New Kingdom Marriage

Intro

The verses before us today are extremely difficult. They are very hard to wrestle with.

Does anyone like going to the dentist? I do! I’m one of the weird ones. I love going and getting my teeth clean for the experience. They remove all of the tarter, all the yuck, clean them up, clean the spaces that maybe i have neglected or didn’t reach well with my tooth brush. Or maybe the between the teeth spots because I am not a religious flosser like I should be. Most of us in this room, probably are okay with these good additions to our life. We will submit to the dentist on these matters.

But what about when it comes time to drill? remove teeth? do a surgery on your mouth? You might initially trust that kind warm face to clean your teeth, maybe even a bit of discomfort with removing plaque, but not this. Who do they think they are? We know that this will be more than a little discomfort, it will cause us pain. Even though they tell us they will numb it, do they really? And how many times do they have to poke my gums before determine that they have enough numbing agent in? And even with the numbing, i still feel when they go to deep to remove and fill that cavity! And guess, now, i’m going to have to go through my day in pain, maybe cotton balls in my mouth, now i can’t enjoy the dinner i had planned.

And sometimes, being a kingdom disciple can be the same.

It’s easy for us to say with our mouth “Yes, i conform my life to the scriptures and what Jesus says,” then we get to this subject, and it is really hard for us to do. In theory, we say Jesus is Lord of our lives, and in practice, when it gets personal, are we truly willing to let Jesus’s teachings be Lord over our lives?

That’s what we are addressing today with the topic of Marriage and sexuality in the Kingdom.

Main Point: Because God values marriage, Kingdom disciples honor and protect it.

And just so you know, this is for all followers of Jesus, not just the ones currently in marriage.

We are going through the Sermon on the Mount. We discussed how Jesus came not to get rid of the Old Testament, but to be the full intended meaning of the Old Testament. He comes to be the authority for how his kingdom disciples, the ones who want to follow him, will live out the Old Testament. Not something that is done away with, but something that he completes and continues.

Jesus does not want his disciples to see our lifestyles as earning something with God, our sin keeps us from earning anything with God! But Jesus wants us to receive this way of living out true humanity. This is how we image God though living out the Old Testament.

I don’t want us to think of Jesus as intensifying the Old Testament. He doesn’t come to say “you thought you were keeping the law, but ha! you can’t! Tricked you!”

No, he is speaking to his disciples and showing them a better way of life.

Today, we hit two examples that Jesus wants us to see how to live out Kingdom living. First Lust, and then Marriage.

I. Guard Your Heart (vv. 27–28)

First today, we see Jesus’s desire for his kingdom disciples to guard their hearts.

Look at verse 27. Jesus quotes again from the Old Testament reminding them that he is not introducing something brand new, but rather showing them how they can more fully live out these laws.

And Just like the commandment “do not murder,” we look at “You shall not commit adultery” and might quickly give ourselves a gold star and move on.

In the ancient world, sexual adventure would have been normal, as long as you didn’t cross the actual line of marriage.

So it is today. So much adventure has become normative or accepted. Exploration for both the married and unmarried is encouraged. Even teens are encouraged. As long as you don’t cross the specific line of adultery.

Jesus is going to go beyond the legalistic law keeping, and show us the true intent of the law.

So then in verse 28, we see the intent now. Jesus in authority says “But I say to you.”

Jesus tells us that if you look with lustful intent, you have committed adultery in your heart already.

God does not want outward law keeping, but he wants hearts that love him. This is how you do it.

Let’s be clear about what Jesus is saying here. There is a difference between attraction, and lustful intent.

We might even say that Jesus is not forbidding sexual attraction.

God created us Male and Female, he created us inherently with attraction and to be attractive.

Jesus is not saying it is a sin to find someone attractive. But when you long for that person in a romantic way, or a planned way, this is when it becomes sin.

Sin happens when attraction becomes longing.

Attraction becomes more than a quick acknowledgement and begins to take residence in our minds. Attraction turns to lust when our heart becomes involved. When we begin to say “I want...”

When we treat people with lustful intent, in a way, we dehumanize them to give us what we want. We slowly remove the image of God from them in order to make them what we want and long for rather than treating them as God’s Children with infinite dignity and worth.

The way Jesus phrases this is really getting to the heart of the issue. What is Jesus condemning? Is Jesus condemning lust? I would say no, even greater, Jesus is condemning your desire to desire. Your wanting to lust.

Jesus is going beyond saying that lust is the problem, he is saying your desire to lust is wrong. It is the looking in order to lust that is the problem.

We think Jesus is just condemning the lust, but he is condemning the desire to lust or the look to lust.

The word used here for “lustful intent” is ἐπιθυμέω, which isn’t inherently a negative. Jesus uses this word to tell the disciples he ἐπιθυμέω for taking Passover with them. Paul says that if someone aspires to for being a pastor, it is a good ἐπιθυμέω. The angels long to ἐπιθυμέω the work of God in human salvation. The Author of Hebrews ἐπιθυμέω Christians to eagerly live in the hope of Christ’s fulfillment.

But it does have negative uses. This is the same word as “thou shalt not covet.” You don’t want things that are not yours and God has not given you.

Think about David. Most of us know the story of King David’s sin with Bathsheba. We know he took another man’s wife for himself, and then killed the man. But we sometimes forget to go to the beginning of the story. We forget to see what is really going on and what the real problem is.

At a discontent point in his life, not doing what God had called him to do, not living out the life God had called him to. He is not where he is supposed to be leading God’s people. Not being the proper king. He goes out onto a rooftop in order to look and lust. We often think David’s sin was adultery with another man’s wife. But the issue goes further with David’s discontentment, and going out on his roof to look and lust.

We ought to consider for ourselves the problems leading up this sin.

Jesus is not telling us to nip it in the bud. Stay away from the cliff. He is asking us to check our hearts.

What do our heart longing for? Do we long to keep our heart guarded and marriage guarded?

Whether we are married or not, do we value marriage like God does and long for what God does? Do we see fellow image bearers with value and worth or do we see others as objects for our desires?

If you are here today and unmarried, Jesus is calling you commit your longing and desire to him and his kingdom. He wants you to find satisfaction and contentment in him.

Remember at the beginning of the chapter?

Matthew 5:6 “6 “Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be satisfied.”

Seek the righteousness of God and you will be satisfied.

For those who are married, I want to go even one layer deeper.

Often times we think of Jesus’s command here as only physical. But there are other ways we lust from discontentment as well. But it is good for us to also assess other longings that would be for ourselves. We might also think of longing for another as mental, emotional, and spiritual as well. If we committed to a marriage covenant, our physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual longing is for our spouse.

We not only guard our eyes, but we also guard our minds, hearts, and spiritual lives. When we are married, we commit to join to our spouse in all of these areas, not just physical.

So let me as as a whole. What are we longing for? What are we discontent with in life that make us wander from the contentment of God’s good blessings in our lives?

II. Govern Your Habits (vv. 29–30)

Next, we see the governing of our habits. Govern your Habits.

We see this in verses 29-30.

Jesus tell us Matthew 5:29–30 “29 If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away! It is better to lose one of your members than to have your whole body thrown into hell. 30 If your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away! It is better to lose one of your members than to have your whole body go into hell.”

Jesus’s words here come across very harsh. But we want to be careful with how we understand them. Jesus is not encouraging physical mutilation.

There was an early church father named Origen who actually did castrate himself based on this passage. But that is not Jesus’s intent here.

But the message for us is that we would deal radically with sin. That we would cut it out of our lives.

Jesus is using hyperbole, or overstating, even exaggerating the point. Better to remove the thing that is sending you to hell than to continue allowing it to send you to hell.

Listen to what Jesus is saying. He is not saying to nip it in the bud before it gets out of control. He is not saying that the bud is fine but what comes after will bring your demise. He is saying that small thing is the standard and will bring judgement.

Many of you have nice lawns. If you have a house in the country, you might be fine with your yard not being perfect, a few weeds and dandelions are okay. But, if you live in town, you might want your hard to look a little nicer and have less dandelions. There might be no better spreader than dandelions. You might look at your yard and think, ah, just one dandelion is not bad. It is an eyesore, and and imperfection in the law, but it is not that bad. Then you think of going out and pulling it up that yellow thing, but it is just one. Then it blooms and turns white and fluffy. And you look at it and think, maybe i should go pull it very carefully before the wind comes. But you ignore it. You get two nights of sleep and that one or two dandelion became a field of dandelions! You aren’t growing grass anymore, you are growing dandelions!

We might be tempted to think Jesus is trying to to ensure the dandelions of our lives don’t get out of control. But this is not what he is saying. One dandelion of sin is to much. Just like one dandelion takes away from a perfectly green lawn, so small sin takes away from the image of God in us. Jesus is not calling you to remove sin because it can get out of control, he is calling you to remove sin because that one sin affects all of who you are as a person. He is calling you to remove sin because you love God’s righteousness.

The point here is that culture has made light of marriage and sexuality. Jesus is calling his kingdom disciples to a higher standard.

We are often too passive in regards to our sin. We are too complacent with what we allow for our thoughts and our lives.

What serious steps are we willing to take to live out God’s way in our lives?

It might mean getting a dumb phone so that we are not tempted to view inappropriate content.

“But that will be inconvenient for my life! I use my phone all the time! I will have to do so many extra steps now to compensate for my dumb phone!”

Better to live in the inconvenience of a dumb phone then be sent to hell with our smart phones.

It might mean removing ourselves from certain places where lust will be a downfall.

“But I love going there for the other benefits, this will affect other areas of my life too!” Better to not enjoy some benefits so that you can continue being a part of Christ’s kingdom.

Maybe you develop an emotional connection to your co-work, maybe not intentionally, but you are beginning to find better connection with them then your spouse. It might be time to transfer to a different department, or start looking for a new job.

And one might say “but that is too much! It will be uncomfortable to ask for a transfer without a good reason. I have been working this job for a long time!” But better to cut it off then loose your whole body.

Will we as a people remove sin from our lives, even the small ones?

III. Ground Your Home (vv. 31–32)

Now we get into verses 31-32. We are going to see grounding your home.

These are very hard verses. Hard because they seem stringent, and also because they don’t seem to have a lot of grace. Hard because they do not fit well into our experiences and understandings. I have wrestled with these verses for weeks knowing that they were coming.

There are some things in scripture we hold with an open hand, and some we hold with a closed hand. Marriage between one woman and one man is a closed handed issue, meaning the scriptures are very clear. Divorce and Remarriage are open handed issues to which we show love and deference to each other.

While there are different view points on this topic, I take a permanence position on marriage. While i take a permanence view, i don’t believe anyone should stay with a spouse who is abusive. I also realize that this is harder position to take, and also one that is unpopular especially in our context. I have tried and tried the last few weeks to convince myself out of this position. I want you to know, I don’t want to have this position, but this is the position I am convinced of in scripture. I’m not going to have time this morning to detail this out, I also don’t think that the text is calling me to explain this view point today. If you are interested in full, I have posted the marriage policy I originally gave to Mike and Roger on our website. Don’t look at it now, but it is available.

I also want to let you know that this is a matter that our elder team has differing views on. We are thankful to exemplify unity though there is diversity on this topic.

With that in mind, I also realize the context we are in. And I want you to know, these verses are not intended to hurt, or harm, or shame anyone. Jesus is not saying come to me all you who are weak and heavy burdened, unless that means divorce or remarriage, I can’t help you. The Kingdom of heaven is offered to all who will repent of sin and submit to God through Jesus Christ. Divorcees and Remarried people are not excluded from the kingdom of God.

What I hope to show us today is that there is application for ALL of us no matter if you are single, married, divorced, or remarried. The kingdom of heaven is not meant to be lived out my a portion of people who commit their lives to Christ, but all of his followers.

So lets dive into it today.

It’s easy for us to come to scripture with our own experiences and thoughts and opinions. But One critical aspect of Biblical interpretation for us is that we truly care about the Author’s intent. What is the Author trying to say? Not what do I want the author to say, but what is he saying?

Also, we want to remember that we don’t start with the exception clauses and exception cases and personal stories. Rather, we ask what the Bible is saying, gleam the principle, then apply it to our lives. We don’t start with our experiences and backgrounds, and then determine how the Bible applies to them. This is backwards and has potential to distort the message. We want the Author to speak for himself.

I spent quite a bit of time studying, reading, contemplating, seeking council. And then i’m trying to work through this. And the best way I work through something, is talking through it with my deep thinking wife. Her and I sat out on our deck, each with a Bible, and contemplated this passage for 2 hours after all the studying I did. Then, after over complicating it, we went back to the basics. What is the principle? We went back to Hermeneutics. And once we did this and found the principle, it changed the way I saw this text.

Many of you did the Hermeneutic class with us. Hermeneutics is the Art and Science of interpreting the Bible. If did not get to do this with us, and are interested, Erika and I are happy to sit down and do this with you. This is one of our greatest joys. Its 5 weeks.

But here is a picture we use. The first step is to understand the words. Then the second step, the original setting, then the third step, find the principle, then the fourth step see if Christ updates it, then the fifth step apply it to our lives. Notice, we don’t start with application. We also don’t start with out understanding of what we think this verse should say. These lovely drawings by Duvall and Hays are on the back table if you would like.

Here are the three parallel passages in the gospels. So we are doing this first step of looking at the actual text of scripture. Our focus is on Matthew. The one who divorces his wife makes her commit adultery and the one who marries a divorcee commits adultery.

Many of us will want to run to Paul in 1 Corinthians 7. But stop it. We must deal with what Jesus is saying. Not that Paul’s words are not equal to Jesus’s words, but that we must understand what Jesus is saying.

Let’s understand the context here. Jesus is referring to Deut 24:1

Deuteronomy 24:1 ESV

1 “When a man takes a wife and marries her, if then she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some indecency in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, and she departs out of his house,

This is an Old Testament command. What is reason for this being given? Was God permitting divorce? No! The reason for this was a protection of women.

Similarly is the commands towards slaves. The Old Testament does not condemn slavery, but rather gives instruction for how to do it well. The scriptures speak into our current lives. Later of course you know it was the Bible that would be used to eventually abolish slavery entirely.

But in the Old Testament, husbands were throwing their wives out on the street, and different time, different culture, the women would not be able to thrive in life. They would be looked at as a prostitute or adulteress. They didn’t have women’s rights. Women didn’t have any rights. Husbands could take back their wife as they pleased and kick them out as they pleased. It was this relationship that gave the wife instability. This was not kind and loving to her. So Moses tell them to have a certificate of divorce. So that the husband could not be wishy washy and change his mind. His decision would be permenant. She didn’t go back to the husband who was not going to show her kindness and love. Additionally, with this certificate of divorce, she was free from him and did not have to be seen as a prostitute or adulteress. But rather a free woman. This would better help her find a place in society.

This is the commandment that Jesus is building upon and showing us the real intent. Deut 24:1 happens millennia before Jesus’s time. So some of the teachers at Jesus’s time, followers of Shammai, had determined that a man could divorce his wife for anything that would be considered unchastity. But then, there were others, Hillel, who taught that a husband could divorce his wife for anything he wanted to. Literally from their teaching, the example of a bad meal could be a reason for divorce.

This is not love and kindness and grace, this does not give dignity and value to women, this also poorly exemplifies the gospel.

Also, we need to talk about the exception clause here. I will say this is a debated issue, but here is my understanding of it. Subject to change. What is the exception for divorce that Jesus gives? Is it adultery? No it is not. Notice the two different words Jesus uses, mokeo for adultery and pornia for something else. Jesus says that the exception for divorce is the greek word “pornia.” While this word can have a general idea of all kinds of sexual sin, it carries a narrow meaning of fornication, or activity where both parties are not bound by marriage.

When would this happen? During the betrothal period. Point and Case would be Joseph and Mary. They are betrothed, Mary appears to have committed pornia not adultery before the official marriage, and Joseph is free, being a lawful and righteous man, to divorce her. Their engagement period, or betrothal was more serious than what we have today and would need a divorce.

We also need to consider the important of Marriage.

Marriage is a God-ordained covenant. In Genesis 2, God ordains the marriage union of humans. In this passage, he is the one who creates Eve as a companion for Adam. This view contrasts the secular culture’s view that marriage was made up by humans trying to control each other. If God has ordained the marriage union (see also Mark 10:9), it should be valued in society and viewed as a gift. Genesis 2 teaches that God’s purpose for marriage was not to control humans but rather to help them. God gives companionship as the reason for marriage.

Not only is marriage a covenant, but it is also a picture of the gospel. God designed marriage not only to be beneficial for humans but also to display His glory. Ephesians 5:31-32 reveals this mystery: God desires to display the covenant of Christ and His church through the husband-and-wife relationship, which is applicable to both non-Christians and Christians alike. Marriage is more than just staying in love; it is living the truth in our lives.

Marriage is so important to God because it displays the Gospel. God wants us to keep it sacred. But God is not Nieve to think that divorces would never happen. It is certainly not his best, and not his intent with marriage, but He knows the human heart. He doesn’t permit them, but rather understanding them and speaking into them.

So we move to what Jesus is saying, and we might be tempted to be concerned with the divorcee or the one marrying the divorcee. But that is not Jesus’s focus.

Never before did I ever think sentence diagramming would be helpful for a sermon. Remember sentence diagramming in English class? I thought I was done with that when I started a Bible degree, then they made us do it in greek class. And I remember spending hours diagramming sentences wondering if it would ever be useful, and complaining to my teacher that it would not. But I was WRONG! And today is the day!

Check this out. Look at the screen and get your bearings. What is central, what is Jesus pointing us toward. Jesus’s attention is not on the divorcee and not on the one marrying the divorcee. Notice who is central in this. It is the one who divorces his wife. This is the one Jesus is drawing out attention toward. Notice that he is the subject of the sentence, and notice what he is making others do, or causing others to do.

Two things. He causes the divorcee to commit adultery, and the marrying one of the divorcee to commit adultery. Both of these are passive. Who is the one Jesus is holding accountable? It is the one who is doing the divorcing! He is the one Jesus is addressing.

And why is he addressing this one? That guys is the problem. He is the one not showing love. What does it look like to protect others and fight for marraige, it looks like protecting your marriage! Because many sins happen outside of marraige, Jesus calls the one who desires divorce to reconsider for the sake of others he will be affecting and causing to sin! This is what it looks like to live as a kingdom disciple.

This one is harder, so maybe a graphic.

No we go to to step three. Now we go to step three. We’ve understood the passage, in context, historically, without all of our baggage. Now its time to determine a universal principle.

One that will apply to all people at all time. God values marriage, and wants his people cherish it.

What does it look like to be a kingdom disciple? To value what God values and love other people. So we value marriage and protect marriage.

I acknowledge, that there is brokenness that happens and even in this room. In this room, divorce and remarriage represent a large part of our congregation. Like i said earlier, you are not thrown out of the covenant plans of God now.

This could be the application if we do hermeneutics wrong. But we have not. The principle for us is that God values marriage, and wants his people to cherish it and protect it.

Can all of us in this room do that? YES! and Why do we do it? We do it because we love God and want to live out his character, and because we love and value other people.

So to the single person or the currently divorced person, love marriage! That does not mean that you need to pursue it to love it. Maybe some of you need to pursue marriage a bit harder. But for some of you not to pursue it, that is okay and you should not feel obligated.

We do not believe that the pattern for the Christian life is Saved, Baptized, and then Married. the pattern for the Christian life is Saved, Baptized, and connected to a local church.

If you are single in here, you can still love God’s covenant of marriage. How? You can keep yourself pure and undefiled from lust and sexual sin. This is not only displaying God’s character, but protecting others and not leading others into sin. A direct parallel to this passage, protecting other from sin.

And I’m just going to say this quickly, even your private sins that you think are just for you, still affect others and the church as a whole.

Also, you can help, encourage, and equip others who are married. Write cards, say kind words of encouragement. One of the greatest blessings to my family has been when someone watches our kids, and allows Erika and I to spend some quality time together. Something that is lacking in our 680 sq ft. By you strengthening the other members marriages, you are loving God and loving his people as you protect them from divorce.

If you are married or remarried, the application for you is here also. Value your marriage. What does it look like not to divorce? Pursue your spouse with everything you have! All of you should be pursing all of them! Pursuing marriage and protecting from divorce does not look like coming home, flipping the tv on, and the only conversation that happens is over scheduling.

It also doesn’t look like your life centered around your kids. It looks like your kids centered around your life and marriage.

And Married people and remarried people, I’m going to harp on you a little more. Here is another application for us as we as a church value marriage. Something happens when wives get together or husbands get together, it becomes a time to complain about spouses. Is this keeping us from divorce? Certainly not! If someone complains about their spouse, rather than sympathizing or relating with them, we encourage them to a mutual love and submission.

Beyond the Walls (Grace and Growth)

Okay. Some sermons are little more teachy, some are a little more preachy. This one maybe was a little more preachy.

There was a lot today, but please, if you want to work through some of these issues, please come and talk to me, talk to my wife, talk to the other elders and their wives. I’m happy to set up a time and discuss these issues more. We pass no judgement on you as we are also sinners saved by grace.

If you are here today, and have not accepted Christ as Savior from you sin, please come and talk to us. The sin and the guilt that plagues you no longer has to define you. You can repent and turn to Christ as the rescuer from you sin.

Let me end with this though. We can have tendency to be guilted in these discussions. Well guess what we are about to do, take communion together. Communion is a reminder of the gospel’s truths continually for us. We do not live in shame and guilt and sin any longer. Christ has taken that all and nailed it to the cross. Don’t beat yourself up. Repent of sin, confess sin, and embrace the Gospel of Jesus in your life as it continues to sustain you toward living for the Kingdom of Heaven.

Lets take time today to bow our heads and close our eyes. The scriptures encourage us to examine ourselves before we take communion. Lets take some time to do just that. Pray the spirit would reveal parts of your life that you need to confess to him now, and that he would better enable you to embrace the gospel in your life and live for him.