start with personal transformation. Don’t just look for “the one” — let God make you into the one.

Closing Run (Hooping Style)

Lord, start with me… Before I demand from them. Lord, cleanse me… Before I complain about them. Lord, use me… So I can bless them.

Because when I couldn’t fix my flaws, Jesus came down to handle the log of my sin. He carried that cross up Calvary’s hill. He was nailed for my failures, He was buried for my brokenness, And He rose with power to make me whole again!

Now I can love because He first loved me. I can forgive because He forgave me. I can build strong relationships because I’m built on Christ! 🙌🏾

So stop waiting for the “perfect one.” Start becoming the one God is calling you to be. Because when God changes me, He’ll send the right people to walk with me!