Living and Forgiving

Turn with me to Matthew 18:21-35. We will be looking at the subject of forgiveness this morning but before we read the scripture, I want us to glance at the heading Matthew 18:15-20. My heading says, “Dealing with a Sinning Brother.” It establishes the fact that in relationships there will be offenses and that at times the one which offended doesn’t understand his offense, or will deny his offense. Our duty is to disclose the matter and forgive the offense. Now, verses 21-35 is a parable that will get more into the matter of forgiveness. Look with me in:

Matthew 18:21–35 NKJV

Then Peter came to Him and said, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven. Therefore the kingdom of heaven is like a certain king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. And when he had begun to settle accounts, one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents. But as he was not able to pay, his master commanded that he be sold, with his wife and children and all that he had, and that payment be made. The servant therefore fell down before him, saying, ‘Master, have patience with me, and I will pay you all.’ Then the master of that servant was moved with compassion, released him, and forgave him the debt. “But that servant went out and found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii; and he laid hands on him and took him by the throat, saying, ‘Pay me what you owe!’ So his fellow servant fell down at his feet and begged him, saying, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you all.’ And he would not, but went and threw him into prison till he should pay the debt. So when his fellow servants saw what had been done, they were very grieved, and came and told their master all that had been done. Then his master, after he had called him, said to him, ‘You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you begged me. Should you not also have had compassion on your fellow servant, just as I had pity on you?’ And his master was angry, and delivered him to the torturers until he should pay all that was due to him. “So My heavenly Father also will do to you if each of you, from his heart, does not forgive his brother his trespasses.”

We don’t talk that much about forgiveness anymore. Forgiveness is crucial to the Christian life and a healthy church. So, this morning I want us to examine three questions: What is forgiveness?, How complicated is giving and receiving forgiveness?, and What is the basis of forgiveness.

Before we answer these three questions let me mention some reasons why it is so important to forgive:

First, on a personal level, if we don’t forgive quickly it leads to bitterness of soul. Bitterness in turn can lead to a multitude of other sins.

Unforgiveness doesn’t just wreck the relationship with the one who has hurt you, but it taints your realtionship with others. It makes you look at everyone through the lens of your hurt.

Second, within the body of the church, unforgiveness creates disunity, discord, discouragement, and disappointment.

It creates an awkward feeling that something is wrong, because there is something wrong. The body is broken by hurt and bitterness. Most of the time this hurt and bitterness is undisclosed.

Unforgiveness can stale, stop, or setback the work that God wants to do through the body. You may say pastor, you don’t believe in the sovereignty of God? Yes, I do, but God doesn’t have use us to accomplish His will. He can use someone else to bring Him glory.

So, here we go…

What is Forgiveness?

Now, I think it is worth saying that forgiveness is vertical, between us and God, and it is also horizontal, person to person. Jesus speaks about both here, but deals primarily with horizontal

The standard definition for forgiveness is to release someone from a debt. The Greek word that is used most of the time for forgive is aph-e-a-me, which means to leave or forsake something.

The idea is that whatever the debt, we leave it behind, we forsake it.

Now, here is the concept. We calculate the cost, take the loss, and leave the matter in the past.

Consider it this way. Suppose you invested a $100K in some stocks and every day you were losing $10K. How long would it take you to leave that investment? Not long! Why? Because everyday that investment is a loss without any gain. When you leave it, it quits costing you!

So, here’s the idea about forgiveness. It costs you something to forgive, but forgiveness stops the loss.

Have you ever sat down and counted the cost?

How many nights sleep have I lost?

How many ruined days have I had?

How many people have I misjudged because of my bitterness?

How many smiles have I missed?

How many minutes, hours, or days have been with thinking about the hurt.

Where is the end of this thing?

In recent days we have seen an incredible example of forgiveness. Erika Kirk forgave the person who killed her husband. Why, how? Because she wasn’t going to allow him to take anymore than he had already taken.

Now, because she released him from the debt of killing her husband, does that mean he shouldn’t face the debt to society? No.

She could release him from the debt and stop her losses, knowing that this young man answers to a higher authority. Notice the use of authority in the parable. Let’s move to the second question.

How Complicated is Giving and Receiving Forgiveness?

To keep this brief, lets look at three areas, forgiving others, forgiving ourselves, and forgiving when others won’t.

Forgiving others. This may be one of the most complicated areas. The first debtor in the parable joyfully received forgiveness, but wasn’t too good at giving it. It’s not easy to see life through someone else’s eyes.

Now, I want to say something here that is very important. Forgiveness is always healthy for us. For reasons I mentioned above, it stops the loss.

Forgiveness can always be granted, most of the time it can be given and the relationship continued, but sometimes forgiveness needs to be given and the relationship discontinued.

Sometimes there must be correction and then forgiveness.

Forgiving ourselves.

Often, our sin or offense is so hurtful that we struggle with forgiving ourselves.

Do everything that you know you must do. Bear the consequences joyfully, and then release yourself from the guilt.

What if you can’t stop thinking about what you did? Try being less self-focused. The little trick the devil plays on us. Meaning of humility.

Forgiving when others won’t.

What is the Basis for Forgiveness?

First, we need to realize that we are powerless to forgive most offenses on our own.

In verse 35 Jesus says that it is a matter of the heart. Our hearts must be changed. Do you remember I mentioned vertical and horizontal forgiveness? Those two work together.

Jesus gives the key to this in Matthew 6:14-15

Matthew 6:14–15 NKJV

“For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

Jesus basically said that you must have it in order to give it. Unforgiveness is a symptom of a greater problem.

How can we forgive those who have treated us terribly? Because Jesus was treated terribly to pay our debt.