Sanctified Living

Did anybody else hear or look at our Scripture reading this morning and get a little nervous? If you really felt within your heart this week to pray for me, that was probably the Holy Spirit just letting you know that 1 Peter 3:1-7 was coming for me this week. In all seriousness though, let me just start with two thoughts. The first is that when it comes to the Bible, there is only one true interpretation of Scripture. You may have heard me say this before, the only true interpretation of Scripture is God’s interpretation. You may have your thoughts on a Scripture, you may have your feelings about Scripture, what matters significantly more than all of that is not what does a text mean to you, what matters is what did God intend as He moved the human authors of Scripture to write what they wrote. There may be multiple levels of application within a text but there will always only be one true interpretation of Scripture and that is God’s interpretation. He is His own interpreter as the hymn goes. With that being said, there are times in history, there are times today, where fallible men, fallible women, under the name of Christianity will take a section of Scripture, twist it from its God-intended meaning, and use it as a tool of oppression. The section that we are looking at today in 1 Peter 3 is one of those sections that has time and time again been used incorrectly, outside of its redemptive and historical context, as a tool for oppression and let me just say from the get go, that what God intends in this passage, is a beautiful picture of the Gospel, a beautiful picture of what marriage can and should be, and should in no way, shape, or form, ever be used as a tool for the oppression of women. To take these verses and use them as a tool to basically tell an entire group of people to sit down and shut up isn’t what God has given this passage for. What this passage is for we will see in just a few minutes. The second thought that I want to share is that this is a challenging passage. For some of you this may even be an uncomfortable passage. Some of you here today if you are being honest are hearing a passage like 1 Peter 3 and thinking, “Nope, should have stayed home today!” Let me just lovingly say that the Bible will make us uncomfortable. Part of our becoming more like Christ is we will be made uncomfortable. The things that we used to love we don’t love anymore, the life that we used to live in the flesh is being made new, the Bible absolutely will make us uncomfortable and praise God for it. Daniel Doriani wisely said, “If our Bible reading never challenges us, we probably aren’t reading well. A faith that never upsets us is a designer faith, with the self as the designer.” You may be uncomfortable today, lean into it. There is a beautiful truth from God that we are going to see in this passage. Our big idea for today: Peter’s instructions to wives and husbands was not given so that spouses would neglect or mistreat their spouse. Instead, it was given as a tool of evangelism for unbelieving partners. God’s purpose in marriage is that we would be sanctified together, loving and sacrificing for themselves as Christ loves and sacrificed for the church. Let’s pray and then we will turn to 1 Peter 3:1-7.

1 Peter 3:1–7 NASB95

In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior. Your adornment must not be merely external—braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God. For in this way in former times the holy women also, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands; just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, and you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear. You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.

Instructions to Wives

Before we even start to tackle these verses, let’s first talk about women and the Bible. I have heard, and no doubt you have heard, so many people, both in and outside of a Christian worldview take the Bible and say that the Bible is oppressive and demeaning towards women. And like in so many other areas of life, people will say that the Bible has no right as this ancient book to tell modern people how they are supposed to live their lives. They will look back to the time in history when the Bible was being written and they will say, “Look at how men treated women back then, surely that is how the men of the Bible treated their women as well.” Let me find a little bit of common ground with you in case I am describing some of your thoughts, you are right about the way that 1st century men treated women. In the 1st century, women were not high on the totem pole, they were in many ways treated as property, and a husband at any point in the marriage could abandon his wife and in the Roman world face no repercussions for doing it. Not only could he do that, as long as the father was alive, he dictated the role of the entire house hold. This means that if you are 50 and dad was 80, guess who is in control of your life, not you. In the Roman world, this was known as the paterfamilias which meant that the husband had absolute rule and authority over the spouse, the children, the grandchildren, and any servant or slave that belonged to that household. At any point, a father could have his child killed. If his wife had a baby and he decided that he didn’t want that baby, he could have it placed out on the street and left for dead. But then here comes the Christians. It was the Christians that went out and saw those babies and said, “I’ll take it. I’ll care for it. I’ll be that baby’s mother or father.” So yes, we can agree that the 1st century treatment of women and children was often very wicked but that was not God’s intention for the family. The way that the Bible and Christian faith speaks of women does not degrade the women but places her in a place of respect and properly represents the image of God that is within every single human being. In terms of how the 1st century treated its women, the Bible and the Christian church was for lack of a better word very progressive. If you go through both the Old and New Testament, you will see woman after woman being honored, being respected, being treated with a significance and value that would not be present in any other worldview because it is only in the Christian worldview where both men and women are recognized as creatures created in the image of God. The Bible fully recognizes the image of God, the imago dei, in both men and women. In Scripture we see roles specifically designed for women, we see women serve within the church, we see women outside of a preaching ministry teaching Christians, we see Godly women working both in and outside of the home! The Bible and Christianity speaks and treats women with greater dignity and respect than any other document and any other religion. With that in mind, we can go into these verses that we have just read with an understanding that these verses are not being given as an oppressive tool to drive women to despair but as a gift from God to allow them to live a life that is holy and pleasing to Him. Let’s look at these first 6 verses of 1 Peter 3. Now I know that some of you may also be thinking, “Hold up Peter, why does the man only get 1 verse but we get 6?” Well one argument is that in the 1st century, the woman was more than likely the first one to come to faith in Christ. We see so many women in the New Testament, women like Tabitha and Lydia in the book of Acts, with no mention of husbands, coming to faith in Christ. We can also look at the first few verses in verse 7 when Peter addresses husbands and says, “You husbands in the same way.” Their is a level of submission and honor that Christian husbands were to show as well. But we will get to that later, let’s start in verse 1. Peter begins by saying, “In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands.” This isn’t the first time that submission is brought up in Peter’s letter. If we go back to chapter 2, starting in verse 13, we see that their is a submission that is required of every human being. 1 Peter 2:13 says, “Submit yourselves for the Lord’s sake to every human institution, whether to a king as the one in authority,” We submit to God first as we submit to those that are in authority over us. Then when you get to verse 18, Peter says that servants are to be submissive to their masters. So, submission is not a new subject when we get to 1 Peter 3. Instead it finds itself connected to really a sub section on submission. In 1 Peter 3, Peter tells wives that they are to be submissive to their own husbands. This verse does not mean that all women are to be submissive to all men. I have no right to demand another woman to be submissive to me and Lora is under no obligation to be submissive to a man that is not her husband. What then do we mean by submission in this context? Well before we say what it is, let’s talk about what it isn’t. For a wife to be submitted to her husband does not mean that she is a doormat. The husband has no right to walk all over and be domineering over his wife. There is a huge difference between leading the spouse and family with authority and dictating and abusing. To be submissive also does not mean that you agree with every single thing that your husband says. Your husband is not all wise, not all knowing, Submission does not mean that women lose their ability to act or ability to think the moment that they say, “I do.” In fact, everything that Peter says implies a certain level of independence for the woman. If you look through these verses, you see that the wife has followed Christ on her own, she has had religious thoughts on her own, and she is acting on behalf of the good of her husband. How would we define what Peter is talking about? John Piper defines submission like this:

Sermons from John Piper (1990–1999) Women of Valor for Non-promise Keepers

It is the disposition to follow a husband’s authority and an inclination to yield to his leadership. It is an attitude that says, “I delight for you to take the initiative in our family. I am glad when you take responsibility for things and lead with love. I don’t flourish when you are passive and I have to make sure the family works.” But the attitude of Christian submission also says, “It grieves me when you venture into sinful acts and want to take me with you. You know I can’t do that. I have no desire to resist you. On the contrary, I flourish most when I can respond creatively and joyfully to your lead; but I can’t follow you into sin, as much as I love to honor your leadership in our marriage. Christ is my King.”

What we see Peter calling for are wives that are willing to follow the authority of their husband, to be under the leadership of their husband, but who in no way, shape, or form do so blindly. These are women who are grieved by sin, that will honor their husband to the extent that it does not lead to sin, and as much as they may love their husband, he is not God. This is something for both guys and girls, married and single, your spouse or the spouse that you will marry is a terrible god. We’re terrible gods. Your spouse can never fill the space in your heart that is reserved for Christ alone because if they even attempt to or you put them there, they will not save you and they will not provide what can only be given through Christ. We need to keep moving but if you look again at verse 1 and into verse 2, you see that Peter says that wives are to be submissive to their own husbands “so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior.” Peter’s instruction is for those that got saved after they got married and now find themselves with an unbelieving partner. He says, “Don’t waste this time, look at it as an evangelistic opportunity!” Peter is saying, “Live such Godly and Christ-centered lives with your spouse that when they look at you and see how you are living that they can only attribute this change to what Christ has done in your life.” When Peter says that they are won without a word, this doesn’t mean that you as a spouse never share the Gospel with your unbelieving partner. What it does mean is that no one is getting nagged into heaven. Believe it or not, you have to talk to your spouse, believer or unbeliever. What Peter is emphasizing is that the conduct and encouragement of the wife should be so strong that their behavior could be the very thing that starts to peak the interest of the unbelieving spouse. So ladies, love that man. Respect that man. Celebrate the strengths of that man, celebrate if he provides or if he is a good father, celebrate that! But don’t give up on him and if you are an unbelieving husband to a wife that is a believer, understand that she loves you and love her! Brother, she isn’t bringing you here because she hopes that this will finally make you a viable partner, she is bringing you here because the most important thing that she can do as your wife is point you to Jesus Christ as the savior of sinners. She is not dishonoring you by hoping you finally get this whole church thing. She is honoring you in that she wants to see you thrive by being conformed to the image of Christ! The hope for wives in this situation should be that no matter how long it takes, they will honor their husband and do all that they can to show and share the Gospel with them. One of the greatest examples that we have in history of a wife living out 1 Peter 3:1-6 comes from the 4th century. Many of you have possibly heard the name St. Augustine, he was a bishop, he was a theologian, and he wrote a number of books that are still well known, The City of God and On Christian Doctrine. Perhaps his most famous work is his autobiography known as the Confessions of St. Augustine and before Augustine became a Christian, his mother Monica, prayed for him for years that he would become a Christian. Augustine’s father was an unbeliever and in his confessions, this is what Augustine said of his mother, “She served her husband as her master, and did all she could to win him for You, speaking to him of You by her conduct, by which You made her beautiful. Finally, when her husband was at the end of his earthly span, she gained him for You.” Does that not sound like the living out of what Peter has written? If we keep going through these verses, we see Peter say that the wife’s adornment must not be merely external but to let it be the hidden person of the heart which is precious in the sight of God. Sex and beauty isn’t a weapon to use in order to win your husband to Christ. Temptations aren’t being used to win a husband to Christ. None of this is to say that it is wrong to be beautiful. If you look at the Song of Solomon, both Solomon and his wife praise the other for their beauty. Going back to Genesis 2, Adam gets one look at Eve and thinks, “Wowzers” and bursts into song. What Peter is saying is that true beauty is a matter of the heart. The outward appearance should not be used as a means to disregard the Christlike character of the wife. Ladies, the most important thing that you can do for your unbelieving spouse is to live in light of redemption and let that dictate all that you do. That’s what Peter means in verses 5-6 as he references the holy women throughout history, like Sarah. They submitted to their husbands, they followed the lead of their husband, they honored the authority of their husband, but their hope was in God first. Peter reminds these early Christian women that were living with unsaved husbands that they were in good company. They have nothing to fear because they ultimately belong to a long line of godly women. In a society where an unsaved man could easily cast out his Christian wife, Peter says, don’t live in fear, put your hope in God, and honor that man, love that man, and in all that you do, show him the Christ that has saved you. How much of that continues to remain true today? How much do we need that today? Now we are getting low on time, husbands, now it is your turn.

Instructions to Husbands

Look again at verse 7. Peter says, “You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.” Now remember what I mentioned earlier, much of what is applicable to wives in verses 1-6 in regards to an unbelieving husband is applicable to a believing husband with an unbelieving wife. What does it mean then for a husband to be submissive to his wife? He’s not a push over. He isn’t the type of guy to send his wife out into a battle so that he can stay out of it. He’s a guy that is sensitive to the needs of his wife and too his family. At some point there is this recognition that a night out with the boys isn’t the most precious thing any more. It means that when she’s had a long day with the kids and they are driving her crazy and she’s rushing to get dinner on the table with tears in her eyes that you don’t go and turn on the game because that’s mom’s work. Peter says to live with your wives in an understanding way. Now about half of the men in here are saying, “I don’t understand her! I may have understood her at one point but that’s not the woman I married! She’s had like 5 different personalities on the way to church this morning and I don’t understand any of them!’ To be understanding of her doesn’t mean that you have every little thing figured out about her. You will never know 100% of your spouse. I don’t know 100% of Lora but I’d like to. Do I always act like it? No, I will be the first to admit that there have been days to my own dishonor where the Baltimore Ravens were more important than she was. Lamar Jackson doesn’t need me like my wife does. I know there are days where I need to get off my phone and pay attention to her and what she’s going through and really hear what she’s saying. Living with your wife in an understanding way means that you recognize that she isn’t perfect. But guess what, you’re growing. Guess what, you’re learning. Peter says live with them as someone that is weaker now this doesn’t mean that they are less worthy. This is a woman you cherish, that you protect and provide for. Now this isn’t to say that women are weak and wimpy. I know for a fact that every woman in the Morongiello family could easily beat the tar out of me if they wanted to. Having been present for the birth of 2 kids, I know that I couldn’t do that. Peter isn’t saying that women are inferior simply because they are women but he is calling for us as husbands to lead them, to honor them, to respect them as the beautiful woman that bears the image of God. In our marriages, we are to do all that we can as husbands to give them the best possible life that we can offer all while continuously praying that if they do not know Christ that she would come to know Him. Are you praying for your wife? Are you praying together and separately? If we neglect the physical needs of our wives, we will surely neglect the spiritual needs. God calls us as husbands to provide for both to the best of our abilities. Are you submitting to the needs of your wife by leading to her in a way that honors her and the Lord? I know that much of what we have talked about this morning is in reference to a spouse that becomes a believer after they get married but what I want to do with the rest of our time today is show you the beauty of a Christ-centered marriage. If you have a bible, turn to Ephesians 5:22-33.

Christ and the Church

When I have done weddings in the past, this is the passage that I turn to the most. I love 1 Corinthians 13, I know that is a popular one but what I love in this passage is that it reminds the husband that they have the more difficult role and we’ll see why in just a moment. Paul says in Ephesians 5:22-33

Ephesians 5:22–33 NASB95

Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless. So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, because we are members of His body. For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church. Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.

This is a Christ-centered marriage. Again we see a wife that is submitted, or subject, to her own husband. Notice again, not subject to every man or every husband. Just to her own but notice that that Paul says that it is as to the Lord. Wives, your supreme submission must always be to Christ first. You are to seek to imitate Christ first before seeking to imitate your husbands. Why then do I say that husbands have the harder task? Look at how he is to love his wife: As Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her. How then does Christ love the church? He loves it perfectly and He loves it sacrificially. Christ sacrificed the glory of Heaven, He sacrificed His life, so that He could have her. True love in order for it to really be love will always require sacrifice. Husbands, when you love your wife, you are sacrificing a level of devotion that at one point was directed at yourself. To love sacrificially means that you sacrifice your time, your resources, your body so that someone else would be loved. Jesus gives Himself for the church and you should give yourself for the good of your wife. Remember, this is God’s precious gift to you. Remember this spouse of yours is on loan to you from the Lord. This is your wife, this is your husband. We are to love our wives as our own flesh and blood. It is in this marriage where two become one. All that I am is hers and all that she is is mine. No one else gets to say that. I am my beloveds and my beloved is mine. I am not here for someone else, I am not here to win the love and heart of someone that isn’t my spouse, I am here to love her completely. If we want to love our spouses to the best of our ability, it doesn’t end with Christianity, it can only begin with Christianity. If you want to love your spouse more, love the Creator of your spouse more. Christianity doesn’t detract from the joys of marriage; it gives it a meaning and a joy that wasn’t there before. C.S. Lewis said, “When I have learnt to love God better than my earthly dearest, I shall love my earthly dearest better than I do now.” I challenge you all to ask do you love God more today than you did yesterday? When Christ is the center of your marriage, marriage becomes less of, “How can we make this work for us?” And more of, “How can we best live for Him?” I thoroughly believe that when a husband and a wife come together and focus on growing as Christians, every aspect of their marriage will be better. There is joy that can be had in a Christ-centered marriage that cannot be found anywhere else. When husbands and wives live as we have seen in 1 Peter 3 and Ephesians 5, we see marriage as the Creator of marriage intended it to be. Husbands, lead but be aware of your flaws, admit your flaws, and ask her to help you as you do what you can to lead her. Husbands, wear the pants in the relationship but wives don’t forget, we need your help to know which pants to wear. A happy, joyful unity where each partner sacrifices and serves the other. A Christ-centered marriage should naturally have a better relationship, better intimacy, better sex, every personal aspect will improve because instead of comparing our love for each other with Taylor and Travis or whatever Kardashian is married to whatever guy it is this month, we compare our love for each other with how Christ loves the church and what we will see is that we have so much more to do. We will never fully arrive in our marriages. We just won’t. No marriage is going to be perfect but it can be godly, it can be holy, it can be a picture on earth of Christ’s love for the church. I would ask everyone here, do you recognize just how much Christ loves His people? Do you know the extent that the Lord of Glory went to in order to bring you to Himself? No one from so high has ever been brought so low. Dear friends, if you aren’t a Christian, Christ offers you His perfect love this day, He offers you eternal life this day. Married or single, Christ is offered to you. Repent of your sin, turn to Christ in faith, and come to know the true lover of your soul. Paul says in Romans 5:8 “But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” If you have Christ, you have everything that you truly need. Now is the time, now is the hour. Turn to Christ and live. Let’s say that you’re here today and you aren’t married. Maybe you aren’t even dating or have anyone in mind and you might be thinking, “Well, that seemed like a waste of 45 minutes.” Let me encourage you in this way, one day you might be married. You might never marry. But what you have seen this morning is what you need to do when you are married and even what you must do to prepare for marriage. This world doesn’t need anymore little boys leading. This world needs men that aren’t afraid to love Christ and to love their neighbor. It is ok for you as a man to be vulnerable. Never showing emotion, never having tears, doesn’t make you less of a man. Christ was the strongest man that ever lived and He was a man of sorrows, He wept. It’s ok to let the walls come down and I am preaching that to myself because I know Lora is thinking, “You’re hearing what you’re preaching right?” Cause this is an area that I know I need to work on. Ladies, don’t lower your standard. Don’t settle. Don’t listen to the whole, “But I can change him” mentality. Look for a man that is willing to put Christ first. I’m not saying he needs to have all of his ducks in a row, he will never be perfect. But is this guy someone that will love you to the extent that Christ loved the church? I think that it is a horrible idea to date just to date. You’re here to find a spouse, date to find the person that Christ wants you to marry and together live all of your days in recognition of the God who loves you and gave Himself for you. Married or single, the most important thing that you can recognize as you leave here today is that Jesus Christ is a great Savior and He loves greater than anyone on this earth possibly could. Do you love Him? Because He sure loves you. He loves you so much that He died so that you would be His forever. The relationship that you have with Christ is a relationship that will last forever. One day, all Christians are going to be in the presence of their Savior and the mystery that is marriage will finally be fully recognized as we experience the perfect love between Christ and His Church. We’ll end with this quote from Matt Chandler. He said, “One day our marriage will give way, either by death or by the Lord’s return. In any event, our marriage was not built for eternity. But the sanctification our marriage will bring into our souls is. One day we will be presented to our Redeemer, like a bride adorned for her husband. Then, when we see face-to-face, we will understand what marriage was truly all about. Until then, we enjoy the mystery. It is an amazing gift, a profound grace.” The best is still to come and if we can help you with your marriage or we can help you with your faith, I would love to talk with you after we respond. Let’s pray.