Lesson 3: What to Do When We Get It Wrong

Colossians 3:12–17; Proverbs 24:16

GROUP DISCUSSION GUIDE

1. When Relationships Go the Wrong Way

Read Colossians 3:12–13.

Ask:

Think of a time a friendship or relationship went the wrong direction. What happened?

What emotions come up when you think about conflict with someone close to you?

Why do you think forgiveness can be so difficult, even when we know it’s the right thing to do?

What does it mean to you that you are “God’s chosen, holy, and dearly loved” before you’re told to forgive?

Leader Thought:

Paul starts by grounding us in identity—who we are before what we do. Forgiveness flows from understanding that we’ve been forgiven first.

2. Putting On the Right Clothes

Read Colossians 3:14–15.

Ask:

Paul says to “clothe yourselves” with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Which of those comes most naturally to you? Which is hardest?

What does it look like to “wear” these traits in your everyday life—at school, online, or at home?

Why is love described as what binds us together in perfect harmony?

How does “putting on” these qualities change how we deal with people who frustrate or hurt us?

Leader Thought:

These aren’t emotions; they’re daily choices. Every morning you choose what to wear physically—and spiritually.

3. Let the Peace of Christ Rule

Read Colossians 3:15 again.

Ask:

What does it mean for the peace of Christ to “rule” your heart?

How can peace act like an umpire in your decisions and relationships?

When you’re in conflict, what usually rules your heart instead of peace (anger, pride, fear, etc.)?

What helps you re-center on peace when you feel stirred up or hurt?

Leader Thought:

Paul calls us to let peace make the call. When peace rules, forgiveness follows.

4. When We Trip, We Get Back Up

Read Proverbs 24:16.

Ask:

What do you think it means that “the righteous fall seven times but rise again”?

When have you needed to get back up after failing someone or being failed by someone?

What can keep us from getting back up and trying again in relationships?

What does it show about your faith when you choose to rebuild instead of walk away?

Leader Thought:

We all fall, but following Jesus means getting back up—again and again—with grace.

5. Living It Out

Ask:

Of all the “clothes” Paul lists, which one do you most need to put on this week?

Who do you need to forgive—or who might you need to ask forgiveness from?

How does your friendship with Jesus affect how you treat others when conflict happens?

What’s one practical way you can bring peace into a tense or broken situation this week?

Leader Challenge:

Encourage students to take a quiet moment before closing. Have them pray privately:

“Jesus, help me put on your character and live at peace with others.”

Then close your time by reading together:

“Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony.” — Colossians 3:14

intro:

Text:

PRIMARY SCRIPTURE

Colossians 3:12–17 ESV

12 Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, 13 bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. 14 And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. 15 And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. 16 Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. 17 And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

SECONDARY SCRIPTURE

Proverbs 24:16 ESV

16 for the righteous falls seven times and rises again, but the wicked stumble in times of calamity.

GROWING CLOSER TO EACH OTHER

The Path to Healthy Friendships

Lesson 3: What to Do When We Get It Wrong

2. LESSON GUIDE

GETTING THINGS STARTED [optional]

Welcome your students and invite them into your meeting area. Open in prayer, and then ASK:

Think about the last time you had a major disagreement with someone. Don’t share all the details, but tell us how you attempted to resolve that disagreement—and if you succeeded.

What are some other ways you’ve tried to resolve a disagreement?

Do you find it easy or difficult to forgive another person and move on? Why?

SAY SOMETHING LIKE:

I wanted to begin our time together with this brief discussion to get us thinking about how we deal with conflict. Those of us who have chosen to follow Jesus are called to live peacefully—to practice forgiveness, to be thankful, to be known for our patience and humility and mercy. It isn’t an easy path to follow, but it’s the wise, right way to go.

TEACHING POINTS

Use the Teaching Points to help students capture the essence of each lesson with more discussion and less lecture-style teaching. Remember: All throughout these lessons, it’s up to you to choose (1) how many questions you use and (2) the wording of the main points—keep ours, or change the wording to make it clearer for your audience.

Read Colossians 3:12–17 together as a group. Consider dividing verses among your students so several people have a chance to read.

SAY SOMETHING LIKE:

Let’s examine this Scripture and see what it reveals about the value of wearing the “right” things in our friendships.

1. Some friendships head the wrong way

ASK:

Talk about a time when you got lost because you went the wrong way—what emotions did you experience?

Love binds us together—when have you experienced an unforgettable closeness with others?

What actions and attitudes are most destructive in a friendship or another relationship in life?

In all of our relationships—friends, family, people at school, and all other kinds—forgiveness is key. On a scale of 1–10, how easy is it for you to forgive? Why did you choose that number?

SAY SOMETHING LIKE:

Sometimes we feel like we’ve lost our way—and other times we are certain that something is wrong in our relationships. These words from Colossians give us hope that community can be restored—that we can experience forgiveness and peace, even if it seems impossible. Jesus offers guidance that is clear and a way to make course corrections. Jesus can heal and restore our broken relationships in life, and our actions and attitudes can help set the stage for that.

2. The right “clothes” can help us head the right way

Ask students to form groups of two or three for these questions.

ASK:

What do the choices you make with the clothing you wear say about who you are?

Do most people you know follow the “dress code” in this Scripture? Why or why not?

Look at verse 12—which of these “clothes” is easiest for you to wear? Why?

Which of these “clothes” is the hardest for you? Why?

Bring everyone back together, and ask for volunteers to share answers to the previous questions, as time permits.

ASK:

What are some common reasons why people haven’t clothed themselves with the characteristics listed in this passage?

How can these attributes draw us closer to Jesus? help us live more peacefully with others? point others to Jesus?

SAY SOMETHING LIKE:

Getting “dressed” with the attributes outlined in Colossians will impact our relationships with others. Jesus-centered community means choosing to focus on what matters to Jesus and what he desires for us.

3. Once properly dressed, our lives are impacted

SAY SOMETHING LIKE:

These verses in Colossians offer guidance about how to get along with others. So many distractions pull at our friendships and other relationships in life. The message to the Colossian Christians is true for us as well: We can pursue and embrace these attributes, which will change how we relate to and live with others.

ASK:

We can either float along in life, or pick up an oar and direct where we’re going—when have you had to “pick up an oar” with a relationship and put effort into it so the relationship could grow?

How does verse 13 point you to better, stronger, healthier connections with other people?

In what ways have you gone out of your way in the past to “live at peace” with others?

EXTRA DISCUSSION [optional]

ASK:

Read Proverbs 24:16. What most often causes you to “trip” and damage a friendship?

Jesus says we honor him when we choose to forgive another person or restore a friendship—why?

When have you seen God give you an opportunity to rebuild a damaged relationship?

When offered forgiveness, how have you responded in the past?

LIVING IT OUT

ASK:

Of all the items of “clothing” from Colossians 3, which one do you most need to wear today?

How does your friendship with Jesus impact how you deal with conflict in your family and in your friendships?

Jesus wants his peace to rule in our hearts—when you’re definitely not feeling “peaceful” in your life, what brings relief for you?

SAY SOMETHING LIKE:

Allow Jesus to infiltrate your life with his peace. Our choices and decisions can allow us to move toward a deeper understanding of what it means to follow Jesus and live like him. These truths expressed to the Colossian Christians are as valuable to us as they were to the original readers. We can experience the kind of life described in Scripture as we place Jesus at the center of our lives and build our friendship with him.

Ask students to each find a quiet spot in your meeting area for a few minutes of prayer and reflection.

SUMMARY

Provide a quick summary or take-home challenge based on

(1) this lesson’s content,

(2) the dialogue that took place today,

(3) your understanding of the issues and struggles your teenagers are facing, and

(4) the big picture of your youth ministry and what your leadership team wants accomplished with the teaching and discussion time.

FOR KEEPS [MEMORY VERSE]

Encourage and/or challenge your teenagers to memorize the Scripture below.