How Do We Respond to Rude and Hateful People?

1As I was preparing for today. I asked Angie. “Given the events that have transpired this week in the wake of the Charlie Kirk assassination. What would be the one question you (and others) may have?” She said, “ I want to know how to respond to people who hate me”!

So I though we would seek to answer that question together.

Ultimately and obviously the answer to that question for us as Christians is found in Scripture.

When you begin searching the Bible about being rude to others, you'll discover that the Bible actually places more emphasis and importance on aspects of kindness, humility, and respectful behavior. As it rightly should. The bible will always call us to look inward before letting us understand how to outwardly respond.

Why do some Christians struggle with responding with kindness, humility and respect?

As Christians, when we struggle with our ability to respond with kindness, the Bible serves as our truth about why we choose to love. We received the free gift of salvation, and so it’s out of a heart of joy that we treat others with kindness. Beyond the posture of a loving desire, we also want to model Christ. How we choose to respond cultivates an environment where those you encounter (who may treat you poorly) might see something unique that drives them to dig deeper. Once we can embrace both truths in our response is when we are wholeheartedly living out our call to be Christ like.

There is both a simplicity and difficulty in carrying this out.

Some of us have deep rooted ruts in our daily practices that have, over time, either reinforced positive or negative habits related to our struggles. In the case of practicing kindness, these ruts can prevent our ability to deeply reflect on biblical truth (head knowledge about scripture and how we are to love others) and carry that out. We elevate the Law over Love. Those habits can also prevent us from seeing opportunities with those we encounter on a regular basis.

So in our time together today. I want to first explore some verses and their meanings, which can help us understand why avoiding rude behavior is essential in living a godly life. Then dive deeper into what the Bible says about dealing hateful and hurtful people.

Proverbs 21:23 ESV

23 Whoever keeps his mouth and his tongue keeps himself out of trouble.

This verse highlights the importance of controlling our words. Speaking without thinking can lead to trouble, but guarding our speech can help us avoid many problems.

How many of us have trouble with this? Why?

James 3:2 “2 For we all stumble in many ways. And if anyone does not stumble in what he says, he is a perfect man, able also to bridle his whole body.”

Ephesians 4:29 ESV

29 Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.

What do you think Paul is speaking of here?

Paul's message to the Ephesians emphasizes speaking positively. Our words should uplift and benefit others, not tear them down.

1 Corinthians 13:4–5 ESV

4 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant 5 or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful;

This well-known passage describes love's attributes. True love is not rude or self-seeking but honors others and remains patient and kind.

Colossians 3:8 ESV

8 But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth.

Paul advises the Colossians to eliminate negative speech. Anger and malice in our words can harm relationships and our spiritual well-being.

These Bible verses about being rude to others remind us to watch our words and actions. By embodying these principles, we can create a more loving and respectful environment around us.

Dealing with Rude and Hurtful People

Matthew 5:44

In Matthew 5:44, Jesus teaches a radical approach to dealing with enemies and those who treat us poorly: "But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you." That’s right, we are actively called to respond to rudeness and hurt with love and prayer, rather than retaliation.

Loving our enemies means showing kindness and compassion even when it's not reciprocated. Jesus highlights that this behavior reflects the character of God, who "causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous" (Matthew 5:45). By loving those who are rude to us, we demonstrate the transformative power of God's love. We also don’t need to let situations of unresolved tension weigh us down. As Matthew 5:45 suggests, God is the ultimate judge and is sovereign over outcomes. He has victory over the unjust and the just.

Proverbs 9:7-12

Proverbs 9:7-12 provides practical wisdom on how to handle rude and wicked individuals. Verses 7-8 caution against criticizing or correcting those who are disrespectful or wicked, as it only invites insults and hatred: "Whoever corrects a mocker invites insults; whoever rebukes the wicked incurs abuse. Do not rebuke mockers or they will hate you; rebuke the wise and they will love you."

Instead, the passage advises us to focus on those who are wise and receptive to correction. Teaching and instructing the wise leads to greater wisdom and understanding. This approach not only protects us from unnecessary conflict but also fosters a more positive and fruitful interaction.

The key takeaway from Proverbs 9:10 is that "The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding." We start with posture of humility. We accept that fearing the Lord and living according to His ways (following scriptures guidance on how we interact with others) is the foundation of wisdom and our first priority. A fear of the Lord accepts that we don’t have all the answers, but Jesus does. That posture positions us to seek him in a relational way to learn and ask how He wants us to interact with someone.

You’ll likely see Jesus move in some radical ways when you open up your situations to this approach.

Christian Response and Wisdom

Combining the teachings of Matthew 5:44 and Proverbs 9:7-12, we see a clear Christian response to rudeness: respond with love and wisdom. Instead of engaging in futile arguments or retaliating, we are called to:

Love our enemies and pray for those who mistreat us.

Avoid correcting the rude and focus on those who are open to wisdom.

Seek God's guidance and wisdom to handle challenging situations.

Dealing with Rude and Hurtful People

Matthew 5:44

Jesus teaches us to love our enemies and bless those who curse us. This means we should respond with kindness, even when treated poorly. We show Christ's love by praying for those who hurt us.

*Note - this in no way suggests a repeated invitation of such kind of behavior. God wants us in safe honoring situations where we are cared for and loved. Matthew 5:44 simply highlights our response when we find ourselves in those situations, as there is inevetibly to such circumstances in a world of sin - we simply fail each other time and time again, so our response is dictated by our heart posture.

Proverbs 9:7-12

These verses remind us to use wisdom when dealing with rude people. Sometimes, correcting someone who is rude won't help. Instead, we should focus on offering wisdom to those who are open to it.

By following these biblical principles, we can maintain our integrity and reflect the love and wisdom of Christ in our interactions with others. We also ask the Holy Spirit for guidance as we go about loving others who are rude and then offering wisdom to those willing to receive it. We aren't perfect and need the discernment of the Spirit to lead us through that process with grace. Sometimes we even need the Spirit to intercede on our behalf, when we simply don’t possess the ability to respond in the “right” way.

Conclusion

At Share The Struggle, we understand that dealing with rude and hurtful people can be challenging. Our faith-based approach aims to bridge the gap between emotional and mental health, providing a holistic support system tailored to your spiritual needs.

Mental and Emotional Health

Our emotional and mental health is the capacity for which we have the resilience and infrastructure to interact well with others. When this comes to our ability to respond with kindness, we believe Jesus and the Bible are adequate informants of our response, and yet we still might find ourselves needing external support to build up our internal and external capacities for kindness.

Practical Tip

See Clarity

Display Charity

Approach Critically

Proverbs 26:5 ESV

5 Answer a fool according to his folly, lest he be wise in his own eyes.

Proverbs 26:4 ESV

4 Answer not a fool according to his folly, lest you be like him yourself.