MDWK - Disappointment and Grief

How do we handle disappointment and grief?

Ask questions

Be honest

Own your feelings but don’t let them own you

Ask questions:

Not every question can be answered but we should still ask them. When we ask questions even when there is no answer amazing things happen.

For example your prefrontal cortex lights up. This is the part of the brain that handles abstract thought and reflection. When we ask big hard questions our brain grows and develops.

There are also spiritual implications. When we wrestle with and ask hard questions our faith grows.

Psalm 13 David asks hard questions with no answer and towards the end he says,

Psalm 13:5 CSB

But I have trusted in your faithful love; my heart will rejoice in your deliverance.

Be Honest:

There is a phrase occurs at least twice in the Bible. It is

Give God Glory, and tell the Truth

We see this in Joshua 7 and John 9. The idea is that when we are honest, when we tell the truth God is honored.

When we learn to be honest, especially about our disappointment or grief we give God glory. This is because it puts us in a place of being humble before God. We are saying, you are Lord and I am not.

There are Stress-related chemicals that get released through tears

Adrenocorticotropic hormone (ACTH) and cortisol – these are stress hormones, and studies show that crying helps eliminate some of them, reducing stress load.

Prolactin – levels rise with emotional tears; prolactin is linked to stress regulation and immune response.

Potassium and manganese – tears carry trace minerals and electrolytes that may play a role in calming neural activity.

Being honest about how you are feeling, being honest about your questions you to process these feelings and questions and reduce stress in your body.

Own your feelings but don’t let them own you

This may be the hardest one of all. Everyone at times struggles with this one.

We feel something and then we say something.

We react because we feel.

This happens and to some degree this will always happen. It happens to everyone. The trick is learning to control the response and own the feeling. Feel the feeling. I tell people all the time, feel the feeling your feeling. Own that.

Maybe it is wrong. Maybe you shouldn’t feel that way but you do and pretending you don’t doesn’t make it go away or make you feel better.

Instead feel the feeling. Own the feeling, but don’t let it own you.

What does this mean.

Let’s say you are mad for whatever reason. Then own the fact that you are mad. Tell someone I am mad. Tell yourself I am mad. Own that, but don’t let that own you. Just because you are mad does not mean you have to act out of your madness and too many people act out madness.

Ephesians 4:26 CSB

Be angry and do not sin. Don’t let the sun go down on your anger,

We can be angry. There are lots of things to be angry about. If you are angry be angry but don’t let it turn to wrath.

Anger is a natural, often momentary feeling of displeasure, while wrath is a more intense, destructive, and prolonged form of anger that often involves a desire for vengeance or punishment.

We can be angry, sad, frustrated, disappointed, confused, or whatever, but the emotion. The feeling does not have to own you.