The Weeping, Forgiving King

The Great Divorce is a book by C.S. Lewis that tries to paint a picture of sin and life after death. In it, the narrator sees different scenes of people who want to enter into heaven but are held back by sins. Members of the kingdom of God come out to try to help them, some successfully, others not so much.

One of the most poignant examples of this is between Pam and Reginald, a woman and her brother. Reginald is in heaven, but comes out to the gates to talk to his sister about coming in. Pam, however, only wants to know about Michael, a son that she lost. She repeatedly asks questions about Michael, where he is, what he’s doing. Her brother tells her that she can see Michael if she can just get into the gate, but that would mean loving something else other than Michael, God. She responds

“Oh, you mean religion and all that sort of thing? This is hardly the moment… and from you, of all people. Well, never mind. I’ll do whatever’s necessary. What do you want me to do? Come on. The sooner I begin it, the sooner they’ll let me see my boy. I’m quite ready.” - C.S. Lewis - The Great Divorce

She is at the gates of heaven, and all that she wants is to see her son who died. Reginald, her brother, responds that that’s not how this thing works. She needs to learn to love, and that means learning to lose possession of people.

When Reginald explains that she can’t just get in just because she loves Michael, she gets angry and starts accusing Reginald of being unfair, and finally accuses God of being unfair and being cruel for taking her son from her.

Reginald explains to her that Michael is quite happy with the Lord and that even this tragedy was used for good, but that Pam spent all of her time mourning and not really loving her son. He says that she “embalmed” her love for him and tried to keep the dead alive by oppressing his memory.

Near the end of the conversation, she says

‘I don’t care about all your rules and regulations. I don’t believe in a God who keeps mother and son apart. I believe in a God of love. No one has a right to come between me and my son. Not even God. Tell Him that to His face. I want my boy, and I mean to have him.. He is mine, do you understand? Mine, mine, mine, for ever and ever.’ - C.S. Lewis - The Great Divorce.

Grief can do horrible things to the human soul. Loss of parents, a spouse, children, and loved ones can feel crippling. There is also a different kind of grief that we feel in broken relationships: separation from our children, friendships that die out, strained parental relationships, and the crumbling of marriages.

Our story today deals with grief too, and forgiveness after grief.

David is a man who has had much and lost much by the time we get to this story. A handful of years ago, one of his sons was murdered by his other son, Absalom, because of the brother raping Absalom’s sister (remember that sermon, I had to preach that one too). Absalom and David’s relationship was never the same, and eventually, Absalom revolts against David’s kingship, throws him out, and tries to kill him. David sends his trusted army against Absalom, but is very clear to all of his commanders to not hurt his son. His commander of the army, Joab, does not listen, and when Joab finds Absalom caught, he takes three spears and brutally executes him. And we are left seeing a broken David, looking out at a broken kingdom, a broken family, and a dead boy; and grief consumes him.

And so we’re left in this passage with deep pain, and it is my belief that in this we see David at the precipice of his life. He can take this tragedy and become an embittered, hardened, miserable man; or he can let the LORD move in his life and become something truly good.

But, no matter what, in this, we see

Suffering and forgiveness are facts of life. How will we respond?

The Mourning King

We are in the middle of the story when we jump in to 19. As we said, David has just found out that his son, Absalom is dead, and he is in mourning. Joab, his commander (and the murderer of his son) hears about this, and so does the rest of his military.

There is a huge difficulty for David here. See, he’s a father, but he’s also the king of Israel, and his soldiers have just fought a great battle, with many dying, because of David’s son. So, while David has a responsibility as a father, he also has a responsibility as king.

We see this in vs. 2-3

2 Samuel 19:2–3 ESV

So the victory that day was turned into mourning for all the people, for the people heard that day, “The king is grieving for his son.” And the people stole into the city that day as people steal in who are ashamed when they flee in battle.

The author clearly paints a negative picture, the focus is on David and the soldiers.

So, Joab confronts him and, ever the pragmatist, essentially tells David to get over it.

There’s so much in here that comes out as a big question mark.

This story, and all narrative (or story-telling) passages in the Scripture are not as simple as telling what to do and what not to do. These are real people and real events, it’s not a fairy tale that’s supposed to show the value of friendship or something.

David seems to kind of do the right thing in the wrong way

It’s not bad that he mourns his son, that is fine. However, he does deeply wound the soldiers that give up their lives for David and to bring the kingship back. Absalom, while he was David’s son, was also the one driving the coup to kill David and his men.

Joab is always a mixed bag.

He is one of the most diverse and interesting characters in the entire Old Testament.

He’s crafty and wise and violent and dumb and intelligent all at the same time!

Joab breaks the commandment of the king by killing Absalom (which is bad), but it’s because of his loyalty to the king that he kills Absalom!

So, Joab probably comes to David with at least a little guilt or defensiveness.

Furthermore, he is a military commander. He’s not a diplomat or a politician, it seems like this guy thinks with his sword more than his brain.

He reminds me of the trope in movies where the guy in charge of the military has an answer to every problem and it’s always blow the other guy up. That’s who Joab is.

BUT, Joab is after the best interests of David and Israel, we see that in vs. 7

2 Samuel 19:7 ESV

Now therefore arise, go out and speak kindly to your servants, for I swear by the Lord, if you do not go, not a man will stay with you this night, and this will be worse for you than all the evil that has come upon you from your youth until now.”

All that to say, this is not a simple little passage, this passage has real human beings dealing with real human emotions.

However, David eventually comes out to the people and stands at the gate, illustrating that he is still the king, and he is still with his people.

David has to learn to manage his grief and stay in the position of king that God gave to him.

Jesus, the greater David.

All passages always point to Jesus, and this passage is no different. David’s grief points to the Greater King who grieved over His people.

Isaiah 53:3 ESV

He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief; and as one from whom men hide their faces he was despised, and we esteemed him not.

Jesus’ life was marked by extensive sorrow.

He wept at his friend Lazarus’ grave, He was betrayed by all of His closest friends, He watched the people that He created despise and kill Him, He was butchered on a cross and abandoned by His Father in heaven because of the sacrifice He made.

Jesus is with you in your suffering!

There is no place dark enough that our Lord cannot reach, there is no grief so encompassing that He does not understand, there is no suffering more painful than Christ has ever suffered.

And so, if I can plead with you, turn to my Lord and cast your suffering on Him!

I will not lie and say that suffering will cease when we turn to Him, but I will say that you will be heard and understood by Christ in a way that you have never felt.

Whether you have grown up in church and have known all of the answers or whether this is your first time in church, I know that you have suffered! And, if you haven’t yet, you will! That is fact of our existence.

And yet our suffering can mean something in Christ! Instead of being lost in the waves of pain that come from grief, we have an anchor point in Christ that will hold us together in all things!

The knowledge of the goodness and faithfulness of God will lead us to this question:

How will we suffer?

Much like David, our grief brings us to a point of decision… what will we do with the pain that we are experiencing?

The bad

Sometimes, we can go to grief in ways that our destructive (to ourselves and to others)

We numb the pain with substances

Classic Nietzsche approach

We shove the problem down and ignore it

We don’t talk about it, we don’t acknowledge it, it’s just not there for us.

We let grief detach us from others

We self-isolate, flee from those who love us, and detach.

We wallow and let it consume us.

Much like the mother in The Great Divorce, we ‘embalm’ our feelings and make that pain part of who we are until we are nothing without the pain.

The good

Or, we can go to the ways in which we can grieve well.

We allow ourselves to feel the pain

We don’t run away from our problems, we face them

We find helpful outlets, communally and individually

We’re not trying to distract, we’re trying to process and not let grief rule us.

Prayer, art, music, hiking, reading, laughing with friends, all are a balm to deep wounds.

We learn to lean on the Lord

We don’t isolate, and we don’t wallow. We beg for peace from our Savior, Counselor, and Friend, and we let Him move us toward wholeness.

Maybe this is something that we can do in our community of faith that is around us, or maybe we need formal counseling. If that is the case, then we can get you connected with counselors who can help guide you through this process.

It is well.

Horatio Gates Spafford was a businessman in the 1800’s with a young family (four daughters). After the Chicago fire of 1871, he and his family lost nearly everything, so they planned to go over to the UK to be with some friends. Horatio sent his family ahead on a ship because of some last minute business developments. On that trip, the ship sank, and Horatio received a telegram from his wife saying simply, “ Saved alone. What shall I do?”

This man lost four children on the same day. He went to meet with his wife in the UK. As he was on the ship, he was recognized by the captain, who showed him on that voyage the place where the ship had sunk.

Spafford was a man left with nearly nothing, looking at the cold, dark waters that had taken his children. In that moment, he wrote that words of comfort came to him from the Lord, at which point he wrote:

When peace like a river, attendeth my way, When sorrows like sea billows roll— Whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to know It is well, it is well with my soul.

The Forgiving King

This time of grief and pain for David affected him deeply.

It’s kind of like the feeling that we have whenever we go through something horrible where we feel older much quicker than normal.

And so, he goes out and continues the process of assuming the kingship he had already been given years before.

2 Samuel 19:9-15

The tribe of Judah has a hard time accepting this to start (given that they had supported Absalom), but after some careful maneuvering (and firing Joab, which I’m sure David was happy to do), David starts to enter into Jerusalem to announce again his kingship.

But, right as he comes into the valley and starts walking up the hill to Jerusalem, David and all the people see a group running to meet David.

2 Samuel 19:16-30

I’m sure there was a little confusion and paranoia (is this an attempt to kill David again), but quickly they see that the first group is a familiar (but not exactly welcome) face.

It’s Shimei, who was loosely related to Saul. Shimei had, just 3 chapters ago, cursed David and thrown rocks at him when he was getting kicked out of Jerusalem. Now, with Absalom back and David back in power, he suddenly has a change of heart!

Some of David’s men suggest killing him (which wouldn’t be out of the question, given that he attacked the king) but David forgives him.

Next, David sees an old friend who he has some conflict with ride down, it was Mephibosheth!

Remember, Mephibosheth was the son of Jonathan, Saul’s son and David’s best friend. He had been crippled, so he could barely walk. In 2 Samuel 16, the servant of Mephibosheth helped David as he was leaving Jerusalem and then was told that Mephibosheth had abandoned David.

Well, this same Mephibosheth comes and has clearly been in mourning since David left. He didn’t take care of his feet (which was important because he was crippled), he didn’t wash himself, and he didn’t clean his clothes from the day that David left.

Mephibosheth tells David that Ziba, his servant, had lied, and that Mephibosheth had been stuck there because no one had been able to help him leave with David.

This is an interesting section in this passage, because we have no idea if Ziba was telling the truth or if Mephibosheth was, the author doesn’t say. I personally think that Mephibosheth actually wanted to go with David and couldn’t. However, David does not want to play a ‘He said, he said’ game, and so he forgives both Ziba for lying and Mephibosheth for not coming. He had already given all of Mephibosheth’s stuff to Ziba, so then he instead has them split it, which both at least seem to be happy about.

The forgiveness of David vs. the forgiveness of Jesus.

This forgiveness is a far cry for the forgiveness we see in Jesus.

David ‘forgives’ Shimei, but then he tells his son, Solomon, as he’s dying, to kill Shimei for cursing him.

Beyond that, he doesn’t exactly seek out truth for Mephibosheth and Ziba, he just splits it and calls it even, which isn’t really justice.

But, in Christ, there is true forgiveness.

God does not hold a grudge and when He says that you are forgiven, you are forgiven.

Ephesians 1:7 ESV

In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace,

But it is that phrase “through His blood” that is so key here~

In all forgiveness, the one who forgives must lose something.

For David, in order for him to forgive Shimei, he needed to give up pride and the right to kill someone because they cursed the King.

For us, we have to give up something of our power or authority when we forgive our children for hurting us.

We must give up our entitlement and pain in forgiving our parents for damaging us.

To forgive a debt, we must give up the money that was owed to us.

We must give up our position as God to forgive those who have wronged us.

And yet, in God, He gave up something much more.

Jesus gave Himself up that we might be forgiven.

Jesus is God in the flesh, He has the most value as a person, because He is the God of the universe that is living inside of the universe.

And so, faced with the vast weight of all of my sin and hurt and brokenness and rebellion, God paid for that with the most valuable thing there is, Himself.

If we believe that Jesus really is God and cast ourselves on Him entirely and truly become people of Jesus, then we can find forgiveness for our sin in Him and in His blood.

But in order for this forgiveness to happen, we need 2 things:

We must acknowledge our sin

We must receive the forgiveness.

You and I are broken people that are in need of grace.

I have been hurt and damaged, and I have hurt and damaged others, to the point that I can’t fix myself.

We have been created fearfully and wonderfully, with the image of God on us! Humans were built to be really, really good; but our sin has pulled us away from God, and so we are in a place of needing Someone to save us.

Which is where Jesus comes in!

Jesus is the Son of God on earth, He is God, and He sacrificed Himself on the cross that we might be saved.

Forgiveness is offered to us, we just need to receive it. We need to accept that we are in need of that forgiveness and that the Triune God is the only One who can offer us this forgiveness. Take it! Become a follower of Jesus and live in the life that is full and well-lived. Don’t keep chasing after that world, don’t be like David who can only forgive half-heartedly, let’s be Jesus-people together!

We can forgive in our forgiveness.

This forgiveness that is offered to us must then fuel our ability to forgive others.

Ephesians 4:32 ESV

Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

Who have we held out on forgiving?

Who have we harbored bitterness towards in our hearts?

Christ is calling you to forgive them.

If we had the time, we would talk about the nature of forgiveness and about being able to not live in a place of hurt, but right now, all I can say is that we have been forgiven of much worse sins than Shimei and have been truly forgiven by a King greater than David. Our pain and grief can lead us to a greater empathy and understanding of others. We must learn to forgive them.

· Application: Reflect on your pain and who you need to forgive because of the pain and forgiveness of Jesus.