Man and Woman, Husband and Wife

Introduction

Since the late 90s, views in Western society concerning marriage has changed. The word I would use is “hostile.”

Less people than ever think that marriage is something that is viable for them. Even less are actually getting married.

Marriage is seen as an outdated institution.

Marriage is seen less in terms of building a life with somone and as a means of community and more in terms of status, financial dreams, and personal life goals.

The sexually charged nature of our nation also creates internal and external pressures to marriage that upend many.

The Bible has a compelling view of marriage that I would call nothing but countercultural. But, if we believe that God has designed our lives

I believe that there is a spiritual war on Biblical marriage, because upending marriage means upending protection, provision, spiritual leadership, and discipleship that God has intended as the primary means by which someone comes to know and follow Him. Marriage is the first institution of God.

Not a one of us is unaffected by dysfunction in marriage in a variety of ways.

I cannot say everything that needs to be said about marriage, so I am going to stick to the text and let it do the work. And before we can talk about what marriage is not - a valid conversation - we must lay ground work for what it is.

Read Genesis 2:18-25.

Explanation

Genesis 2:18 “Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone;”

God has consistently created and said, “tov” or “good.” This is the first time that God says something is “not good.” God notices that man’s aloneness is not good. Man needs a companion.

God placed a desire into humanity to have a spouse. It is a good desire.

I have heard so many people say to someone that is single, “When you stop wanting a spouse is the moment that God will give you one.”

Let me give you a bit of advice - stop saying that to single people.

Firstly, it is a good desire to be married.

Secondly, you can be complete without being married. God created you, and more satisfying that any relationship with another human.

Good desires can become ultimate desires. We will not find ultimate satisfaction in our partners. We will find that in the Lord.

We don’t need someone to “complete” us. But the desire to be married is good!

Also, you can live a perfectly fulfilling life without a spouse (just ask Paul or Jesus), but it is not wrong to want one.

Genesis 2:18 “I will make him a helper fit for him.””

We fast forward a few verses, and we see that God ultimately leads Adam to his wife, Eve.

Now, is God calling Eve a “helper” here? He is! What does that mean? We often think of a helper as someone who is less ? To our 21st century minds, it sounds much like a kid helping his dad work on a project by holding a flashlight.

This is not what God is saying here. The word helper, ezer, is a RICH Hebrew word. It’s connotation is not subservience but complimentation. The best way to define it is to say a helper “fills up what is lacking.”

In almost every instance the word is used outside of Genesis, the word refers to God as a helper of man! That does not denote subservience but complimentation.

In marriage, men and women have different roles, but they are equal in value and worth.

A woman is to come alongside her husband as he spiritually leads his family.

The proof of this is in Genesis 3. As Adam and Eve sinned against God, Eve ate of the apple first, but God held Adam responsible for not loving and caring for his spouse.

The weight of a family’s protection and spiritual vitality falls to a man.

How does this break down practically? Millions of ways that look different in every relationship.

Men, you are responsible, and therefore, accountable, for the spiritual temperature of your family in a way that no one else in the world is. And leadership is not lording - leadership is serving. You are the chief servant in your family.

God designed you to get up early, work hard, provide for your family, pull up into the driveway, walk straight into the house and clean, cook, get on the floor with your kids, and teach them how to pray, love one another, and cherish the word of God.

No toy, no gadget, no video game, no computer screen, no vacation, no car, and no football game will leave you fulfilled, because you are hardwired to give yourself for your family the way Christ gave himself for the church.

And to wives, the first best step in walking this way is to simply acknowledge that reality.

Genesis 2:19–20 “Now out of the ground the Lord God had formed every beast of the field and every bird of the heavens and brought them to the man to see what he would call them. And whatever the man called every living creature, that was its name. The man gave names to all livestock and to the birds of the heavens and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him.”

God is preparing Adam to value his future mate in a powerful way. Can you imagine Adam’s despair at naming every animal knowing that none were his companion?

Genesis 2:21–22 “So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man.”

God is showing that she is not of the order of animals that Adam will dominate or rule over, but rather, she will share in the responsibility of filling the earth and subduing it with Him.

God’s creation mandate was to (1) be fruitful and multiply, (2) fill the earth, and (3) subdue it. Eve is Adam’s helper, mate, and ally in this endeavor.

Genesis 2:23–24 “Then the man said, “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.” Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”

Get this, “Adam saw his wife, and the first thing he did was SING.”

Adam is singing with a deep love for his wife. We ought to love our spouses the same way. Now, some of you cannot sing, so you don’t necessarily have to show it that way, but you get the point. Adam is enamored with his wife.

Husbands, your wife is the greatest gift that God has given you outside of Himself. Treasure her. Love her. Devote yourself to her. Pursue her.

Wives, your husbands are God’s great gift to you too!

Your words about your spouse matter!

Men, your wife is not your ball and chain. She is your bride!

Women, if you have a group of friends who consistently get together and talk poorly of their husbands, find a new group of friends.

God created marriage for our joy and his glory.

The moment Erin and I got married, we became home base. Our first year of marriage, I was finishing my masters, pastoring my first church, with my mom in the hospital, and dealing with some health issues. My wife was my rock in that season.

This showed me very early the power of a good marriage. Nothing can be going well in life, and if you have a good marriage, you have a good life.

Marriage is a reflection of Christ and His church.

Marriage brings about our sanctification.

How many of you in this room married a sinner? How many of your spouses also married a sinner?

When the two of you come together and make decisions together, how much of life has always been focused on you gets exposed really quickly.

That’s where the read work begins.

Tim Keller // “Within this Christian vision of marriage, here's what it means to fall in love. It is to look at another person and get a glimpse of what God is creating, and to say, "I see who God is making you, and it excites me! I want to be part of that. I want to partner with you and God in the journey you are taking to his throne. And when we get there, I will look at your magnificence and say, 'I always knew you could be like this. I got glimpses of it on earth, but now look at you!”

What about the gaps?

Connor,

I am not married, and it’s past the time that I thought I would be married.

My spouse isn’t a believer.

My husband isn’t leading my family the way he should be.

I am divorced.

I cannot answer all of those questions, but I can tell you that the Bible does have answers and I am here to walk with you.

At the end of the day, the head for every one of our lives is Christ. He is the servant leader who washes us with his blood. And He, as the Scriptures would say, is our helper, ally, and companion who fills up what is lacking in us.

Christ is sufficient, where marriage is not. That is for married and unmarried folks alike.

Leaving and cleaving

There is a covenantal nature to marriages. A Biblical covenant is a “giving of oneself to the other.” It is a lifelong commitment to the other.

It is a “I am with you no matter what” kind of vow.

It’s why if I am doing your wedding, in that wedding will be some form of traditional vows. ”for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness, and in health" Why is it that important?

Because today, so many people replace vows with “I love that we both love coffee and books and puppies.” “I love the way you look at me.” Etc. Etc.

There is nothing wrong with a declaration of your life, but here is the rub.

The first rub - You will not always be that person.

You will be married to 4-5 different versions of your spouse over the course of your life. Possibly multiple at the same time!

You are committed to that person, and you display Christ’s love for the church by loving your spouse when they are unlovable just as they love you when you are unlovable.

Your life will be really hard at times.

Marriage is for the beautiful moments, but marriage is also for the hospital rooms, late nights with a sick baby, caring for aging parents, and layoffs from work.

”for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness, and in health"

You are making a commitment to the commitment.

In leaving and cleaving, you are also declaring that your new utmost allegiance is to your spouse, even over your parents.

Invitation

Genesis 2:25 “And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.”

This is not a sexual text, but a nakedness text. This is the last time in the Scriptures that nakedness and shame would not be associated.

Shame enters the picture the moment sin enters the picture.

Yet, I want to paint a picture for you of Adam. God brings every animal to Him and he names it.

Commentators would say that this is a picture of Christ, who will one day rename all things and make them new.