Communication Wrap-Up: What our Speech Says to Others(Relationship Seminar 9/28/25)

Introduction: Good afternoon, if we haven’t met yet, my name is Jeremy Franklin, I’m the senior pastor of LakeRidge Baptist, and we are so happy you have joined us for this relationship seminar. If this is your first visit with us, please fill out a welcome card so that we can get to know you better.

I want to start by thanking Ken Haney and Gayla Campbell.This seminar was Ken’s brainchild and Gayla spearheaded the event. She steered Ken & I too, I did more interviews for this event than I’ve done in my whole life. I’m grateful for their expertise and knowledge and appreciate so much what they brought to us today. Didn’t they do a good job? Please give them a hand.

Key take-away from Ken’s talk (Foundations of Communication- Principles for Building Trust):

Key take-away from Gayla’s talk(Communication as Interaction- Skills & Principles for Communication):

I get to do the wrap-up. I’m not an LPC like Ken, or a PhD like Gayla. My experience is in the church, Biblical studies, & theology.

Theology is one of those glaze-over words, it gives some people tired-head, but I love it because Theology is about God. Broadly- theology is the study of God, but it also encompasses whatever you think or believe about God. Everyone has ideas and opinions about God, so everyone is a theologian. And believe it or not, there is a theology of communication. I won’t spend a lot of time here, but I do want to give a quick summary of it:

Theology of Communication: Communication is central to God’s nature, especially in His works of creation, revelation, and salvation. God is a communicating being, e.g., the Trinity- Father, Son, & Holy Spirit have an eternal, internal dialogue. In the beginning, when God created, He SPOKE “let there be light” & there was. God reveals Himself first through nature (general revelation) and second through Scripture (special revelation). God’s ultimate communication of Himself came in the person and work of His Son and our Savior Jesus Christ. John 1:14, And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we beheld His glory, the glory as of the only begotten of the Father, full of grace and truth.

As humans, we take our cues from God. He made man in His image. God is a communicating God, and humans derive their communicatory & revelatory experience from Him. Communication is how we KNOW and are KNOWN. It’s how we come to know God and one another, in our families, churches, social lives, and broader culture. Communication is KEY.

There’s a funny story about my parents that we still laugh at today. My dad is also a preacher & a pastor, & after service one day my mom asked him to explain one of the words he used in his sermon. The word was reiterate. She asked him what it meant, & he said repeat it. So, she said reiterate. And he said repeat it. So, she yelled REITERATE. And he yelled IT MEANS REPEAT IT! So let me REITERATE- COMMUNICATION IS KEY.

For my part, I want to work through a passage of Scripture to make some important applications for us and draw some essential conclusions. Our full text is Ephesians 5:17-6:9, but we won’t read it all at one time. To begin, we’ll just read vss. 17-21. I will ask you to stand with me in honor of reading God’s Word.

Ephesians 5:17-6:9, 17 Therefore do not be unwise, but understand what the will of the Lord is. 18 And do not be drunk with wine, in which is dissipation; but be filled with the Spirit, 19speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord, 20 giving thanks always for all things to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, 21submitting to one another in the fear of God.

Whenever you are studying the Scriptures and you come across a word like “therefore,” it’s always helpful to try to figure out what it is “there for”, & in this instance, it’s a context clue for us.

The first 3 chapters of Ephesians book are doctrinal, the last 3 are practical. The main theme is unity, and in the 1st section Paul emphasizes the unity of all believers (Jews & Gentiles) in Christ. The 2nd section is how Christian unity plays out in the church, in our families, and in the world. The passage we’re going to look at will talk about our relationships with our spouses, parents, children, and coworkers. It will be helpful to us as we wrap up this seminar thinking about what our speech says to others.

1. Our Speech communicates the CONDITION of our HEART, vss. 17-21.

The primary thing we want to think about here is- where does our speech come from?  What is it influenced by- substances (like alcohol), or the Holy Spirit? What we fill ourselves with determines what we are influenced by.If we are filled with alcohol, that has one kind of speech and behavior- it’s usually rough, harsh, lacks self-control, & can cause a lot of damage.

On the other hand, if we are filled with the Holy Spirit, there is a different kind of communication- speaking in psalms, hymns, & spiritual songs, making melody in our hearts to the Lord. I know what some of the guys are thinking- what? That’s exactly the kind of conversations I don’t want to get in. TBH, I often feel the same way. I’m a pastor & it’s sometimes even hard for me to get into “super-spiritual” conversations. But it’s not the conversation that is the problem, or even the content, it’s the condition of our heart that’s the problem, & what comes out of the mouth reveals it. Jesus said, Matthew 15:11, Not what goes into the mouth defiles a man; but what comes out of the mouth, this defiles a man.

A person with a right heart is someone who gives God thanks for all things, & in the name of Jesus, submits to one another in the fear of God. Our speech communicates that condition.

2. Our Speech communicates our SUBMISSION to the Lord.

I want to show you a diagram: 5 LEVELS OF COMMUNICATION (not original with me, I saw it at an Executive Pastor’s cohort several years ago, Bruce Raley, Executive Pastor FBC Hendersonville)

Communication is like a stairwell, each step up is a higher/deeper level of communication:

Level One: Hallway Talk (Sidewalk Talk)- Say hello, small talk

Level Two: Dragnet Talk (Front Porch)- Just the facts, ma’am; how’s your mom and them?

Level Three: Intellectual Talk (Living Room)- the trading of ideas, details are given, discussions are had

Level Four: Emotional Talk (Kitchen Table)- allow thoughts & feelings to affect actions, where passion is communicated | People AGREE with Ideas, but they ACT on Emotions.

Level Five: Genuine Truth Talk (Bedroom/Pillow Talk)- honest conversation happens & we share what’s really happening in our lives; Truth talk is not always between spouses or significant others, but it is always a level past emotional talk- Intimacy happens here.

Different people/relationships require different LEVELSof communication.We’re going to read the rest of our passage; you follow along with me. As we read each one, let’s decide together which level of communication that relationship requires.

WIVES: (Ephesians 5:22-24) 22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. 24 Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.

HUSBANDS: (Vss. 25-31) 25Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, 26 that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, 27 that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. 28 So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. 29For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. 30 For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. 31 “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”

COUPLES: (Vss. 32-33) 32 This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. 33Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

CHILDREN: (Ephesians 6:1-3) 1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2“Honor your father and mother,” which is the first commandment with promise: 3“that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth.”

PARENTS: (Vs. 4) 4 And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.

EMPLOYEES: (Vss. 5-8) 5Bondservants, be obedient to those who are your masters according to the flesh, with fear and trembling, in sincerity of heart, as to Christ; 6 not with eyeservice, as men-pleasers, but as bondservants of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart, 7 with goodwill doing service, as to the Lord, and not to men, 8 knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord, whether he is a slave or free.

EMPLOYERS: (Vs. 9) 9 And you, masters, do the same things to them, giving up threatening, knowing that your own Master also is in heaven, and there is no partiality with Him.

3. Our Submission to the Lord DICTATES HOW we Communicate with others.

Six Lessons for Effective Communication:

1) Different people require different levels of communication.

2) Different situations require different levels of communication.

3) Different audiences require different levels of communication.

4) Emotional communication is more likely to “move” people.

5) Emotional communication more often requires a “face-to-face” conversation.

6) To communicate on the emotional level, the communicator must feel that emotion.

Example- Jesus in Matthew 9:35-38,Then Jesus went about all the cities and villages, teaching in their synagogues, preaching the gospel of the kingdom, and healing every sickness and every disease among the people. 36 But when He saw the multitudes, He was moved with compassion for them, because they were weary and scattered, like sheep having no shepherd. 37 Then He said to His disciples, “The harvest truly is plentiful, but the laborers are few. 38Therefore pray the Lord of the harvest to send out laborers into His harvest.

• What different kinds of people did Jesus interact with?

• What different kinds of situations did He get into?

• What different kinds of audiences did Jesus speak to?

• How was He “moved”?

• When He saw the situation, who did Jesus speak to?

• What did He ask them to do?

Keep these lessons in mind as we think about how to manage different relationships by our communication:

1.  HUSBANDS & WIVES- VSS. 22-33. This is the longest section, it has the deepest meaning, & it is the cornerstone of the other relationships that follow.

There is a lot of misunderstanding & misapplication to the idea of submission. If we back up to vs. 21, we see that all of us are to submit to one another in the fear of God. Submitting- to subject, or subordinate, to be willingly submissive to the orders or wishes of others. E.g., this same word describes how Jesus, the Son of God who became human, willingly submitted Himself to His earthly parents, Mary & Joseph. It describes the kind of attitude citizens are supposed to have towards government & authority figures. It also describes what people have to do to be saved- submit to God’s righteousness in Jesus. It describes what God has done for Christ- subjected everything to His rule, & that includes us.

For us to be submitted to Christ means to willingly & mutually submit ourselves to others, & that looks different based on the relationships we are talking about (see communication lessons).

For husbands & wives, mutual submission is a demonstration of LOVE & RESPECT.Ephesians 5:33, Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. That entire text lays out marriage as an earthly metaphor for a heavenly reality. The church is the bride of Christ, Christ is the groom. One day, there will be a Marriage Supper when the Bride of Christ is joined to the Groom in eternity. What Christ has done for the Church, loving her & giving Himself for her is to be the husband’s attitude toward his wife. And the wife is to follow the leadership of her husband just as the Church is to follow the Lordship of Christ. Let me give you two analogies:

ILL: The Moon- The moon has no light of its own, it merely reflects the light of the sun, in the same way, marriage exists to reflect the light of the glory of God in the love of Jesus Christ for His Church.

ILL: A Telescope- Like a telescope magnifies the majesty of extraterrestrial bodies, marriage exists to magnify the glory of Christ’s love for His Church to everyone who sees it.

There are 2 knobs on the telescope of marriage, & each partner has a hand on one of them. The woman has her hand on the knob of respect, & the husband has his hand on the knob of love. Respect means to show reverence for, give deference to; Love means to have great affection, care, & loyalty, so much that you are willing to give yourself for her. Living for is harder than dying for.

Obviously, this reality has applications in how we treat one another, but for our purposes today, it must be applied to our speech. How can spouses communicate with love and respect?

Express GRATITUDE. There is always something you can say “thank you” for.

RECIPROCATEKindness. If they say something nice to you, say something nice in return.

APOLOGIZEand forgive. Sincere apologies & extending forgiveness can go a long way towards healthy communication.

Listen CONSIDERATELY. Listen to understand, not just to answer.

Give ENCOURAGEMENT. Be their biggest fan, not their worst critic.

Colossians 4:6, Let your speech always be with GRACE, seasoned with salt, that you may know how you ought to answer each one.

I’ve been in the ministry 30 years & married for 27. In my experience, marriages that break down always have this in common- a lack of love & respect. A marriage built on the mutual submission of love and respect can withstand just about any storm.

2. CHILDREN AND PARENTS, 6:1-4. These next two sections won’t be quite as long but are just as important.

This first part about children & obedience actually has roots in the 10 Commandments. The 5th commandment, Exodus 20:12, Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long upon the land which the Lord your God is giving you.

The Ten Commandments were part of Israel’s service to God. They break up into two sections (two tablets):  the 1st four about man’s duty to God, & the last 6 about man’s duty towards one another.

Jesus summed up the 10 Commandments into 2, the 1st & 2nd Great Commandments. Matt 22:37-39, 37Jesus said to him, “ ‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ 38 This is the first and great commandment. 39 And the second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ The commandment that lies in the middle of loving God & loving others is the 5th- honoring our parents.

Honoring parents is the hinge on which we worship God rightly and relate to others correctly. Honor- refers to reverence & respect. Honor is used to denote the act of giving honor to another party, whether God or people, & begins with parents. The word “honor” carries these relational dimensions: Respect, Obedience, Submission, Ordering oneself by, & Comfort in old age

Leviticus 19:3, ‘Every one of you shall revere his mother and his father… Ephesians 6:1, Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.

What does reverence & obedience look like? Matthew Henry- Submission to their rebukes, instructions, & corrections; Ordering ourselves with their advice, direction, & consent; Endeavoring, in everything, to be their comfort, and to make their old age easy to them, maintaining them if they stand in need of support.

Jesus upheld this aspect of honor in Matthew 15:4–6, For God commanded, saying, ‘Honor your father and your mother’; and, ‘He who curses father or mother, let him be put to death.’ 5 But you say, ‘Whoever says to his father or mother, “Whatever profit you might have received from me is a gift to God”—6then he need not honor his father or mother.’ Thus you have made the commandment of God of no effect by your tradition. The problem of not honoring our parents is a heart problem. It might have started with them, but we are responsible for ourselves (the 10 Commandments were given to adults).

Honor begins at home- It’s where we first learn to love God and others. That comes from our parents.Ephesians 6:4, And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.” Parents, we’ve learned what pushes our kids’ buttons, & we ought to have more self-control than they do. Bring them up(present active imperative)- to rear, nourish. Training- discipline, correction; Admonition- instruction. When our children are young, they learn by correction. As they get older, we add instruction. This is to nurture them. Children (even adult children) must communicate HONOR to their parents, while parents must communicate NURTURE to their children (even adult children).

3. COWORKERS- EMPLOYEE/EMPLOYER RELATIONSHIP.Ephesians 6:5-9.

Our text addresses the relationship between servants & masters. The Bible is not condoning the practice; it’s addressing a societal reality of the 1st century. Slavery then was quite different from what we imagine; not all of it was permanent & many slaves gained their freedom. People often sold themselves into slavery to pay debts or climb the social ladder. They could hold positions of authority & even own property. While many servants were actually considered members of the family, they were still the legal property of their masters.

We’re going to apply it to the employee/employer relationship. There’s a lot here, but we’re going to focus on just two things: Sincerity from the employee & Safety from the employer. Sincerity-the quality of being honest & straightforward in attitude & speech. It is the absence of affectation or pretense, i.e., not putting on to get ahead with the boss, real/authentic. Be sincere with your boss.

The whole long list of things Paul says to the servants, he turns around & tells the masters- “do the same things to them.”Except he adds- give up threatening. Giving up carries the idea of refraining. We only need to refrain from things that are typical behavior, in this case threatening. Threats are a form of speech- the declaration of an intention to inflict harm. It was typical behavior for a master to threaten a servant to get their way. How often do we see employers use threats as a tactic to get their employees to do their will?  Create safety for employees.

Notice that both servants & masters, i.e., employees & employers, are to relate to one another as they would God if He were the other person. Servants obey masters like he is God, & Masters treat servants like equals because they have a Master in heaven who shows no partiality, i.e., He doesn’t favor one kind of person over another.

Conclusion: You see, this brings us back to where we started- Communication requires submission to God, and mutual submission with others. Through our speech, we show Gratitude to God, Love to our wives, Respect to our husbands, Honor to our parents, Nurture to our children, Sincerity to our employers, & Safety to our employees. What is your speech saying to others?