God's Guidance for Wise Friendship

Introduction (2 min)

Sermon Intro

Have you ever found yourself going somewhere you weren’t trying to go? It happened to me the other day. I dropped off Caleb at school on my way to work, and as I was driving home I realized… wait a minute, this isn’t the way to work! I’m so used to picking him up after school and taking him home that I went the wrong way without even realizing it.

That happens to all of us spiritually. How often do we intend to set out on a path toward sin, shame, or failure?  We usually don’t choose foolishness—we just end up there without even realizing it. So how do we stay on the right path when it’s so easy to drift to sin without even trying to?

One gift God gives us is friendships - friends who lead us, challenge us, and whom we help in return.

In the book of Proverbs, Solomon shares God’s Guidance for Wise Friendships.

Prayer

God, we thank you for your love and grace, that you would call us friends. We pray this morning as we turn to you to seek your guidance on friendship that you lead us, soften our hearts, and that your spirit brings to mind how we can grow in our friendships.

In Jesus name, Amen

1. Walk with friends who follow Jesus. (6:00)

Transition

We’ll be looking at several Proverbs this morning. The first is Proverbs 13:20, which teaches us the first principle for wise friendship is to walk with friends who follow Jesus.

Proverbs 13:20 HCSB

20 The one who walks with the wise will become wise, but a companion of fools will suffer harm.

Explanation

“Wisdom rubs off, but so does foolishness.”

Your friends: the people you walk through life with — they will shape both the path you take and and the destination you arrive at whether you realize it or not. They are going to rub off on you, so choose well.

If you surround yourself with wise friends, you’re already on the road toward becoming wise yourself.

But what happens when you walk with foolish friends? When you admire and imitate people whose lives are driven by selfishness, pride, or impulsiveness? Or the greatest foolishness of all, rejecting God? (Psalm 14:1)

Proverbs is clear: you will suffer harm.

Foolishness might look exciting, or easy in the short term, but it always leads to pain in the end.

Illustration &Rehoboam (1 Kings 12:1–24 )

We see this principle at work in the life of Solomon’s son Rehoboam.

When Solomon died and Rehoboam became king, he had to choose between two groups of advisors. Which group would he walk with?

The first group was the elders—older men who had served his father Solomon. They probably weren’t up on the latest fashion, and their jokes—if they made them—weren’t exactly killing it. But they had seen a lot and learned even more over the years.

The second group? Rehoboam’s childhood friends. They were his crew, the ones he grew up with. They were younger, bolder, much cooler —but they were also untested.

When unrest broke out in the kingdom, Rehoboam turned to both groups for advice.

The elders said: “Your father was harsh. Ease up. Serve the people, and they’ll serve you.”

But the younger men told him: “Say this—‘My little finger is thicker than my father’s waist!’” (Yes, that’s really what they said.) They called for Rehoboam to be tougher, more brutal. Show those unruly subjects who’s boss.

Which advice would you follow? “Show the people you care about them?” Or “show them how strong you are?”

Rehoboam chose to follow the young friends’ advice. The nation was destroyed by a civil war spurred on by his tyranny. Israel as a unified nation was no more, now it was divided into two nations, the North and the South. All because Rehoboam followed foolish friends.

Application- Jesus

Rehoboam’s life shows us exactly how Proverbs 13:20 plays out: who you walk with determines what your future will look like. So walk with wise friends, walk with friends who follow Jesus.

But maybe you noticed something: Proverbs 13:20 doesn’t mention Jesus—or even God. So what does it have to do with following Christ?

Here’s the connection: to walk in wisdom is to walk in the way of the Lord. Proverbs teaches us again and again that the wisdom begins with a right relationship with God.

In fact, the opening verse lays the foundation:

Proverbs 1:7 – “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge…”

Now consider this: Proverbs was originally written on a scroll. And when you unroll a scroll to read it, what do you see first? It’s not the first page like in a book. It’s the middle.

And what do you find in the middle of the scroll—at the heart of Proverbs? An extended focus on the Lord, beginning with:

Proverbs 15:33 – “The fear of the Lord is what wisdom teaches…”

True wisdom begins with—and is centered on—reverent awe, knowing and honoring God.

And in light of the gospel, we now understand: to fear the Lord is to follow our Lord Jesus Christ.

The wisest people you can surround yourself with are the ones who are walking with Jesus.

They’re not perfect, but they’re following the one who is. And if you walk with them—you’ll find yourself growing in wisdom and walking more closely with Christ too.

So ask yourself: Who’s shaping the path I’m walking on? Are the people closest to me helping me follow Jesus—or pulling me away?

2. Listen to friends who sharpen your walk with Jesus (6:00)

Transition

So first, we look for friends who are walking with Jesus. But walking with wise friends isn’t just about proximity to them—it’s about humility within us.

Wise friends don’t just inspire us—they....

Wait, quick question feel free to raise your hand- how many of you like being corrected?

OK, it looks like this next principle is exactly what all us need to hear.

Wise friends don’t just inspire us—they correct us. And we need that.

That brings us to the second principle: Listen to friends who sharpen your walk with Jesus.

Proverbs 27:17 tells us:

Proverbs 27:17 HCSB

17 Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.

Explanation

Solomon describes the process of friends helping one another grow as iron sharpening iron.

We see this in many areas of life—whether it’s sports, academics, or work—where teammates, classmates, or colleagues push and challenge one another to grow.

But nowhere is it more true than in our walk with Jesus. Following Jesus and becoming more like Him isn’t always easy. Friends sharpen us when they know us, want what’s best for us, and are willing to speak truth to us, even when it causes friction.

That’s why Solomon chose the metaphor of sharpening because it involves friction. Sharpening a blade means scraping away metal that doesn’t belong—metal that holds the blade back from its purpose.

That’s what friends do for one another. Encouragement, affirmation, support and grace are important parts of friendship, but friction is too - sharpening means offering and receiving correction when it’s needed.

In Proverbs 27:5–6 Solomon highlights how important this correction process is among friends:

Proverbs 27:5–6 HCSB

5 Better an open reprimand than concealed love. 6 The wounds of a friend are trustworthy, but the kisses of an enemy are excessive.

People in Solomon’s day preferred concealed love to open reprimand. Concealed love seems neutral—love on the inside, but not put into action. There’s no confrontation, no facing hard truths, no pain from seeing your own shortcomings. Doesn’t that sound a lot more pleasant than the friction of open reprimand?

If this was true in Solomon’s day, how much more true is that today? How is reprimand—pointing out when others are wrong—viewed in our society? Isn’t it often seen as mean or hateful. And it goes further: we often expect friends, or even strangers, to affirm our choices—even when they believe those choices are wrong or will lead to pain.

I understand the temptation to avoid the difficult process of friends sharpening one another—and prefer the passive, affirming, no-friction process of concealed love, because it’s easier and hurts less.

And the reality is, sometimes correction from friends hurts. It may cause wounds. But those wounds are like the wounds from a skilled doctor—they hurt, but they are trustworthy and healing.

Application

So don’t seek friends who always affirm every thought, idea, or plan you have. Solomon says that kind of constant praise is nothing more than kisses from an enemy—it encourages you down a path toward serious mistakes.

Instead listen to correction from wise and Godly friends when they:

Call out pride or selfishness when you’re putting yourself above others.

Remind you of God’s promises and truth when you’re discouraged or doubtful

Confront attitudes or habits that hurt your relationships or witness.

Challenge you to serve and love others more sacrificially.

Encourage faithfulness when you’re tempted to drift or become lukewarm spiritually.

I know none of that is easy. But it’s the process that God uses to sharpen your walk with Jesus.

3. Be the friend who points others to Jesus. (6:00)

Transition

We’ve seen how Proverbs urges us to choose our friends wisely and highlights the value of correction in friendship. But, please don’t just leave here with a mental checklist of people to unfriend—or all the ways your friends need to change. Instead, let’s turn the mirror toward ourselves and ask: “How can we be the kind of friend who points others to Jesus?

Proverbs 17:17 says:

Proverbs 17:17 HCSB

17 A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a difficult time.

Jesus echoed this in the last supper. During this meal Jesus shared his new commandment in John 13:34, our church verse. Jesus said:

John 13:34 NASB95

34 “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you, that you also love one another.

Illustration- Jesus, the model friend

How can you be a good friend? Jesus tells us to follow his example. And what did he do?

He invested time with his disciples

He walked with them, ate with them, taught them, and shared life with them.

He didn’t just see needs or problems—He saw people

Example: Mary at Lazarus’ tomb – On the way to raise Lazarus, He stopped to weep with Mary (John 11:33–35). He cared about raising Lazarus, but He also cared about Mary’s grief.

Example: Zacchaeus – He noticed him up in a tree and invited Himself to his home (Luke 19:1–10).

Jesus’ correction was always personal and aimed at the heart.

Rich young ruler – Told to sell all he had and give to the poor (Mark 10:17–22; also Matthew 19:16–22, Luke 18:18–23).

Pharisees – Rebuked harshly for hypocrisy and leading people astray (Matthew 23:1–36; Luke 11:37–54).

Woman caught in adultery – “Go and sin no more,” offering both mercy and a call to change (John 8:3–11).

He gave the ultimate gift of friendship

And ultimately, on the cross Jesus demonstrates true friendship by laying down his life to bring forgiveness and life to all who would accept that free gift through faith in him. (John 15:13).

Explanation (Love)

So how can you be the kind of friend who points others to Jesus so they might experience this life?

The key is love. As Solomon says, a friend loves at all times. Love shapes our encouragement, our compassion, our silence when that’s what helps, and our speaking up when truth is needed.

So be a friend who points others to Jesus by loving like Jesus has loved you.

Application (CUT IF SHORT ON TIME)

The test of friendship isn’t when it’s easy—it’s when it’s hard. A friend, a brother, a sister, is most needed in times of trouble.

You’ve likely seen this: true friends reveal themselves by being their for you during the hard times. That’s the kind of friend God calls you to be—and the wise path to follow.

What happens when you travel the other path and choose to be:

A friend only when it’s easy

A friend who is unwilling to speak the truth

A friend who uses others for what you can get

A friend who is unwilling to be vulnerable or receive help yourself

A friend who has found good news, but keeps it to yourself

Where do you think that type of friendship will take you? It won’t point people to Jesus which is good for them, but also where does that path take you?

Conclusion (2:30)

Wise friendships mean choosing paths that lead to where we want to go. We never plan for friendships to fail or to wound us, yet history—and our own lives—show they can.

Neither C.S. Lewis nor Oscar Wilde set out to become a complete failure or watch every success they’d built crumble before their eyes. Yet that’s exactly where one of them ended up.

The difference wasn’t talent — both were brilliant. It wasn’t tragedy — both knew deep loss. So what made the difference? The friends they chose.

Oscar Wilde was one of the most gifted writers of his age. Then he met Lord Alfred Douglas, a talented young poet. Rather than sharpening one another’s natural talents, they drew each other into pride, recklessness, and destructive choices. That friendship spiraled into scandal, bitterness, and prison.

In contrast, C.S. Lewis and J.R.R. Tolkien had the kind of friendship Proverbs describes. They challenged each other’s thinking and pushed one another toward excellence. Did you know that Tolkien almost gave up on finishing The Lord of the Rings? Here’s what led him to complete it? The encouragement and insistence of his friend Lewis — iron sharpening iron.

Even more importantly, they encouraged each other’s faith. When they met, Lewis was an atheist. But through Tolkien, he didn’t just experience concealed love — Tolkien was open about his faith in God and pointed Lewis to Jesus They wrestled honestly with doubts and questions. Tolkien’s patient guidance, encouragement, and honest correction helped Lewis experience life in Christ. — iron sharpening iron.

Their sharpening left a legacy of faith, creativity, and truth that still blesses the world.

Neither Wilde nor Lewis knew where their friendships would lead, but the choices they made shaped the story of their lives.

That’s true for you too. The friendships you choose, and the type of friend you are, will shape the story you tell tomorrow. So I urge you: follow God’s guidance - choose friends who lead you toward Him, listen as they sharpen you, and be the kind of friend who points others to Jesus.

Invitation (1:00)

I invite you to examine your friendships and the ties that bind you to the people you are walking with. Consider:

Are you walking with friends who follow Jesus and lead you toward Him?

Are you humble and open to correction when your friends challenge or sharpen you?

Are you being a faithful friend who points others to Jesus through how you live and love others?

And if you don’t yet know Jesus as your Friend and Savior—today is the day to begin that friendship. As we sing Blest Be the Tie That Binds, take a moment to reflect, pray, and respond to the Friend who gave His life for you. Will you stand and sing?

Notes

1. Commentary Recommendations

Mentor Commentary, John A. Kitchen. This is my favorite commentary on Proverbs and offers helpful commentary on every verse, something that most verse by verse commentaries struggle with. Although this is the most thorough commentary I have on Proverbs it is still very easy to read and good for both study and devotional reading.

Holman Old Testament Commentary, Max Anders. A generally useful intro-level commentary. Proverbs are organized topically. An excellent choice for personal Bible study.

New American Commentary, Duane A. Garrett. Although this is my favorite commentary series this volume tends to be overly brief. It still offers some good insights particularly on types of proverbs.

Cornerstone Biblical Commentary, George M. Schwab.

ESV Exegetical Commentary, Ryan Patrick O’David.

Proverbs, Believer’s Church Bible Commentary, John W. Miller. This series is hit or miss for me but I find this volume helpful. It is organized thematically for Proverbs 10-22 allowing for extended commentary on multiple related verses at once rather than overly brief comments on individual verses.

2. Quotes Referenced

I was going to uses this quote but dropped it due to time. I think it’s a powerful observation:

Proverbs: A Mentor Commentary 27:17

No man can be his best or reach the heights God intends for him without those blessed friends who comfort, provoke, challenge, rebuke, chide, affirm, stimulate and encourage until his thinking is clear, his wisdom mature, his purpose refined, and his faculties sharp.

I adapted the concept of the “heart of Proverbs” from Miller’s emphasis on this section as the intentional focus of Proverbs. Instead of focusing on 16:2-6 for the five verse formula he uses I began with the first Proverb in this section based on the connection of THE LORD.

Proverbs They Redesigned It with Meticulous Care

We might wonder why the Hezekiah editors would have created a book with such a carefully crafted symmetrical form. A reason for doing so may be related to the fact that its contents were initially written on a scroll (not in a book). A scroll is a horizontal strip of papyrus or vellum, with writing in narrow perpendicular columns on one side only. When read, it was held in two hands and rolled and unrolled from both ends a little at a time. When not in use, it likely was customary to keep larger scrolls rolled up from both ends so that when opened its contents (being equidistant from that point) would be readily accessible. Thus, when opened for reading, a scroll’s middle column would be the first to be seen. My suggestion is that the Hezekiah Edition of Proverbs was designed so that the five couplets in 16:2–6 would be among the first to be seen when it was opened for reading.

Not surprisingly, these five proverbs are unique in that—unlike any other five-proverb panel in the whole collection—every one of them mentions Yahweh, the God of Israel. Each states a theological truth that we sense is expressive of the core convictions of those who created the Hezekiah Edition of Proverbs [Middle Poems].

Proverbs Middle Poems of the Main Collection

This being the case, the five poems in the middle merit special attention. I conjecture that they were inserted here for the purpose of being seen and pondered every time the scroll was opened. A closer analysis suggests that these five poems are the middle section of an eight-verse poem. The poem begins in 15:33 and ends with 16:7. Each of its verses mentions Yahweh by name. These eight two-line verses are grouped in two stanzas of four verses each (stanza 1 is 15:33–16:3; stanza 2 is 16:4–7). Each of the two stanzas has a distinct theme. As such, it resembles the poem in

3. Links to articles

Story of Oscar Wild & Lord Alfred Douglas

https://www.britannica.com/biography/Lord-Alfred-Douglas

Story of C.S. Lewis & J.R.R. Tolkien

https://www.townandcountrymag.com/leisure/arts-and-culture/a41019697/jrr-tolkien-c-s-lewis-friendship-lord-of-the-rings/

https://www.heritage.org/civil-society/commentary/how-c-s-lewis-accepted-christianity

4. Scriptures References

Proverbs on Wisdom - From the Sermon

Proverbs 1:7 “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge; fools despise wisdom and discipline.”

Proverbs 15:33 “The fear of the Lord is what wisdom teaches, and humility comes before honor.”

Proverbs on Friendship – From the Sermon

Proverbs 13:20 – The one who walks with the wise will become wise, but a companion of fools will suffer harm.

Proverbs 17:17 – A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a difficult time.

Proverbs 27:5–6 – Better an open reprimand than concealed love. The wounds of a friend are trustworthy, but the kisses of an enemy are excessive.

Proverbs 27:17 – Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.

More Proverbs on Friendship

Proverbs 12:26 – A righteous man is careful in dealing with his neighbor(this word also means “friend”), but the ways of the wicked lead them astray.

Proverbs 14:7 – Stay away from a foolish man; you will gain no knowledge from his speech.

Proverbs 16:28 – A contrary man spreads conflict, and a gossip separates close friends.

Proverbs 17:9 – Whoever conceals an offense promotes love, but whoever gossips about it separates friends.

Proverbs 18:24 – A man with many friends may be harmed, but there is a friend who stays closer than a brother.

Proverbs 19:4 – Wealth attracts many friends, but a poor man is separated from his friend.

Proverbs 22:24–25 – Don’t make friends with an angry man, and don’t be a companion of a hot-tempered man, or you will learn his ways and entangle yourself in a snare.

Proverbs 27:9 – Oil and incense bring joy to the heart, and the sweetness of a friend is better than self-counsel.

Additional Scriptures

Ecclesiastes 4:9–12 – Two are better than one because they have a good reward for their efforts. For if either falls, his companion can lift him up…

John 13:34 “I give you a new command: Love one another. Just as I have loved you, you must also love one another.”

John 15:13–15 – No one has greater love than this, that someone would lay down his life for his friends… I have called you friends.

1 Corinthians 15:33 – Do not be deceived: “Bad company corrupts good morals.”

Hebrews 10:24–25 – And let us be concerned about one another in order to promote love and good works, not staying away from our worship meetings… but encouraging each other.