How To Lead Your Family

Christ Centered Modeling

Prophet, Priest, King Leadership in the Home

Quick Plugs:

Wiggle Room

The State of Our Youth!

Last Week (Identity)

Story of Anya

“Everyone is confused”

Story of a Professor

“Students are apathetic”

This Confused Generation is Desperate for a Why.

Jesus is the why, and it is our Job to show it. No one has more influence in helping the next generation find the why (Jesus) than parents.

This is something that Jesus burns with righteous anger over.

Mark 10:13–16 ESV

13 And they were bringing children to him that he might touch them, and the disciples rebuked them. 14 But when Jesus saw it, he was indignant and said to them, “Let the children come to me; do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of God. 15 Truly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it.” 16 And he took them in his arms and blessed them, laying his hands on them.

Jesus wants us to bring our children to him. [Look at me] We bring our children to Jesus, when we walk with God as his.

Ephesians 5:1–2 ESV

1 Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. 2 And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.

Christ Centered Modeling means we lead as Jesus Led.

Modeling is a Psychological term which follows four fold process

Attention: Paying attention to the model's actions. (Kids are always paying attention, especially when we don’t want them to)

Retention: Remembering the model's actions. (Kids minds are like Steele traps)

Reproduction: Imitating the model's behavior.

Motivation: (Youth Pastor Effect) Having a reason to reproduce the behavior, such as a need to do so or the expectation of a reward. (Associated reward, or good outcome)

The Christ Centered Modeling Dilemma: Absence of Father’s as Spiritual Leaders is wreaking havoc on the next generation’s understanding of their identity and purpose.

Statistics show us that there are more women in church than men.

61% women 39% men.

Women on average play a larger role in the spiritual formation of the family.

Barna: Study on Positive Relationships with Dad

Marriage 17% more satisfied

Children Relationships 15% more satisfied

Friendships 16% more satisfied

Baptist Ministry Poll and Promise Keepers:

When both parents attend Bible study in addition to the Sunday service, 72% of their children attend Sunday school when grown.

When only the father attends Bible Study, 55% of the children attend when grown.

When only the mother attends Bible Study, 15% of the children attend when grown.

When neither parent attends Bible Study, only 6% of the children attend when grown.

Jesus gave us a model for how we Lead our families.

Barna Study on Conversions in the Family:

Child is the first 3.5% chance everyone else converts

Mother is the first 17% probability eveyrone else converts

Father is the first 93% probability everyone else converts

One of the greatest strategies of the enemy is to keep fathers apathetic to spiritually leading their families.

Our world is pretty effective at pointing out the problems that men create without offering a solution.

The Solution:

Christ Centered Modeling understands Parenting as a Process.

Philippians 1:6 ESV

And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.

This is why we try to have leaders follow students all the way through in Gospel Project and Youth Ministry

I. Parents are Prophets (Teachers)

We are to model Christ in every single moment of our lives.

A. Prophet to His Wife

Wash her with the water of the Word.

Ephesians 5:26 ESV

26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word,

Model spiritual leadership through prayer and Scripture.

Our job is to initiate not react.

Maybe the reason your wife isn’t willing to listen to your leadership, is because you aren’t living it.

B. Prophet to His Children

We are to model Christ in every single moment of our lives.

Deuteronomy 6:4–9 ESV

7 You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. 8 You shall bind (capture) them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. 9 You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.

Christ should consistently be on our lips, but we must remember that we teach with our lives.

Our attitudes

Fruit of the Spirit: Love Joy Peace Patience Kindness Goodness Faithfulness Gentleness and Self Control.

We don’t just act these out, they aren’t our fruit but the fruit of the Holy Spirit.

Fruit is a response of a healthy tree. It isn’t artificially manufactured.

Our spiritual habits

Spend time reading the Bible in their presence. Physical Bible!

The words that we use.

Are you seeking to make every moment a teaching moment not just in word but in action?

II. Parents are Priests (Sacrificers)

Ephesians 5:22–25 ESV

22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. 25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,

Priest to His Wife

Love sacrificially as Christ loved the church.

Parents must sacrifice for one another.

Model affection and honor in front of children.

We teach our sons how to treat women, and our daughters how Men ought to treat them.

B. Priest to Their Children

Pray for our children daily. Pray as a couple, pray individually.

Sacrifice time and energy for their good.

Wrestle, play and cuddle with your children. (oxytocin)

Lean into your child’s world.

Learn to enjoy the things that they enjoy.

Modeling Application: Children who observe sacrificial love will imitate it in their own friendships and marriages.

Do you Sacrifice for your family cheerfully and Joyfully, or begrudgingly doing the bare minimum, or even worse check out?

III. The Husband and Father as King

Hebrews 12:5–11 ESV

5 “My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, nor be weary when reproved by him. 6 For the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives.” 7 It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline? 8 If you are left without discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons. 9 Besides this, we have had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject to the Father of spirits and live? 10 For they disciplined us for a short time as it seemed best to them, but he disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness. 11 For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.

A. Kingly Role in the Home

Protect our children and our marriage from sinful influences.

Guide toward holiness and wisdom.

B. Kingly Discipline

Discipline in love, not anger.

Talk as a couple about how you discipline your children.

Tailor discipline to each child’s heart.

Modeling Application: Children learn self-control by how you exercise authority. Calm, loving discipline models Christ’s rule.

Are you Disciplining and Protecting, not out of a pursuit of control but a heart of love?

IV. Balancing Roles Amidst Busyness

Pie Illustration:

Many of us approach our relationship with Jesus as a slice of the Pie, rather than him being the very thing that holds it all together.

Love of the Soul is the Soul of Love.

V. Hope for Families

Scripture: Joel 2:25 — “God can restore the years the locusts have eaten.”

Parents fail; only Christ is perfect.

It’s never too late: start again with humility.

Modeling Application: Repentance itself is powerful modeling. When fathers confess and restart, children learn that failure is not the end but the doorway to grace.

Conclusion

Story of John Patton: Missionary to New Hebrides (Canibal Tribes)

“James Paton worked in a shop in the family home” (Humble Means)

John left to go to Glasgow to study Theology before he was called to the mission field.

His father walked with him the first six miles of the 40 mile walk.

They talked about the Lord together as James shared some of the last wisdom with his son as he would never return to live under their roof again.

The last half mile, James fell silent, and John looked over to see his father with tears running down his face and lips moving as he muttered prayers over his son. When it came time for them to part ways James grabbed his son and embraced him and said, “God bless you, my son! May your father’s God prosper you and keep you from all evil.” James overcome with emotion held his son and continued to pray over him before finally turning home.

John began to weep as he walked and thanked God for the father that he’d given him, and asked God for the strength to Honor such a father.

Godly husbands and wives; fathers and mothers are at the center of biblically ordered families, biblically ordered families are vital to the health of the church, and the church is the beachhead of God’s kingdom and both the salt and light of the broader society.