Divorce and Remarriage

Introduction

Background:

We started in 1 Corinthians 7 a few weeks ago, and this is a chapter on divorce and remarriage. The Corinthian church was asking Paul a lot of questions, and their main one pertained to singleness. They believed that life-long singleness made someone more spiritual. The entire church is in a war, and they’re all trying to out do one another, and the sanctity of marriage is on the chopping block.

Basically, they’re asking Paul, “Since singleness is more holy, then should we get divorced and dedicate ourselves to God?” Paul, among other things, is addressing this issue head on, telling them that singleness is good, but that married people aren’t second class.

The entire point of chapter 7 is to set those boundaries. The whole purpose is give clear instructions on marriage between believers and unbelievers, whether or not to allow your daughters to be married, how to handle being a widow, and what to do in the cases of remarriage.

Because chapter 7 can be controversial, I thought it was beneficial for us to begin with the purpose of marriage as defined in Scripture, and then to move onto the subject of divorce and remarriage.

Context:

We ended last week in Genesis 3, talking about the curse. This is the curse that came from Adam and Eve’s disobedience to God. God cursed the man by making work life hard and stressful instead of enjoyable, and basically you work until you die.

To the woman, her curse was pain in child bearing, and I think that’s the physical pain, the emotional pain, and the psychological pain that comes during pregnancy, labor, and in raising them. It’s a hard job, but it’s the most important job out there, to be a good mother and to be a good father.

The second part of the woman’s curse is her desire to control her husband, but the natural order of things being that the husband is the lead. When a wife tries to rule over her husband, the husband will work to subdue her, and then things can get out of hand.

So, the conclusion of last week’s message is this, that all divorce is caused by sin. It is either caused by a rebellious woman, it is caused by a man who doesn’t understand gentleness or love, or it is possible that it’s both.

This week, we are shifting the focus from marriage to divorce and how that impacts us spiritually.

I. Is Divorce a Sin?

Last week, we said the key to understanding this issue on divorce and remarriage is found in the gospels. In Mark 10, Matthew 5, and Matthew 19.

Mark 10:1–4 NKJV

Then He arose from there and came to the region of Judea by the other side of the Jordan. And multitudes gathered to Him again, and as He was accustomed, He taught them again. The Pharisees came and asked Him, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?” testing Him. And He answered and said to them, “What did Moses command you?” They said, “Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce, and to dismiss her.”

Ok, so the Pharisees are challenging Jesus on the issue of divorce. They’re trying to trap Him by either making Him contradict Himself, by making Himself appear uneducated, liberal, or legalistic, or by getting Him in trouble with the Roman government, the same Roman government that decapitated John the Baptist when John called out Herod’s adultery and remarriage.

Now, there are two interesting things here I want you to notice.

One, Jesus doesn’t say, “What did God say through the Prophet Malachi?” In Malachi and chapter 2, we see that common verse where God says, “I hate divorce.” Obviously Jesus knew the scripture, but He appealed to Moses instead.

Why?

If you notice, every time Jesus is challenged, He always responds with a question instead of an answer. He does this so that the audience He is talking is forced to comprehend what He is going to prove. In our terminology, this is called the “Socratic method”, used by Socrates, where he would essentially ask you questions until you answered your original question for yourself.

It really should be called the Jesus method, because, even though Socrates did it first in classical debate, Jesus perfected it, and Jesus’s questioning was filled with power and authority because it was always based solely on God’s Word.

So, he answers with a question, and the appeal is not to a direct quote from a prophet, but His appeal was to the law of Moses. This really seems strange to us thinking of it like that unless we understand the happenings of that day.

When Jesus was a child, there was an influential rabbi that died and his name was Hillel. His teaching on divorce became the dominate teaching in Judea, and his teaching claimed that you could divorce your wife for any reason that you found necessary. Burning supper, speaking to another man, saying something in public that embarrassed you, whatever. If you didn’t like it, you could divorce her.

So, this first interesting thing is that Jesus appealed to Moses because of the teaching of Hillel.

Second, the reason Jesus appealed to Moses is because Hillel used the law of Moses to justify his immoral teachings on divorce.

The quote you see in Mark 10:4 is from Deut 24:1-4

Deuteronomy 24:1–4 NKJV

“When a man takes a wife and marries her, and it happens that she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some uncleanness in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce, puts it in her hand, and sends her out of his house, when she has departed from his house, and goes and becomes another man’s wife, if the latter husband detests her and writes her a certificate of divorce, puts it in her hand, and sends her out of his house, or if the latter husband dies who took her as his wife, then her former husband who divorced her must not take her back to be his wife after she has been defiled; for that is an abomination before the Lord, and you shall not bring sin on the land which the Lord your God is giving you as an inheritance.

Now, look at v. 4 in Mark 10. The Pharisees say, “Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce, and to dismiss her.”

First off, this is very one sided. The Pharisees aren’t interested in the rights and dignity of women, they’re only worried about their own pleasure and their own ability to trade in their wife for a new one.

Second, Moses didn’t say, “You must hand her a certificate of divorce” and he didn’t say, “you are permitted to give her a certificate of divorce”. What Moses says in Deut 24 is “When that happens”. Meaning, that it’s never preferred but a reality of life that this is going to take place.

Finally, the intent of Deut 24 has nothing to do with permission to divorce, and everything to do with an unholy remarriage.

v. 3 and 4 say, “If her new husband divorces her or dies, then her former husband isn’t allowed to take her back.” Basically, you can’t treat a woman like she’s property and get rid of her and then decide you want her back when her new husband is done with her.

Let’s read Deut 24 again so you can understand it now.

Deuteronomy 24:1–4 NKJV

“When a man takes a wife and marries her, and it happens that she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some uncleanness in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce, puts it in her hand, and sends her out of his house, when she has departed from his house, and goes and becomes another man’s wife, if the latter husband detests her and writes her a certificate of divorce, puts it in her hand, and sends her out of his house, or if the latter husband dies who took her as his wife, then her former husband who divorced her must not take her back to be his wife after she has been defiled; for that is an abomination before the Lord, and you shall not bring sin on the land which the Lord your God is giving you as an inheritance.

The focus of Moses was remarriage to a woman betrothed to another. The focus of Hillel and these Pharisees is on the aspect of divorce. What they’ve done is they’ve abused the law of Moses, taking it out of context to fit their own personal preference. That’s why Jesus corrects them beginning in v. 5 of Mark 10

Mark 10:5–9 NKJV

And Jesus answered and said to them, “Because of the hardness of your heart he wrote you this precept. But from the beginning of the creation, God ‘made them male and female.’ ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’; so then they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.”

This is how Jesus responds, by pointing out to them God’s original design for marriage. That perfect holiness in marriage is only achieved when two people, become one person through consummation of the marriage, and stay that way forever.

But, right here in these verses, v. 5-9, we see the four reasons why God hates divorce and why He says that in Malachi 2.

1. “God Made them Male and Female” v. 6

This is the starting point in the definition of marriage, one male, one female, in relation to one another. By saying God made them, it means, God made Adam and Eve a male and a female for the purpose of marraige.

In the perfect order of creation, when God created the earth in perfection, He supplied Adam with one wife. There were no backups. Adam couldn’t get tired of Eve and say, “I don’t want you anymore, I want her.” or vice versa. Jesus is quoting Genesis 1:27 when he says this…

The plan was, and Jesus is pointing this out in v. 6, that God made one man and one woman, that there was no possibility of or provision for polygamy, and that there was no possibility or provision for divorce in the perfect world God designed.

When sin came in Genesis 3, this perfect order was awash because of rampant polygamy, homosexuality, beastiality, and divorce. God hates divorce because it defies His perfect created order and is always a result of sin.

2. “A Man Shall Leave His Father and Mother and be Joined to His Wife” v. 7

Marriage is supposed to represent a solidified front. It was created as a holy union between two people that are dedicated to one another in perfect matrimony, before God and before His holy assembly whether that be Israel or the church.

Now think about this…when a baby is born to their parents, as they grow, they are completely dependent on them and every aspect of their little world should come from a mom and dad.

Mother provides the compassion and the nurturing, she ensure that her child is well taken care of and prepared for the day.

Father provides safety and security, he provides direction and comfort to his family…he fixes things when they’re broke and if the bills can’t get paid, he’s picking up extra shifts and working hard to provide that safety and security for his family.

But now, when marriage takes place, and that child leaves his or her father and mother, they now become the responsible party to their spouse.

Wife provides the husband and the husband provides the wife with affection, and they now represent a picture of the perfect harmony that God has with His people.

When a divorce happens, it mars that picture of perfect harmony because something has gone amiss and has destroyed what was supposed to be a perfect and harmonious relationship, much like what happened when Eve took of that fruit in the garden.

Sin separates, God hates sin, therefore God hates the divorce of His holy union called marriage.

3. “and the Two Shall Become One Flesh” v. 8

First, I’d like to say that 1 is a prime number. The only way to separate one would be sever it, and that’s a violent picture of what takes place in divorce. There is a severance, a painful and emotional ripping apart of what was otherwise perfection.

Not only that, I’d also like to say that because of the function of procreation that takes place in marriage, that two people literally become one.

Even if I turned out to be some scum, some loser and my wife divorced me, she will always be connected to me because of our children.

There is only one way to erase the connection that Elizabeth and I have and that is through death. As long as one of us is living, and our children are living, we are indivisible because we have joined together to create one. Actually two, but you get my point. Two kids, in their own little singular bodies.

There is a lot of implication here, not just about the spiritual pain of divorce, but of the social and the emotional pain of divorce.

That when a child sees their parents spilt, something inside of them becomes broken because the two that made them one are now broken.

Also, many people believe that a divorce will bring them happiness and pleasure, but there is a scar on the heart that results from divorce. Because of the painful severance, because there was a ripping apart, there is a scar left that is not easily healed.

Finally, socially, divorce is not good for a society, because divorce is a product of sin. The more divorce there is, the more sin there is. A society cannot survive if it is filled people who are Godless and self-serving.

So, God hates divorce because of what it does to people and children, it breaks them. And this is not good for individuals or societies.

4. “What God has Joined, Let no Man Separate” v. 9

This means that marriage is a work of God. And Christianity doesn’t have anything to do with it. Marriage was established by God, and every marriage is a work of God, and every marriage serves the purpose to advance the will and purposes of God.

When divorce happens, it stops this process and gives people over to sin.

A successful marriage and a Godly marriage is the fulfillment of the golden rule and that is to “treat others how you want to be treated.”

When this basic, fundamental rule of life is broken, then marriages are broken.

I am married, and I want my wife to treat me in the way that she committed to treating me when we entered into the marriage relationship.

And since, I want her to treat me that way, that means that I need to treat her in the way that I committed to treating her when we entered into the marriage relationship.

I committed to my wife, before God and before my community, that I would love her, and cherish her, and support her no matter what life brings, because that’s the right thing to do. Marriage is not about personal pleasure, but its about intentional sacrifice for the good of my wife, my children, and my community.

When Jesus died upon the cross, it wasn’t for personal pleasure, it was for the restoration of His people and in obedience to God the Father…and that’s exactly the commitment I made to Elizabeth, and why Paul says, “Husbands, love your wife as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her.” I am to give myself for my wife in dedication to God and to the Gospel of Christ.

When divorce happens, it undoes the work that God has done, and it stands as a picture of the separation between God and man. As opposed to marriage standing as the picture of God and His redemption of man.

Now, we understand that God hates divorce, and we understand why God hates divorce, now we need to answer the original question, “Is Divorce a Sin?”

Exceptions for Divorce

The answer to the question is this, “Divorce is always the product of sin, but not every divorcee sins”

Adultery

Now, the same story happens in Matthew 19.

Matthew 19:9 says this,

Matthew 19:9 NKJV

And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery.”

Now, there’s the exception. That physical adultery nullifies the marriage contract as a breach of agreement, a breech of what God has established.

The one who committed adultery is the guilty party, the one who did not and then chooses to divorce, is still innocent and without sin.

This is consistent with God’s character.

Jeremiah 3:8 NKJV

Then I saw that for all the causes for which backsliding Israel had committed adultery, I had put her away and given her a certificate of divorce.

God, because of adultery, divorced Himself from Israel. He gave Israel a certificate of divorce. And when God removed Himself from Israel, those 10 tribes that were represented in the Northern Kingdom were obliterated off the face of the planet by the nation of Assyria. There is still a remnant that lived in Judah at that time, but the official land that was given to them is now gone.

Some will try to claim that God “didn’t actually” divorce Israel, but just wanted to, but scripture makes it clear that God, because of Israel’s adultery, divorced her. Which is why Jesus says that divorce is acceptable due to adultery.

Now, in the Old Testament, you need to understand that the punishment for adultery is death. But, because God is merciful, He allows for a divorce instead. Mary, the mother of Jesus is pregnant before married to Joseph, so Joseph was going to put her away secretly because of her adultery instead of having her killed. He was a merciful man.

Also, because God is merciful, He didn’t just kick Israel out the first time they committed adultery.

Now, some people are going to say that one act of adultery isn’t enough to divorce someone, but that’s not true. One act of physical sex outside the marriage is enough for someone to legitimately divorced without sinning.

But I’m bringing this up because people don’t have to get divorced because someone is unfaithful. Actually, it’s better for the person who sinned to repent and for the two to stay married, but it doesn’t make someone a bad person if they divorce a cheating spouse. They’re not obligated to take them back, and taking them back is an act of mercy not a requirement.

Abandonment by and Unbeliever

1 Corinthians 7:15–16 NKJV

But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us to peace. For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife?

There is the exception of abandonment by the unbeliever and Paul says that you are not under bondage if that happens, that you are released from the marriage contract, you are the innocent party.

What happens if a Christian leaves their spouse?

I think the same applies, because I can’t be sure, and we can’t be sure, that a genuine Christian would just walk out on their family.

Basically, what I’m saying is that abandonment is the fruit of an unbeliever and not the fruit of a Christian, and someone who is abandoned is called to peace and not under bondage, free to remarry, just like they case of adultery.

So, there are four reasons why God hates divorce, and all of them point to the reality that divorce is caused by sin, which God hates.

Also, there are two cases where divorce is legitimate and if someone is cheated on and divorces, they don’t sin…or if someone is abandoned and there is a divorce, there is no sin.

II. Is Remarriage a Sin?

Mark 10:10–12 NKJV

In the house His disciples also asked Him again about the same matter. So He said to them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her. And if a woman divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.”

In Mark 10, Jesus is rehashing this conversation with His disciples. In Matthew 19, He says this exact same thing to the Pharisees.

To the Pharisees that were questioning Him, he says,

Matthew 19:8–9 NKJV

He said to them, “Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery.”

So, very quickly, that exception clause of adultery, the exception clause of abandonment, and death all give grounds for remarriage that are not adultery.

Second, Jesus is telling them that they are all worthy of death because they have treated divorce and remarriage with carelessness.

Remember, the penalty for adultery in the law of Moses is death. By telling them they are committing adultery, He is telling them that they deserve death for their teachings on divorce and their practice of it, and Jesus is using the law of Moses to make His point.

These Pharisees, and Rabbi Hillel have so perverted the law of Moses for their own gain, Jesus is reminding them of their spiritual condition, that they are all adulterers and need repentance.

When Jesus teaches the Sermon on the Mount in Matthew 5, His sermon points are 1. The Beatitudes; 2. The Purpose of God’s Law; for point 2a. He talks about murder; for point 2b. He talks about adultery which includes unlawful divorce and remarriage.

Now, what’s the point of Jesus discussing the purpose of the law? Well, His point about divorce in Matthew 5 is the same as in Matthew 19, that humanity is hopelessly broken, that men are prone to lust and adultery because of their nature, and they need to repent and receive the nature of God instead.

What Jesus is saying to the Pharisees in Mark 10 and in Matthew 19 is that the law of God is there to reveal your inability to live up to God’s standard, and you can’t justify to God why you’ve broken it by committing adultery, even if you try to use the Law of Moses as your cover.

So the Pharisees were trying to trap Jesus, but they were also trying to justify their own sin when they engaged in a theological argument, prompting Jesus to tell them the truth about their adultery through careless and senseless divorce.

Now, here’s the question in your mind, and something we will answer next week:

What if someone is divorced and they didn’t get divorced because of adultery or abandonment, or they were the cause of the divorce? Are they committing adultery by getting remarried?

That’s going to be the main topic for next week, but I want to ask you this question and then read 1 more verse from 1 Corinthians 7.

Here’s the question:

If someone is illegitimately divorced (no adultery, no abandonment), where there’s no possibility of restoration to their spouse (unsafe, ex remarried, hates their guts), and since remarriage after an illegitimate divorce is adultery, is it worse to live a life of sexual immorality or is it worse to remarry and commit adultery?

That’s the question that we’re going to answer next week, and here’s the final scripture for today…

1 Corinthians 7:8–9 NKJV

But I say to the unmarried (divorced) and to the widows: It is good for them if they remain even as I am; but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

How does Paul reconcile the two? We’ll talk next week.