Confronting Conflict: Dealing with Conflict Among Fellow Believers

Introduction

Today, we are talking about fighting!

Well by fighting, I mean conflict!

Who here has ever been in conflict?

So the answer is all of us because conflict is going to happen.

because I am not perfect, none of y’all are perfect

So we put a bunch of imperfect sinners around one another and we are going to throw hands from time to time.

but Jesus knew this, he knew that we were going to disagree.

He knew that we were going to sin.

So he gave us this passage.

He tells us the proper path to conflict, how we can forgive others.

So today we will be in Matthew 18:15-20, we will read some of it, talk about it, then we are going to look at applying this in our day to day lives.

Let’s pray and jump right in.

1. Step One: Go and Gain

Matthew 18:15 CSB

“If your brother sins against you, go tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have won your brother.

This is the first step in conflict, but Jesus gives us some things to look at in depth when it comes to this passage.

I want to point out that it says if your brother…

Most of the time in the Bible when it talks about brother or sister, it is meaning people who are believers.

Jesus is going to go and lay out how to go through conflict with people who are in Christ.

You can and should try to do this with non-beleivers, but we see some complications with people who do not see eye to eye with us.

Non-beleivers might not acknowledge sin the way we do, they do not care to gossip, and you can’t really take them to the church as we will get to later!

So this is believer on believer action.

The next thing I want to point out is it says sin!

You are told to go to the brother who “sinned” not the one who annoyed you or rubbed you wrong.

This is a sin issue! When the text, the Bible, clearly says it and this person goes against it, then it is sin.

When you see this brother in sin, you are involved in the situation.

You know the circumstances, you are to go.

Now what about the things that are not a sin issue?

I am not saying hey you cannot go and say something to them.

It might be mature to go and say something, but other times it is not.

Proverbs 19:11 CSB

A person’s insight gives him patience, and his virtue is to overlook an offense.

So when it comes to non-sin issue, if you can over look it, than do that!

It is better to over look an offense than to stir the pot.

Not every time you feel something do you have to say something.

our emotions can get in the way.

Because there be some people out there who stir the pot over little things.

People who come and make comments about dumb things, and you want to say hey go read this verse in proverbs.

but when it comes to someone you know in sin we are told to go.

Because it is not good to sit on these things!

If someone sinned against you.

If it caused wounds. If it hurts. If you are thinking about it all the time.

Those constant feeling will lead to resentment.

They will pull you further away from that brother or sister.

But again this is with believers!

We are in Christ, we are to be unified!

Not driven apart.

so we are told to…

Go and gain, not sit and sulk.

Do not say woe is me.

I am the victim, what ever shall I do!

The Bible tells you what to do.

You are to go and talk to him… ALONE!

Its like monopoly, do not pass go, do not collect $200, go straight to jail.

It is saying do not stop and talk to your friend, do not ask your teacher, do not call your pastor and say, “hey they did this…”

Because you are talking behind their backs.

That is gossip.

So go to them one on one.

The goal is to keep the circle as small as possible.

When someone finds out you have been spreading their sin far and wide, they are not going to be happy.

You are more likely for them to repent by just going to them! You do not paint them in a bad light and you do not fall into gossip.

But this is not what we want to do.

it is in our nature to always feel like we need to tell someone else.

How many of us have said this line, “I know I’m not supposed to, or they told me not to tell anyone, but you’re my best friend so you don’t count.”

it is easy! We want to tell someone.

but when it comes to sin, when it comes to calling someone out, keep it under wraps.

because

The end goal is repentance.

It says if he listens.

Listening just means he responds properly.

so if he responds to sin in the right way he will repent.

If they are repenting and seeking help you have won them.

You have settled it and can now be there for them.

but some people will not respond well.

Some people might say well I don’t really think it is sin…

or they say it is not that bad.

Any answer that is not walking you through the Bible on how it is not sin or them not repenting is not a good response.

So what do we do when they don’t listen?

2. Step Two: Gather Wise Witnesses

Matthew 18:16 CSB

But if he won’t listen, take one or two others with you, so that by the testimony of two or three witnesses every fact may be established.

Don’t you guys enjoy when people are stubborn and don’t listen?

but now this is the time where you can open your mouth, but just to a few people.

This is where some of you should be sad because the person is not repenting,

But you are happy because you love spilling the tea and you get to talk to someone else.

So now we can invite people in.

We do not take others with us to team up on the person, but for clarity and unity in the conversation.

This is not man we can really pounce on them or I am going to tell my bestie and they will really get them.

Its not the bully in high school.

Again, we are seeking for them to turn back to Christ.

These people are here for clarity.

They are there to talk to and make sure you are addressing the situation correctly.

To go “oh yeah it actually is sin, here is the Bible verse to back it up.”

It is not a gossip circle between the two or three people.

It is to establish witnesses as well.

Jesus quotes Deut. 19:15 saying hey if there are several witnesses you can prove something a fact.

You cant always go lone ranger.

but who do we choose?

You have to bring in Christ honoring people for this to work.

This is a Biblical process.

Therefore we should invite Christians who know the Bible and will approach it in a Biblical way.

The ideal and best person is someone who loves the person in sin and loves Jesus with their whole heart.

They will be able to speak to them better and be rooted in the word.

So what if this does not work?

3. Step Three: Call on the Church

Matthew 18:17 CSB

If he doesn’t pay attention to them, tell the church. If he doesn’t pay attention even to the church, let him be like a Gentile and a tax collector to you.

I pray you never get to this point, but this is where you bring the church in.

The church and the body might have to get to the point of Church discipline.

Some people say this can be unloving, but it is not.

It is Biblical.

A Pastor has to protect his sheep, so if this person is living in sin, they are to be loved on, but treated like an unbeliever.

If they still say they do not want to repent, and it is clear that the Bible goes against what they are doing.

Then they are to be treated like a tax collector or gentile.

This is just a fancy way of saying an unbeliever.

So at this point you will either gain them back, or have to treat them as an unbeliever.

This is the hard part, sometimes treating them like an unbeliever just means just like it sounds.

You can come here, but I am sorry until you repent and turn to Jesus we cant call you a Christian.

Other times, depending on the situation, the Church might decide to kick them out.

Seems harsh.

But Jesus says this and Paul acts on it.

In 1 Corinthians 5 there is a man who is sleeping with his step mother.

and so because Paul does not want this to spread elsewhere in the Church, the Church kicks him out.

but they are told to still try to forgive and restore him.

No matter what the process looks like, the church should plea for them to repent and come back to Christ.

Promise of God’s Presence

Matthew 18:18–20 CSB

Truly I tell you, whatever you bind on earth will have been bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will have been loosed in heaven. Again, truly I tell you, if two of you on earth agree about any matter that you pray for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven. For where two or three are gathered together in my name, I am there among them.”

Jesus ends with this last chunk and what he is saying is, honor me.

He says what you have done here on Earth represents me up here in heaven.

We are all representatives for the Church.

He wants us to take care of the church and take care of other believers.

and this is why we have this laid out for us.

so because we are his representatives he has given us his support.

And so these last two verses are always taken out of context.

It says if any two of you agree on a matter pray and it will be done.

This is not a blank check.

This is referring to conflict like what we talked about.

He is saying when we gather and pray in unison about conflict like this, he has given us his support.

The greek word for “matter or thing” actually shows it refers to judicial matters, so it is only in this situation.

But again it means God has given us his support.

Then you have heard “where two or three are gathered he is there”

Guys the Holy Spirit is always with us.

If you are alone he is there!

So why does Jesus say this.

When you have gone through these steps and had hard conversations, he guarantees His presence.

In these situations, God has guaranteed His support and presence.

So we are going to do something different.

I want yall to break off into groups and each group is going to get a situation and we will see how well you paid attention.