Kingdom Living: Embracing Accountability as a Core Value (2)
Kingdom Living Accountability • Sermon • Submitted • Presented
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ac·count·a·bil·i·ty/əˌkoun(t)əˈbilədē/noun
the fact or condition of being accountable; responsibility.
A Person who is completely responsible for what they do and must be able to give a satisfactory reason for it.
Answerable to God
Last week, we looked at these sins that we desire to hold each other accountable to.
Sins of the Mind
Sinful emotions
Sins of behavior
Sins of the mouth
I encourage that before you have a conversation of accountability that you review these to really understand what it is that you are holding a person accountable too.
Holding each other accountable is not about personal preferences. It is not about what I think is right or wrong.
Holding each other accountable is about a Biblical standard that we believe is right and holding each other accountable to this standard.
Sins of the mouth is where I have chosen to sit for last week and this week.
Our goal is to grow in communication. We want to deliver the right message with right delivery.
Some more scripture this morning on communication
1 A gentle answer turns away anger, but a harsh word stirs up wrath.
2 The tongue of the wise makes knowledge attractive, but the mouth of fools blurts out foolishness.
23 The one who guards his mouth and tongue keeps himself out of trouble.
18 There is one who speaks rashly, like a piercing sword; but the tongue of the wise brings healing.
20 Do you see a man who speaks too soon? There is more hope for a fool than for him.
28 The mind of the righteous person thinks before answering, but the mouth of the wicked blurts out evil things.
24 Pleasant words are a honeycomb: sweet to the taste and health to the body.
11 A word spoken at the right time is like gold apples on a silver tray.
26 She opens her mouth with wisdom and loving instruction is on her tongue.
A personal favorite
19 My dearly loved brothers, understand this: Everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger,
I am convinced that growing in communication is a part of sanctification (growing to be more like Christ)
In my research over the years, growth in communication has the ability help overcome personal barriers and lead to making more disciples.
Charles Duhigg in his book Supercommunicators describes a story about a doctor who had done much research on a certain type of cancer. In his research, he had determined that the best treatment plan for this cancer was to monitor it and wait.
Of course there was more options for treatment, surgery or radiation but again he felt it was best that they would not do either of these.
Every time the doctor was meeting with patients he would shoot what he thought was direct with them and tell them what he thought was the best approach. Not to operate.
To his surprise, the patients were not choosing what he was suggesting.
The book goes on to describe that the doctor was failing in communication and failing to understand the patients feelings as they were making their choice in treatment plan.
Charles Duhigg says
Successful CEOs had two things in common when it came to communication. They had the ability to understand the feelings of others and the ability to understand their own feelings or why they feel the way they do.
Fear Cycle
How did that conversation, conflict or argument make you feel about yourself? What did the conflict say about you? What was the self message that it sent to you?
Rejected, abandoned, alone, failed, felt like a failure, helpless, powerless, unloved, defective, invalidated, inadequate, inferior, cheated, devalued, unimportant, worthless, degraded humiliated
13 For it was You who created my inward parts; You knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I will praise You because I have been remarkably and wonderfully made. Your works are wonderful, and I know this very well.
3 Acknowledge that Yahweh is God. He made us, and we are His — His people, the sheep of His pasture.
27 So God created man in His own image; He created him in the image of God; He created them male and female.
10 For we are His creation, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared ahead of time so that we should walk in them.
Communication can move forward by simply understanding who you are in Christ and not every communication is repeating things from your past.
Not every conversation is bringing up the past. Some of what you are hearing is not what is being said and it is internal pain that Jesus wants to Heal.
Jesus went to the cross to set you free from that past. That’s the good news of the Gospel.
What did you do when you felt (Insert those from the previous question)? How do you cope or what do you do when someone makes you feel this way?
Verbally defend myself, withdraw, escalate, belittle, develop negative beliefs, Blame others, passive-aggressive, care-taking, act out, eating disorder, over function (do everyones job), feel responsible for others, solve it or fix it mode, spend or shop, addictions, complain, aggression or abuse, manipulate, anger or rage, numb out, humor, minimize, self -depreciation
Fear Cycle
Last week, it is a waste of time to talk about reactions.
Goal in communication:
Work to understand how a person feels. Listen for feelings.
When you understand how a person feels, it generally leads to them feeling cared for.
This type of communication takes practice.
It takes trial and error
Be patient
Misunderstanding happens
Choose to care about the persons feelings more than about the problem.
communication is not complete until two things happen.
The listener understands what the speaker is saying
The speaker feels understood.
Good communication is a skill. If it is a skill then it means that it can be learned.
You have to practice it in order to master it.
Speaker
Talk about yourself
Talk about your feelings
Listener
Listen for feelings
Summarize what you hear
Examples:
Speaker
Wrong way:
You never tell me anything, you’re so dishonest! What’s your problem?
Productive way:
I feel frustrated when I don’t get all the information. I’m not sure if you realize it, but our lack of communication makes it really difficult for me to feel secure in this relationship. It makes it hard for me to trust.
Listener
Wrong way:
uh-huh. or Sounds like your problem, not mine.
Productive way:
So I think I hear you saying you’re frustrated with our lack of communication, and you struggle with trust and security when this happens.
Jesus in conversation with the woman at the well
Jesus ask her for a drink
7 A woman of Samaria came to draw water. “Give Me a drink,” Jesus said to her,
8 for His disciples had gone into town to buy food.
9 “How is it that You, a Jew, ask for a drink from me, a Samaritan woman?” she asked Him. For Jews do not associate with Samaritans.
Jesus speaks truth
13 Jesus said, “Everyone who drinks from this water will get thirsty again.
14 But whoever drinks from the water that I will give him will never get thirsty again—ever! In fact, the water I will give him will become a well of water springing up within him for eternal life.”
25 The woman said to Him, “I know that Messiah is coming” (who is called Christ ). “When He comes, He will explain everything to us.”
26 “I am He,” Jesus told her, “the One speaking to you.”
The power of communication
39 Now many Samaritans from that town believed in Him because of what the woman said when she testified, “He told me everything I ever did.”
40 Therefore, when the Samaritans came to Him, they asked Him to stay with them, and He stayed there two days.
41 Many more believed because of what He said.
42 And they told the woman, “We no longer believe because of what you said, for we have heard for ourselves and know that this really is the Savior of the world.”
