Covenant and Covering – Session X

Emotional Triangulation – The Silent Divider

Theme: Disruption of Trust and Covering Through Emotional Triangles

Main Text: 

Proverbs 6:16–19 KJV 1900

16 These six things doth the Lord hate: Yea, seven are an abomination unto him: 17 A proud look, a lying tongue, And hands that shed innocent blood, 18 An heart that deviseth wicked imaginations, Feet that be swift in running to mischief, 19 A false witness that speaketh lies, And he that soweth discord among brethren.

I. Introduction: What Is Emotional Triangulation?

Definition:

Emotional triangulation is when a person avoids direct communication with someone they have conflict or unresolved emotions with, and instead brings a third party into the conversation or emotional processing—often to gain validation, control, or to shift blame.

Example:

Instead of husband and wife dealing with a marital issue between them, one spouse confides in a friend, parent, or even a child, subtly shifting the dynamic from a dyad (two) to a triangle (three).

The Result?

Confusion

Divided loyalty

Broken communication

Spiritually open doors for offense, gossip, and manipulation

II. Biblical Patterns of Emotional Triangulation

1. Eve and the Serpent – Genesis 3:1-6

“And the serpent said unto the woman, Ye shall not surely die…”

Satan triangulated himself into the relationship between God and Eve.

He questioned God’s motive, character, and commands.

Result: Mistrust, disobedience, and broken covering.

Spiritual Insight:

The moment another voice enters a two-person relationship with divisive intent, emotional triangles can lead to rebellion.

2. Absalom and Israel – 2 Samuel 15:2-6

“Absalom stole the hearts of the men of Israel.”

Absalom created emotional triangulation between David and the people.

He positioned himself as the “understanding third party” while discrediting his father’s leadership.

Key Phrase: “If I were judge…” — classic triangulation language.

Result:

Rebellion against God’s anointed.

Division in the kingdom.

Spiritual disorder and eventual death.

3. Martha and Mary – Luke 10:38-42

“Lord, dost thou not care that my sister hath left me to serve alone?”

Martha was frustrated with Mary but instead of going to her, she triangulated Jesus into the issue.

She attempted to get Jesus to validate her perspective instead of handling it directly.

Jesus’ response?

“Martha, Martha…” — He gently exposed the triangulation and corrected the issue.

III. Why People Triangulate Emotionally

A. Avoidance of Conflict

Fear of confrontation.

Immature communication skills.

B. Desire for Control

Seeking to sway others toward their side.

Manipulating the emotional environment.

C. Seeking Validation

Wanting someone to agree with them rather than pursuing healing.

IV. The Spiritual Strongholds Behind Triangulation

1. Spirit of Jezebel (Control and Manipulation)

Operates in emotional manipulation.

Seeks power in relationships by bypassing headship and distorting loyalty.

Revelation 2:20 KJV 1900

20 Notwithstanding I have a few things against thee, because thou sufferest that woman Jezebel, which calleth herself a prophetess, to teach and to seduce my servants to commit fornication, and to eat things sacrificed unto idols.

2. Spirit of Offense

Proverbs 18:19 – “A brother offended is harder to be won than a strong city…”

Offense festers in silence and spreads through triangulated conversations.

3. Spirit of Division

Romans 16:17 – “…mark them which cause divisions and offences contrary to the doctrine…”

These spirits are like termites in the structure of covenantal relationships.

V. The Damage of Triangulation in Families and Churches

A. In Marriages

In-laws become the confidants.

Spouses become emotionally disconnected.

Children become “rescuers” or “counselors,” destroying healthy roles.

B. In Friendships

Friends become proxies for bitterness.

Gossip disguised as “venting” spreads infection.

C. In Churches

Congregants speak to others about their issue with leadership.

Division spreads subtly.

Trust is eroded and spiritual covering is broken.

VI. God’s Design: Healthy Covenant Communication

Matthew 18:15 KJV 1900

15 Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother.

Principle: Go to the person—not about the person.

Ephesians 4:15 KJV 1900

15 But speaking the truth in love, may grow up into him in all things, which is the head, even Christ:

Growth happens when truth and love walk hand-in-hand.

VII. How to Break Free from Emotional Triangulation

A. Repent and Renounce

Acknowledge areas you’ve triangulated others.

Renounce any emotional soul ties created through it.

B. Rebuild Direct Communication

Commit to going to the person involved.

Invite the Holy Spirit to guide the conversation.

C. Close the Door

Pray to close every spiritual door opened by gossip, offense, and manipulation.

D. Restore the Relationship Under God’s Covering

Let forgiveness, humility, and truth restore the covenant.

Reestablish proper emotional roles (e.g., spouses confide in each other, not in parents or children).

VIII. Practical Tools to Teach Your Church and Family

Situation Godly Response Scripture

You’re hurt by someone Go to them in love Matthew 18:15

Someone vents to you about another Redirect them back Proverbs 26:20

You’re tempted to “just talk about it” Pray first, speak truth James 1:19

Others try to pull you into division Be a peacemaker Matthew 5:9

IX. Final Thoughts

The enemy loves triangles. God loves covenant.

Anytime a third party is brought into a two-person issue without godly order, the enemy looks for access. But when we walk in truth, love, and humility—refusing to be pulled into emotional triangulation—relationships are restored, coverings are protected, and covenant thrives.

“If Satan can’t destroy you directly, he’ll try to divide you relationally.”

Proverbs 26:20 KJV 1900

20 Where no wood is, there the fire goeth out: So where there is no talebearer, the strife ceaseth.

Discussion Questions for Group Teaching

Have you ever been pulled into someone else’s conflict as a third party?

How can we lovingly redirect people back to healthy communication?

What spiritual damage can triangulation cause in a church or marriage?

How does emotional triangulation open doors to spiritual oppression?

Quote

“Satan’s favorite playground is the space between misunderstood hearts.”– Robert Young