Mutual Consideration in the Home

It is true that we have experienced little persecution as American believers. While we see the potential in the not so distant future, as of now, we have been spared intense persecution. The believers who were the recipients of this letter did not share that same experience. They struggled through much persecution and that persecution affected every aspect of their lives.

It is also true that the average believer would heartily admit that they desire that God would use them to see others come to Christ. Peter tells them that their approach and response to persecution may result in others coming to Christ. He reminds them that while their motivation at times is simply to glorify God with their actions, they as well can be motivated to proper actions because of the possibility of seeing unbelievers “glorify God in the day of visitation.”

For them to respond correctly amidst persecution, Peter deals with the three primary areas of one’s life. (1) Their interaction with the government. (2) Their interaction at work. (3) Their interaction at home.

An Exhortation to Wives

Understanding the Original Context. While this passage is not limited in scope to believing wives with unsaved husbands, it does seem to focus on that relationship. The point of the immediate context seems to be how to relate to unbelievers so that they might be won to Christ. First Peter 3:1 says, “so that even if any [of them] are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives” This portion of the verse focuses on the relationship of a believing wife to an unbelieving husband. As well, it is possible, if not likely, that the word “if” could be translated as “since.”

While we know that these principles can and will be applied to any wife, let’s first consider the broader societal context of woman in that day. In the Greco-Roman world there was little respect offered to women. Prior to their marriage they were under the firm hand of their fathers. Their fathers had life and death authority over their daughters.

Husbands had a similar type of authority. Some have said that if a husband killed a wife, there would be no recourse for such an action. She was nearly a slave to him. Her responsibilites primarily were to simply stay home and do whatever the husband desired.

Consider a woman in that setting choosing to follow Christ without the affirmation of her husband. That would have been socially unacceptable. A woman was to follow the lead of her husband in all areas and one’s religious views was no exception. A man would be perceived as incapable of handling his home if his wife made such a decision on her own. He could potentially lose any position in the community that he might have had due to his wife’s “rebellion.”

What is a wife to do in these circumstances? She can’t simply wander off to bible study every day and not expect to possibly get beat when she gets home. How could she act in such a way that her unsaved husband could see his need to come to Christ? Peter answers that question. In answering that question he as well offers some general prescriptions for any marriage relationship.[1]

Be Submissive (3:1)

A discussion on submission always worries me not because I’m concerned about teaching what the Bible says, but I’m concerned with the many ways I’ve seen this teaching received by people. Some women can think, inaccurately so, that submission implies that they are less in some way. Some men use passages like this and give a hearty amen! “My wife needs to learn that!” Both reactions are wrong. As well, men if you feel that way, we will come to you in a moment.

One’s conscious effort to submit to their husband in no way is establishing their inequality. It does not mean that a wife is inferior in any way – less qualified, intellectually inferior, spiritually inferior. Unlike the society we find ourselves in where you very well may find that those of intellectual or physical ability proceed up the ladder of authority simply due their gift sets. That is not a parallel to the home. The divine order of the home was set with no one specific person’s character, intellect, or physical abilities in mind.

The military might be a close parallel to draw. In the military there is a distinct order of command, and one learns to simply submit to their authority. Their submission does not imply that they are not stronger or smarter or as capable as their leader, they simply must submit to their leader. But that falls short potentially because even leadership in the military can often be determined by one’s ability or intellect or strength. This is not the case with a husband and wife.

Therefore, submission in this context is simply one’s willingness to personally and willfully submit to the authority structure that God has placed in the home. And this submission is to one’s own husband. This verse and the others similar to it are not establishing a demand on all women to submit to all men or all wives to submit to any man that tells them to do something.

This could have been especially hard for a believing wife in the Greco-Roman world who realized her equality with men in the eyes of God and the freedom that came as part of being in the body of Christ. It was important for her not to abuse her new found liberty and in so doing provoke her unbelieving husband all the more.

Be Modest (3:3)

1 Timothy 2:9–10 ESV

likewise also that women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire, but with what is proper for women who profess godliness—with good works.

I think it is safe to say that in any society or culture women have desired to look attractive. This is as well true of most men. While we much more consistently fail at that, we at least want to appear nice. There is nothing inherently wrong with that. Modesty is not so much about looking attractive as it is not drawing an inordinate amount of attention to oneself. You can error on either side of this. You can wear so little that attention is drawn to yourself, or you can dress so ostentatiously that attention is drawn to yourself. These verses actually deal with the later. These women were overdressing to the point of being gaudy.

Whatever extreme someone might take, it is likely that they were more concerned with their outward appearance than they were with their inner character. It is important that you are known for your character and not just your outward appearance. Please don’t conclude that since you are to be focused on your internal character that your external appearance should be ignored. Being unconcerned about your appearance is not synonomous with being godly.

Consider. Have you ever noticed how women with beautiful character seem to be outwardly beautiful? Have you ever noticed that someone with an unpleasant unattractive character appears outwardly unattractive regardless of their appearance?

Be Faithful (3:2, 4)

Peter exhorts the women to be be characterized by a “gentle and quiet spirit (1 Peter 3:4). Gentle refers to a “mild and friendly disposition gentle, kind, considerate, meek (in the older sense of strong but accommodating).”[2] Quiet refers to an internal state of “calm quiet, tranquil, peaceful, at rest.”[3] Peter offers the reader a model to follow. This model is unlike, if not completely opposite, the models you may find on any magazine in a store. Those models are primarily focused on their external. In contrast Peter exhorts wives to be characterized by the following:

Purity

Modesty

Submission

Godliness

Character

Peter goes on to offer a wonderful example for believing women to follow. In verses 5-6 of chapter 3, Peter writes, “For in this way in former times the holy women also, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands; just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, and you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear.”

The passage tells us that those believing wives who do what is right will be like Sarah. Sarah was strong, in fact there are a couple of times Abraham obeyed her. Sadly, some of the Jewish Historians are embarrassed by Abraham in those instances. Even though she was strong, she was submissive and respectful.

Recognize the Proper Motivation

These three attributes must be motivated by correct motives. Peter offers two compelling motives in these few verses. First, this behavior may be used by God to draw an unbelieving spouse to Christ (3:1). A few verses later he offers a second motivation. This behavior is precious in the sight of the Lord (3:4). A wife must realize that any submission she extends to her husband is directly to her Lord. Her husband may not be deserving of it. In fact, many husbands aren’t deserving, but her obedience to this passage is rooted in her desire to follow the Lord not simply obey her husband.

An Exhortation to Husbands

Understanding the Original Context. We have already looked at the position of a wife in the Greco-Roman culture. With that in mind consider a believing husband in a similar setting. He’s saved but his wife is not. Should he force her like other husbands in his culture? The society would permit, if not encourage such behavior. The wife would probably either become a believer or at least act like she had. This is why many think that this section is so much shorter than the verses dealing with women. The scenario was not as common, simply because women would have followed the decision of their husband.

Be Considerate of Your Wife (3:7a)

Submission, in this context, is not the surrendering of the responsibility to lead a wife and family, but instead carries the idea of showing deference and consideration. This entire section is one of mutual submission. Citizens are to submit to the government. Employees are to submit to employers. Wives are to submit to their husbands. And “likewise” a husband is to treat his wife in a similar fashion. While a husband must continue to lead his family, his submission is displayed through deference to his wife’s opinions, dreams, aspirations, etc. He ought to be willing to sacrifice his preferences and time for her. He must be considerate of her needs and desires. This consideration will demand that a husband know his wife.

Be An Expert On Your Wife (3:7b)

While the word “understand” can speak to a context outside of the sexual relationship, this word most often is used in a sexual context. In other words, a husband is to know his wife in the most intimate of ways. Taking into consideration the immediate context, we may draw that a husband is being encouraged to not cut off his wife from her emotional or physical needs due to her being an unbeliever. Either way, a husband must know intimately his wife in every possible way.

This assumes you care about her opinions, her preferences, her likes and dislikes, and not only care about them but inquire about them. It goes ever further. Don’t only inquire about them, but attempt to serve them. She is not there to simply serve your desires and make your life comfortable. You ought to attempt to understand her in such a way as to serve her needs and desires.

Be A Gentleman Towards Your Wife (3:7c)

Why? Because she is weaker. Does that statement bother any of you? I would imagine it might. Let’s consider first what this does not mean. It is not referring to:

Inherently inferior

Mentally

Character

Intellect

Spiritually

It most likely is referring to physical strength and potentially emotional strength. Why should we treat a weaker vessel with more concern? [4]

I’ve heard it put this way. “Men are coffer mugs and women are tea cups.” Tea cups are special. They are more beautiful, they cost more J, and you are sensitive to them. A coffee mug gets tossed around, left on your vehicles as you drive away, get’s thrown in the corner. They’re great to have. They are very practical, but they don’t usually look as nice and they can take a beating. Both are important, but we treat them differently.

Possible Views for “Heirs with you of the grace of life”

1. Husbands are to treat them as if they were co-heirs of salvation, even though they are not.

2. Husbands are to treat them with respect simply because they possess life, they have been created in the image of God and deserve respect

3. Husbands are to treat them with respect because they are believers and are co-heirs in salvation

Recognize the Proper Motivation

In Ephesians we find the following motivation. The love a husband has for his wife is a picture of Christ’s love for the church. We are to accurately reflect that sacrificial love (Eph 5:25 ff). In this passage one could easily imply that a husbands proper treatment of his wife is as well pleasing to the Lord, but the reason offered in this verse deals with effective prayer or worship, “so that your prayers will not be hindered” (1 Peter 3:7d).

If one views “heirs with you of the grace of life” as something besides salvation, the effective prayer could be speaking to the spouses salvation. If the grace of life is simply life or marriage as others have taken it, then the wife could be unsaved and the prayers spoken of in this passage could be speaking of prayers for her salvation. If that’s the case a husbands actions towards her should be appropriate so that his prayers for her salvation are not hindered.

If you view “grace of life” as one who has experienced the grace of salvation, then the spouse is a believer and the husband would not want his / their prayers hindered.

[1] In the context of this discussion consider the following verse as well. 1 Corinthians 7:13–14 (ESV) If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him. 14 For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.

[2] Friberg, Friberg, and Miller, Analytical Lexicon of the Greek New Testament.

[3] Ibid.

[4] Potentially consider the following passage in light of this idea of weakness. 1 Corinthians 12:22–24 (ESV) 22 On the contrary, the parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, 23 and on those parts of the body that we think less honorable we bestow the greater honor, and our unpresentable parts are treated with greater modesty, 24 which our more presentable parts do not require. But God has so composed the body, giving greater honor to the part that lacked it,