Lust

There are few things I’d like to talk about less than what I get to talk about today.

in the sermon on the mount, Jesus talks about everything.

He’s building up the picture of what a human being is supposed to look like, and so, He talks about everything. There’s the fun stuff, like the forgiveness we have in Jesus and what it means to prayer, but there is also the tough stuff, like His teaching on divorce. And this passage is one of the tougher ones.

We’re going to be talking about lust today.

Now, for those of us who haven’t grown up in church, lust is defined as very strong sexual desire. It can be in the context of marriage or out of marriage, and it is a way of looking at people that consumes them rather than encourages them.

One of the most common ways that we interact with lust is through pornography use.

Statistics on pornography use

It is a nearly overwhelming majority of people who say that they view pornography weekly

61% admit to viewing pornography weekly. That is only the number of people who admit watching pornography, and researchers are very confident that the number is much higher.

Also, the average age of exposure to pornography is 12.

Pornography use is also clearly linked to a rise in depression, anxiety, and loneliness.

More than one researcher has called porn use an epidemic.

All that to say, this is a tougher topic, but one that you and I have to deal with because you, your friends, and the people around you can have a hard time with lust.

Now, if this conversation makes you uncomfortable, I totally understand, I’m very uncomfortable! However, this is something that you and I can do for a bit, because maybe leaning into this awkwardness will help us to understand ourselves and God a little better.

Matthew 5:27-30

The Damage of Lust

Matthew 5:27–28 ESV

“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

Two big questions here to start.

What is adultery?

Adultery is cheating on a spouse

What is lust?

As we already said, intense sexual desire

Jesus here is quoting Exodus 20:14, which is another one of the ten commandments.

This is very similar to last week! Last week, we talked about anger. Jesus referenced the commandment about anger, and then took it a step further, saying that it’s not just that you don’t murder someone, but that if you have anger in your heart.

Then, with adultery, He says it’s not just if you’ve cheated on your spouse (which none of you have), but that if you look at someone with lust that you’ve committed sin.

Jesus, constantly in the Sermon on the Mount, moves our idea of sin from the action to the heart.

But, the heart typically leads us to do things that we regret.

So, we can act with lust in a few ways.

Staring at someone that you are attracted to as an object

It’s not just that you notice that you like someone or think that they’re good looking; it’s the longing stare and only focusing on their bodies. (Which is also why love at first sight is completely untrue, that’s just lust at first sight)

Treating (or wanting to treat) someone in purely sexual terms

Sex outside of marriage

Pornography

Here’s what being a person who gives in to lust all the time has to deal with

Dopamine Pathways

Dopamine pathways in the pleasure center of your brain get overclocked and then you have a hard time feeling joy without feeling lust, such as people who are addicted to pornography typically don’t feel joy without looking at porn.

Emotional Regulation

If you become someone who is always frustrated sexually, the ability to maintain your emotions drops a ton.

Increased depression and loneliness

Most psychology research states that those who consume pornography have a higher likelihood of depressive symptoms, as well as feeling lonely.

View of others

It’s a well researched fact that, for those who regularly view porn, their view of the opposite sex is much lower.

All of these are just the beginnings of symptoms for those who deal with high amounts of lust.

This is just the psychological effects, but they deeply affect your soul too.

We view other people who God created lovingly as objects to be consumed.

We view ourselves from a perspective of self-hatred and shame

We deeply wound our relationship with Jesus.

Lust, and the actions we do in our lust, are so very incredibly damaging.

They will break your body, mind, and soul.

The Response to Lust

So, if it’s so bad, then we have to do something! And Jesus gives us an example

Matthew 5:29–30 ESV

If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body go into hell.

So…yeah… there’s knives in the back, and we’re all going to cut each other’s hands off!

Just kidding

This is a VERY EXTREME RESPONSE… but it’s not a literal response.

Jesus is not actually advocating for you to cut off limbs in order to stop sinning.

First off, that’s crazy, secondly, Jesus is smart enough to know that even if you miss some limbs, you’re going to still be able to think.

These examples are put here to give us a standard for the extremity to which we are to go.

Basically, the message is DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO AVOID LUST!

Don’t develop a habit, and don’t give in to a sin.

Let me put it this way.

Sin (all sin, not just lust), is like a cancer that will kill you. Maybe quick, maybe slow, but our relationship with sin will ruin us. If you had a doctor that said that you will have a better, longer life if you just stop doing something (like eating junk food or playing video games), you might stop or you might not. BUT, if you had a doctor that told you that if you stop doing that thing, you will have a better, longer life, you will stop feeling so inadequate all the time, you’ll feel more joy more consistently, you’ll sleep better, you’ll start feeling a connection with other people and with God that you’ve never felt before, and you’ll be so busy having this experience that you won’t even miss it, would you stop??!!

That’s true of lust as well.

Giving in to sin feels really good in the moment! Looking at that person in a way that is destructive feels good, pornography can feel good, a life of sin feels good… FOR THE MOMENT! And then the shame and self-hatred and psychological, physical, and spiritual damage starts to kick in!

If it’s really that bad (and it is!) We need to do whatever it takes to change.

St Benedict jumping in a briar patch.

What can this look like?

Get out of a bad relationship

If your relationship is just built on you thinking their -like-super cute, then that’s a good marker that you should break up.

Turn in your phone at night

I know it’s crazy, but if you have a hard time controlling yourself, then give up your phone

Spend intentional time in prayer

Ask your Father in heaven for guidance and steps to move forward.

Be honest

This can be the scariest thing in the universe, but tell a trusted person that you have a problem. Ask them to keep you accountable.

Do whatever it takes

Be killing sin or sin will be killing you - John Owen

Redeeming Lust

So far, we have done the best we can to understand how bad lust is and what we can do to escape it, but we need to know a few things.

You’re going to have lustful thoughts

There’s no way that you can just choose to stop thinking about something

Think of a Zebra analogy

At least at first, you can’t control your brain, but you can control what you do afterwards.

Whether or not we are troubled by all these [thoughts] does not depend on us. We may, however, be able to choose whether to prolong them and whether they move us or not. - Evagrius

You’re not going to hell for dealing with lust.

Something that typically accompanies lust and the actions afterwards is an insane amount of shame and self-hatred because we feel like we’ve ruined something and that no one else is dealing with it.

Here’s the deal, A LOT of people are dealing with it, you’re not alone!

Furthermore, Christ died to save you from your sins, and that includes our struggles with lust.

Psalm 103:11–14 ESV

For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us. As a father shows compassion to his children, so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear him. For he knows our frame; he remembers that we are dust.

Jesus, who is God in the flesh, removes you from your sin so that you are no longer bound by it and don’t have to be defined in it anymore. Do you think He wouldn’t do that with lust?

NO! I’m confident that there are followers of Jesus that dealt with lust their entire lives that are in heaven right now.

But, if we are unwilling to give up our lust for God because we like the sin so much, that doesn’t seem like we are honestly loving the Lord.

Can you be a follower of Jesus and still have a hard time with lust: yes. Can you be a follower of Jesus and not care at all about the sins that we commit and just trust that Jesus is going to save you? I’m not sure, but I’m not willing to test that theory.

Jesus is my Lord and my God and my Counselor and my Friend. I want to be close with Him, and I know that lust can’t be a part of the equation.

All sin isn’t a new thing, it’s all pulled from something that is really good, and lust is no different.

Lust is just a corruption of the feeling of love.

When you love someone truly, you can love and appreciate their body, soul, and mind much better than just viewing them as an object to be used.

When we love all people with the love of Jesus, we can see true beauty in the world and not just the attraction that we have towards the opposite sex.

When we know how to look at ourselves and others the way Jesus does, we start thinking of ourselves and others the way that Jesus does, and that is really, really good.

Questions:

How long do you think that you could be absolutely silent?

Read vs. 29-30. Why is Jesus so extreme with the way to stop sinning?

How does lust damage your body, mind, and soul?

Why do you think that lust is accompanied by so much shame?